Category: Uncategorized

 The Path to Healing Your Inner Child

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How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers! — What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author […]

inner child

How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers!

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What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author and the founder of a global 128,000 strong healing community. Jen is best known for her revolutionary work in the field of inner child healing, in particular dissolving emotional trauma, childhood trauma and hidden blocks deep within the subconscious mind. Jen’s mission is to make healing available to all.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why healing your inner child is so important when it comes to dating
  • How to know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging your success in dating 
  • Examples of how our childhood experiences can impact our romantic relationships
  • How unhealed attachment trauma influences our relationships
  • 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships

EP 643: Jen Peters – The Path to Healing Your Inner Child

Why is healing your inner child so important when it comes to dating?

The inner children have a tremendous impact on dating. Most of our behaviour is from our subconscious mind. Whatever is not resolved from childhood will show up in all parts of our lives, especially dating. The parent we had the most unresolved trauma with will draw us to partners with similar qualities.

 

How can we know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging their success in dating?

Everything is energy and holds a certain frequency. Wounds do, too. If we had a parent who left, it causes an abandonment wound. It can happen in everyday ways. The inner child has the fear of being abandoned again. They will either cling to relationships that are unhealthy, or they avoid intimacy and sabotage the relationship. We try to protect ourselves. 

How does unhealed attachment trauma influence our relationships?

It influences our relationships in tremendous ways. Anxious attachment trauma started in the womb or at a very young age. Because our survival was dependent on our caretaker at such a young age, we’ll find an avoidant, dismissive, or disorganized partner. It activates our earliest trauma. Each time our partner pulls away for any reason, we become activated again. It causes us to feel needy or clingy. When the other person pulls away, we can feel like we’re going to die. We also can sabotage the relationship by being so needy. 

What are 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships?

We need to connect more deeply to our inner child. Visualizations are very effective. See your inner child, hear them, and reflect feelings back to your inner child. Learn where the original trauma was, and give her a voice. Go back to an event that activated your inner child’s wound. Feel it in your body. See that part in your body. You’ll get a sense of how they want to be addressed. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Remind yourself that you are whole, worthy and enough in your own right. Dating and relationships are a beautiful part of life. But remember you’re the chooser instead of waiting to be chosen.

Connect with Jen

Watch this episode on youtube here

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Five Lust Languages For Lifelong Erotic Pleasure

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How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode! — How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life […]

erotic pleasure

How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode!

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How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. Susan has spent over two decades doing something that censorship and shame have long tried to silence: teaching people the pleasure-based sex education they never received. As CEO of Better Lover, Personal Life Media, and The20, she publishes the world’s most comprehensive library of orgasmic lovemaking education and formulates precision sexual vitality supplements built on the science of blood flow and desire.

In this episode:

  • How to turn communication into foreplay
  • The biggest mistakes couples make when giving feedback about intimacy
  • What is the Sexual Soulmate pact?
  • The myth about spontaneous desire
  • The importance of curiosity in creating more erotic pleasure

EP 725: Susan Bratton – The Five Lust Languages For Lifelong Erotic Pleasure

Highlights of this episode:

Five Lust Languages (FLESH)

  • Susan introduced the Five Lust Languages acronym FLESH: Fearless feedback; Lover Space; Erotic vigilance; Soulmate Embrace; Heat.
  • Purpose: a practical framework for sustaining and increasing erotic pleasure across decades.
  • Rationale: orgasmic intimacy supports longevity (hormonal cascades, oxytocin, NK cells) and emotional health; sex education is often missing.
  • Emphasis on growth mindset — sexual skills and variety can be learned and improved over time.

Communication, Safety & Techniques

  • Fearless feedback: normalize asking for what you want in the moment; use specific, nonjudgmental phrasing and “softer no” + alternatives.
  • Sexual Soulmate Pact: a tool Susan created to establish bedroom communication norms and reduce shame/pecking-order reactions.
  • Lover Space (atmospheric safety): set conditions for relaxation and surrender (lighting, towels, lube, timing, novelty) to enable female arousal which often needs more time/blood flow.
  • Erotic vigilance & seduction with integrity: make small, right-sized offers; read partner’s state (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/fornicate); maintain curiosity and adjust.
  • Practical tips: slow down, co-regulate (holding, eye contact), prioritize relaxation before technique; options for addressing lubrication and blood flow (topical vaginal estrogen, nitric oxide boosters).

Sustaining Heat: Novelty, Play & Solo Practice

  • Heat/new relationship energy: maintain novelty and variety to prevent boredom and create “upward pleasure spiral.”
  • Erotic playdates and sex-life bucket list: Susan’s method — brainstorm, categorize A/B/C (want to do / maybe / not now), schedule playdates to learn and bond.
  • Solo pleasure: practice interoception, explore multiple orgasm types and body regions (clitoral, nipple, mouth, core, etc.) to expand capacity.
  • Long-term approach: practice, iterate, laugh at mishaps, and view experimentation as bonding and growth; sex tech and new modalities expanding options.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Susan Bratton

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Transform Love, Healing, and Human Connection

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My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this! — If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late […]

human connection

My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this!

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If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late husband, Dr. Bernard Bail. Through intimate conversations and dream exploration, she helps listeners uncover unconscious emotional imprints and transform their understanding of love, healing, and human connection.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What inspired Cynthia to start her podcast, And Now Love, and what’s the core message behind it?
  • What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?
  • Cynthia’s healing journey where one of her husband’s teachings shifted her view on love
  • What does a “healthy love” look like, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?
  • What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

EP 670: Cynthia Marks – How to Transform Love, Healing, and Human Connection

Tell us about your podcast, And Now Love. What inspired you to start it, and what’s the core message behind it?

It’s based on the theories of my late husband, Dr. Bail who passed away four years ago. He had a psychoanalytic theory that helps us be our best selves, to love ourselves. We’re all holding onto so much trauma, it’s hard to understand our authentic selves. His theory posits that this begins in the womb. Our mothers aren’t trying to traumatize us, but they carry trauma passed on from their ancestors. We have to figure out how to stop the trauma. Bernard discovered that dreams carry the information we need to heal. 

What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?

As children, we want to make our mother (and father) happy, so we do things to please them. Often, that comes at the cost of losing parts of ourselves and developing false beliefs. What did you learn in childhood? You’re not loveable? Not true. We’re all based in love and carry love.

Can you share a moment from your own healing journey where one of Dr. Bail’s teachings shifted your view on love?

Through the course of talking about my dreams with my husband, he helped me come to my own conclusions about what the dream images meant to me. I reframed my view of my reality and my beliefs about love. Once I shifted my view of love,  I was able to release the trauma I was carrying.

What does a “healthy love” look like to you, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?

Healthy love is first understanding who we really are vs who we trained ourselves to be to survive. Each of us has a base of love, and most of us don’t get to that place. If we can undo this trauma and love ourselves, we can understand what it is to love others and receive love. You’ll elevate others. You’ll feel true empathy for others.

What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

If you think you don’t deserve kindness or love – unconsciously – you’ll push away a kind and loving person and continue to date people who are wrong for you.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Let go of what you think is judgment, and let go of your preconceived notions of what you’re entitled to (when it comes to love). Even if you think you have a lot of work to do, take a jump off the diving board and let go.

Connect with Cynthia Marks

Watch this episode on YouTube here

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Rewriting Your Love Story: From Old Wounds to Healthy Choices

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How do you rewrite your love story to choose a healthy partner this time around? Spoiler alert: heal your trauma! — How can you rewrite your love story so you end up in a healthy relationship? Owen Smithyman works with self-aware people who have done significant work on themselves – talk therapy, somatic work, plant […]

your love story

How do you rewrite your love story to choose a healthy partner this time around? Spoiler alert: heal your trauma!

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How can you rewrite your love story so you end up in a healthy relationship? Owen Smithyman works with self-aware people who have done significant work on themselves – talk therapy, somatic work, plant medicine, coaching — and still feel something running in the background, making decisions for them or making life difficult. As a Peak States Therapy Practitioner, he helps clients resolve emotional wounds permanently, relate more authentically, and live a more vibrant life.

In this episode:

  • How past trauma shapes our choices in dating and relationships
  • The relationship between beliefs and trauma
  • What are peak states, and how are they relevant in dating?

EP 728: Owen Smithyman – Rewriting Your Love Story: From Old Wounds to Healthy Choices

Highlights of this episode:

Why people get stuck in healing

  • Cognitive/verbal work often creates strategies but not deep resolution; symptoms keep returning (analogy: repeatedly pumping a tire with a slow leak).
  • Awareness/insight alone frequently isn’t enough to change unconscious bodily associations or attachment patterns.
  • Some issues are subtle or multigenerational (epigenetic/generational trauma) and increase fragility to stress.
  • People sometimes unconsciously recreate familiar trauma (diathesis-stress model) or avoid happiness because chaos feels familiar and “safe.”

Trauma patterns in dating & relationships

  • Family-of-origin dynamics often replay in adult relationships (e.g., attracting overbearing partners when a parent was overbearing).
  • Associational trauma and projection: unconscious associations make people feel familiar/safe with unhealthy dynamics; projections make partners seem to possess traits that actually originate in the observer.
  • Common behaviors driven by trauma: provoking untrustworthiness, seeking drama for dopamine, attempting to “fix” partners, and expecting others to fill unmet internal needs.
  • Rewiring attachment and attraction is possible by resolving the underlying bodily trauma rather than only applying cognitive strategies.

Therapies, methods & practical steps

  • Somatic-focused approaches (e.g., EMDR, NARM, EFT, Peak States Therapy) target trauma in the body and use nervous-system modifiers (bilateral stimulation, tapping, regression) to allow safe discharge and integration.
  • Peak States Therapy: described as a toolbox-oriented somatic method attractive to both analytical and experiential minds; useful for complex or generational trauma, projections, and attachment patterns.
  • Simple in-session practice: say a limiting belief aloud → notice the emotion → scan the body to locate the trauma sensation → apply an appropriate somatic trauma process.
  • Practical self-care steps: prioritize bodily care (sleep, movement, nutrition) to reduce baseline distress and clarify relationship issues.
  • Try multiple modalities and practitioners to find what truly resolves the stuck patterns.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Owen

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Navigate Power Dynamics and Control in Relationships

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Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out. — How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and […]

power dynamics

Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out.

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How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts.

In this episode:

  • How to recognize the shift in power dynamics and control in your relationship
  • How people in non-traditional relationships can design a healthy relationship
  • How to approach sexual incompatibility in a relationship
  • What to do if you tend to prioritize your partner’s needs over your own to create a more balanced relationship
  • How can you overcome sexual insecurities

EP 663: Bonnie Comfort – How to Navigate Power Dynamics and Control in Relationships

Why did you decide to write this memoir and share such private and vulnerable information about your relationship with your late husband, especially as a therapist?

I struggled with the question of how my patients might feel reading it, but I wanted people to know that even psychologists continue to struggle in relationships. There’s a lot about my story that’s valuable in general.

Power dynamics and control can subtly shift in relationships. How can people recognize these changes, and what did you observe in your own marriage?

The shift may come inside of you, as in my marriage, I began to feel more equal to him after idealizing him for so long. I had been in his shadow. It took work for me to stand up and for him to respect who I became. There are so many fights that can come up in relationships, especially when it comes to parenting. Expect the ebb and flow of a relationship. 

Sexual incompatibility can be a sensitive topic for couples. How can they approach these conversations constructively? What are signs that an issue can be resolved versus deeper incompatibilities?

It helps to have a sex therapist in the room with you in order to discuss sexual incompatibility. It’s fragile territory. The conversations require tactful honesty. Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you’d like to try. The most important thing is kind curiosity. “I’m curious how you came to love sex in this way.”

Women are often conditioned to prioritize their partner’s needs over their own. How can they recognize and break free from these patterns to create more balanced relationships?

Be brave about disappointing your partner, and tolerate the disappointment. In a simple way, start tuning into your own needs and working through disappointing others. Own what you want. It’s an important price to pay.

Sexual confidence is a challenge for many women. What advice do you have for overcoming insecurities and embracing empowerment in intimacy?

I had felt defective sexually my whole life, partly because of mainstream media, and partly because of my first experience sexually. I began studying sex and sexual issues. I came across a book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I was stunned to read that only 20 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone. It’s biological. I learned there was nothing wrong with me. I had faked orgasm with men I was dating, and I felt terrible about it. 

Work on letting go of shame, because it keeps you quiet. It takes work to let go of body shame or the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. Use gentle curiosity and discuss what you like and what your partner likes. Experiment and see how it goes. Empathy is the magic bullet that helps a couple get through hard times.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It varies by age. What you’re looking for changes. Is this person compatible for the stage of life you’re in? Trust your gut and your inner knowing if there’s a definite no or a definite maybe. Learn whether the things that matter most are there. Create your own happiness, too. And know your deal breakers.

Connect with Bonnie

Watch this episode on YouTube here

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Break Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

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How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships! — Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of […]

neurodiverse relationships

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships!

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Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of life. Dr. Matt specializes in taking knowledge of the brain, human behavior, and clinical psychology and making that accessible and practical for people to improve their lives.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • A crash course in neurodiversity and how it impacts dating
  • How to break barriers in neurodiverse relationships
  • The challenges neurodiverse folks face when dating
  • How to navigate conflict and cultivate closeness
  • How to apply brain science to build stronger relationship

EP 656: Dr. Matt Zakreski – Breaking Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

What is neurodiversity?

It’s the word for all brains in the world. Neurodivergent brains function in a different way. One in five people are neurodivergent. 80 percent of people are neurotypical. Diversity means there are a lot of differences out there which make up the world. Being different isn’t a deficit.

How did you get involved in this field?

I spent most of my life hearing about what I couldn’t do as a person with ADHD. I can do some things really well, and other things not so well. I work with people of all brains of all ages. I like the 8-28 range of people. I was a child psychologist, and my kids grew up, so I started helping them, too.

How are relationships challenging for autistic, ADHD, and 2E folks?

We’re learning how to identify the different levels of neurodivergent. You can have ADHD and have tics and stim. For people who are neurodivergent, relationships can be challenging because they have sensory issues. Bars and restaurants can be overly stimulating to them. So, they might ask someone to come to their home, which feels unsafe to the person they’re dating. Sensory issues also come up in the bedroom.

How can neurodivergent people address challenges like sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, and miscommunication?

Flirting is an indirect form of communication. Prosody is how we change the meaning of a word based on the delivery. The neurodivergent brain reads it the same way, especially when there’s a nuance. I train them to look at cues, especially non-verbal. Direct eye contact can be uncomfortable for them. We talk about how much eye contact is necessary for connection. Online, it’s hard to have those skills. The neurodivergent person can ask questions to check if they’re reading the room correctly. Socializing is nuanced and complex. Dating requires courageous conversations, which are hard for many of us. Remember that dating should be fun and enjoyable. That’s the goal!

What are some ways to navigate conflict with a neurodiverse partner?

Neurodiverse people can be rigid around rules and justice. Define what rules are spoken and which are unspoken. Communicate clearly with them and don’t expect them to read your mind. Have honest conversations in a kind way. Send gift lists to them so they don’t have to read your mind. How we frame conflict is important. It’s never me vs you. It’s you and me vs the problem. Reframe the problem as something to be solved. Compromise is inherently productive. Ask yourself what a meaningful compromise would look like. Some things can’t be compromised. This is prosocial communication.

What are some tools and strategies for building emotional and physical connections?

First, no emotion is good or bad. You have a right to be disappointed if someone doesn’t want to be with you. It’s important to learn the language around that. The more aware we are about our emotions, we can be curious, not furious. When you’re curious, you can say,, “Tell me more, help me understand.” That will help you be more empathic and understanding. When you find yourself thinking, “I should be…” change it to “I could be…”.

How can we apply brain science to build stronger relationships and lasting connections and go on our last first date?

The goal of life is not to be happy. Happiness is an emotional state, and every emotional state is fleeting. Chasing happiness makes you less happy. The goal of life is to be regulated. The more regulated your body is, the more likely you’ll be to show up as the best version of you. To go on your last first date, take your date to a place where you feel most regulated and will show up as your best. People fall in love with the most authentic version of you.

Connect with Dr. Matt Zakreski

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships (and How to Fix It)

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What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode! — What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly […]

ruins relationships

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode!

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What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He hosts Marriage Therapy Radio and authored The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. Zach lives in Seattle with his wife Rebecca and their two adult daughters.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What’s NSO and how might it show up early on in dating?
  • What’s emotional neutrality, and how does it affect relationships?
  • How to recognize subtle forms of contempt early on
  • What singles can do to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity 
  • How to recognize if you’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships and How to Fix It

What is Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), and how might it quietly show up in any stage of dating?

This is a term that John Gottman came up with. One of the things couples who divorce have in common is the Negative Sentiment Override. When you’re in NSO, things are harder. There’s a drive to raise your score and improve your relationship. Early in a relationship, it’s pretty rare. If you have more negative than positive, you leave. 

If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are present and not being offset by gratitude, generosity, and affection, relationships can fail. Early on, we might call these red flags to look out for.

You say that emotional neutrality is the first step out of NSO. What do you mean by that?

Both people need to want to change the pattern that’s not working in the relationship. Learn how to identify and change the pattern. Once you realize the pattern, you can interrupt it. You have three choices when in conflict in relationships: stay neutral and take a pause, make it worse, or make it better. Emotional neutrality is really helpful when you’re flooded and need a break. Think about what you want to happen. Then choose to make the relationship better.

Contempt can quietly destroy relationships, and you say it also fuels NSO. How can someone recognize subtle forms of contempt in themselves or in others in long-term relationships or when dating?

Contempt can show up early on in a relationship as “I’m better than you”, which leaves no room for intimacy. You can’t expect things to be healthy when you’re in contempt of one another. Be on the lookout for signs from yourself and your partner. To get out of contempt, look for the best in your partner, not the worst.

Make up that your partner is amazing, and they look great, and you’re so proud of them, and they add value to your life. This increases intimacy and decreases contempt. Let your partner know you have their back and care about them.

What are some things singles or dating partners can use to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity early on?

When dating, embrace the parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts that you lack, and get curious about the other person and what they have that you don’t when you’re dating. Be the best partner instead of just looking for the best partner.

How can someone tell if they’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner, or if they’re just being cautious from past hurt?

Evaluate why you act a certain way. Assess whether it’s you, them, or the two of you together. If your response is outsized, evaluate why that is. Share that information with your partner when you’re dating. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Prioritize curiosity, and see if this is a relationship where you both can learn.

Connect with Zach

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

7 Traits Quality Men Seek in a Woman (That Have Nothing to Do With Age or Looks)

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What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are! — Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he […]

traits quality men seek in a woman

What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are!

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Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he sticks around but you’re carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship.

Here’s what you need to know: quality men — the ones who are emotionally available, kind, and ready for a real partnership — are not just looking for someone young, cute and clever (although we’ll take the compliments). They’re looking for a woman who brings emotional maturity, self-awareness, and depth to the table.

If you’re wondering how to attract that kind of man, you’re in the right place. Here are seven powerful traits quality men seek in a woman — and yes, you can embody them all without losing yourself.

7 Traits Quality Men Seek in a Woman

1. She Doesn’t Plan a Future Before There’s a Present

It’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy — especially when someone ticks a few boxes on the first date. But quality men want to build a relationship with someone grounded in the now. When you’re already naming your future rescue dog together after two dates, it can be a red flag.

Staying present allows real connection to unfold naturally. It’s not about being aloof — it’s about pacing yourself and letting reality catch up with chemistry.

2. She Doesn’t Overanalyze Men

Wondering what his last text really meant or decoding every pause on the phone is exhausting — and frankly, not sexy. Quality men value women who trust their intuition and don’t need to play detective to feel secure.

If something feels off, you get curious and ask about it. If things are going well, you let it be easy. That energy is magnetic.

3. She’s Vulnerable and Communicates Her Feelings and Needs Directly and Kindly

Quality men don’t expect perfection. They want real. That means you’re not afraid to say, “Hey, I felt hurt when you canceled last minute,” or “I’m looking for a relationship where we check in regularly.”

It’s not about making demands — it’s about expressing what’s true for you in a way that invites connection rather than conflict.

4. She Is Clear About Her Must-Haves and Doesn’t Try to Force a Relationship When It’s Not a Good Fit

We’ve all done it — stayed a little too long in a not-so-good situation, hoping things would magically improve. But a woman of value doesn’t force it. She knows that compatibility isn’t about potential — it’s about alignment.

When something’s off, she doesn’t make excuses. She lovingly blesses and releases.

5. She Knows Her Worth and Won’t Compromise the Important Stuff for Anyone

You’re not auditioning for a role in his life — you’re co-creating a relationship. That means knowing what’s non-negotiable (emotional availability? kindness? consistent communication?) and not shrinking or settling just to be chosen.

Quality men are drawn to women who choose themselves first. That’s what makes you truly irresistible.

6. She’s Curious, Not Judgmental

We all have baggage. But a woman who can hold space, ask thoughtful questions, and remain open — rather than jumping to conclusions or moral high ground — creates safety and trust.

Curiosity says, “I want to understand you.” Judgment says, “I need you to be different.” Guess which one invites deeper connection?

7. She Has a Full Life Without a Man, But Knows How Much Her Life Will Be Enhanced With the Right Partner

You’ve cultivated joy, purpose, and pleasure on your own — and it shows. You’re not looking for someone to complete you, but to complement you.

That balanced energy — grounded in independence, yet open to intimacy — is what makes love flourish.

If you see yourself in this list — amazing! Keep shining. And if you’re still working on some of these traits, that’s what dating in midlife is all about — growing, healing, and becoming the version of yourself who attracts (and chooses) the love you deserve. And remember: It’s never too late to go on your last first date. 💕

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

The Surprising Reasons Why Men Pull Away After Early Connection

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Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode! — Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship […]

why men pull away

Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode!

—

Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship coach with over 20 years of experience helping women attract lasting love. As co-founder of the Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute, he guides clients to deepen confidence, heal emotional patterns, and build meaningful connections through heart-centered support and proven strategies.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • ​​Why so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection
  • Common misunderstandings women have about men’s behavior during the early dating phase
  • What’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming really into a woman
  • What to do if you feel confused or rejected when a man disappears or changes suddenly
  • What shifts when a woman learns how to respond in those moments of disconnection or uncertainty—rather than reacting

EP 668: Johnny Fernandez – Why Men Pull Away After Early Connection

Why do so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection?

Our approach is to look at masculine and feminine and what is affect and what is cause. We give women more credit and power over how the dating goes than most people. There’s a lot of preparation before dating to prevent men from pulling away. Largely, men pull away because of how they think, which is they put women in one of two categories early on: 1. She’s kind of fun for a little while, which rarely leads to marriage or commitment or 2. She’s different, I might be able to build a life with her. She needs to show up in communication as that second woman.

Are you showing up as the prize and distinguished? Do you know how to communicate with him to activate his masculinity switch? 

Draw in a different type of man. Distinguish yourself from the other options as a woman of high value.

Change your mindset from “I haven’t gone on enough dates”, which is exhausting and not intentional, to “I didn’t build my skills enough to draw in the right person”. In early communication, when a man asks, “Do you want to hang out?”, that’s a fork in the road moment. You say, “You mean like a date?” If he says anything other than “Yes, a date”, walk away. 

Men and women are not the same. Here’s how I see the masculine and feminine:

Masculine: He’s a protector, a provider, a leader who wants to love, cherish and adore her. That helps him become the best version of himself, the King to his Queen.

Feminine: She is the heart. She brings her feminine radiance, a lightness, warmth, and high value. It’s about how men feel in her presence. 

Can you explain what’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming to be really into a woman?

She probably hasn’t flipped his masculinity switch to inspire him to show up in his a-game and build a life with her. He doesn’t want to be a better man for her.

What advice do you give women who feel confused or rejected when men pull away or disappear after they connected?

We don’t use the word ‘rejected’ because that assumes we know what’s happening in his head. Many times, it has nothing to do with her. However, there is some part she does have responsibility over. We focus on that. We work with her on busting her assumptions and what she can do to let him go. We look for a pattern to understand what her part is. With responsibility comes power.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Take your love life as seriously as you took your college degree and your career. Prepare yourself for a great relationship, for something completely different and better.

Connect With Johnny

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Get a Second Date

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How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips! — How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on […]

second date

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips!

—

How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on mate attraction, mate selection, mate expulsion, love, and relationships. He’s the author of numerous articles in social and evolutionary psychology journals, and his research has been covered in media outlets including the BBC, NPR, and CBC, and numerous national and international news magazines.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 
  • What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  
  • How the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differs

EP 648: T. Joel Wade – How to Get a Second Date

Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 

Biology plays a role. Women tend to be more likely to give a second date to a man who seems to be interested in more than sex. Etiquette behaviors are important. He’s polite, shows interest, and doesn’t pressure her for sex. The connection is more emotional for women.

For men, they want a second date if they feel a sexual attraction and there’s a possibility that sex could occur. If she’s overtly sexual, that might not lead to long term relationships, and if he’s looking for more, she would get a second date if she flirts, smiles, touches him, etc. If she drinks alcohol, it tends to be a positive sign that she’s willing to consume alcohol. Synchronized behaviors and postures also play a role in attraction.

What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  

Some things happen naturally, like eye contact, listening, being focused on the other person. Display altruism and willingness to help. On the second date, there’s more self-disclosure. Then you begin to see likes, dislikes, and personality.

Let’s talk about flirting. Do the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differ, and if so why? 

There are some similarities in unconscious behaviors like eye contact, focusing on the other person, etc. There is a difference between how men and women flirt based on their mate preferences. The actions that are most effective for men are seeing interest in emotional connection. Gift-giving shows kindness. Altruism – willingness to offer help. Men look for signs that a woman is interested emotionally and sexually. There is not a lot of difference in behaviors cross-culturally.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be aware that dating is an information gathering exercise where you’re finding out if you’re compatible. Take your time, be open, don’t come on too strong, and trust your instincts.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with T Joel Wade

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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