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How to Become Sexually Empowered

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How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered! — How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in […]

sexually empowered

How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered!

—

How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in her own pain-to-purpose journey. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection. She invites individuals and couples to navigate complex topics like long-term partnerships, consensual non-monogamy, life transitions, purity culture and LGBTQIA+ issues.

In this episode:

  • What is empowered and authentic sex?
  • How to build an empowered and authentic sex life
  • How to understand our sexual needs and desires

EP 657: Lauren Elise Rogers – How to Become Sexually Empowered

How would you define empowered and authentic sex? 

It’s a values aligned expression of your body oriented towards pleasure. We’re all motivated and driven by different things. We each have a right to know what those are so we can communicate in an empowered way what we want, so they can decide if they want to engage in a relationship with us.

What steps would someone need to build an empowered and authentic sex life? 

Notice, trust and value your intuition. Know your origin story. Where do your beliefs stem from from birth until now. What are the positive and negative beliefs? What roles do we take on in relationships? Locate the ways where we’ve grown already. Then label the negative beliefs that aren’t working for you anymore. Locate the body-based beliefs. They need a lot of love to heal. Then we introduce exercises that help with somatic experiences. How does my body feel in this space? We work with erotic imagination to bring out what is already there. That’s the foundation for what they love and desire so they can communicate what they want to a partner.

What got you into this work? 

I was married at 21. I was a virgin, raised in a courtship model, and I didn’t know myself. Days after my marriage, my mother died of pancreatic marriage. My then husband turned to alcohol and other forms of disconnection and abuse. A friend asked how I was. I got into therapy. My counselor suggested I set boundaries. My husband didn’t respect any of them, and I ended my marriage. But I didn’t know myself sexually. I wondered if there was an education program for holistic sexuality and sexual health. I realized I needed to start a business in this area, because if I had known these things, I would have had a much different life.

What do you mean when you say that “sex is not everything it’s just a part of everything”? 

When I began to learn about sexuality, I kept thinking it could heal the world. Sexual health is fundamental to everyone’s health. When we know our needs, wants and desires and can communicate them and respect others, I see the ripple effect. Sex is the origin to living a fulfilled life.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know yourself. Become the first,  last and best lover to yourself. Introduce that person to your last first date.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Lauren

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Protect Yourself From Emotional Vampires

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Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you! — Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A […]

emotional vampires

Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you!

—

Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A former entrepreneur turned personal growth expert, he is the author of Infinite Marriage and The Ten Secrets to a Passionate Marriage, with his upcoming book (January 2026) Emotional Vampires teaching readers how to protect their happiness from toxic people. Through his coaching, books, and public talks, Daniel provides clear, practical tools for improving self-esteem, cultivating “keepers,” and creating relationships that fuel joy.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?
  • Why so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should
  • The most common categories of Emotional Vampires
  • How to set boundaries without feeling guilty or burning bridges?
  • Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

EP 684: Daniel Ratner – How to Protect Yourself From Emotional Vampires

What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?

We all have people who drain our energy. I created 12 categories. I have a whole chapter on family. The reason I wrote this book is we had a woman who my wife tried to help for years, and after many years, my wife realized this woman was a narcissist. We want keepers in our lives: People who are: Kind, peaceful, empathetic and respectful. Someone without envy and ego.

Why do so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should?

We don’t realize we have a choice to protect ourselves. One of my chapters is the “Friendship audit”. Sometimes, we have friends due to circumstance. If they now drain your energy, evaluate if it’s worth it. As you get older and wiser, you get to choose. If it’s someone you need in your life, how do you define healthy?

Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

Some of the categories are more dangerous than others, like narcissistic personality disorder. But a drama queen, someone who’s an oversharer can change. Also, the emotional constipated has a hard time sharing feelings. They can change, but it’s not easy. Women need to connect emotionally. Another category is the socially awkward. Social skills can be learned.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

On a first date, ask yourself: do you feel safe, seen, and do you want to see this person again? That’s all you need to know to go on a second date.

Connect with Daniel

Watch on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How the Alpha Male Mindset Sabotages Relationships

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How is the alpha male mindset sabotaging dating and relationships? Listen to Dave Rossi, a recovering alpha male who remarried after changing how he approached dating. — Dave Rossi is the author of Alphas Die Early: For the Man on a Mission—And the Women Who Love Him and the #1 bestselling book The Imperative Habit: […]

alpha male

How is the alpha male mindset sabotaging dating and relationships? Listen to Dave Rossi, a recovering alpha male who remarried after changing how he approached dating.

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Dave Rossi is the author of Alphas Die Early: For the Man on a Mission—And the Women Who Love Him and the #1 bestselling book The Imperative Habit: 7 Non-Spiritual Practices Towards Spiritual Behavior – For Happiness, Health, Love, and Success. Dave’s work challenges outdated models of masculinity and success, guiding men to move beyond performance and into authenticity, emotional strength, and purpose. His perspective helps individuals build deeper, more meaningful relationships by aligning how they live with who they truly are.

In this episode:

  • Why the alpha male mindset is sabotaging dating and relationships
  • How to date with more discernment
  • The importance of defining your values and boundaries when dating
  • Why difficult conversations are crucial to intimate relationships

EP 714: Dave Rossi – How the Alpha Male Mindset Sabotages Relationships

Highlights of this episode:

Dating approach & outcomes

  • David applied spiritual principles and clear goals to dating after a 17-year marriage.
  • Primary goal: find a sustainable, serious relationship (not casual dating).
  • Prioritized “friendship first” to test long-term compatibility before romance.
  • Practiced discernment: avoid relationships that felt unsustainable (age, location, lifestyle).
  • Result: remarried at 55 after years of intentional dating and curated selection.

Sovereignty, masculinity, and vulnerability

  • Sovereignty = wholeness; make choices from abundance, not scarcity.
  • “Feathers vs. bird” metaphor: present authentic self (bird), not performative traits (feathers).
  • True vulnerability is strong—possible only from a secure, independent place.
  • Men (and women) should resist cultural scripts/masks and act from internal values.

Friendship, curiosity, and communication

  • Friendship defined by curiosity, safety, and consistent effort—not just chemistry or attraction.
  • Ask deeper questions; listen for genuine engagement versus performative responses.
  • Have difficult conversations: plan timing/context, be clear, kind, direct, and accountable.
  • Address boundaries early; mutual effort reduces resentment and builds sustainability.

Parenting & boundary strategies

  • Prioritize presence, time, and consistent values with children over material provision.
  • Reduce toxic interactions by minimizing unnecessary triggers (practical adjustments after divorce).
  • Teach children to set boundaries and speak up; model accountability and respectful communication.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Dave:

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Love Deliberately in Midlife and Beyond (Without Working So Hard)

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How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond without repeating old patterns and working so hard? Tune in to this episode to find out! — How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond? Alfina Lofaro is a kinesiologist, coach, author and speaker helping people build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Through Love […]

love deliberately

How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond without repeating old patterns and working so hard? Tune in to this episode to find out!

—

How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond? Alfina Lofaro is a kinesiologist, coach, author and speaker helping people build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Through Love Deliberately, she teaches self-awareness, communication, boundaries and compassion, drawing on more than two decades of experience and her own lived journey to help audiences connect with greater intention and responsibility.

In this episode:

  • How doing more in relationships impacts your relationship with yourself
  • Why we repeat relationship patterns while waiting for the other person to change
  • How COVID revealed the quality of people’s relationships
  • Why your body reacts when your mind wants to respond differently

EP 720: Alfina Lofaro – How to Love Deliberately in Midlife and Beyond (Without Working So Hard)

Highlights of this episode:

Kinesiology & coaching approach

  • Kinesiology (AU) described as energy modality combining traditional Chinese medicine and chiropractic; differs from US physiotherapy.
  • Alfina uses muscle testing to ask the body what it needs, set goals, and reveal unconscious patterns in priority order.
  • Focus on balancing the “triangle of health”: structure/function, biochemistry, mental-emotional.
  • Work is collaborative: kinesiology is “with you,” not “done to you”; body reveals only what the client is willing to address.
  • Practical aims: neutralize charged sabotage programs, create new neural pathways, define deliberate behaviors (boundaries, communication, reciprocity).

Repeating patterns, healing, and “loving deliberately”

  • Common root: childhood learning (e.g., people-pleasing, “earn love” belief) teaches behaviors that attract similar partners/situations.
  • Steps to change: awareness → neutralize emotional charge (kinesiology/acupressure) → choose new actions and practice them repeatedly.
  • Key coaching targets: clarify needs vs. wants, set boundaries, practice asking for/receiving support, learn forgiveness and trust skills (with practical how-to).
  • Age is not a barrier: examples of clients in their 60s–70s successfully shifting patterns and forming fulfilling relationships.
  • Metaphor: sabotaging beliefs act like charged magnets; neutralizing charge enables choice rather than automatic repetition.

COVID, dating, and relationship dynamics

  • COVID intensified daily exposure between partners, magnifying existing strengths and weaknesses (less external input → more “marinated” relationship energy).
  • Outcomes diverged: some couples imploded; others deepened connection or accelerated commitments; singles faced increased loneliness but more intentional dating.
  • Telehealth and online programs (e.g., Relationship Reset) helped people confront deficits in communication, conflict resolution, creativity in intimacy.
  • Practical takeaway: use intentionality in dating (ask “energizing or draining?” after dates), clarify needs, and use coaching/tools if patterns persist.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Alfina

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

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How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger. — Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, […]

heal from a breakup

How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger.

—

Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, he began sharing his journey on social media—growing to over 750,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and more.  He has coached 2,000+ people through heartbreak, helping them either rekindle relationships in a healthy way or move on with peace. His practical approach blends psychology, attachment theory, and real-world strategies to guide people from heartbreak to healing.  When not coaching, Cole enjoys time with his wife and daughter, playing guitar, dirt biking, and exploring the mountains. His debut book, Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, offers a proven roadmap to rebuild self-worth, master communication, and create healthy, lasting love.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?
  • Do you really need closure after a breakup?
  • Is it ever a good idea to get back together?
  • How do attachment styles affect breakups?
  • Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

EP 691: Cole Zesiger – Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?

Three things need to be present in order to move on. 1. There has to be a narrative that it makes sense that the relationship is over. 2. Life has to be at least as good in the present as it was in the past. 3. You need proof that love exists in the world, that you’re capable of feeling attraction again. It could be going on dates or joining social groups. 

We give mental energy to things that are unclosed in our lives, especially when we don’t know why. This applies to breakups. With a breakup, if you feel you can’t get closure, try to see the bigger picture and how it led you to where you are today. Look at what you’ve gained, what you’re grateful for, and how the skills you gained led you to become who you are today.

Is it ever a good idea to get back together with an ex?

In a calm moment, write down three to five things  that you’d need to see change in your partner for the relationship to work. The list has to be understood by a seven year old. Specific. Actionable, and measurable.

How do attachment styles affect breakups?

Secure attachment: Grieves the loss of that person, but believes they are worthy of love. They focus on what’s in their control quickly.

Anxious attachment: Denial. Love exists, but I need to get my ex back. I will mold into anything I can to be loved. They also grow a lot.

Avoidant attachment: I’m good enough. Love can hurt me so I have to keep it far away. They jump right into dating apps again and it comes back to bite them soon after. They avoid healing.

Disorganized attachment. They usually have off and on relationships. Switch to open relationships, to situationships.

Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

Right after a breakup if one person has feelings, it makes it difficult to be friends. If you have moved on and want to be friends later on, that’s different. Most people beg for friendship, or the one who’s leaving will offer friendship as consolation. Anxiously attached people tend to accept friendship and hope the other person will begin to fall back in love eventually.

People go through the breakup loop of doom by staying friends. Eventually, one partner does something that gives the other hope that they will get back together. It’s a vicious cycle.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Build a life you’re fulfilled by before bringing someone into it. It can go too far if you’ve built such an established life that you don’t want to break routines. But, when you have a full life with a mission and meaning bigger than yourself and bring someone else into it, you’ll have an easier time with dating and relationships.

Connect With Cole

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

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If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you! — Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps […]

overcome limiting beliefs

If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you!

—

Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps high achievers overcome anxiety, perfectionism, and limiting beliefs to rediscover their authentic selves. As the founder of the AuthenticMe® method and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, she empowers individuals to build self-awareness, set boundaries, and create fulfilling, balanced lives.

In this episode:

  • Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?
  • How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?
  • How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?
  • How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?
  • How can people balance their love life and work?

EP 653: Kamini Wood – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?

I see them as narratives that come from our families of origin or experiences we’ve had throughout our lives. Some common ones are “I’m not enough” “I’m not lovable”.

How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?

Naming your limiting beliefs is the first step. Get curious with yourself. Recognize the stories you’re telling yourself. If you have fear, complete the thought loop. What’s your fear? What’s true? What’s the evidence I have today to support this belief?

Once you identify the truth, ask yourself what you want to do about it. What action will you take?

How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?

Perfectionism can hold us back because we might expect our partner to be perfect. We create unspoken expectations. That leads to resentment. If we hold ourselves to a high standard, we can be held back. Perfectionists struggle when a relationship is not working, and they are afraid of failure, and afraid to leave a relationship for that reason. It can keep us from being honest with what you truly need.

How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?

If you’re a perfectionist, work is a place where you get a lot of meaning and enoughness. You might put more energy into work, which can leave you drained and unable to put energy into your love life. There’s certainty in your work life, but less certainty in your love life. How can you find balance? Ask yourself what about work makes you feel safe and good? If you have a fear of rejection and not being accepted in dating, ask yourself what’s the worst case scenario your mind is telling you? Then ask yourself what you will do.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Give yourself permission to be present for the process and allow it to be what it is. Give yourself grace. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Be you and be present. Just focus on making a connection.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Kamini

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating After 50: How to Develop Secure Attachment and Build Deeper Connections

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Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships. — If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when […]

develop secure attachment

Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships.

—

If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when things feel too close. These patterns aren’t about “what’s wrong with you”. They’re about attachment styles.

The good news? Attachment style isn’t fixed. Even in midlife and beyond, you can slowly, gently rewire yourself toward secure attachment. It’s not a light switch. It’s a process. And it begins with how you relate to yourself. Here are five steps to develop secure attachment.

How to Develop Secure Attachment and Build Deeper Connections

1. Notice Your Triggers With Compassion

Pay attention to your body’s signals when you feel unsettled. Maybe your chest tightens when a call doesn’t come, or you panic when someone wants too much closeness. Instead of labeling yourself as “too much” or “too distant,” simply pause and name what you’re feeling in your body:

“I’m activated. My nervous system thinks I’m unsafe.”

That gentle recognition takes you out of autopilot and into awareness, which is a big step toward secure attachment.

2. Learn to Calm Your Own Storms

Being securely attached doesn’t mean you never get rattled. It means you’ve built tools to steady yourself when you do. Breathing deeply, journaling, grounding with nature, stretching, or moving your body—these practices re-teach your system that intensity doesn’t have to equal danger.

Every time you self-soothe, you reinforce safety inside yourself.

3. Dare to Voice Your Needs

For many women, especially over 50, the idea of “needing too much” has been ingrained. But securely attached people aren’t afraid to be honest. Say things like:

“I miss you.” or

“I need a little space right now.”

These small truths open the door to deeper trust. The right people won’t reject you for them—they’ll appreciate your honesty.

4. Choose Steady People, Not Rollercoasters

You can’t create security with someone who thrives on inconsistency. True safety grows in relationships where people keep showing up—not just for the fun moments but also for the hard ones.

If someone leaves you spinning in uncertainty, that’s your signal: don’t chase stability where it doesn’t exist. Plant yourself in relationships that feel solid, not shaky.

5. Focus on Repair, Not Perfection

Conflict is inevitable. What matters is how you reconnect after. Instead of expecting perfection, practice repair with phrases like:

“I got defensive. Can we start over?” or

“That stung, and I want to work it out with you.”

Each repair is a step toward building trust. Over time, these small moments create the foundation of real security.

Becoming securely attached in midlife is about re-parenting yourself while choosing relationships that feel steady. It’s about teaching your body, over and over again, that closeness can be safe and distance doesn’t mean abandonment.

With time, calm replaces chaos, trust replaces fear, and love becomes less about survival—and more about the joy of going on your last first date.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

How to Overcome Limerence and Find Real Love

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How can we overcome limerence and find true love? Amanda McCracken wrote a fabulous book on this topic. Tune in to the pod to learn more. — Do you want to overcome limerence and finally have a healthy relationship? My podcast guest, Amanda McCracken, wrote the book on how to stop infatuation to find authentic […]

overcome limerence

How can we overcome limerence and find true love? Amanda McCracken wrote a fabulous book on this topic. Tune in to the pod to learn more.

—

Do you want to overcome limerence and finally have a healthy relationship? My podcast guest, Amanda McCracken, wrote the book on how to stop infatuation to find authentic love. She’s a journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, and many others. She is considered a “limerence expert” and intimacy advocate. Her 2023 TED Talk, “How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships,” and her podcast, The Longing Lab, highlight how longing can become self sabotaging and shares how to change our patterns of longing. McCracken is also a part-time university instructor, massage therapist, triathlon coach, and competitive athlete. 

In this episode:

  • The key characteristics of limerence
  • Who’s most likely to be affected by limerence?
  • How limerence affects your everyday life
  • How limerence and love addiction are alike and different
  • How having ADHD predisposes one to having limerence
  • How the current dating scene/culture affects those that experience limerence 

EP 713: Amanda McCracken – How to Overcome Limerence and Find Real Love

Highlights of this episode:

Limerence: definition and personal backstory

  • Limerence = intense, obsessive rumination/idealization of a romantic interest; “crush on steroids.”
  • Can occur without a relationship starting; long-lasting “limerent objects” persist for years.
  • Amanda linked her long history of limerence to later ADHD diagnosis (hyperfixation, dopamine/anticipation-driven reward).

Causes and contributing factors

  • Potential roots: attachment disruptions, subtle childhood traumas, birth separations, eldest-child/perfectionist roles.
  • ADHD, social media, dating apps, hookup culture, and AI-enhanced interactions amplify uncertainty, intermittent reinforcement, and rumination.
  • Cultural myths (Hollywood chemistry) confuse anxiety-driven attraction with healthy love.

Healing and therapeutic approaches

  • Combine neuroscience (interrupt rumination / trigger-behavior-reward cycles) and somatic work (body-based emotional awareness).
  • Psychological work: build self-worth, challenge illusion of control, release blame, practice mantras (e.g., “I am ready for and worthy of a deeply intimate and loving relationship”).
  • Practical indicators of healthy partners: trust, consistent actions, care, curiosity, patience, emotional regulation, and reliable behavior (not just attraction).

Dating coaching, matchmaking, and practical dating advice

  • Dating apps and modern dating dynamics can fuel limerence; focus instead on long-term relational qualities (communication, conflict resolution, trust).
  • Beware of unqualified/overpromising dating coaches; look for experience, ethical practices, and evidence-based approaches.
  • For a “last first date”: do personal inner work, cultivate readiness (right person, right time, right you), and prioritize trust and consistent action over instant chemistry.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect with Amanda:

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Submit your dating dilemma to be answered on my podcast https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single

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There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode! — Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at […]

happily single

There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode!

—

Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, and is an academic affiliate at UC Santa Barbara. She is the author of SINGLE AT HEART.

In this episode:

  • The definition of “single at heart”
  • Why people who are single at heart love being single so much
  • Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner? 
  • The positive benefits of embracing a single life 
  • Reactions to the Single at Heart book

EP 703: Dr. Bella DePaulo – Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single 

What does “single at heart” mean?

We love our single lives. We are happy and flourishing because we’re single. I dated in the past, and I don’t have any horror stories. And when each relationship ended, I was so happy to get back to my single life.

Why do the single at heart love being single so much?

They love their solitude and freedom and connection with their friends. They have a life they love. They choose the life they want.

Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner?

No, not everyone wants a romantic partner. Some people don’t want to be married, especially not unhappily married. You can have friends with benefits or find other ways to have intimacy.

What are the positives of embracing a single life? Are there statistical or personal benefits?

Your friendships are valued more. You appreciate your solitude. You do what you want without being judged. You won’t be lonely if you like your solitude. It’s a sign of emotional maturity.

What kinds of reactions have you gotten to your Single at Heart book?

In the first couple of weeks after the publish date, I got hundreds of messages and emails and even snail mail. People felt validated. They felt like they found a home.

What are your final words about being single at heart?

Live your single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically.

Connect with Bella

  • X: @belladepaulo
  • Bluesky: @belladepaulo.bsky.social 
  • IG: @bellasingleatheart
  • FB: @singleatheartbook  @belladepaulo
  • YouTube: @BellaDePaulo
  • Website: https://belladepaulo.com/

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Fears that Sabotage Relationships

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What are the fears that sabotage relationships? Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides helps us explore why good relationships fall apart. — What are the three key fears that sabotage relationships? That was the topic of discussion with Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides. She is a Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist, meditation teacher, and pioneer in psychedelic-assisted therapy in Australia. With nearly […]

fears that sabotage relationships

What are the fears that sabotage relationships? Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides helps us explore why good relationships fall apart.

—

What are the three key fears that sabotage relationships? That was the topic of discussion with Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides. She is a Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist, meditation teacher, and pioneer in psychedelic-assisted therapy in Australia. With nearly 30 years in mental health, she integrates clinical psychology, neuroscience, mindfulness, and psychedelic therapy to explore trauma, healing, and human connection, drawing from both professional expertise and lived experience.

In this episode, we covered:

  • The three key fears that hold us back in life and love
  • What happens in relationships when people are unaware of the fears they carry
  • How to begin to overcome our fears and have better relationships with ourselves and others

EP 716: Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides – The Fears That Sabotage Relationships

Highlights of this episode

Dr. Lukeides’ background & her core message

  • Central theme: The “Field of love” is a state of safety and fearlessness; fear = anything that pulls us out of that field.
  • Her key insight from personal experience: seeking external validation never fully heals inner wounds; self-love (unconditional acceptance of all parts of ourselves) is distinct from self-esteem (conditional, comparative).
  • Book coming out end of 2026: “No Parts Left Behind” with an emphasis on Internal Family Systems / parts work and reintegrating exiled parts.

Three core fear categories that sabotage relationships

  • Fear of weakness/vulnerability (survival/health): belief “I can’t cope” leads to avoidance of emotionally demanding growth.
  • Fear of incompetence/failure (skills/intellect): impostor syndrome, fear of criticism, avoidance of situations that risk perceived failure.
  • Fear of rejection/undesirability (social/attachment): early attachment wounds create expectations of exclusion and filter current interactions negatively.
  • All three originate from early experiences and form predictive “algorithms” that skew interpretation; healing requires re-examining our original conclusions.

Practical strategies for dating, boundaries, and relationship repair

  • Name and dialogue with our fears: anthropomorphize fears/parts. Ask what they are trying to protect you from.
  • Gentle, experimental exposure: “dance” of incremental self-disclosure (step forward, mirror, step back) rather than full neutralization of defenses.
  • Use self-compassion/parts work: bring exiled or shameful parts into a nonjudgmental “field of love.”
  • Go needs-first: articulate needs and boundaries early on in dating; sharing hurts and preferences is data, not aggression.
  • Test capacity early: small boundary checks (interrupting politely, asking for plans, noting treatment of waitstaff) reveal partner reliability.
  • Practical first-date tips: treat dating as play; use active/shared activities (museums, walks) to observe behavior; debrief post-date on curiosity, attraction, and reciprocity.
  • Stop compensating: avoid over-planning/paying/doing everything; lean back to see who can step up.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Dr. Maria

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Submit your dating dilemma to be answered on my podcast https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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