Category: Uncategorized

How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

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If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio! — Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic […]

intimate relationship

If you’re seeking more satisfaction in your intimate relationship, you’re going to love this episode of Last First Date Radio!

—

Want to have a more satisfying intimate relationship? My podcast guest, Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, and she helps individuals and couples shed shame, access pleasure and step into their authentic and real erotic selves. She has two online courses, Keeley Sex Class and Premature Ejaculation Training Mastery Course, and she mentors and supervises up-and-coming sex coaches and facilitates workshops for colleagues and the general public.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life
  • One thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun
  • How to work through performance anxiety
  • What couples can do to keep sex feeling fresh

EP 634 : Keeley Rankin – How to Have a More Satisfying Intimate Relationship

Why do so many people struggle to have a satisfying sex life?

It’s really about people’s relationship with pleasure. I ask clients how they have pleasure in the rest of their lives. Many people do things that look like pleasure, like yoga and massages, but the truth is it’s a ‘should’, and it’s not filled with pleasure. Many of us withhold pleasure. When it comes to sex, it can feel like a ‘should’, too.

What is one thing people can do today to make sex more satisfying and fun?

The first step is to acknowledge what’s true. Notice your struggle with pleasure and putting it on the back burner. In my new course, I help people enjoy pleasure more fully. I start with mindset, deconstructing social ideas about pleasure, looking at our history. We need to listen to our bodies. Sex is meant to be fun. Eroticism is adult play.

How do you work through performance anxiety?

Performance anxiety is often related to pressure that it has to look a certain way or it won’t be good or fun. It’s important to talk about it with your partner. As our bodies change and they look different as we age, many people are afraid to be seen by their partner. Communicate before sex about your fears or what the other person can expect. You can ask a partner with performance anxiety, “Is this normal for you?” If they don’t tell the truth, that’s okay. There’s a lot of shame. Create a safe space. Return to play and what is pleasurable.

Is it normal to not want to have sex?

Our eroticism is always shifting and changing. Instead of trying to catch up to how things used to be, accept that our bodies and emotional needs are always shifting. Remain curious and open. Let go of how it’s ‘supposed to be’. Find pleasure in new ways. Learn how to communicate your needs and desires.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Raise your expectations and see the person in front of you.

Connect with Keeley

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single

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There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode! — Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at […]

happily single

There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode!

—

Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, and is an academic affiliate at UC Santa Barbara. She is the author of SINGLE AT HEART.

In this episode:

  • The definition of “single at heart”
  • Why people who are single at heart love being single so much
  • Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner? 
  • The positive benefits of embracing a single life 
  • Reactions to the Single at Heart book

EP 703: Dr. Bella DePaulo – Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single 

What does “single at heart” mean?

We love our single lives. We are happy and flourishing because we’re single. I dated in the past, and I don’t have any horror stories. And when each relationship ended, I was so happy to get back to my single life.

Why do the single at heart love being single so much?

They love their solitude and freedom and connection with their friends. They have a life they love. They choose the life they want.

Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner?

No, not everyone wants a romantic partner. Some people don’t want to be married, especially not unhappily married. You can have friends with benefits or find other ways to have intimacy.

What are the positives of embracing a single life? Are there statistical or personal benefits?

Your friendships are valued more. You appreciate your solitude. You do what you want without being judged. You won’t be lonely if you like your solitude. It’s a sign of emotional maturity.

What kinds of reactions have you gotten to your Single at Heart book?

In the first couple of weeks after the publish date, I got hundreds of messages and emails and even snail mail. People felt validated. They felt like they found a home.

What are your final words about being single at heart?

Live your single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically.

Connect with Bella

  • X: @belladepaulo
  • Bluesky: @belladepaulo.bsky.social 
  • IG: @bellasingleatheart
  • FB: @singleatheartbook  @belladepaulo
  • YouTube: @BellaDePaulo
  • Website: https://belladepaulo.com/

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

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Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens. — Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of […]

successful women

Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens.

—

Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of The Woman Men Adore. He’s the founder of Relationship Headquarters, where he specializes in helping women emotionally connect with men, attract true love, get married, and, for those in a relationship, learn how to connect and relate more effectively.   

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • How successful women can navigate between being powerful at work and more feminine in dating without losing their authentic selves
  • Busting the myth that successful women intimidate men
  • The meaning of “emotional authenticity”
  • The difference between surrendering in love vs giving up your power

EP 644 : Bob Grant – Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

Many highly successful women say they have to be ‘masculine’ at work but ‘feminine’ in dating – yet that switch feels impossible. How do you help women navigate this delicate balance without losing their authentic selves?

When women are in their feminine, they are softer, and it softens men. It brings out a softer side. And it kicks in men’s desire to be a protector. To make the switch without losing your authentic self, leave your work self at work. Decide which energy you want to be embodying on dates. Ask yourself “how do I want to be treated?” Pat Allen said, “Do you want to be cherished or respected more?” To be cherished, we need to step into the softer, more receptive self.

There’s this myth that successful women intimidate men. But you have a fascinating perspective on what’s really happening in these dynamics – can you break this down for us?

It’s not that they intimidate men. It’s that they can be competitive when they bring their work self to a date. If a man is not reaching out or making an effort early on, he will probably do that in the long run. Pay attention early on if he will show up for you. 

I’m curious about something you call ’emotional authenticity.’ How does this differ from the vulnerability we often hear about, especially for women who are used to being in control?

Emotional authenticity is about matching your emotion with what’s going on for you. For example, when you cry, men appreciate that you feel safe enough with him to cry. State your emotions to help men understand.

Let’s talk about surrender – a word that makes many ambitious women uncomfortable. How do you help women understand the difference between surrendering in love versus giving up their power?

Surrender is about yielding. These are women who are in charge of everything at work, and they don’t want to do that at home. If you want to be loved or cared for by someone who’s got their back and will support them in times of need, you need to surrender to a man’s desire to care for you.

What are your final words of advice for highly successful women who want to go on their last first date?

Can you have an attitude of curiosity early on? It will soften you and remind him that you’re ‘all of this and brains, too’. It gets you out of your head to see if you can talk and connect enough to go on another date.

Connect With Bob

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Questions Women Over 40 Need to Ask Before Getting Invested in a Man

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Before getting invested in a man, what are the questions women over 40 need to ask? Tune in to this episode to find out! — Before getting invested in a man, what questions should women over 40 ask their partners? Marcelle LeBlanc is an entrepreneur, speaker, and founder of The Conversation Architect. After rebuilding her […]

before getting invested in a man

Before getting invested in a man, what are the questions women over 40 need to ask? Tune in to this episode to find out!

—

Before getting invested in a man, what questions should women over 40 ask their partners? Marcelle LeBlanc is an entrepreneur, speaker, and founder of The Conversation Architect. After rebuilding her life following divorce, she discovered that one honest conversation can change the course of a life. Today, she teaches women the skill of having difficult conversations so they can gain clarity, trust themselves, and create lives that align with who they truly are.

In this episode:

  • Why “going with the flow” can cost women clarity
  • What needs to be said before deeper commitment
  • How honest conversations create healthier dating choice

EP 721: Marcelle LeBlanc – The Questions Women Over 40 Need to Ask Before Getting Invested in a Man

Highlights of this episode:

Conversation architect & purpose

  • Marcelle LeBlanc explains her role as a “conversation architect”: teaching people (especially professional women) to have one clear conversation that prevents years of silent resentment or wasted time.
  • Core belief: many relationship breakdowns stem from conversations not happening, not from lack of feeling or intelligence.
  • Goal: help clients identify values and non-negotiables quickly and use brief, skillful conversations (not months of therapy) to get clarity or change trajectory.

Framework & skills for difficult conversations

  • Start by clarifying the heart of the issue: separate facts from opinions, and be specific about behavior (not labels like “unreliable”).
  • Define the desired behavior and what success looks like, plus the real impact of the behavior on you.
  • Keep the conversation focused on one issue at a time; avoid “and you did this” piling-on.
  • Use a concise template: state the agreement/behavior, describe the impact on you, state the desired outcome, then ask for agreement (e.g., “Can you agree to that?”).
  • Prepare notes and rehearse to avoid rambling; allow silence and resist editing/self-sabotage mid-conversation.
  • If the person is unreceptive or defensive, offer to reschedule for a better time rather than escalate immediately.
  • Treat dating like a job interview: observe actions as data about alignment with your values and time.

Practical examples & outcomes

  • Lauren story: choosing one non-negotiable, having a prepared conversation, partner responded “I felt it too” — conversation restarted the relationship rather than ended it.
  • Household chores example: specific script given to address missed chores (name the agreement, explain emotional impact, request equitable action, ask for agreement).
  • Workplace example: manager labeled an employee “unreliable;” a fact-based conversation revealed lack of gas money, leading to an immediate, simple fix.
  • Small, frequent honesty prevents emotional accumulation and catastrophic blowups later.
  • Clarity exercises: value-lists and specificity (example of a man who carried a 100-item list; distillable to core values) help recognize fit quickly.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Marcelle

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Data Behind Love and Compatibility

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Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode! — Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint […]

love and compatibility

Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode!

—

Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint for it. As the author of Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, Zoey spent nearly two decades decoding the patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a relentless drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about relationships.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?
  • What qualities actually lead to lasting relationships, even if they’re not immediately exciting?
  • What are some signs we’re repeating unhealthy relationship patterns?
  • How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?
  • Why do you believe understanding yourself is the first step to finding the right partner?

EP 667: Zoey Charif – The Data Behind Love and Compatibility

Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?

We are choosing based on attraction but not compatibility and traits. Couples who stay together tend to admire their partner and see them as slightly higher. Gottman says that the couples who stay together, the man has influence over the woman via admiration and vice versa. 

Couples who are either more compatibility focused (practicality type) or emotions focused (chemistry). You can be on a continuum of either of these, healthy or extreme. To last, you need to have a healthy balance of both, especially the healthy emotional category.

What qualities actually lead to love and compatibility, even if they’re not immediately exciting?

Honesty, communication, dependability are key. A match is based on a shared set of values. You have a self score and a partner score. That accounts for compatibility but not attractions. I created a trait preference assessment to help understand someone’s traits. 

How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?

At the end of the book, I share my journey to building self-confidence after my breakup and how I met my husband. Every day, I journaled about my self-score and my ex-partner’s score and the trait preferences. It was so revealing. My number one was dependability and honesty, but I had given myself a much lower score than was warranted. I had given my ex a high score in both, and I was delusional about that. I removed the illusion. I had been suffering from an infatuation distortion. I had a blindfold on. Once I did the calculations, I began to heal. There was a misalignment. Love has to be mutual. Don’t put people on a pedestal. 

I met my husband, Kevin at a dog park. He didn’t fit the usual traits I enjoy, so I wasn’t super attracted, but the values aligned, so I gave it time. He’s younger than I am, and I thought that was important, but he has an old soul and is a good person. I was able to let that go. The next area was cultural. I thought someone had to have the same background, but that wasn’t important in the long run. We began laughing together, which was what I thought I needed from someone with a similar cultural background.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Look for your rock. Be mindful and honest about the traits you’re attracted to so you can co-create a healthy, long-term relationship. Identify if you’re holding onto the pain of a past relationship or self-doubt, because that will impact your future relationship. Identify your values and traits. Don’t box yourself in about what you’re attracted to, especially if your nervous system is activated. Self reflect and heal your unhealthy patterns.

Connect with Zoey

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Polarity is the Secret to Attraction

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What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love. — Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love […]

polarity

What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love.

—

Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love & Relationship Division. For nearly two decades, he has helped women worldwide attract high-quality men and lasting love. He’s appeared on The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah & Friends, and The Hallmark Channel. His book, Cracking The Man Code, reveals how men think, love, and communicate.

In this episode:

  • The biggest polarity mistake smart, successful women make
  • What women get wrong about feminine energy
  • Why doing more in dating and relationships sabotages your love life
  • The first internal shift to make if you’re a planner and emotional leader in relationships
  • A man’s deepest desire

EP 701: Mat Boggs – Why Polarity is the Secret to Attraction 

What is polarity, and what’s the biggest polarity mistake you see smart, successful single women make in terms of masculine and feminine energy?

I was speaking on stages with other relationship experts who were talking about masculine and feminine energy and polarity. I realized I had been operating in my feminine energy in romance. My older sister became my first dating coach. It was attracting women who took the lead and pursued, and when my masculine took over, the relationship took a dive. When I met my now wife, Irene, I finally stepped more fully into my masculine, and she was in her feminine, and it’s the best relationship I ever had.

We all have both energies and they’re completely dynamic. Masculine is providing and pursuing. Feminine is receiving and pulling. In the courting stage, whatever energy we lead with, we attract the opposite energy. Feminine energy is not fake or passive. It’s strong.

What makes a woman irresistible to men?

She’s relaxed and having fun around a man. She trusts him.

You share the story of Tanya, the former military commander. What was she doing that sabotaged her love life?

Tanya was used to taking charge. It didn’t get her the result in her love life that she wanted. She opened up the part of her that was feminine. She learned to be proactive and create the space for a man to fill. What do you want? The masculine wants to fulfill that. Instead of planning a hike, tell him, “You know what I’d love? A hike. Would you plan it for us?” Her job was to celebrate him following through. 

A lot of powerful women feel feminine energy is fake, weak, and passive. Not true. It’s powerful. It’s okay to receive. If you have resistance to receiving, it’s usually because of a lack of self worth. You’re not attracted to anyone except people who are taken, married, or emotionally unavailable. Self love controls how open our hearts are. If you want big love, you have to open the door wider. 

The key is a self love practice to help us open the door to our heart. We need people to connect to our authentic self. Then we can receive. You are enough…without overplanning and overdoing for men.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of hard conversations we’re willing to have. The feeling you have for love is evidence it’s out there for you. Every action is moving you forward.

Connect With Mat

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Feel Safe in Your Romantic Relationships

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If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more. — Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home […]

feel safe

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more.

—

Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home to Yourself and Others and Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love. She explores the “Whys” of life: why we feel, connect, and experience the world the way we do. This passion led her to specialize in trauma, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology. She believes that connection to ourselves and others is at the heart of healing, and she uses a range of modalities to help individuals and couples return to wholeness. She’s the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, and she leads the Conscious Relationship Group, a global coaching company offering support to clients worldwide. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How early attachment patterns develop and how they can make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships
  • How to stop reenacting the core wound of abandonment in our adult relationships
  • How to start building “earned security” if you didn’t grow up with it
  • How implicit memory shapes our attraction patterns and relational choices
  • How to recognize when you’re pushing away the very connection you say you want

EP 689: Jessica Baum – How to Feel Safe in Your Romantic Relationships

How do early attachment patterns develop, and how can they make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships?

We develop these patterns in infancy. When our parents have emotional presence and attunement, we have more secure attachment. If there’s stress or anxiety or inconsistency, we develop insecure attachment in our closest relationships.

A common theme for all insecure attachment styles is the theme of abandonment. What does it take to stop reenacting that core wound in our adult relationships?

A core wound is a feeling that happens when we’re very young. They live deeply embedded in our bodies. To heal, we anchor and hold the original event in our bodies. If your parents were struggling or fighting, as young children, we sense something is off and think it’s something wrong with us. It’s a way to develop an adaptive strategy to survive. Be with those parts. Understand them. We can’t heal without adult anchoring. You don’t do it alone. You can co-anchor with others, not just therapists.

How can someone start building “earned security” if they didn’t grow up with it?

Seek out safe people in your life to help build earned security and a felt sense of safety in relationships.

What is implicit memory, and how does it shape our attraction patterns and relational choices?

Implicit memories are sensations in the body that happen when we’re young and we’re not met to process hard feelings. These patterns are stored in our bodies. When you feel something is off in your body, these are implicit memories. That starts to change the relationship you have with the wound. That gets to the root of the attachment wound. 

How can people recognize when they’re pushing away the very connection they say they want?

If we grew up in a home with a lot of neglect or chaos, it feels uncomfortable to our nervous system to have someone safe in our lives. It feels foreign. When you experience safety over and over again, you’re more comfortable with safe people who truly see you.

What does it mean to carry multiple attachment styles or patterns—what do they feel like, and why is that important to know?

One of the free gifts I’m giving you is “beyond the labels”, which is the Wheel of Attachment. In one household we can have all the patterns of attachment. When you understand attachment in a more wholistic and organic way, we can show up with many different attachment styles or patterns. We show up differently with different people in childhood and adulthood.

What’s one practice from SAFE that listeners can start using today if they feel stuck, lonely, or overwhelmed?

Source safety from the past. If you have a safe person or even a pet or someone from your past, you can go into those memories as to what it feels like to feel safe. This is how we recognize warmth, consistently, and reliability.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get curious about what feels unsafe and safe when you date. Dating is complicated. Go as slow as possible. Process as truthfully as possible.

Connect with Jessica Baum

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

5 Online Dating Mistakes Keeping You From Finding Love

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Are you making any of these five online dating mistakes? Check out this video to learn how to turn them around and find love! If you’ve been swiping and messaging for months (or years) without much to show for it, it’s not because love isn’t out there for you. It’s usually because a few fixable […]

online dating mistakes

Are you making any of these five online dating mistakes? Check out this video to learn how to turn them around and find love!

If you’ve been swiping and messaging for months (or years) without much to show for it, it’s not because love isn’t out there for you. It’s usually because a few fixable habits are quietly getting in your way.

I see the same five online dating mistakes over and over with the women I coach, and the good news is that every one of them is completely within your control to change. Here they are, along with what to do instead.

1. Your profile isn’t unique enough

If your profile reads like a list of adjectives (fun, adventurous, easygoing) it’s blending into a sea of other profiles that say the exact same thing. The people scrolling past have no real sense of who you are.

Your profile should sound like you and only you. Tell a quick story instead of a trait. Mention the trip that changed you, the hobby you can’t stop talking about, or the oddly specific thing that makes you laugh. This is what makes someone stop scrolling and want to know more.

2. Your messages aren’t sparking conversation

“Hi, I like your profile.” gets ignored constantly, and it’s not because people are rude. It’s because there’s nothing to respond to. A message needs to give the other person something to grab onto.

Reference something from their profile and ask a real question about it. The goal isn’t to impress anyone with a perfect opening line. It’s to start an actual back-and-forth that feels like talking to a person instead of filling out a form.

3. You’re not active enough

Dating apps reward consistency. When you log on for a burst of activity and then disappear for two weeks, the algorithm won’t show your profile to as many potential matches, and any momentum you built with matches fades fast.

Set aside 10-20 minutes a day to log in to the apps, swipe and message a few people. Consistency matters more than marathon sessions, and staying visible helps the right people find you.

4. You bring up the heavy stuff too early

I understand the instinct to get the big topics out of the way. After all, you don’t want to waste time. But leading with things like past heartbreak or deep personal history before any trust has been built tends to overwhelm a new connection rather than deepen it.

Let the relationship build naturally. Save the vulnerable conversations for once you’ve met in person and started to feel safe with each other. Trust is something that gets earned over several conversations, not established in the first few messages.

5. You give up too soon

Online dating can feel discouraging, especially when you’ve had a string of dates that didn’t lead anywhere. It’s tempting to decide the whole thing just doesn’t work for you.

But finding the right person is a numbers game as much as anything else, and giving up right before things click is one of the most common patterns I see. The people who eventually find lasting love online are almost always the ones who stayed consistent and kept refining their approach along the way.

Ready to fix these for good?

If you recognized yourself in any of these five mistakes, you’re in good company, and every one of them can be turned around. I put together a full training that walks you through exactly how to do that.

I’d love to have you join my four-week online dating course, Find Love Online. Click the link to register now.

Register for Find Love Online →

And remember…it’s never too late to go on your last first date.

5 Online Dating Mistakes Keeping You From Finding Love

If you’re struggling with online dating and want to save yourself from heartache and frustration, join the Find Love Online After 40 course! Register now and be one of the first five to get an extra bonus valued at $300 – a private laser session with me! https://lastfirstdate.com/find-love-online/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with me https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

How to Build Extraordinary Relationships By Design – Not By Chance

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Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance. — Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her […]

extraordinary relationships

Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance.

—

Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her signature Love Smarter™ methodology, she helps clients identify true compatibility, break unhealthy patterns, and build extraordinary relationships rooted in alignment—not luck.

In this episode:

  • The difference between chemistry and compatibility
  • Why we attach to certain types
  • How do we become aligned with the right people
  • How to set boundaries in relationships from the start
  • How to become the person you want to meet

EP 726: Jena Jake – Building Extraordinary Relationships By Design, Not By Chance

Highlights of this episode:

Chemistry, compatibility & core coaching concepts

  • Chemistry = familiarity shaped by childhood patterns; not always healthy.
  • Compatibility = alignment with your values, needs, boundaries and long-term life vision.
  • Key shift: develop a loving relationship with yourself first; don’t rely on a partner for validation.
  • “Be the love” — generating love internally changes how others reflect love back.
  • Healthy chemistry = awareness + boundaries + alignment.

Assessment-driven coaching & practical steps

  • Jena’s approach: personality assessments + the PAWS method (pattern, attachment, wounds, standard/status quo) to identify repeating dating patterns.
  • Pre-work: rewire patterns, define values/needs, practice boundaries (Jenna’s “velvet rope” metaphor).
  • Dating work: measure prospects against assessment results; catch red flags early (before strong attachment).
  • Maintenance: practice new standards; surround yourself with people who model healthy treatment to make new behavior familiar.
  • Outcome: a consciously built “alone” (chosen life) versus a fearful, reactive alone.

Boundaries, recovery & real-life examples

  • Boundary practice often starts with family; protects sanity and reinforces self-respect.
  • Rapid attraction/sex increases risk of premature attachment; recommended to delay until alignment is clearer.
  • Becoming healthier narrows the dating pool but increases discernment and long-term fit.
  • Personal examples: Jenna and Sandy described post-divorce boundary-setting and how ex-partners often repeat old patterns.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Jena

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

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Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century. — Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ […]

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century.

—

Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and sexual assault survivors. She writes The Intimate Philosopher on Substack, and in her free time loves reading, running, crafting, and all things sparkly.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The biggest myths about attraction and intimacy
  • The outdated dating advice people should ignore and what to focus on instead
  • How the unspoken “rules” impact dating and how people can break free from them
  • How people can cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling connections without feeling overwhelmed
  • A practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy

EP 662: Dr. Emma Smith – How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

What are some of the biggest myths in modern dating about attraction and intimacy?

One myth is that we mistake chemistry for compatibility and comfort for connection. Neither is a good indicator for safety and depth. Just because you’re drawn to someone in the beginning doesn’t mean your lives will work together in the long run. Go on two dates minimum to see who you both are. Don’t look for the bonfire of sparks. Another myth is that intimacy is about closeness, but it’s also about space. Space to long for and be separate to get together. The final myth is that men only want sex and women only want love.

What outdated dating advice should people ignore, and what should they focus on instead?

Let go of the belief that texting too soon is too eager. We need to stop punishing availability. Let the other person that you had a great time and would love to see each other again soon.

Another dating “rule” is that it’s a woman’s job to be wanted, but she’s not supposed to ask for what she wants. You get to choose. Desire doesn’t bloom in control. It blooms in presence and authenticity. 

Ask yourself where this person is going to fit into your life. What do you need to share on a first or second date? Facts, a bit about your personality, but not your darkest secrets. Some things remain private. As you date more, ask what they do for fun, what type of vacationer are they? As you get to know them better and are ready for sex, share about your STIs and sexual preferences. 

What’s one practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy?

One mindset shift is that love isn’t something you earn, it’s something you co-create with another person. Ask yourself, what kind of love do I want to build with someone else? 

Another one is to make space for contradictions. That tension is something to be aware of. Don’t put yourself into a box to make yourself more likeable. Friction is helpful in a relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I encourage people to think about the things they value and like about themselves. When you go on a date, focus on those parts of you and the fact the person who’s right for you will like those special qualities that you have.

Connect With Emma

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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