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The Fears that Sabotage Relationships

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What are the fears that sabotage relationships? Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides helps us explore why good relationships fall apart. — What are the three key fears that sabotage relationships? That was the topic of discussion with Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides. She is a Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist, meditation teacher, and pioneer in psychedelic-assisted therapy in Australia. With nearly […]

fears that sabotage relationships

What are the fears that sabotage relationships? Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides helps us explore why good relationships fall apart.

—

What are the three key fears that sabotage relationships? That was the topic of discussion with Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides. She is a Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist, meditation teacher, and pioneer in psychedelic-assisted therapy in Australia. With nearly 30 years in mental health, she integrates clinical psychology, neuroscience, mindfulness, and psychedelic therapy to explore trauma, healing, and human connection, drawing from both professional expertise and lived experience.

In this episode, we covered:

  • The three key fears that hold us back in life and love
  • What happens in relationships when people are unaware of the fears they carry
  • How to begin to overcome our fears and have better relationships with ourselves and others

EP 716: Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides – The Fears That Sabotage Relationships

Highlights of this episode

Dr. Lukeides’ background & her core message

  • Central theme: The “Field of love” is a state of safety and fearlessness; fear = anything that pulls us out of that field.
  • Her key insight from personal experience: seeking external validation never fully heals inner wounds; self-love (unconditional acceptance of all parts of ourselves) is distinct from self-esteem (conditional, comparative).
  • Book coming out end of 2026: “No Parts Left Behind” with an emphasis on Internal Family Systems / parts work and reintegrating exiled parts.

Three core fear categories that sabotage relationships

  • Fear of weakness/vulnerability (survival/health): belief “I can’t cope” leads to avoidance of emotionally demanding growth.
  • Fear of incompetence/failure (skills/intellect): impostor syndrome, fear of criticism, avoidance of situations that risk perceived failure.
  • Fear of rejection/undesirability (social/attachment): early attachment wounds create expectations of exclusion and filter current interactions negatively.
  • All three originate from early experiences and form predictive “algorithms” that skew interpretation; healing requires re-examining our original conclusions.

Practical strategies for dating, boundaries, and relationship repair

  • Name and dialogue with our fears: anthropomorphize fears/parts. Ask what they are trying to protect you from.
  • Gentle, experimental exposure: “dance” of incremental self-disclosure (step forward, mirror, step back) rather than full neutralization of defenses.
  • Use self-compassion/parts work: bring exiled or shameful parts into a nonjudgmental “field of love.”
  • Go needs-first: articulate needs and boundaries early on in dating; sharing hurts and preferences is data, not aggression.
  • Test capacity early: small boundary checks (interrupting politely, asking for plans, noting treatment of waitstaff) reveal partner reliability.
  • Practical first-date tips: treat dating as play; use active/shared activities (museums, walks) to observe behavior; debrief post-date on curiosity, attraction, and reciprocity.
  • Stop compensating: avoid over-planning/paying/doing everything; lean back to see who can step up.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Dr. Maria

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Submit your dating dilemma to be answered on my podcast https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Heal Your Relationship

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If you want to know heal your relationship, listen to this episode. Dr. Rachel Glik shares helpful tips to strengthen any relationship. — Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with 30+ years as a couples and individual therapist in private practice. Since 2014, she has been a regular feature on the Fox 2 AM […]

heal your relationship

If you want to know heal your relationship, listen to this episode. Dr. Rachel Glik shares helpful tips to strengthen any relationship.

—

Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with 30+ years as a couples and individual therapist in private practice. Since 2014, she has been a regular feature on the Fox 2 AM show in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert. Her book, A SOULFUL MARRIAGE: Healing Your Relationship With Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose was published February 4, 2025.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The essential four pillars that can positively transform and heal your relationship
  • The eight friendships that can influence a relationship 
  • How to diffuse tension in an emotional argument using the love seat listening method 
  • Why we should reframe conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • One step someone could take today to create a stronger relationship

EP 646 : Dr. Rachel Glik – How to Heal Your Relationship

What are the essential four pillars that can positively transform and heal your relationship? 

  1. Pillar one: Responsibility. We’re each responsible for our happiness and well-being. We have to know ourselves and individuate.
  2. Pillar two: Growth. Most people struggle with the growth pillar. That’s where conflict comes in. We use our friction to grow individually and then together.
  3. Pillar three: Priority. We make each other the most important person in our lives besides ourselves. Nothing will come between our connection.
  4. Pillar four: Purpose. If we don’t have a sense that we make the world better through our bond, it’s a challenge. Extend out of your collective.

What are the essential eight friendships that can influence a relationship? 

  1. Emotional friendship. Your partner is a confidant. You trust them. They are attuned and you feel safe with them.
  2. Sexual and physical friendship. The physical is touching and holding hands. Sexual is how well you’re matched.
  3. Parenting friendship. Kids or pets – are you aligned?
  4. Financial friendship. Are there secrets? Lies? Is there a ‘we’?
  5. Recreational friendship. Do you have fun together, laugh, enjoy each other.
  6. Spiritual friendship. Share a similar mindset and view or support each other’s view.
  7. Domestic friendship. Do you do well as roommates? Does it feel democratic or harmonious?
  8. Community friendship. Part of an organization? Do you volunteer?

How do you diffuse tension in an emotional argument using the love seat listening method? 

It’s the opposite of the hot seat. When couples argue, we need to slow it down and take turns. One person is in the love seat. You listen and they talk. It’s structured and keeps the ego and reactive part of us at bay. Each person feels heard. Reflect back with active listening skills. Conflict is an opportunity to grow.

What is one step someone could take today to create a stronger relationship?

Show appreciation to someone who’s important to you. Pause, breathe, relax and open your heart to the experience of them in your life. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Unless it’s really not good for you, allow yourself to embrace the imperfection of the relationship. Look out for where you’re searching for someone to complete you or be perfect. If there’s enough there and you feel you can grow together, normalize that every relationship has imperfections. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Rachel

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Communication Mistakes that Ruin Relationships (and how to catch them early)

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Did you know that small communication mistakes are quietly ruining your relationship? Here’s how to prevent that from happening. — What are the communication mistakes that ruin relationships? Lior Illouz is the co-founder and CEO of Bonds, a PhD-backed AI relationship app with 10,000+ users, built with his childhood friend, clinical psychologist Dr. Lior Kritzman. […]

communication mistakes

Did you know that small communication mistakes are quietly ruining your relationship? Here’s how to prevent that from happening.

—

What are the communication mistakes that ruin relationships? Lior Illouz is the co-founder and CEO of Bonds, a PhD-backed AI relationship app with 10,000+ users, built with his childhood friend, clinical psychologist Dr. Lior Kritzman. A former Meta leader, husband who married at 38, and first-time father, Lior helps people catch the small communication patterns that quietly end relationships before they explode.

In this episode:

  • The small communication mistakes that can quietly end relationships
  • The gap between what we say and what we mean and why it grows over time
  • What predicts whether a relationship will last
  • How to spot your communication patterns early on in dating

EP 723: Lior Illouz – Communication Mistakes that Ruin Relationships (and how to catch them early)

Highlights of this episode:

Origins of Bonds app

  • Lior Illouz built Bonds from personal need after repeated short relationships and difficulty finding affordable, actionable help.
  • App goal: translate psychological principles into tailored, actionable daily habits and conversation practice to change behavior (not just provide generic advice).
  • Foundation: collaboration with psychologists and relationship experts; focus on measurable value (behavior change) over time spent in-app.

Common communication issues & practical fixes

  • Money disagreements
    • Root cause often fear or learned family narratives.
    • Effective approach: acknowledge fear, state needs, explain the “why,” and co-create solutions (e.g., softer goals vs. strict budgets depending on partner).
  • Not being heard / criticism vs. feedback
    • People often conflate judgment with feelings; reframe as specific requests/feedback and ask curiosity-driven questions.
    • Small, focused requests work better than overwhelming lists.
  • Emotional shut-down / defensiveness
    • Create safety: state positive intention, keep requests tiny, offer options to pause/resume conversation.
    • If the partner shuts down, gently name the observation in a nonaccusatory way (e.g., “It seems like this feels overwhelming; do you want to continue later?”).
  • Practical rehearsal
    • Role-play and simulated conversations help prepare and reduce robotic or unempathetic delivery.
    • Lior shared his own app practice: using simulated scripts improved a sensitive post-birth gift conversation.

AI, apps, and therapy: benefits & caveats

  • Benefits
    • AI/apps can give tailored reminders, conversational simulations, and habit-building nudges that scale therapy-like practices.
    • Real-world examples: users reported improved empathy with service workers and a partner moved to tears by a personalized handwritten-note gift idea prompted by the app.
  • Caveats
    • Generic LLMs can reinforce bias and lack nuance; output quality depends on input context and user honesty.
    • Trust and privacy matter: users need assurance their data won’t be sold or misused.
    • Best outcomes when apps are built with expert oversight (psychologists) and grounded in established frameworks (CBT, attachment theory, congruence/perceptual-gap work, love languages).

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Lior and HeyBonds

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

5 Questions That Lead to Deeper Conversations in Early Dating

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How do you have deeper conversations on a first date? These 5 questions will open up lively, informative, and connecting conversations. — Early dating doesn’t have to feel like an interview or a performance. The most meaningful connections grow when conversations move beyond small talk and into curiosity, values, and things you have in common. […]

deeper conversations

How do you have deeper conversations on a first date? These 5 questions will open up lively, informative, and connecting conversations.

—

Early dating doesn’t have to feel like an interview or a performance. The most meaningful connections grow when conversations move beyond small talk and into curiosity, values, and things you have in common.

If you’re dating and craving something real, these five questions can gently open the door to deeper conversations. They’re not about pushing intimacy too fast or interrogating your date to see if there are red or green flags. They’re about listening, noticing, and seeing whether there’s room to grow together.

1. What feels fulfilling to you right now?

This question reveals priorities. Some people light up talking about family, creativity, travel, volunteering, or even slowing down. Pay attention not just to the answer, but to the energy behind it. If you want to learn if their vision aligns with where you are in your life today, this is a great question.

2. What’s something you’re really enjoying or excited about these days?

This keeps the focus in the present and invites enthusiasm. It might be a hobby, a project, a class, a new routine, or even a simple pleasure. Notice what brings them joy, whether they’re stagnant or excited about life, and whether they’re open to sharing their interests with you. If you’re looking for someone who continues to engage in life no matter their age, this question is a good one.

3. Is there something you’re curious about or learning right now?

This question gently reveals mindset. Curiosity often signals openness and growth. It can lead to conversations about books, travel, creativity, or new experiences they want to explore. If you’re looking for a lifetime learner, this question is for you.

4. What do you value most in a close partnership?

Whether they mention trust, laughter, loyalty, growth, or they give you a blank stare, you’re learning what they consider essential in a relationship. If you want to learn if their values around partnership and relationships feel compatible with your own needs and desires, ask this question.

5. What helps you feel most connected to someone?

This question touches on emotional intimacy without being too heavy or intrusive. Some people feel connected through conversation, shared experiences, affection, or quality time. If you want to know how someone bonds, this can offer insight into whether your connection styles complement each other.

You certainly don’t need to ask all of these questions on one date. Let them unfold naturally. Depth isn’t created by the questions alone, but by listening and following up with curiosity.

The right conversations don’t rush the relationship or feel pushy. They help you get to know the most important qualities of the person you’re dating. And that’s where real connection begins.

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

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If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you! — Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps […]

overcome limiting beliefs

If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you!

—

Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps high achievers overcome anxiety, perfectionism, and limiting beliefs to rediscover their authentic selves. As the founder of the AuthenticMe® method and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, she empowers individuals to build self-awareness, set boundaries, and create fulfilling, balanced lives.

In this episode:

  • Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?
  • How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?
  • How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?
  • How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?
  • How can people balance their love life and work?

EP 653: Kamini Wood – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?

I see them as narratives that come from our families of origin or experiences we’ve had throughout our lives. Some common ones are “I’m not enough” “I’m not lovable”.

How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?

Naming your limiting beliefs is the first step. Get curious with yourself. Recognize the stories you’re telling yourself. If you have fear, complete the thought loop. What’s your fear? What’s true? What’s the evidence I have today to support this belief?

Once you identify the truth, ask yourself what you want to do about it. What action will you take?

How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?

Perfectionism can hold us back because we might expect our partner to be perfect. We create unspoken expectations. That leads to resentment. If we hold ourselves to a high standard, we can be held back. Perfectionists struggle when a relationship is not working, and they are afraid of failure, and afraid to leave a relationship for that reason. It can keep us from being honest with what you truly need.

How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?

If you’re a perfectionist, work is a place where you get a lot of meaning and enoughness. You might put more energy into work, which can leave you drained and unable to put energy into your love life. There’s certainty in your work life, but less certainty in your love life. How can you find balance? Ask yourself what about work makes you feel safe and good? If you have a fear of rejection and not being accepted in dating, ask yourself what’s the worst case scenario your mind is telling you? Then ask yourself what you will do.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Give yourself permission to be present for the process and allow it to be what it is. Give yourself grace. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Be you and be present. Just focus on making a connection.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Kamini

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Be More Dateable

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Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode! — Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. […]

dateable

Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode!

—

Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What is “dating on your own terms”?
  • What the four dating archetypes represent: Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker
  • Some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person
  • One of their favorite exercises from the book
  • Some of the key points they’re hoping readers will take away from the book

EP 645: Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu – How to Be More Dateable

How is your book different from other dating books out there?

We needed to let people know we don’t need to stay in the confines of modern dating. We hope it empowers people to date on their own terms. There’s so much negativity that doesn’t bring us to connection. There is a better way to date.

Tell us about the four dating archetypes that help you become more dateable.

Achiever: Go after what they want, achieve a lot. Downside is they’re not always present. They want to keep things going to get to the next stage. 

Dreamer: Wears their heart on their sleeve, they make great partners because they’re so warm. Where it doesn’t serve is getting lost in the fantasy by seeing the best in them and giving too many chances.

Energizer: Go, go, go daters. Back to back dates. Endless energy on dates. Downside is they don’t take time to pause and reflect on what works for them. All their energy is out, not in. They get drained.

Maverick: Very independent, high standards for self and others, hold your own in relationship, but runs at first sign of something hard to not get hurt. Needs to learn to run towards the person by getting curious and getting information instead of misinterpreting.

Thinker: They overthink, hesitate, are all in their head. They are people who think things through and are open to conversation. Downside is they go into analysis paralysis. They can lose track of the big picture.

What are some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person?

We believe everyone is dateable. What gets in our way is the traps of the modern dating culture. 

The Expectation of Love on Demand: We are in a fast culture. Uber, Amazon, Ubereats are all immediate. We often date like that, looking for an immediate spark.

Settling Paradox: This is where you don’t want to settle for the wrong person, but you settle for bad behavior. 

Validation Trap: Because of the mentality that you’re winning if you’re in a relationship and losing if you’re single put so much pressure on dating. We seek validation, but we’re not always aware of that. 

Relationship Chicken: We do everything in dating that’s the opposite of what we do in a relationship. Fox example, we play games with texting and waiting longer than the other. How can we treat dating as we would treat someone in a relationship. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t think about dates as first date. Anything can happen in life. Life doesn’t happen in a linear fashion. Bring your best self to every first date, and treat your relationship as a series of first dates. Be yourself, not a ‘date persona’. That’s when the right people come to fruition.

Connect With Yue and Julie

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Art of Radical Listening

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What is radical listening? And how can it help improve all our relationships? My podcast guest, Robert Biswas-Diener has the answers! — What is radical listening, and why is it important in our relationships? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is the co-author of the soon-to-be published book, Radical Listening, The Art of True Connection. He’s a researcher, […]

radical listening

What is radical listening? And how can it help improve all our relationships? My podcast guest, Robert Biswas-Diener has the answers!

—

What is radical listening, and why is it important in our relationships? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is the co-author of the soon-to-be published book, Radical Listening, The Art of True Connection. He’s a researcher, author, and consultant. His previous books include The Upside of Your Dark Side (New York Times Bestseller, 2014), and the 2007 PROSE Award winner, Happiness. He has presented keynotes to Lululemon, Deloitte, Humana, AARP, The World Bank, and others. In 2024, Thinkers50 named him one of the “50 Most Influential Executive Coaches in the World.” He lives in Portland, Oregon, where he enjoys drawing and rock climbing.

In this episode:

  • How Radical Listening moves beyond traditional active listening techniques
  • What people trying to accomplish when they listen
  • How the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening enable us to better communicate with
  • others
  • How Internal and External listening skills complement each other
  • How we can effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations

EP 651: Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener – The Art of Radical Listening

How does Radical Listening move beyond traditional active listening techniques? 

Radical listening is not shocking, it’s about extending listening beyond what we do in active listening. One of the things we think is most important is that listening is about accomplishing things.

What are people trying to accomplish when they listen?

They’re trying to figure out your intention: do you want to be validated or solve problems? Both parties are equal in the relationship. When the speaker is speaking, they’re making bids to entertain, connect, etc. Your job as the listener is to try to figure out what they want from you. Do they want empathy, support, or something else? We often miss what others want.

To learn what people want, we ask open questions to invite more information.There are better and worse questions. You want to ask questions that reveal something about the person – their feelings, or who they are. “What’s your take on that?”

How do the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening help us communicate better with others?

The overarching thing to do is listen with positive intent and to understand the other person better. The first three core skills are internal and the next three are external. 

The six skills are:

  1. Noticing 
  2. Quieting your inner chatter
  3. Acceptance: even without similarities, try to accept the other person’s point of view
  4. Acknowledging: say something about what you’ve noticed
  5. Questioning: asking open questions
  6. Interrupting: You can either take turns talking, or you can jump in with a ‘wow’ or ‘me too’, which are interruptions which return the focus on the speaker.

What are two obstacles to radical listening?

Comparing and competing are two obstacles to listening well. Competing would look like trying to outdo the other person. Comparing is a cousin to that. For example, you share that you studied abroad. And the other person says, “I studied abroad, too! Here’s what my experience was like.” It’s disconnecting.

How can we effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations?

Any time you’re listening with intention, knowing what you want to accomplish, you’re more likely to hear the emotional tone, the themes of what you’re saying. And if you’re the speaker, be clear about what you’re looking for.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Begin with a positive intention – listen with respect and ask great questions to learn about someone, and also be willing to give of yourself. Think about the times you were deeply listened to – how did it feel? Go do that!

Connect with Robert

Watch on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

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If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio! — Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic […]

intimate relationship

If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio!

—

Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic and real erotic selves. She has two online courses, Keeley Sex Class and Premature Ejaculation Training Mastery Course, and she mentors and supervises up-and-coming sex coaches and facilitates workshops for colleagues and the general public.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life
  • One thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun
  • How to work through performance anxiety
  • What couples can do to keep sex feeling fresh

EP 634 : Keeley Rankin – How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

Why do so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life?

It’s really about people’s relationship with pleasure. I ask clients how they have pleasure in the rest of their lives. Many people do things that look like pleasure, like yoga and massages, but the truth is it’s a ‘should’, and it’s not filled with pleasure. Many of us withhold pleasure. When it comes to sex, it can feel like a ‘should’, too.

What is one thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun?

The first step is to acknowledge what’s true. Notice your struggle with pleasure and putting it on the back burner. In my new course, I help people enjoy pleasure more fully. I start with mindset, deconstructing social ideas about pleasure, looking at our history. We need to listen to our bodies. Sex is meant to be fun. Eroticism is adult play.

How do you work through performance anxiety?

Performance anxiety is often related to pressure that it has to look a certain way or it won’t be good or fun. It’s important to talk about it with your partner. As our bodies change and they look different as we age, many people are afraid to be seen by their partner. Communicate before sex about your fears or what the other person can expect. You can ask a partner with performance anxiety, “Is this normal for you?” If they don’t tell the truth, that’s okay. There’s a lot of shame. Create a safe space. Return to play and what is pleasurable.

Is it normal to not want to have sex?

Our eroticism is always shifting and changing. Instead of trying to catch up to how things used to be, accept that our bodies and emotional needs are always shifting. Remain curious and open. Let go of how it’s ‘supposed to be’. Find pleasure in new ways. Learn how to communicate your needs and desires.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Raise your expectations and see the person in front of you.

Connect with Keeley

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Pleasure is Essential to Wellness (and no longer taboo)

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Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic! — Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. […]

pleasure

Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic!

—

Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. She’s a certified Tibetan Tantra practitioner and an American Board-Certified Sexologist with a focus on healing through embodiment. Her approach is gentle, empowering, and rooted in deep care. To her, pleasure isn’t something you earn. It’s your birthright, your medicine, and her work at Arya helps couples remember exactly that.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness
  • Why 57% of couples can’t talk about sex—and practical ways to bridge that divide
  • How intimacy impacts stress, hormones, and overall relationship satisfaction
  • How technology can help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations 
  • Arya’s Erotic Personas and how they can help partners understand each other

EP 686: Tugce Balik – Why Pleasure is Essential to Wellness (and no longer taboo)

Why do you think pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness?

We’re in the second wave of the wellness movement. First we were taking care of our bodies and our personal care. Now, we understand our sexuality is a huge part of our whole self. We can’t just separate them. Many of us have had sexual trauma or taboo in our past. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping people see how important pleasure is.

Why do 57% of couples struggle to talk about sex—and what are practical ways to bridge that divide?

Do we know ourselves well enough to communicate our needs and desires. Begin with the connection you have with each other. Schedule time with your partner. Be present with each other and create safety in each other’s bodies. Sit across from each other, breathe together, gaze into each other’s eyes, and coregulate. Then, you can have a hard conversation. Frame it as an invitation with curiosity. We have an intimacy deck of cards that help the conversation. 

If you’re in the middle of sex and you don’t like something, pause, start with appreciation first and then guide them to what would make it even better. You can use your hand or their hand to show them what you like. You can also demo it on their body.

For anyone entering a relationship later in life, how can we deal with post-menopause issues or erectile dysfuntion?

Have a conversation before sex to explain what you need to have more pleasure. Talk about lube and whatever else you need. More pauses and breaks? And with men who have erectile dysfunction, there are many causes, and it happens at all ages. It’s important first to find out the root cause of the dysfunction. If it’s physical, you can work with a pelvic floor specialist or talk to your doctor about what you can do. If you’re going through stress, your hormones are affected.

Also, what does your self-pleasure routine look like? That impacts how you have sex. Cultivate a pleasure routine that’s not just centered on orgasm. 

How does technology help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations? 

Everyone has different intimacy languages. Technology helps identify their play styles and erotic desires. The more information we have, the better it is. When you know your patterns, you can explore more. We give monthly guided experiences to couples based on their patterns and personas.

What are Arya’s Erotic Personas and how do they help partners understand each other? 

The categories are: The romantic prioritizes intimacy and connection, focuses on the journey. The directors enjoy more spontaneous sex, straightforward, goal oriented towards orgasm. The connectors prioritize sensuality and stimulation. The adventurers are into kink and variety.

The pairings are interesting, and it’s also good to see that we’re not always what we thought we were.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Recenter yourself rather than centering on the other person. Be less hyper-focused on what they think of you, and focus more on how you’re feeling in the presence of the other person. Ask, “What does this person bring out in me?”

Connect with Tugce:

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why You Need to Stop Venting to ChatGPT During Your Divorce

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Stop venting to ChatGPT during divorce. Tune in to this episode to find out why this is a bad idea and what to do instead! — Do you vent to ChatGPT during your divorce? Kirk Stange is here to advise you about why this is a bad idea. He is the President and Founding Partner […]

chatgpt during your divorce

Stop venting to ChatGPT during divorce. Tune in to this episode to find out why this is a bad idea and what to do instead!

—

Do you vent to ChatGPT during your divorce? Kirk Stange is here to advise you about why this is a bad idea. He is the President and Founding Partner of Stange Law Firm, PC. Since founding the firm in 2007, he has helped grow it into a multi-state law firm while overseeing strategic growth, operations, and leadership. A frequent legal educator and published author, Kirk has received numerous professional honors throughout his career.

In this episode:

  • Safe and productive ways AI can be used during divorce
  • Why divorcing spouses should think carefully before typing sensitive information into AI chatbots
  • The types of ChatGPT conversations that could potentially create legal complications in divorce proceedings

EP 722: Kirk Stange – Why You Need to Stop Venting to ChatGPT During Your Divorce

Highlights of this episode:

AI risks in divorce

  • Inputs to ChatGPT/AI are not privileged or confidential and can potentially be discovered in litigation.
  • Opposing parties can subpoena AI providers or find AI-generated content, though obtaining it may be costly and time-consuming.
  • Avoid typing admissions of wrongdoing, hidden assets, affairs, substance abuse, or any information that would harm your case.
  • Using someone else’s account or accessing their device can create legal/ethical problems (possible hacking).
  • AI can produce admissions that have been used by police/prosecutors in criminal matters — similar risks exist in family law.

AI benefits & safe use

  • AI is useful for drafting, improving tone, organizing custody/financial notes, and reducing hostile language in communications.
  • Helpful for people who struggle with writing or need immediate, between-session support.
  • To get useful output, provide complete and accurate context; AI only works with the input given.
  • Prefer using AI for neutral drafting and tone adjustments; avoid feeding sensitive or potentially incriminating details.
  • Privileged conversations (legal, medical, therapy) are better had with professionals who can protect confidentiality.

Privacy, social media & digital evidence

  • Social media posts, memes, party photos, or negative comments about the other parent can harm custody and credibility.
  • Parenting plans often prohibit speaking negatively about the other parent to children — public posts can violate that.
  • Consider minimizing social media activity during proceedings and avoid posts that could be construed as unstable or irresponsible.
  • AI searchability and industry encouragement to be more “searchable” is a risk; keep private matters off public-facing tools.

 Divorce process, mediation & practical advice

  • Divorce is often more complex than expected: property/debt division, custody schedules, child support, maintenance, attorney fees — all must be resolved.
  • Cases may agree on most issues but require 100% agreement to settle; unresolved issues lead to delay and court backlog.
  • Mediation can work but has pitfalls: court-ordered or attorney-less mediation may produce suboptimal outcomes; caucus-style mediation with attorneys often works better.
  • Beware “quick, cheap, flat-fee” solutions when children or significant assets are involved. Property division is largely non-modifiable.
  • Practical coping advice: choose an attorney who fits your goals, pursue counseling, stay positive, engage in productive activities, and avoid being all-consumed by the case.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Kirk Stange

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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