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What Does Reddit Think?
It’s no surprise that Reddit had a lot to say about this one, with the post racking up over 4.2K comments in two days. And while the comments varied, the majority fell in the camp of sympathizing with OP’s plight, but telling her that cheating is never the answer.
The top commenter, with over 6K upvotes, kept it simple: “Maybe he’s got a hormone problem. Regardless, please don’t cheat. It’s a bell you will never be able to unring.”
Other commenters also speculated on the cause of the husband’s low libido, noting that it may be a health issue. According to Cleveland Clinic, low libido in men can be caused by a number of medical issues, including hormonal imbalances, mental health conditions, and certain medications, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medications. “I would tell him that he needs to discuss his issue with a doctor, actually work on the issue at home or the relationship might be over,” one commenter wrote. “Tell him exactly how this is impacting you and that you want to have everything with him, but you can’t live untouched forever.”
Another commenter could empathize with OP. “The want to simply be desired is huge and years of sexual rejection does destroy self-esteem,” they said, having dealt with a similar situation in their own relationship and worked towards a solution through “communication and a lot of acceptance.” They continued, “Don’t cheat, OP. Please don’t…Try a therapist, try communicating, try asking questions.”
Other Redditors agreed that an ultra-honest conversation was needed here. “Please tell your husband the latter part of this post… Particularly the part about your self identity, the impact it’s having on you,” one commenter wrote. “Intimacy and sexual desire is an integral part of a relationship. Not having these needs fulfilled is absolutely grounds to have a frank conversation about the parameters of your relationship… If your husband is not willing to engage with you or make some changes so you feel fulfilled in your relationship it is at that point that I’d consider ending it.”
That was the core of it, many commenters agreed: that sex is a major part of a relationship for many people, but that if OP truly cares about her husband and saving their marriage, cheating is not the way to go. Instead, honesty, communication, and some serious work was needed on both sides.
“It’s absolutely reasonable to consider sex to be an important part of a relationship,” one commenter stated. “If you need it more than is happening and it’s damaging to you, then it should be important to your husband too. Because what hurts one, hurts the relationship.” They said that if OP can’t get what she needs and her husband isn’t willing to help or address the issue, “the relationship is dead” — but, that said, solutions were still possible. “Talk to your husband and tell him that the current situation isn’t working for you and it has to change. If you can’t manage that together without help, then get help. If you want to be free to explore with someone else, then discuss that too. Just going out and doing it secretly isn’t the answer here.”
Just like most relationship problems, this one comes down to frank communication and vulnerability — both of which can be hard to come by when the subject is so sensitive. But if both partners are committed to the relationship, those conversations (awkward and uncomfortable though they may be) are worth the effort.
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