When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio. — The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected […]

When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio.

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The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected marriage to a loving and connected relationship, even if only one is trying.

In this episode:

• What is a Pause Button Marriage?
• What are the three levels of connection?
• What can only one partner do to save a relationship? 

EP 704: Lee Baucom – Can a Relationship Survive When Only One Person Does the Work?

Highlights of this episode:

Signs of a one-sided relationship

• If you’re dating and notice things are one-sided: carrying emotional weight is a yellow/red flag.
• Notice patterns within yourself in a long-term relationship that feels one-sided: stepping in unasked, always planning, feeling resentful.
• Hidden vs. stated contributions: partners often overestimate their input in a relationship.

Causes and dynamics of a one-sided relationship

• Childhood imprints (imago) shape who carries emotional labor.
• Mutual training: one partner may shut down the other’s attempts to help.
• Chaser–spacer dynamic: pursuing closeness often causes the other to distance.
• Pause-button effect: couples stop intentionally nurturing connection after commitment.

Ways to untangle and reconnect if you’re in a one-sided relationship

• Reality-test your assessment: are you missing the other person’s contributions?
• Reduce criticism; adjust expectations and make explicit agreements with each other.
• Pace reconnection: use invitations and light, low-pressure activities to reconnect.
• Target three connection levels: physical (touch), emotional (listening/validation), spiritual (values, hopes, fears).
• Small, steady increases in reciprocal behavior work better than big, pressured interventions.

Coaching vs. therapy and how to go on your last first date

• Marital therapy has limited statistical effectiveness; coaching can be more outcome-focused.
• Assess team compatibility (values, day-to-day functioning) when choosing a partner.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Lee

• Website: http://UnPauseYourMarriage.com  
• Podcast: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/podcast 

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