Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance. — Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her […]

Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance.

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Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her signature Love Smarter methodology, she helps clients identify true compatibility, break unhealthy patterns, and build extraordinary relationships rooted in alignment—not luck.

In this episode:

• The difference between chemistry and compatibility
• Why we attach to certain types
• How do we become aligned with the right people
• How to set boundaries in relationships from the start
• How to become the person you want to meet

EP 726: Jena Jake – Building Extraordinary Relationships By Design, Not By Chance

Highlights of this episode:

Chemistry, compatibility & core coaching concepts

• Chemistry = familiarity shaped by childhood patterns; not always healthy.
• Compatibility = alignment with your values, needs, boundaries and long-term life vision.
• Key shift: develop a loving relationship with yourself first; don’t rely on a partner for validation.
• “Be the love” — generating love internally changes how others reflect love back.
• Healthy chemistry = awareness + boundaries + alignment.

Assessment-driven coaching & practical steps

• Jena’s approach: personality assessments + the PAWS method (pattern, attachment, wounds, standard/status quo) to identify repeating dating patterns.
• Pre-work: rewire patterns, define values/needs, practice boundaries (Jenna’s “velvet rope” metaphor).
• Dating work: measure prospects against assessment results; catch red flags early (before strong attachment).
• Maintenance: practice new standards; surround yourself with people who model healthy treatment to make new behavior familiar.
• Outcome: a consciously built “alone” (chosen life) versus a fearful, reactive alone.

Boundaries, recovery & real-life examples

• Boundary practice often starts with family; protects sanity and reinforces self-respect.
• Rapid attraction/sex increases risk of premature attachment; recommended to delay until alignment is clearer.
• Becoming healthier narrows the dating pool but increases discernment and long-term fit.
• Personal examples: Jenna and Sandy described post-divorce boundary-setting and how ex-partners often repeat old patterns.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Jena

• IG and TikTok: @jena.jake
• Website: https://jenajake.com 
• Free Gift: Love Smarter Starter Kit https://stan.store/HouseofJules/p/love-smarter-starter-kit-

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go. — Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your […]

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go.

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Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your podcasts and being a woman of value) but still spent the last two years in a relationship that was on and off again. How do you quickly find out if someone is a match? Instead of spending a few years trying to figure it out.”

Listen as I coach Heather live on air on how to know…should I stay or should I go (and so much more)!

When to Stay and When to Go?

Heather has been separated for three years and divorced three years after a 13-year marriage. She discusses what she learned from her marriage that she’s bringing to the next relationship.

She began by listing all of HER faults in the marriage; she felt she was harsh and controlling and had to always be right. I noticed that she put the blame on herself, but as we continued the coaching conversation, much more was revealed.

She knew on the day of her wedding that he was the wrong man for her. But, she married him anyway. She’s not alone. This is more common than you may think.

I ask Heather why she did not trust her intuition about her ex-husband. She felt he wasn’t the right man, and she felt trapped in the relationship. Life just happened to her instead of making conscious choices in her life. Can you relate?

She saw the red flags and ignored them. We compare her marriage red flags with the red flags in her more current relationship.

Red flags in the marriage included detachment and living parallel lives. Turns out he was gay, even though he had said he was bisexual when they got married. She was his first relationship with a woman.

Both were not true to themselves and were living a lie during the marriage.

I ask Heather, “Who does your ex-husband remind you of from your family of origin?”

She says it was not her dad. Or…was it? As Heather describes their relationship, she discovers some surprising truths about the connection between her father and why she chose her husband.

Our downloaded family blueprint directly influences our choices in romantic partners.

We often pick a partner who has similar qualities to our most difficult parent. We keep hoping we can somehow ‘fix’ the relationship with that parent by fixing it in a partner who has those traits. It doesn’t work. I share with Heather what DOES work.

I show her how she puts herself down and makes excuses for bad behavior in men. I point out the difference between having compassion for others and making excuses for bad behavior. This really resonates with her. She then draws the connection between her father and the last man she dated.

How can you tell if a man has the qualities you’re looking for, and whether you should stay or go?

Heather is fuzzy about this, and I clarify the difference between an annoying behavior and a character flaw.

I walk her through an exercise to find her must-haves.

As we conclude our session, I tell Heather how she needs to guard herself from giving away too much too soon. She needs to be careful not to choose partners who have the red flags she identified.

Heather’s Homework

Notice where she’s giving parts of herself away before someone shows her they deserve her stories and her love. Lean back and observe behaviors. See if a guy steps up. Tell men what she needs to be happy in the relationship, and see if a man can provide that for her.

Can you relate to Heather’s story? How did you feel about the coaching session? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Brian Franklin can help you avoid wedding speech disasters! Listen to the podcast to learn the keys to writing a good wedding speech. — Ever struggle with writing a wedding speech? Dubbed “The Humorist” by the New York Times, Brian Franklin is the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches, which he founded in mid-2021 with his […]

Brian Franklin can help you avoid wedding speech disasters! Listen to the podcast to learn the keys to writing a good wedding speech.

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Ever struggle with writing a wedding speech? Dubbed “The Humorist” by the New York Times, Brian Franklin is the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches, which he founded in mid-2021 with his wife and business partner, Nicole Franklin.  Prior to 2023, Brian was the founder and President of an award-winning political consulting firm, where he oversaw messaging, communications (including speechwriting), and advertising for state and federal campaigns nationwide.

In this episode:

• Why start a business writing wedding speeches?
• What’s the process? 
• What’s the right balance of humor vs. sentimentality? 
• What about people with public speaking anxiety? 
• Should people memorize, have everything typed out, or use bullets?

EP 661: Brian Franklin – Wedding Speech Disasters (and how to avoid them)

Why did you start a business writing wedding speeches?

I was writing speeches for politicians for a long time. As politics got uglier, I wanted to find other things to do. I was an officiant in a few weddings and some people came to me to help write speeches and vows for them. I enjoyed this new angle, and I’ve been doing it ever since!

What’s the process? 

Writing speeches and vows is similar to the process we take couples through. You have to treat a speech as if people have a tiny attention span. How will an audience drift off? I think about that. I start with an hour long interview to understand every aspect of their relationship. What are the funny and quirky parts? I take all the information and distill what’s funny and what’s interesting and will give insight into what makes this couple unique.

What’s the right balance of humor vs. sentimentality? 

It starts with what the couple wants. If they’re irreverent, they want the wedding to be fun. It’s usually a balance of 7 to 3. Some people are not so funny. Every good relationship has some humor, and it’s my job to find those things and weave them in.

What about people with public speaking anxiety? 

Practice the speech word for word to have muscle memory. Then, you can work on tone, stage presence, and everything else. It will help you stammer less and feel more comfortable at the event.

Should people memorize, have everything typed out, or use bullets?

I discourage bullet points, because this is an emotional event, and it’s a one-off speech that you won’t deliver again. It will also help with timing if you have everything written out.

What are some wedding speech disastors?  

First, speaking too long can be disastrous. People don’t nail the moment. Those speeches are tedious and awful. People don’t always use good judgment when speaking. They drink too much and go on too long. Typically it’s the father of the bride or the best man.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

One consistent thing I’ve seen with all the couples I’ve interviewed was how they felt when they first met. On the first few dates, they talked for hours. Time flew by and they vibed. You may not be in love, but the conversation flows. If that’s there, give it a chance to see if love grows. Because a good relationship is an ongoing conversation. Also, focus on how they resolve conflict. That’s a good indicator of relationship success.

Connect with Brian

• Website https://vowsandspeeches.com 
• IG https://instagram.com/vowsandspeeches 
• FB https://facebook.com/vowsandspeeches 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

She went from purity culture to polyamory, and her husband stayed monogamous. Find out more on this episode of Last First Date Radio! — What happens when you go from purity culture to polyamory? My guest, Courtney Boyer, became polyamorous while her husband stayed monogamous. She is a relationship coach, writer, and speaker focused on […]

She went from purity culture to polyamory, and her husband stayed monogamous. Find out more on this episode of Last First Date Radio!

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What happens when you go from purity culture to polyamory? My guest, Courtney Boyer, became polyamorous while her husband stayed monogamous. She is a relationship coach, writer, and speaker focused on love, desire, and authenticity. A former therapist, she blends mental health and sex-therapy expertise to help women release shame, reclaim their voices, and build honest, autonomous relationships. She lives in Germany with her husband and three children, endlessly learning and writing her next chapter.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The beliefs from purity culture that shape our understanding of relationships and sexuality
• How Courtney realized polyamory felt aligned with who she now was
• The impact of polyamory on motherhood
• How to better understand mixed-orientation relationship structures

EP 693: Courtney Boyer – From Purity Culture to Polyamory (While Her Husband Stayed Monogamous)

What were the beliefs and expectations from purity culture that most shaped your early understanding of relationships and sexuality, and how did you start to recognize they didn’t fit you anymore?

Purity culture is a subset of the Evangelical church. Dating is to find a mate. Save yourself for marriage. There are a lot of teachings around modesty and no sex before marriage or you’ll go to hell. We’re taught that men are walking sex sticks. I remember hating my body because it was always causing problems. I needed to cover up my big breasts. 

The wakeup call was when I was researching for my first book, “Not Tonight, Honey: Why women actually don’t want sex and what we can do about it”, I was studying sexuality and why women feel so disconnected from their bodies. As I did more research, I became enraged at the patriarchy. My marriage was falling apart. My husband had PTSD and resisted change. 

What was the turning point when you realized non-monogamy, or specifically polyamory, felt aligned with who you are?

On our 17th wedding anniversary, our marriage was suffering, so I asked my husband if he wanted a threesome, and he said “what’s wrong with you, why would you ask that?”. So I then suggested non-monogamy, not polyamory. He said no. But after 6 months, he agreed, and I became non-monogamous and eventually polyamorous.

How did you and your husband navigate the emotional, practical, and ethical conversations around you becoming polyamorous while he chose to remain monogamous?

He was more liberal growing up than I was. It was an identity crisis for me, and I got help for myself and my marriage. It was a huge shift. My coach helped me come home to my body, because purity culture screwed me up. We then got a wonderful therapist who helped us communicate and understand our triggers.

How has this journey impacted your motherhood?

The first year, we kept it from them. I was still ashamed of who I was. I wanted to be “normal” and was afraid of what others would think. My oldest daughter thought I was having an affair and confronted me. I came out to her and the others, and they were so supportive. That’s been so healing for me. I’m more intentional as a mom.

How has this journey transformed the way you think about love, commitment, autonomy, and partnership, and what do you wish people understood about mixed-orientation relationship structures like yours?

I learned that you can create a beautiful life on your terms. I think of it like every person is a quartz crystal. When the light hits a quartz crystal, each facet is a different way of living and loving, which opens you up so much. It requires a lot of intention to live a lifestyle like this.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Believe that you are deserving of your last first date if that’s your heart’s desire.

Connect With Courtney

Social media and website: https://linktr.ee/coachcourtneyboyer 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more. — Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home […]

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more.

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Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home to Yourself and Others and Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love. She explores the “Whys” of life: why we feel, connect, and experience the world the way we do. This passion led her to specialize in trauma, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology. She believes that connection to ourselves and others is at the heart of healing, and she uses a range of modalities to help individuals and couples return to wholeness. She’s the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, and she leads the Conscious Relationship Group, a global coaching company offering support to clients worldwide. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How early attachment patterns develop and how they can make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships
• How to stop reenacting the core wound of abandonment in our adult relationships
• How to start building “earned security” if you didn’t grow up with it
• How implicit memory shapes our attraction patterns and relational choices
• How to recognize when you’re pushing away the very connection you say you want

EP 689: Jessica Baum – How to Feel Safe in Your Romantic Relationships

How do early attachment patterns develop, and how can they make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships?

We develop these patterns in infancy. When our parents have emotional presence and attunement, we have more secure attachment. If there’s stress or anxiety or inconsistency, we develop insecure attachment in our closest relationships.

A common theme for all insecure attachment styles is the theme of abandonment. What does it take to stop reenacting that core wound in our adult relationships?

A core wound is a feeling that happens when we’re very young. They live deeply embedded in our bodies. To heal, we anchor and hold the original event in our bodies. If your parents were struggling or fighting, as young children, we sense something is off and think it’s something wrong with us. It’s a way to develop an adaptive strategy to survive. Be with those parts. Understand them. We can’t heal without adult anchoring. You don’t do it alone. You can co-anchor with others, not just therapists.

How can someone start building “earned security” if they didn’t grow up with it?

Seek out safe people in your life to help build earned security and a felt sense of safety in relationships.

What is implicit memory, and how does it shape our attraction patterns and relational choices?

Implicit memories are sensations in the body that happen when we’re young and we’re not met to process hard feelings. These patterns are stored in our bodies. When you feel something is off in your body, these are implicit memories. That starts to change the relationship you have with the wound. That gets to the root of the attachment wound. 

How can people recognize when they’re pushing away the very connection they say they want?

If we grew up in a home with a lot of neglect or chaos, it feels uncomfortable to our nervous system to have someone safe in our lives. It feels foreign. When you experience safety over and over again, you’re more comfortable with safe people who truly see you.

What does it mean to carry multiple attachment styles or patterns—what do they feel like, and why is that important to know?

One of the free gifts I’m giving you is “beyond the labels”, which is the Wheel of Attachment. In one household we can have all the patterns of attachment. When you understand attachment in a more wholistic and organic way, we can show up with many different attachment styles or patterns. We show up differently with different people in childhood and adulthood.

What’s one practice from SAFE that listeners can start using today if they feel stuck, lonely, or overwhelmed?

Source safety from the past. If you have a safe person or even a pet or someone from your past, you can go into those memories as to what it feels like to feel safe. This is how we recognize warmth, consistently, and reliability.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get curious about what feels unsafe and safe when you date. Dating is complicated. Go as slow as possible. Process as truthfully as possible.

Connect with Jessica Baum

• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Free gifts: 40-minute conversation with Jessica and her mentor Bonnie about going from insecurity to security and the Wheel of Attachment: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast. — How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship […]

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast.

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How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship experts, speakers, and authors who help high-achieving couples rebuild trust and create deeply connected relationships after betrayal. They co-lead The Raabsmith Team, a coaching collective offering transformative coaching, programs and community support.

In this episode:

• How to rebuild trust and connection after infidelity or trauma when you feel hopeless
• How couples misunderstand how to begin healing after hitting rock bottom
• What is meaningful honesty in relationships?

EP 698: Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith – How to Rebuild Trust When a Relationship Hits Rock Bottom 

For couples who feel hopeless right now, what are some practical ways for them to start on a path back to healing, trust and connection?

We use our intimacy pyramid framework:

The bottom level is honesty. You have to get honest with yourself and with each other about your past and how you’re showing up now. It’s also about self-acceptance.

The next level is safety. There’s no safety without honesty. Each partner commits to doing something about the issues that are breaking down. Be aware of your emotional experience and work on your own regulation. 

The next level is trust. Here’s where you have goals and a shared vision to move into the hard places together. 

The next level is vulnerability, which leads to intimacy. You open up more about the more fragile parts of yourself.

What happens emotionally and relationally for couples who hit rock bottom?

There are scenarios where only one person has been doing the work, and the other partner either steps up or the relationship can end. There are other scenarios where there has been a major rupture.There needs to be repair for the relationship to be restored. Are both partners willing to show up with new levels of honesty and safety? You need awareness and responsibility.

After betrayal or deep rupture, what does meaningful honesty really look like, and what’s the difference between sharing information and rebuilding connection?

Honesty is a proactive action. You don’t wait to be asked the right question to get the right answer. You’re driven to be open and honest about destructive behaviors before getting asked. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself first. Know yourself so you can share honestly. Join groups to help you share honestly.

How can couples begin rebuilding trust when emotions are still raw?

Start with safety and stabilization to begin the healing when emotions are still raw. It’s not the time to dive into the deepest pain, but it’s important to build support and structure.

What positive outcomes have you seen emerge when couples are willing to do the deeper healing work after betrayal? 

It’s one of the greatest gifts to see the positive results of couples we’ve helped. They’ve built a lasting connection. We have a yearly retreat with couples we’ve helped. They sometimes help other couples because of the results they’ve achieved. They experience passion, purpose and play. They are breaking patterns from generations before.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get to know yourself, who you are, your values, what you want in a relationship, and what it takes to build that. You want to find a person who will build that with you. Look for someone who is open to personal growth. 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

• Website: raabsmithteam.com 
• Instagram: @theraabsmithteam
• Grab your free Couples Honest Connection Guide to help you better connect both with yourself as you grow in personal awareness and with your partner as you increase your relational closeness.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you! — Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps […]

If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you!

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Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps high achievers overcome anxiety, perfectionism, and limiting beliefs to rediscover their authentic selves. As the founder of the AuthenticMe® method and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, she empowers individuals to build self-awareness, set boundaries, and create fulfilling, balanced lives.

In this episode:

• Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?
• How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?
• How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?
• How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?
• How can people balance their love life and work?

EP 653: Kamini Wood – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?

I see them as narratives that come from our families of origin or experiences we’ve had throughout our lives. Some common ones are “I’m not enough” “I’m not lovable”.

How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?

Naming your limiting beliefs is the first step. Get curious with yourself. Recognize the stories you’re telling yourself. If you have fear, complete the thought loop. What’s your fear? What’s true? What’s the evidence I have today to support this belief?

Once you identify the truth, ask yourself what you want to do about it. What action will you take?

How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?

Perfectionism can hold us back because we might expect our partner to be perfect. We create unspoken expectations. That leads to resentment. If we hold ourselves to a high standard, we can be held back. Perfectionists struggle when a relationship is not working, and they are afraid of failure, and afraid to leave a relationship for that reason. It can keep us from being honest with what you truly need.

How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?

If you’re a perfectionist, work is a place where you get a lot of meaning and enoughness. You might put more energy into work, which can leave you drained and unable to put energy into your love life. There’s certainty in your work life, but less certainty in your love life. How can you find balance? Ask yourself what about work makes you feel safe and good? If you have a fear of rejection and not being accepted in dating, ask yourself what’s the worst case scenario your mind is telling you? Then ask yourself what you will do.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Give yourself permission to be present for the process and allow it to be what it is. Give yourself grace. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Be you and be present. Just focus on making a connection.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Kamini

• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/itsauthenticme/ 
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaminiwood 
• Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/itsauthenticme/ 
• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/itsauthenticme/ 
• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSVaEISjpaXsCdQGbE2lpUw 
• Website https://www.kaminiwood.com/

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever heard? Let’s debunk that bad advice and replace it with what really works in love. — What’s the best and worst relationship advice? Find out on the podcast with Monica Tanner, a Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. She transforms marriages with […]

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever heard? Let’s debunk that bad advice and replace it with what really works in love.

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What’s the best and worst relationship advice? Find out on the podcast with Monica Tanner, a Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. She transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new Amazon Best-Selling book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica’s expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.

In this episode:

• The worst relationship advice
• The top 3 secrets to happily ever after
• The cure for “Roommate Syndrome”

EP 699: Monica Tanner – Debunking the Worst Relationship Advice (and what to do instead) 

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve heard?

Don’t sweat the small stuff.Where do you think the big stuff comes from? Learn how to skillfully talk about things that are small before they get big.

Learn how to compromise.We expect more from relationships than we ever did before. Compromise is a lazy way to solve a problem where no one gets their needs met. Collaborate instead, which means get curious. What about this is important? What do I value most about this? Put it all out there and get creative with your solution. 

Don’t go to bed angry.This is vastly misunderstood. Late at night, couples often get into it, and then one person goes to sleep and the other can’t sleep because they’re falling apart. Get curious with yourself about why you’re angry. Abandonment issues? Catastrophizing. Talk about that. Come up with a solution together.

You host a podcast called the Secrets of Happily Ever After. What are the top secrets?

The secret to happily ever after is having compassionate understanding for your partner’s reality. Your partner is separate from you and sees reality differently. Can you be compassionately curious about each other’s reality? Friends first, partners second.

Why do couples fall into what you call “roommate syndrome”, and how can they stop?

Roommate syndrome is what happens when two people have been living together a long time and are living as roommates, because communication doesn’t go well after the honeymoon phase is over. We don’t have the skills on our own to communicate properly. Couples haven’t run out of things to talk about, they just don’t know how to communicate effectively. Get some skills to bring up difficult topics.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

We are built for connection. We all want to find our special someone who can witness our lives. There’s nothing more important than learning the skills of connection.

Connect With Monica

• Websites https://monicatanner.com Book Website: https://badmarriageadvice.com 
• IG https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriage 
• YouTube https://youtube.com/@secretsofhappilyeverafter 
• Free Gift https://monicatanner.com/300dates

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Learn how to manage perimenopause and menopause with my podcast guest, Lauren A Tetenbaum. Tune in to discover valuable tips. — How do you understand and gain control of your body and mental health during perimenopause and menopause? My podcast guest, Lauren A. Tetenbaum (AKA “The CounseLaur”) wrote the book on this topic. She is […]

Learn how to manage perimenopause and menopause with my podcast guest, Lauren A Tetenbaum. Tune in to discover valuable tips.

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How do you understand and gain control of your body and mental health during perimenopause and menopause? My podcast guest, Lauren A. Tetenbaum (AKA “The CounseLaur”) wrote the book on this topic. She is a millennial mother of two, a writer, a social worker specializing in supporting women through life transitions, and a former lawyer passionate about advocating for women. Through her counseling practice, Lauren helps empower postpartum and other women in corporate settings, provides clinical therapy to individuals and couples in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida, and frequently speaks on podcasts and at events about topics like maternal mental health, gender equity, working parenthood, and women’s reproductive health. Millennial Menopause is her first book.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How menopause impacts women’s mental health
• How women can reclaim sexual connection after menopause
• What men should know about menopause
• What women can do to advocate for themselves when it comes to menopause

EP 688: Lauren A. Tetenbaum – An Empowering Guide to Perimenopause and Menopause

What inspired your interest in the field of women’s health?

I’ve always been passionate about supporting women, from the time I was a kid. I graduated college thinking I’d be a lawyer to advocate for women’s rights. I graduated as a JD and social worker. I became a mom, COVID happened, and we were struggling. 

How does menopause impact women’s mental health?

There can be mood swings, depression, not feeling like yourself. The health care system doesn’t always realize it’s because the hormones are fluctuating. It’s a different flavor of anxiety. If women have had a previous episode of hormone related depression before, they’re more likely to suffer depression during perimenopause and menopause. It takes a big toll.

What should men know about perimenopause and menopause?

They should know the basics about menopause and perimenopause. Men are impacted by menopause. The most important thing is to be compassionate and curious. How are you, and how can I help you?

What can women do to advocate for themselves when it comes to menopause?

Millennials are aging and entering perimenopause. I realized I knew nothing about menopause, and I started researching and learned that very few people know early on how to prepare for menopause. I learned more about osteoporosis, mental health, how men are impacted and more. I want to normalize this issue. 

Women have many options when perimenopause begins, including mood changes. Hormone therapy is a safer option and so are lifestyle changes. Know yourself. Write down patterns of symptoms. Reach out to a health care provider that you trust. Explain the changes and how they impact you. Ask what their experience is with menopause care, including perimenopause. Ask what your options are. If they can’t help you, find someone else. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

If you’re embarking on a new relationship, menopause can be a new chapter. It can come with challenges. You don’t need to suffer or be alone. You deserve to have a happy and fulfilled life. Get support and learn how to advocate for your needs.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Lauren

• Instagram (@thecounselaur)
• Website https://thecounselaur.com/
• Book https://thecounselaur.com/millennialmenopausebook/
• Book on Amazon https://a.co/d/9hrfUdl

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you transform anxious attachment into secure attachment? My guest, Trevor Hanson, has a 5-step framework that will help you heal. — Trevor Hanson is an internationally recognized coach and therapist specializing in transforming anxious attachment into secure relationships. After overcoming his own struggles, he left Tesla to pursue his passion for healing. With […]

How do you transform anxious attachment into secure attachment? My guest, Trevor Hanson, has a 5-step framework that will help you heal.

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Trevor Hanson is an internationally recognized coach and therapist specializing in transforming anxious attachment into secure relationships. After overcoming his own struggles, he left Tesla to pursue his passion for healing. With a master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, he’s helped thousands globally through The Art of Healing and his signature method, “The Secure-Self Journey.”

In this episode:

• The 4 essential elements to healing anxious attachment that most people miss.
• The key mindset shift that most people overlook when trying to become secure.
• A look at the structured plan Trevor uses to help clients develop a secure attachment.
• A clear direction on how to start healing.
• A powerful approach for creating self-trust, confidence, and safety within yourself.
• How to take the next steps in your journey to healing anxious attachment.

EP 658: Trevor Hanson – Transforming Anxious Attachment into Secure Attachment

What is anxious attachment, and how does it impact our relationships?

There are two criteria to meet to be anxiously attached. You have fear of abandonment or fear of losing connection with others. You feel love is scarce and your ex is the only one for you.The second is a lack of self-esteem. It might not be conscious.

The TEMPO cycle is something we created to show how anxious attachment impacts our relationships 

T: Trigger. Creates a fear of abandonment. 

M: Meaning. What meaning do we make out of that trigger?

E: Emotion. What do you feel?

P: Protect. In a relationship, we begin to protect ourselves by shutting down or people-pleasing.

O: Outcome. What happens in the relationship and in you?

What are the 4 essential elements to healing anxious attachment that most people miss?

1. Recognize the inner child part of you that created people pleasing or other rules that love has to be earned. Learn how to approach, nurture, and heal that part of you. 
2. Healing looks like
   1. Be compassionate and kind to our inner child. 
   2. Listen to the so-called truths we believe about love 
   3. Validate. Be empathic to your inner child. 
   4. Truth – Create safety and trust for your inner child.

What are the next steps to healing anxious attachment?

If your partner triggers you and you feel that they don’t care about you, recognize that your inner child is triggered. If you tend to go to protection and start judging them and pointing out their bad behavior, your partner is now triggered and might get defensive and shut down.

If you can map out what’s going on, you can interrupt the cycle. Ask yourself what you want to do at every point of the trigger. If you recognize the meaning you’re making, you can change the meaning to something else. Maybe you need to communicate with them about what you need. Maybe you need to regulate your emotions. If you’re still upset, you can ask yourself what the outcome is that you are seeking. When you know your TEMPO cycle, you have power to interrupt it.  Learn how to be vulnerable and ask for what you want from your partner. This is about co-regulation.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

My last first date happened when I became secure. There’s a scene in the Barbie movie where Ken is jealous, and he feels scarcity. On the outside, he looks confident. But he was insecurely attached. When I healed and filled my own cup, I saw the women I dated less as rescuers and more as potential partners. Build your sense of security. 

Connect With Trevor

https://linktr.ee/trevorhanson

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life