Last Updated on April 17, 2026 by
When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio. — The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected […]
When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio.
—
The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected marriage to a loving and connected relationship, even if only one is trying.
In this episode:
- What is a Pause Button Marriage?
- What are the three levels of connection?
- What can only one partner do to save a relationship?
EP 704: Lee Baucom – Can a Relationship Survive When Only One Person Does the Work?
Highlights of this episode:
Signs of a one-sided relationship
- If you’re dating and notice things are one-sided: carrying emotional weight is a yellow/red flag.
- Notice patterns within yourself in a long-term relationship that feels one-sided: stepping in unasked, always planning, feeling resentful.
- Hidden vs. stated contributions: partners often overestimate their input in a relationship.
Causes and dynamics of a one-sided relationship
- Childhood imprints (imago) shape who carries emotional labor.
- Mutual training: one partner may shut down the other’s attempts to help.
- Chaser–spacer dynamic: pursuing closeness often causes the other to distance.
- Pause-button effect: couples stop intentionally nurturing connection after commitment.
Ways to untangle and reconnect if you’re in a one-sided relationship
- Reality-test your assessment: are you missing the other person’s contributions?
- Reduce criticism; adjust expectations and make explicit agreements with each other.
- Pace reconnection: use invitations and light, low-pressure activities to reconnect.
- Target three connection levels: physical (touch), emotional (listening/validation), spiritual (values, hopes, fears).
- Small, steady increases in reciprocal behavior work better than big, pressured interventions.
Coaching vs. therapy and how to go on your last first date
- Marital therapy has limited statistical effectiveness; coaching can be more outcome-focused.
- Assess team compatibility (values, day-to-day functioning) when choosing a partner.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Connect with Lee
- Website: http://UnPauseYourMarriage.com
- Podcast: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/podcast
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