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How to Become Sexually Empowered

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How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered! — How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in […]

sexually empowered

How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered!

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How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in her own pain-to-purpose journey. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection. She invites individuals and couples to navigate complex topics like long-term partnerships, consensual non-monogamy, life transitions, purity culture and LGBTQIA+ issues.

In this episode:

  • What is empowered and authentic sex?
  • How to build an empowered and authentic sex life
  • How to understand our sexual needs and desires

EP 657: Lauren Elise Rogers – How to Become Sexually Empowered

How would you define empowered and authentic sex? 

It’s a values aligned expression of your body oriented towards pleasure. We’re all motivated and driven by different things. We each have a right to know what those are so we can communicate in an empowered way what we want, so they can decide if they want to engage in a relationship with us.

What steps would someone need to build an empowered and authentic sex life? 

Notice, trust and value your intuition. Know your origin story. Where do your beliefs stem from from birth until now. What are the positive and negative beliefs? What roles do we take on in relationships? Locate the ways where we’ve grown already. Then label the negative beliefs that aren’t working for you anymore. Locate the body-based beliefs. They need a lot of love to heal. Then we introduce exercises that help with somatic experiences. How does my body feel in this space? We work with erotic imagination to bring out what is already there. That’s the foundation for what they love and desire so they can communicate what they want to a partner.

What got you into this work? 

I was married at 21. I was a virgin, raised in a courtship model, and I didn’t know myself. Days after my marriage, my mother died of pancreatic marriage. My then husband turned to alcohol and other forms of disconnection and abuse. A friend asked how I was. I got into therapy. My counselor suggested I set boundaries. My husband didn’t respect any of them, and I ended my marriage. But I didn’t know myself sexually. I wondered if there was an education program for holistic sexuality and sexual health. I realized I needed to start a business in this area, because if I had known these things, I would have had a much different life.

What do you mean when you say that “sex is not everything it’s just a part of everything”? 

When I began to learn about sexuality, I kept thinking it could heal the world. Sexual health is fundamental to everyone’s health. When we know our needs, wants and desires and can communicate them and respect others, I see the ripple effect. Sex is the origin to living a fulfilled life.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know yourself. Become the first,  last and best lover to yourself. Introduce that person to your last first date.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Lauren

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Heal Your Relationship

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If you want to know heal your relationship, listen to this episode. Dr. Rachel Glik shares helpful tips to strengthen any relationship. — Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with 30+ years as a couples and individual therapist in private practice. Since 2014, she has been a regular feature on the Fox 2 AM […]

heal your relationship

If you want to know heal your relationship, listen to this episode. Dr. Rachel Glik shares helpful tips to strengthen any relationship.

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Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with 30+ years as a couples and individual therapist in private practice. Since 2014, she has been a regular feature on the Fox 2 AM show in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert. Her book, A SOULFUL MARRIAGE: Healing Your Relationship With Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose was published February 4, 2025.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The essential four pillars that can positively transform and heal your relationship
  • The eight friendships that can influence a relationship 
  • How to diffuse tension in an emotional argument using the love seat listening method 
  • Why we should reframe conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • One step someone could take today to create a stronger relationship

EP 646 : Dr. Rachel Glik – How to Heal Your Relationship

What are the essential four pillars that can positively transform and heal your relationship? 

  1. Pillar one: Responsibility. We’re each responsible for our happiness and well-being. We have to know ourselves and individuate.
  2. Pillar two: Growth. Most people struggle with the growth pillar. That’s where conflict comes in. We use our friction to grow individually and then together.
  3. Pillar three: Priority. We make each other the most important person in our lives besides ourselves. Nothing will come between our connection.
  4. Pillar four: Purpose. If we don’t have a sense that we make the world better through our bond, it’s a challenge. Extend out of your collective.

What are the essential eight friendships that can influence a relationship? 

  1. Emotional friendship. Your partner is a confidant. You trust them. They are attuned and you feel safe with them.
  2. Sexual and physical friendship. The physical is touching and holding hands. Sexual is how well you’re matched.
  3. Parenting friendship. Kids or pets – are you aligned?
  4. Financial friendship. Are there secrets? Lies? Is there a ‘we’?
  5. Recreational friendship. Do you have fun together, laugh, enjoy each other.
  6. Spiritual friendship. Share a similar mindset and view or support each other’s view.
  7. Domestic friendship. Do you do well as roommates? Does it feel democratic or harmonious?
  8. Community friendship. Part of an organization? Do you volunteer?

How do you diffuse tension in an emotional argument using the love seat listening method? 

It’s the opposite of the hot seat. When couples argue, we need to slow it down and take turns. One person is in the love seat. You listen and they talk. It’s structured and keeps the ego and reactive part of us at bay. Each person feels heard. Reflect back with active listening skills. Conflict is an opportunity to grow.

What is one step someone could take today to create a stronger relationship?

Show appreciation to someone who’s important to you. Pause, breathe, relax and open your heart to the experience of them in your life. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Unless it’s really not good for you, allow yourself to embrace the imperfection of the relationship. Look out for where you’re searching for someone to complete you or be perfect. If there’s enough there and you feel you can grow together, normalize that every relationship has imperfections. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Rachel

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s Your Conflict Management Style?

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Conflict management is difficult for most of us. In this episode, discover your conflict management style and how to do conflict better. — What’s your conflict management personality? Dr. John Eliot, PhD, co-wrote a book on this topic. He mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches, and athletes on psychological principles for enhancing health, […]

conflict management

Conflict management is difficult for most of us. In this episode, discover your conflict management style and how to do conflict better.

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What’s your conflict management personality? Dr. John Eliot, PhD, co-wrote a book on this topic. He mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches, and athletes on psychological principles for enhancing health, performance, and workplace culture. He has consulted for NASA, the US Olympic Committee, the Mayo Clinic, Sony, and Microsoft. Eliot has held professorial appointments at the University of Virginia, Stanford, Rice, SMU, and the Texas Medical Center, winning teaching awards at each.

In this episode:

  • Why John decided to focus his research on conflict personalities
  • How our conflict responses are rooted in predictable patterns
  • How we can predict behavior in high-pressure or emotionally charged situations
  • How someone’s ‘Conflict’ personality changes between home and work
  • Why it’s important to understand our triggers

EP 650: Dr. John Elliot – What’s Your Conflict Management Style?

Why did you decide to focus your research on conflict personality styles?

My co-author and I do a lot of organizational training, and we discovered that the tools that help us understand ourselves are fantastic for communication when things are going well. But when a speed bump comes along, something knocks you off kilter. We veer away from our normal communication style during those times.

What are the five conflict personalities?

  1. Avoider
  2. Competitor
  3. Analyzer
  4. Accommodator
  5. Collaborator

How can someone’s ‘Conflict personality’ change between home and work?

At work it can be easier to be rational. Many people have a different go-to at home than at work. One of the reasons is the mission is different. We can compartmentalize better at work and keep our emotions from spiking. At home, the mission is the relationship, caring for your family and loved one. So the lines are blurred.

When it comes to conflict, why is it important to understand our own triggers?

Knowing your hot buttons is crucial so you can predict where you’re more likely to get away from being yourself. It will also help you know which of your conflict styles will be the habits you go to. Find one little thing you can do to get back to center. Do you need a breather? To be heard? To listen?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The fundamental needs we all share are a need to be heard, to be cared for, and to be of value. Understand that it’s about your helping them and them helping you meet each other’s needs. Try to understand the value of the other person. Be curious and interested. We are designed to be in pairs and groups. We can accomplish a lot together. We’re teammates.

How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home by John Eliot and Jim Gunn is available at the Conflict Docs website: https://www.theconflictdocs.com/Home 

IG https://www.instagram.com/theconflictdocs/

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

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Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens. — Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of […]

successful women

Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens.

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Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of The Woman Men Adore. He’s the founder of Relationship Headquarters, where he specializes in helping women emotionally connect with men, attract true love, get married, and, for those in a relationship, learn how to connect and relate more effectively.   

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • How successful women can navigate between being powerful at work and more feminine in dating without losing their authentic selves
  • Busting the myth that successful women intimidate men
  • The meaning of “emotional authenticity”
  • The difference between surrendering in love vs giving up your power

EP 644 : Bob Grant – Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

Many highly successful women say they have to be ‘masculine’ at work but ‘feminine’ in dating – yet that switch feels impossible. How do you help women navigate this delicate balance without losing their authentic selves?

When women are in their feminine, they are softer, and it softens men. It brings out a softer side. And it kicks in men’s desire to be a protector. To make the switch without losing your authentic self, leave your work self at work. Decide which energy you want to be embodying on dates. Ask yourself “how do I want to be treated?” Pat Allen said, “Do you want to be cherished or respected more?” To be cherished, we need to step into the softer, more receptive self.

There’s this myth that successful women intimidate men. But you have a fascinating perspective on what’s really happening in these dynamics – can you break this down for us?

It’s not that they intimidate men. It’s that they can be competitive when they bring their work self to a date. If a man is not reaching out or making an effort early on, he will probably do that in the long run. Pay attention early on if he will show up for you. 

I’m curious about something you call ’emotional authenticity.’ How does this differ from the vulnerability we often hear about, especially for women who are used to being in control?

Emotional authenticity is about matching your emotion with what’s going on for you. For example, when you cry, men appreciate that you feel safe enough with him to cry. State your emotions to help men understand.

Let’s talk about surrender – a word that makes many ambitious women uncomfortable. How do you help women understand the difference between surrendering in love versus giving up their power?

Surrender is about yielding. These are women who are in charge of everything at work, and they don’t want to do that at home. If you want to be loved or cared for by someone who’s got their back and will support them in times of need, you need to surrender to a man’s desire to care for you.

What are your final words of advice for highly successful women who want to go on their last first date?

Can you have an attitude of curiosity early on? It will soften you and remind him that you’re ‘all of this and brains, too’. It gets you out of your head to see if you can talk and connect enough to go on another date.

Connect With Bob

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Break Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

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How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships! — Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of […]

neurodiverse relationships

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships!

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Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of life. Dr. Matt specializes in taking knowledge of the brain, human behavior, and clinical psychology and making that accessible and practical for people to improve their lives.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • A crash course in neurodiversity and how it impacts dating
  • How to break barriers in neurodiverse relationships
  • The challenges neurodiverse folks face when dating
  • How to navigate conflict and cultivate closeness
  • How to apply brain science to build stronger relationship

EP 656: Dr. Matt Zakreski – Breaking Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

What is neurodiversity?

It’s the word for all brains in the world. Neurodivergent brains function in a different way. One in five people are neurodivergent. 80 percent of people are neurotypical. Diversity means there are a lot of differences out there which make up the world. Being different isn’t a deficit.

How did you get involved in this field?

I spent most of my life hearing about what I couldn’t do as a person with ADHD. I can do some things really well, and other things not so well. I work with people of all brains of all ages. I like the 8-28 range of people. I was a child psychologist, and my kids grew up, so I started helping them, too.

How are relationships challenging for autistic, ADHD, and 2E folks?

We’re learning how to identify the different levels of neurodivergent. You can have ADHD and have tics and stim. For people who are neurodivergent, relationships can be challenging because they have sensory issues. Bars and restaurants can be overly stimulating to them. So, they might ask someone to come to their home, which feels unsafe to the person they’re dating. Sensory issues also come up in the bedroom.

How can neurodivergent people address challenges like sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, and miscommunication?

Flirting is an indirect form of communication. Prosody is how we change the meaning of a word based on the delivery. The neurodivergent brain reads it the same way, especially when there’s a nuance. I train them to look at cues, especially non-verbal. Direct eye contact can be uncomfortable for them. We talk about how much eye contact is necessary for connection. Online, it’s hard to have those skills. The neurodivergent person can ask questions to check if they’re reading the room correctly. Socializing is nuanced and complex. Dating requires courageous conversations, which are hard for many of us. Remember that dating should be fun and enjoyable. That’s the goal!

What are some ways to navigate conflict with a neurodiverse partner?

Neurodiverse people can be rigid around rules and justice. Define what rules are spoken and which are unspoken. Communicate clearly with them and don’t expect them to read your mind. Have honest conversations in a kind way. Send gift lists to them so they don’t have to read your mind. How we frame conflict is important. It’s never me vs you. It’s you and me vs the problem. Reframe the problem as something to be solved. Compromise is inherently productive. Ask yourself what a meaningful compromise would look like. Some things can’t be compromised. This is prosocial communication.

What are some tools and strategies for building emotional and physical connections?

First, no emotion is good or bad. You have a right to be disappointed if someone doesn’t want to be with you. It’s important to learn the language around that. The more aware we are about our emotions, we can be curious, not furious. When you’re curious, you can say,, “Tell me more, help me understand.” That will help you be more empathic and understanding. When you find yourself thinking, “I should be…” change it to “I could be…”.

How can we apply brain science to build stronger relationships and lasting connections and go on our last first date?

The goal of life is not to be happy. Happiness is an emotional state, and every emotional state is fleeting. Chasing happiness makes you less happy. The goal of life is to be regulated. The more regulated your body is, the more likely you’ll be to show up as the best version of you. To go on your last first date, take your date to a place where you feel most regulated and will show up as your best. People fall in love with the most authentic version of you.

Connect with Dr. Matt Zakreski

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why We Repeat Toxic Patterns in Relationships

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Why do we tend to repeat toxic patterns in relationships and dating? Joan Childs has some insights you’ll want to hear! — Why do we tend to repeat toxic patterns in our relationships? My podcast guest, Joan Childs, is sharing her wisdom in this episode. She’s a renowned psychotherapist, author, and relationship expert with over […]

toxic patterns

Why do we tend to repeat toxic patterns in relationships and dating? Joan Childs has some insights you’ll want to hear!

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Why do we tend to repeat toxic patterns in our relationships? My podcast guest, Joan Childs, is sharing her wisdom in this episode. She’s a renowned psychotherapist, author, and relationship expert with over 47 years of clinical experience. As a pioneer in Encounter-Centered Couples Therapy, Joan has dedicated her career to healing fractured relationships and guiding people toward self-actualization. Her therapeutic journey has included individual, couples, group, and family therapy, earning her certifications in transformative modalities such as EMDR, Hypnosis, and Inner Child Work.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why we repeat toxic patterns in relationships
  • Common mistakes couples make and how to avoid them
  • What to do when there’s a loss of intimacy in a relationship
  • The biggest myths about love and relationships

EP 649: Joan Childs – Why We Repeat Toxic Patterns in Relationships

What inspired you to write Do You Hate the One You Love?

 Over the years, I heard the same expressions from women that they hated how their partner behaved. I would ask why they were with someone they hated. They’d say they love him, but they hate the way he behaved. It’s common to have opposing feelings at the same time.

Why do we repeat toxic patterns in relationships?

Nobody should be subjected to abuse. A lot of women don’t feel they have options to leave. Ask yourself if this is something you want to do the rest of your life, especially if the other person isn’t willing to change. I try to help the person receiving the abuse. I ask why they stay.

We often repeat toxic patterns unconsciously due to childhood wounds.

“Who treated you like that as a child? When were you bullied? When do you fell ‘less than?” We discover the link between their past and the patterns that show up in dating and relationships.

The relationship lives in between the two of you, and if it becomes polluted and contaminated over time, not only are they the receivers of this toxicity, if there are children involved, they are the recipient of this toxicity until they break the pattern.

What are the most common mistakes people make in relationships, and how can they avoid them?

Don’t get between the sheets before two months. Know what you want in a relationship. Write those things down. How do you know you’ll get all that within a short amount of time? We tend to project onto a person before we know them. Be open. Share your concerns. Ask questions. Communicate openly to avoid the surprises when someone is not a good match.

What is one step someone can take today to break their toxic patterns in relationships?

Look at your past and recognize the behaviors they’ve brought into the here and now. I give a life history questionnaire to my patients to find out what their past was like. By the time they come in, I know where I need to go with them. Ask yourself if you want to change. It’s not easy, but it’s possible to change.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Identify what you can and can’t live with. What can you and can’t you live without? Look for those qualities. Understand that it takes time for those things to come out. Set boundaries and be honest with them if you like them. M. Scott Peck said, “Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” That’s what you want in a relationship!

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Joan

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships

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Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love! — Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, […]

romantic relationships

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love!

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Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, best-selling author, women’s empowerment leader, and certified Shadow Work® Coach. Junie’s mission is to help women experience Next Level Love by first nurturing the love within themselves. She’s the author of “Loving The Whole Package: Shed The Shame and Live Life Out Loud”, and an award winning speaker and host of the successful Midlife Love Out Loud podcast. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships
  • What ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships
  • How the inner critic contribute to self-sabotage, and strategies to quiet it
  • The first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships
  • How shadow work transforms your love life and helps you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships

EP 636: Junie Moon – Why We Sabotage Romantic Relationships (and How To Stop)

What are some common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships?

We date the same person over and over with a different face. What was safe and acceptable as a child is not healthy in relationships. People pleasers are afraid to speak up. Women in general put men’s sexuality first so they don’t take up too much time and space. They’re afraid if they’re vulnerable, they might get left. If you’ve been in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, that kind of energy from childhood equals love. Conflict avoidance is another strategy that doesn’t work in relationships. As long as we’re putting up masks, we’re coming to relationships not fully being who you are.

Can you explain what ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships?

The shadow is the part of us we want to hide. We learn how to fit in, not disappoint people, and how to survive at a young age. We get messages about how to be ‘good’. We’re taught to hide certain parts that are seen as ‘not good’. We threw those parts in shadow. As adults, that’s not effective. Shadow work shines a light on the places we lost access to. That’s how we show up more authentically and attract in the right people. 

How does the inner critic contribute to sabotaging romantic relationships, and what are some strategies to quiet it?

The inner critic is a part that is the risk manager. It assesses if we’re safe or not. We need that part, and the more we’ve been hurt, the more it shows up. It tells you there’s something wrong with you. Why bother? It’s not going to happen for you. Who will want me? 

However, if you want partnership and connection, you need to reel in the inner critic and quiet it. Notice what’s going on in your body when you’re on the first date. The inner critic wants you to stay safe, so let the risk manager know it’s overshooting. Thank it for protecting you. Tell it it’s making you feel inadequate. Be in the driver’s seat, so when the pattern comes up, let it know it’s not working for you anymore.

What is the first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships?

Celebrate that you’re aware you have a pattern. If you don’t see it, you can’t fix it. Have compassion for yourself. Go back as far as you can remember and see where the pattern began. Look at your childhood and notice the pattern you’re trying to heal. What might you want differently?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know thyself! If you want great love and are willing to heal and be honest with yourself, you’re more likely to go on your last first date. Do the work to attract the relationship you really want.

Watch this episode on youtube

Connect With Junie

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

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A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system. — What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems […]

nervous system

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system.

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What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic practices, and psychodrama. Through an integrative experiential approach, she helps individuals and couples suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, codependency, trauma, and relational attachment issues to navigate life’s challenges so they can become fully alive, supported, and whole. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How our nervous system influences our emotional responses in relationships
  • The relationship between our attachment wounds and our nervous system
  • How stress in relationships impacts our nervous systems
  • Practical exercises for calming the nervous system when triggered

EP 639: Esin Pinarli – The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

How does our nervous system directly influence our emotional responses in relationships, especially when it comes to conflict and tension?

Everything comes down to our nervous system. It influences how we relate and connect to other people. Neuroception is our surveillance system in our bodies. It helps us decide if it’s safe or unsafe. Understanding our nervous system is crucial in dating.

What are some common ways attachment wounds show up in our nervous systems, and how can awareness of these responses help individuals begin to heal?

The first people we attach to are our caregivers, so depending on how we attached to them, that will show up in our romantic relationships. Our core wounds get activated. If you’re anxiously attached, you’ll be hypervigilant and untrusting of your partners. People are not safe to you. We ask ourselves, are we lovable? Are we enough? Do we expect our partners to give us everything we didn’t get as children? We tend to pick partners who remind us of our unpredictable caregiver. 

Many people may not realize how stress in relationships impacts their nervous system. Could you share some early signs to look out for that indicate the nervous system is in distress?

We feel things in our nervous system first. It signals disconnection. Our brain makes up a story about what happened, because we’re meaning makers. We gaslight ourselves by making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. 

What are some practical tools or exercises you recommend for calming down during relationship triggers?

We need to move into the ventral state – socially engaged, calmer, grounded. How do we get back to our core self and stay more regulated to make better decisions and choices? 

A good exercise to regulate your nervous system: Look at glimmers, micro moments of ventral. Ask yourself what felt good and connected today? Did I walk in nature? Did I see a beautiful flower? Did I have a connected moment with a friend? Savour the glimmers: Take the micro moments of ventral which are are everywhere once we start to look for them and are calmer, and savour them for 30 seconds. Also, humming helps you get to ventral. 

How do you approach helping clients retrain their nervous systems to create more secure, healthy relationships over time?

Pause and get curious about the patterns you engage in, especially in dating. Pull back the curtain to your internal world. Your nervous system will always seek the familiar. We need to change the way we respond and who we choose to partner with. Look for consistent, communicative, interested partners. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I want everyone to go on their last first date. Work on your nervous system with a coach or therapist and befriend your nervous system so you can make healthier choices. Get out of subconscious autopilot so you can say no to what doesn’t work and make room for the right person. 

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Esin

  • Website https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/ Free Guide on Homepage: Becoming Aware of Self—An introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you access the core of who you are and build more self-awareness for inner healing and harmony

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships

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If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore. — Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and […]

losing yourself in relationships

If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore.

—

Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and have trained dozens of leaders in couples work. They provide retreats and coaching that delivers positive change quickly and predictably, providing couples with surprisingly rapid improvements in understanding and happiness.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What couples need to know to be happy together
  • Why gratitude is so powerful for couples and a simple, effective way to practice it every day
  • What it takes for real listening to occur
  • How to encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back
  • What is the “Art of the Apology,” and how can it repair hurts or long standing issues that might otherwise seem impossible to overcome?
  • Some effective first steps for resolving an issue that feels “unresolvable”—like money differences or intimacy problems

EP 655: Robin Temple & Michael Moore – How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships

What inspired you to do the work you do, and what has helped you make it through the challenges of a thirty-year marriage? 

Robin: We both have been through divorce, and I was left with many questions about my divorce. I didn’t have a lot of self-awareness about why it happened. It left me wondering about how long-term relationships can endure. I had been a therapist, but I went back to grad school to learn about marriages. We teach what we need to learn. Michael and I had a strong connection, but I wasn’t sure how we could blend lives. We took our time.

Michael: We moved in for a summer as a trial. I thought it would be amazing, and it was difficult from the start. We weren’t hopeful. The hardest part was our differences around parenting. I thought it was most important to teach self-reliance. Robin was more about nourishing and encouraging creativity. We didn’t think we could figure out how to blend our lives. Eventually, Robin went on 24 days of training. The Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills program helped her learn what she could. I became intrigued by the program, and I joined her in the program. I was the only non-therapist there. For the first time, I felt Robin really heard and respected my point of view and that it was coming from a loving place. That was huge for us! We both became master teachers.

What do couples need to know to get along and be happy together without losing themselves?

Michael: You need other relationships in your life. Don’t only depend on your partner for every aspect of your life. Have other communities that your partner is not a part of. We have a quiz on our website which tests for key areas in your relationship. Respect is essential. Over time, learn what matters most.

Robin: We have a model called a ‘powergram’ to help them map out areas of responsibility and power. Where are you autonomous and where do you decide things together?

How do you encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back?

Robin: If the conversation is not going well, stop and take a break. Within an hour, suggest a time to get together within twenty four hours for a do-over.  Take turns talking and listening. Be empathic, even if you don’t agree. It’s not fair to just complain without making a request. 

Michael: Do simple mundane things that evoke positivity. Have a regular daily practice of gratitude. The more specific the better. So, when there’s a problem, there’s credit in your emotional bank. It’s also important to take turns. Both can’t be understood at the same time. The person listening only listens and offers validation at the end. Learn to ask for what matters. Own your part of the story.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Robin: While relationships seem mysterious and difficult territory, because our least mature and developed selves show up, know there are simple and powerful tools. With the right support, you can navigate change.

Michael: About seven years into our relationship, I developed an emotional infatuation with someone else, and I asked Robin to end the relationship and go on a provisional marriage for a while. It took a long time for us to not have long term grievances. We’ve been going on our first date for a long time. We don’t take each other for granted. Keep it fresh.

Connect with Michael and Robin

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

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If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio! — Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic […]

intimate relationship

If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio!

—

Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic and real erotic selves. She has two online courses, Keeley Sex Class and Premature Ejaculation Training Mastery Course, and she mentors and supervises up-and-coming sex coaches and facilitates workshops for colleagues and the general public.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life
  • One thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun
  • How to work through performance anxiety
  • What couples can do to keep sex feeling fresh

EP 634 : Keeley Rankin – How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

Why do so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life?

It’s really about people’s relationship with pleasure. I ask clients how they have pleasure in the rest of their lives. Many people do things that look like pleasure, like yoga and massages, but the truth is it’s a ‘should’, and it’s not filled with pleasure. Many of us withhold pleasure. When it comes to sex, it can feel like a ‘should’, too.

What is one thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun?

The first step is to acknowledge what’s true. Notice your struggle with pleasure and putting it on the back burner. In my new course, I help people enjoy pleasure more fully. I start with mindset, deconstructing social ideas about pleasure, looking at our history. We need to listen to our bodies. Sex is meant to be fun. Eroticism is adult play.

How do you work through performance anxiety?

Performance anxiety is often related to pressure that it has to look a certain way or it won’t be good or fun. It’s important to talk about it with your partner. As our bodies change and they look different as we age, many people are afraid to be seen by their partner. Communicate before sex about your fears or what the other person can expect. You can ask a partner with performance anxiety, “Is this normal for you?” If they don’t tell the truth, that’s okay. There’s a lot of shame. Create a safe space. Return to play and what is pleasurable.

Is it normal to not want to have sex?

Our eroticism is always shifting and changing. Instead of trying to catch up to how things used to be, accept that our bodies and emotional needs are always shifting. Remain curious and open. Let go of how it’s ‘supposed to be’. Find pleasure in new ways. Learn how to communicate your needs and desires.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Raise your expectations and see the person in front of you.

Connect with Keeley

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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