Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out. — How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and […]

Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out.

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How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts.

In this episode:

• How to recognize the shift in power dynamics and control in your relationship
• How people in non-traditional relationships can design a healthy relationship
• How to approach sexual incompatibility in a relationship
• What to do if you tend to prioritize your partner’s needs over your own to create a more balanced relationship
• How can you overcome sexual insecurities

EP 663: Bonnie Comfort – How to Navigate Power Dynamics and Control in Relationships

Why did you decide to write this memoir and share such private and vulnerable information about your relationship with your late husband, especially as a therapist?

I struggled with the question of how my patients might feel reading it, but I wanted people to know that even psychologists continue to struggle in relationships. There’s a lot about my story that’s valuable in general.

Power dynamics and control can subtly shift in relationships. How can people recognize these changes, and what did you observe in your own marriage?

The shift may come inside of you, as in my marriage, I began to feel more equal to him after idealizing him for so long. I had been in his shadow. It took work for me to stand up and for him to respect who I became. There are so many fights that can come up in relationships, especially when it comes to parenting. Expect the ebb and flow of a relationship. 

Sexual incompatibility can be a sensitive topic for couples. How can they approach these conversations constructively? What are signs that an issue can be resolved versus deeper incompatibilities?

It helps to have a sex therapist in the room with you in order to discuss sexual incompatibility. It’s fragile territory. The conversations require tactful honesty. Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you’d like to try. The most important thing is kind curiosity. “I’m curious how you came to love sex in this way.”

Women are often conditioned to prioritize their partner’s needs over their own. How can they recognize and break free from these patterns to create more balanced relationships?

Be brave about disappointing your partner, and tolerate the disappointment. In a simple way, start tuning into your own needs and working through disappointing others. Own what you want. It’s an important price to pay.

Sexual confidence is a challenge for many women. What advice do you have for overcoming insecurities and embracing empowerment in intimacy?

I had felt defective sexually my whole life, partly because of mainstream media, and partly because of my first experience sexually. I began studying sex and sexual issues. I came across a book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I was stunned to read that only 20 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone. It’s biological. I learned there was nothing wrong with me. I had faked orgasm with men I was dating, and I felt terrible about it. 

Work on letting go of shame, because it keeps you quiet. It takes work to let go of body shame or the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. Use gentle curiosity and discuss what you like and what your partner likes. Experiment and see how it goes. Empathy is the magic bullet that helps a couple get through hard times.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It varies by age. What you’re looking for changes. Is this person compatible for the stage of life you’re in? Trust your gut and your inner knowing if there’s a definite no or a definite maybe. Learn whether the things that matter most are there. Create your own happiness, too. And know your deal breakers.

Connect with Bonnie

• Website – https://bonniecomfort.com/ 
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/bonniecomfortauthor   
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61570054590355  
• LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/bonnie-comfort-864b10b/

Watch this episode on YouTube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Learn the keys to lasting love in this podcast episode with Nick Brancato. Whether you’re single or partnered, this is for you! — Are you interested in unlocking the keys to lasting love? My podcast guest, Nick Brancato, is a personal development coach and educator with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples […]

Learn the keys to lasting love in this podcast episode with Nick Brancato. Whether you’re single or partnered, this is for you!

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Are you interested in unlocking the keys to lasting love? My podcast guest, Nick Brancato, is a personal development coach and educator with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples connect, communicate, and thrive. With a master’s degree in education and a background as a Microsoft systems engineer, Nick blends practical tools with data-driven frameworks to guide people through life’s challenges, including career shifts, financial pressures, and personal growth. He’s also the author of Prioritize Us: Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why so many couples experience a “priority drift” and how they can they prevent it
• Some simple, actionable steps couples can start applying right away to realign priorities
• Why individual self-awareness is such a critical component of alignment in relationships
• How aligning priorities within a partnership ripples out to positively impact families and communities
• The Total Difference Score (TDS) framework and its practical applications

EP 669: Nick Brancato – How to Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test

Why do so many couples experience what you refer to as “priority drift,” and how can they prevent it?

The “priority drift” is when two people have similar priorities at the beginning of a relationship, they begin to drift apart, and they don’t discuss their priorities until there’s a crisis. Discussing your shared priorities on an ongoing basis with check ins is key to a lasting loving relationship.

What are some simple, actionable steps couples can start applying right away to realign priorities?

Check in on your individual priorities. In the book there are ten core priorities in life. Rank them in terms of importance. Doing the assessment helps us focus on the top priorities and how we spend our time focused on our priorities. To avoid priority drift, check with your partner – small, medium, and large check ins. The rules are – No screens and no talking about other people. A small check in might be over coffee in the morning. Discuss decisions that you’re making. Ask each other what are your top three priorities on a regular basis. Be curious and open to understand each other.

Why is individual self-awareness such a critical component of alignment in relationships?

If you don’t know yourself, it’s impossible to know other people. You may think you know them, but you don’t. Know your priorities. List them, rank them, and ask yourself how satisfied you are with each priority. How am I using my time, energy and money in alignment with your values. In your relationship, that will be so impactful.

How does aligning priorities within a partnership ripple out to positively impact families and communities?

As you become more aligned with yourself and your relationship, you start to ask better questions of others. You become more curious and empathetic. You understand people’s motives. You communicate better.

Can you explain the Total Difference Score (TDS) framework and its practical applications?

The TDS score is the result of the Prioritize Us test. It measures the strength of your relationship and how aligned you are. It helps you learn to communicate better by ranking your 10 core  priorities, and your partner ranks theirs, and then comparing them. The TDS is your compared score. Once you know where you differ, you can communicate about them and improve your relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Relationships take work, but you don’t have to have perfect alignment. You need small meaningful adjustments. Work on yourself and who you want to be in order to attract your last first date!

Watch this episode here on YouTube

Connect with Nick

• IG https://www.instagram.com/personaldevcoach/ 
• Website https://nickbrancato.com/ 
• Get an ebook of Prioritize Us for FREE at https://www.nickbrancato.com/prioritize-us
• Buy the paperback or hardcover book, Prioritize Us: Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test  https://amzn.to/45XJ460

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode! — Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. […]

Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode!

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Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What is “dating on your own terms”?
• What the four dating archetypes represent: Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker
• Some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person
• One of their favorite exercises from the book
• Some of the key points they’re hoping readers will take away from the book

EP 645: Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu – How to Be More Dateable

How is your book different from other dating books out there?

We needed to let people know we don’t need to stay in the confines of modern dating. We hope it empowers people to date on their own terms. There’s so much negativity that doesn’t bring us to connection. There is a better way to date.

Tell us about the four dating archetypes that help you become more dateable.

Achiever: Go after what they want, achieve a lot. Downside is they’re not always present. They want to keep things going to get to the next stage. 

Dreamer: Wears their heart on their sleeve, they make great partners because they’re so warm. Where it doesn’t serve is getting lost in the fantasy by seeing the best in them and giving too many chances.

Energizer: Go, go, go daters. Back to back dates. Endless energy on dates. Downside is they don’t take time to pause and reflect on what works for them. All their energy is out, not in. They get drained.

Maverick: Very independent, high standards for self and others, hold your own in relationship, but runs at first sign of something hard to not get hurt. Needs to learn to run towards the person by getting curious and getting information instead of misinterpreting.

Thinker: They overthink, hesitate, are all in their head. They are people who think things through and are open to conversation. Downside is they go into analysis paralysis. They can lose track of the big picture.

What are some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person?

We believe everyone is dateable. What gets in our way is the traps of the modern dating culture. 

The Expectation of Love on Demand: We are in a fast culture. Uber, Amazon, Ubereats are all immediate. We often date like that, looking for an immediate spark.

Settling Paradox: This is where you don’t want to settle for the wrong person, but you settle for bad behavior. 

Validation Trap: Because of the mentality that you’re winning if you’re in a relationship and losing if you’re single put so much pressure on dating. We seek validation, but we’re not always aware of that. 

Relationship Chicken: We do everything in dating that’s the opposite of what we do in a relationship. Fox example, we play games with texting and waiting longer than the other. How can we treat dating as we would treat someone in a relationship. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t think about dates as first date. Anything can happen in life. Life doesn’t happen in a linear fashion. Bring your best self to every first date, and treat your relationship as a series of first dates. Be yourself, not a ‘date persona’. That’s when the right people come to fruition.

Connect With Yue and Julie

• The book and free quiz: https://howtobedateable.com 
• Website https://dateablepodcast.com   
• IG @dateablepodcast

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century. — Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ […]

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century.

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Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and sexual assault survivors. She writes The Intimate Philosopher on Substack, and in her free time loves reading, running, crafting, and all things sparkly.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The biggest myths about attraction and intimacy
• The outdated dating advice people should ignore and what to focus on instead
• How the unspoken “rules” impact dating and how people can break free from them
• How people can cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling connections without feeling overwhelmed
• A practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy

EP 662: Dr. Emma Smith – How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

What are some of the biggest myths in modern dating about attraction and intimacy?

One myth is that we mistake chemistry for compatibility and comfort for connection. Neither is a good indicator for safety and depth. Just because you’re drawn to someone in the beginning doesn’t mean your lives will work together in the long run. Go on two dates minimum to see who you both are. Don’t look for the bonfire of sparks. Another myth is that intimacy is about closeness, but it’s also about space. Space to long for and be separate to get together. The final myth is that men only want sex and women only want love.

What outdated dating advice should people ignore, and what should they focus on instead?

Let go of the belief that texting too soon is too eager. We need to stop punishing availability. Let the other person that you had a great time and would love to see each other again soon.

Another dating “rule” is that it’s a woman’s job to be wanted, but she’s not supposed to ask for what she wants. You get to choose. Desire doesn’t bloom in control. It blooms in presence and authenticity. 

Ask yourself where this person is going to fit into your life. What do you need to share on a first or second date? Facts, a bit about your personality, but not your darkest secrets. Some things remain private. As you date more, ask what they do for fun, what type of vacationer are they? As you get to know them better and are ready for sex, share about your STIs and sexual preferences. 

What’s one practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy?

One mindset shift is that love isn’t something you earn, it’s something you co-create with another person. Ask yourself, what kind of love do I want to build with someone else? 

Another one is to make space for contradictions. That tension is something to be aware of. Don’t put yourself into a box to make yourself more likeable. Friction is helpful in a relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I encourage people to think about the things they value and like about themselves. When you go on a date, focus on those parts of you and the fact the person who’s right for you will like those special qualities that you have.

Connect With Emma

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd  
• FB: https://www.facebook.com/JerseyEJ 
• LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emmasmithphd/
• Substack: https://emmasmithphd.substack.com/p/welcome-to-the-intimate-philosopher

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast. — How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship […]

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast.

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How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship experts, speakers, and authors who help high-achieving couples rebuild trust and create deeply connected relationships after betrayal. They co-lead The Raabsmith Team, a coaching collective offering transformative coaching, programs and community support.

In this episode:

• How to rebuild trust and connection after infidelity or trauma when you feel hopeless
• How couples misunderstand how to begin healing after hitting rock bottom
• What is meaningful honesty in relationships?

EP 698: Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith – How to Rebuild Trust When a Relationship Hits Rock Bottom 

For couples who feel hopeless right now, what are some practical ways for them to start on a path back to healing, trust and connection?

We use our intimacy pyramid framework:

The bottom level is honesty. You have to get honest with yourself and with each other about your past and how you’re showing up now. It’s also about self-acceptance.

The next level is safety. There’s no safety without honesty. Each partner commits to doing something about the issues that are breaking down. Be aware of your emotional experience and work on your own regulation. 

The next level is trust. Here’s where you have goals and a shared vision to move into the hard places together. 

The next level is vulnerability, which leads to intimacy. You open up more about the more fragile parts of yourself.

What happens emotionally and relationally for couples who hit rock bottom?

There are scenarios where only one person has been doing the work, and the other partner either steps up or the relationship can end. There are other scenarios where there has been a major rupture.There needs to be repair for the relationship to be restored. Are both partners willing to show up with new levels of honesty and safety? You need awareness and responsibility.

After betrayal or deep rupture, what does meaningful honesty really look like, and what’s the difference between sharing information and rebuilding connection?

Honesty is a proactive action. You don’t wait to be asked the right question to get the right answer. You’re driven to be open and honest about destructive behaviors before getting asked. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself first. Know yourself so you can share honestly. Join groups to help you share honestly.

How can couples begin rebuilding trust when emotions are still raw?

Start with safety and stabilization to begin the healing when emotions are still raw. It’s not the time to dive into the deepest pain, but it’s important to build support and structure.

What positive outcomes have you seen emerge when couples are willing to do the deeper healing work after betrayal? 

It’s one of the greatest gifts to see the positive results of couples we’ve helped. They’ve built a lasting connection. We have a yearly retreat with couples we’ve helped. They sometimes help other couples because of the results they’ve achieved. They experience passion, purpose and play. They are breaking patterns from generations before.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get to know yourself, who you are, your values, what you want in a relationship, and what it takes to build that. You want to find a person who will build that with you. Look for someone who is open to personal growth. 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

• Website: raabsmithteam.com 
• Instagram: @theraabsmithteam
• Grab your free Couples Honest Connection Guide to help you better connect both with yourself as you grow in personal awareness and with your partner as you increase your relational closeness.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more. — Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home […]

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more.

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Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home to Yourself and Others and Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love. She explores the “Whys” of life: why we feel, connect, and experience the world the way we do. This passion led her to specialize in trauma, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology. She believes that connection to ourselves and others is at the heart of healing, and she uses a range of modalities to help individuals and couples return to wholeness. She’s the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, and she leads the Conscious Relationship Group, a global coaching company offering support to clients worldwide. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How early attachment patterns develop and how they can make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships
• How to stop reenacting the core wound of abandonment in our adult relationships
• How to start building “earned security” if you didn’t grow up with it
• How implicit memory shapes our attraction patterns and relational choices
• How to recognize when you’re pushing away the very connection you say you want

EP 689: Jessica Baum – How to Feel Safe in Your Romantic Relationships

How do early attachment patterns develop, and how can they make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships?

We develop these patterns in infancy. When our parents have emotional presence and attunement, we have more secure attachment. If there’s stress or anxiety or inconsistency, we develop insecure attachment in our closest relationships.

A common theme for all insecure attachment styles is the theme of abandonment. What does it take to stop reenacting that core wound in our adult relationships?

A core wound is a feeling that happens when we’re very young. They live deeply embedded in our bodies. To heal, we anchor and hold the original event in our bodies. If your parents were struggling or fighting, as young children, we sense something is off and think it’s something wrong with us. It’s a way to develop an adaptive strategy to survive. Be with those parts. Understand them. We can’t heal without adult anchoring. You don’t do it alone. You can co-anchor with others, not just therapists.

How can someone start building “earned security” if they didn’t grow up with it?

Seek out safe people in your life to help build earned security and a felt sense of safety in relationships.

What is implicit memory, and how does it shape our attraction patterns and relational choices?

Implicit memories are sensations in the body that happen when we’re young and we’re not met to process hard feelings. These patterns are stored in our bodies. When you feel something is off in your body, these are implicit memories. That starts to change the relationship you have with the wound. That gets to the root of the attachment wound. 

How can people recognize when they’re pushing away the very connection they say they want?

If we grew up in a home with a lot of neglect or chaos, it feels uncomfortable to our nervous system to have someone safe in our lives. It feels foreign. When you experience safety over and over again, you’re more comfortable with safe people who truly see you.

What does it mean to carry multiple attachment styles or patterns—what do they feel like, and why is that important to know?

One of the free gifts I’m giving you is “beyond the labels”, which is the Wheel of Attachment. In one household we can have all the patterns of attachment. When you understand attachment in a more wholistic and organic way, we can show up with many different attachment styles or patterns. We show up differently with different people in childhood and adulthood.

What’s one practice from SAFE that listeners can start using today if they feel stuck, lonely, or overwhelmed?

Source safety from the past. If you have a safe person or even a pet or someone from your past, you can go into those memories as to what it feels like to feel safe. This is how we recognize warmth, consistently, and reliability.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get curious about what feels unsafe and safe when you date. Dating is complicated. Go as slow as possible. Process as truthfully as possible.

Connect with Jessica Baum

• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Free gifts: 40-minute conversation with Jessica and her mentor Bonnie about going from insecurity to security and the Wheel of Attachment: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife and beyond? Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Andre Lazarus! — How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife dating and relationships? Andre Lazarus has the answers! He is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and relationship expert featured on the UK […]

How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife and beyond? Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Andre Lazarus!

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How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife dating and relationships? Andre Lazarus has the answers! He is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and relationship expert featured on the UK TV series Virgin Island. He helps individuals and couples reconnect with desire, build emotional safety, and communicate openly about intimacy. Through embodied practices rooted in the Somatica® Method, Andre supports people in midlife and beyond to create passionate, secure, and deeply fulfilling relationships.

In this episode:

• What is embodied intimacy
• How couples in long-term relationships rediscover desire when the spark fades
• How to create safety and connection in intimacy

EP 708: Andre Lazarus – How to Reignite Desire and Emotional Connection in Midlife Dating and Relationships

Highlights of this Episode

André’s Background

• André Lazarus: intimacy coach, ex-military, moved from security/tech into embodied intimacy work.
• Based in Barcelona; has experience with therapeutic intimate practices and tantra-influenced approaches.
• Offers online courses and a free resource for embodied loving via his website.

Embodied Intimacy & Coaching Approach

• Embodied/somatic intimacy = focusing on bodily sensations over cognitive/goal-oriented sex.
• Coaching emphasizes presence, practicing communication, boundary/consent skills, and gradual somatic work.
• Reframes sex beyond penetration/orgasm; values slow, varied, non-goal-oriented sexual experiences.

Midlife Relationships & Alternatives

• Midlife often brings increased self-awareness, willingness to change, and reassessment of relationships.
• Alternatives (non-monogamy, relationship agreements) can be viable options when sexual needs differ.
• Communication, curiosity, and incremental exploration are recommended before major decisions.

Trauma-informed Care & Starting Steps

• Sexual trauma requires trauma-informed, qualified support; combine talk therapy with embodied modalities.
• Practical starter step: list what’s working vs. missing in intimacy, then pick a first actionable step (research, discovery call, workshop).
• Trust intuition when choosing practitioners; request discovery calls and check references/testimonials.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Andre

• Website: https://www.coming-closer.com/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/coming-closer/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@comingcloserwithandre
• Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/comingcloserwithandre?_rdc=1&_rdr#

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio. — The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected […]

When only one person does the work, can a relationship last? That’s the big question we answer on this episode of Last First Date Radio.

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The age old question: when only one person does the work, can a relationship last? Dr. Lee Baucom has spent over three decades helping people shift from a disconnected marriage to a loving and connected relationship, even if only one is trying.

In this episode:

• What is a Pause Button Marriage?
• What are the three levels of connection?
• What can only one partner do to save a relationship? 

EP 704: Lee Baucom – Can a Relationship Survive When Only One Person Does the Work?

Highlights of this episode:

Signs of a one-sided relationship

• If you’re dating and notice things are one-sided: carrying emotional weight is a yellow/red flag.
• Notice patterns within yourself in a long-term relationship that feels one-sided: stepping in unasked, always planning, feeling resentful.
• Hidden vs. stated contributions: partners often overestimate their input in a relationship.

Causes and dynamics of a one-sided relationship

• Childhood imprints (imago) shape who carries emotional labor.
• Mutual training: one partner may shut down the other’s attempts to help.
• Chaser–spacer dynamic: pursuing closeness often causes the other to distance.
• Pause-button effect: couples stop intentionally nurturing connection after commitment.

Ways to untangle and reconnect if you’re in a one-sided relationship

• Reality-test your assessment: are you missing the other person’s contributions?
• Reduce criticism; adjust expectations and make explicit agreements with each other.
• Pace reconnection: use invitations and light, low-pressure activities to reconnect.
• Target three connection levels: physical (touch), emotional (listening/validation), spiritual (values, hopes, fears).
• Small, steady increases in reciprocal behavior work better than big, pressured interventions.

Coaching vs. therapy and how to go on your last first date

• Marital therapy has limited statistical effectiveness; coaching can be more outcome-focused.
• Assess team compatibility (values, day-to-day functioning) when choosing a partner.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Lee

• Website: http://UnPauseYourMarriage.com  
• Podcast: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/podcast 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What is radical listening? And how can it help improve all our relationships? My podcast guest, Robert Biswas-Diener has the answers! — What is radical listening, and why is it important in our relationships? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is the co-author of the soon-to-be published book, Radical Listening, The Art of True Connection. He’s a researcher, […]

What is radical listening? And how can it help improve all our relationships? My podcast guest, Robert Biswas-Diener has the answers!

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What is radical listening, and why is it important in our relationships? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is the co-author of the soon-to-be published book, Radical Listening, The Art of True Connection. He’s a researcher, author, and consultant. His previous books include The Upside of Your Dark Side (New York Times Bestseller, 2014), and the 2007 PROSE Award winner, Happiness. He has presented keynotes to Lululemon, Deloitte, Humana, AARP, The World Bank, and others. In 2024, Thinkers50 named him one of the “50 Most Influential Executive Coaches in the World.” He lives in Portland, Oregon, where he enjoys drawing and rock climbing.

In this episode:

• How Radical Listening moves beyond traditional active listening techniques
• What people trying to accomplish when they listen
• How the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening enable us to better communicate with
• others
• How Internal and External listening skills complement each other
• How we can effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations

EP 651: Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener – The Art of Radical Listening

How does Radical Listening move beyond traditional active listening techniques? 

Radical listening is not shocking, it’s about extending listening beyond what we do in active listening. One of the things we think is most important is that listening is about accomplishing things.

What are people trying to accomplish when they listen?

They’re trying to figure out your intention: do you want to be validated or solve problems? Both parties are equal in the relationship. When the speaker is speaking, they’re making bids to entertain, connect, etc. Your job as the listener is to try to figure out what they want from you. Do they want empathy, support, or something else? We often miss what others want.

To learn what people want, we ask open questions to invite more information.There are better and worse questions. You want to ask questions that reveal something about the person – their feelings, or who they are. “What’s your take on that?”

How do the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening help us communicate better with others?

The overarching thing to do is listen with positive intent and to understand the other person better. The first three core skills are internal and the next three are external. 

The six skills are:

1. Noticing 
2. Quieting your inner chatter
3. Acceptance: even without similarities, try to accept the other person’s point of view
4. Acknowledging: say something about what you’ve noticed
5. Questioning: asking open questions
6. Interrupting: You can either take turns talking, or you can jump in with a ‘wow’ or ‘me too’, which are interruptions which return the focus on the speaker.

What are two obstacles to radical listening?

Comparing and competing are two obstacles to listening well. Competing would look like trying to outdo the other person. Comparing is a cousin to that. For example, you share that you studied abroad. And the other person says, “I studied abroad, too! Here’s what my experience was like.” It’s disconnecting.

How can we effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations?

Any time you’re listening with intention, knowing what you want to accomplish, you’re more likely to hear the emotional tone, the themes of what you’re saying. And if you’re the speaker, be clear about what you’re looking for.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Begin with a positive intention – listen with respect and ask great questions to learn about someone, and also be willing to give of yourself. Think about the times you were deeply listened to – how did it feel? Go do that!

Connect with Robert

• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-biswas-diener-a860289   
• Website https://robertdiener.com/ 

Watch on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How can you balance life and love? Dr. Margaret Cochran gives us actionable techniques to create more balance in your life. — How do you balance life and love? That’s what we’re discussing today on the podcast with Dr. Margaret Cochran. She is a transpersonal psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, educator, author, and media personality […]

How can you balance life and love? Dr. Margaret Cochran gives us actionable techniques to create more balance in your life.

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How do you balance life and love? That’s what we’re discussing today on the podcast with Dr. Margaret Cochran. She is a transpersonal psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, educator, author, and media personality with 25+ years of experience. She blends traditional, transpersonal, and energy psychology to help clients heal and thrive. Featured on BBC, CBS, NBC, and more, she’s known for her whole-person approach to wellness and hosting programs like Wisdom, Love and Magic.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How to know when things are out of balance in a relationship
• Is balance really possible?
• How to balance life and love if you don’t have healthy examples in your life
• How to talk to your partner about balance
• Tips you can use to achieve balance between life and love

EP 679: Dr. Margaret Cochran – How to Balance Life and Love; Strategies for Success

How do you know when things are out of balance in a relationship?

We work too hard and we’re praised for it. We start to fall apart. If you’re well rested and satisfied, you’ll produce a much better product at work. And as an individual, we need to matter to ourselves first or we can’t be there for anyone else.

Stop, sit back, and take a second, and ask yourself, “What is it that I need?” It may take practice if you’re not used to it. Your needs are vital, not wrong or “needy” or self-centered.

Is balance really possible?

Balance is where there’s as much coming in as there is going out. As women we get pressured to put more out than in. Often women don’t know what they want. We lose ourselves, and then we can’t give or receive love.

How do you determine how to balance life and love if you don’t have healthy examples in your life?

Talk to a professional who can help you define your values and boundaries.

What are some actionable tips you can use to achieve balance between life and love?

Go back into your childhood when you were eight or nine years old. What was your favorite thing to do? Go do it and watch what happens. That touches the little person inside of you. It’s the part that gets ignored. That part of you that’s about being and not doing. It’s the most intuitive part of you. Fill a bowl with fun things to do.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Remember to date yourself first. Being in love with yourself will allow you to have a healthy relationship.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. Cochran

• IGhttps://www.instagram.com/doctorcochran/
• YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@drmargaretcochran
• FB https://www.facebook.com/drmcochran
• TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@drmargaretcochran
• Websitehttps://www.drcochran.com/

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life