Last Updated on March 27, 2026 by
There’s a rise in gray divorce, divorce after 50. Why? Tune into this episode with Dr. Dana McNeil to find out! — Why is there a rise in gray divorce? Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT, is a licensed couples therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist specializing in emotional safety, relationship repair, and long-term compatibility. She is […]
There’s a rise in gray divorce, divorce after 50. Why? Tune into this episode with Dr. Dana McNeil to find out!
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Why is there a rise in gray divorce? Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT, is a licensed couples therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist specializing in emotional safety, relationship repair, and long-term compatibility. She is the founder of The Relationship Place and Therapy Getaway, where she provides intensive couples therapy for high-conflict relationships. Dr. McNeil serves on the Advisory Board of MYA and is a national media expert and frequent speaker on modern relationships.
In this episode:
- Why there’s a rise in gray divorce
- What erodes in long term marriages that leads to divorce later in life
- How an empty nest amplifies relational issues
- The emotional and identity challenges unique to later divorce
- How to repair a fractured marriage later in life
EP 705: Dr. Dana McNeil – Why Is There a Rise in Gray Divorce Among Couples Over 50?
Highlights of this episode on Gray Divorce
Gray divorce trends & causes
- Divorce overall down 35% since 2021, but ages 50–64 divorces up 43%.
- COVID intensified existing relationship stressors by removing external outlets.
- Common drivers: longer lifespans, financial independence of women, infidelity (20–40% over 50), parenting/“failure to launch,” retirement/financial disagreements, health/sexual changes.
- Midlife brings identity shifts and grief that impact relationships and willingness to leave.
Relationship breakdown & Gottman framework
- Gottman’s Four Horsemen that predict relationship failure: defensiveness, criticism, contempt, stonewalling.
- Repeated presence of those behaviors slowly erodes relationship safety.
- Repair attempts and bids for connection often get missed or ignored, deepening disconnection.
- Rebuilding requires renewing friendship, updating “love maps,” shared meaning, and intentional repair work.
Empty nest & adult children co-parenting issues
- Empty nest can trigger identity, purpose, retirement, and intimacy negotiations.
- Adult children moving back or being enabled creates new conflict points and can be used as buffers for a dysfunctional marriage.
- Lack of pre-planned conversations about adult-child expectations can fuel resentments and negative sentiment override.
Dating after divorce — practical guidance
- Don’t “date potential”: evaluate who a person is now, not who they might become.
- Prioritize friendship, character, and how someone handles crisis/emotions.
- Take time after a breakup (often recommended around a year) to grieve and rebuild before serious dating.
Connect With Dr. Dana
- Website: www.danamcneil.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDanaMcNeil
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdanamcneil/
- The Relationship Place www.sdrelationshipplace.com
- Instagram: @sdrelationshipplace @drdanamcneil
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