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Why Polarity is the Secret to Attraction

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What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love. — Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love […]

polarity

What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love.

—

Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love & Relationship Division. For nearly two decades, he has helped women worldwide attract high-quality men and lasting love. He’s appeared on The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah & Friends, and The Hallmark Channel. His book, Cracking The Man Code, reveals how men think, love, and communicate.

In this episode:

  • The biggest polarity mistake smart, successful women make
  • What women get wrong about feminine energy
  • Why doing more in dating and relationships sabotages your love life
  • The first internal shift to make if you’re a planner and emotional leader in relationships
  • A man’s deepest desire

EP 701: Mat Boggs – Why Polarity is the Secret to Attraction 

What is polarity, and what’s the biggest polarity mistake you see smart, successful single women make in terms of masculine and feminine energy?

I was speaking on stages with other relationship experts who were talking about masculine and feminine energy and polarity. I realized I had been operating in my feminine energy in romance. My older sister became my first dating coach. It was attracting women who took the lead and pursued, and when my masculine took over, the relationship took a dive. When I met my now wife, Irene, I finally stepped more fully into my masculine, and she was in her feminine, and it’s the best relationship I ever had.

We all have both energies and they’re completely dynamic. Masculine is providing and pursuing. Feminine is receiving and pulling. In the courting stage, whatever energy we lead with, we attract the opposite energy. Feminine energy is not fake or passive. It’s strong.

What makes a woman irresistible to men?

She’s relaxed and having fun around a man. She trusts him.

You share the story of Tanya, the former military commander. What was she doing that sabotaged her love life?

Tanya was used to taking charge. It didn’t get her the result in her love life that she wanted. She opened up the part of her that was feminine. She learned to be proactive and create the space for a man to fill. What do you want? The masculine wants to fulfill that. Instead of planning a hike, tell him, “You know what I’d love? A hike. Would you plan it for us?” Her job was to celebrate him following through. 

A lot of powerful women feel feminine energy is fake, weak, and passive. Not true. It’s powerful. It’s okay to receive. If you have resistance to receiving, it’s usually because of a lack of self worth. You’re not attracted to anyone except people who are taken, married, or emotionally unavailable. Self love controls how open our hearts are. If you want big love, you have to open the door wider. 

The key is a self love practice to help us open the door to our heart. We need people to connect to our authentic self. Then we can receive. You are enough…without overplanning and overdoing for men.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of hard conversations we’re willing to have. The feeling you have for love is evidence it’s out there for you. Every action is moving you forward.

Connect With Mat

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Increase Intimacy in Your Everyday Life

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You can increase intimacy in all parts of your life. My podcast guests, Celeste and Danielle, will show you how! — Do you want to know how to increase intimacy in your life? Danielle Harel, Ph.D., and Celeste Hirschman, M.A., are co-founders of the Somatica® Institute. They revolutionized intimacy and relationship coaching with their experiential […]

increase intimacy

You can increase intimacy in all parts of your life. My podcast guests, Celeste and Danielle, will show you how!

—

Do you want to know how to increase intimacy in your life? Danielle Harel, Ph.D., and Celeste Hirschman, M.A., are co-founders of the Somatica® Institute. They revolutionized intimacy and relationship coaching with their experiential Somatica Method. They have trained over 1,000 coaches, authored three books, and inspired countless people to embrace vulnerability and rediscover desire.

In this episode:

  • How to start practicing intimacy in your daily life
  • Why it’s essential to start with non-romantic connections
  • How to step out of your comfort zone and practice intimacy with strangers
  • How couples can create chemistry, even if they don’t feel an immediate connection at first
  • Some of the first steps someone can take to actively generate more chemistry with their partner, even after years together
  • How men can shed their emotional armor and lean into vulnerability with their partners

EP 659: Danielle Harel & Celeste Hirschman – How to Increase Intimacy in Your Everyday Life

How can people start practicing intimacy in their daily lives, and why is it essential to start with non-romantic connections?

Celeste: Intimacy is first with ourselves, even the parts we’re embarrassed about. We need to connect to those parts so we can connect and accept others. We often judge others, and when we bring those pieces together, we can have better relationships with others.

Danielle: People are missing out on intimacy if they’re only thinking of it as a romantic term. Connection with all people builds your band of joy and fullness.

Celeste: There are things we’re ashamed of that won’t change. That’s what I mean by acceptance. Even when we change, things still come up, but we can deal with them in a healthier way.

Danielle: My wound is about intimacy with self, not with others. Intimacy created a way to love my body and connect more intimately with others.

How do you guide people to step out of their comfort zones and practice intimacy with strangers? 

Celeste: When I’m at the bank and ask the teller how they’re doing instead of staring at my phone, that’s intimacy. In our work, we begin with an open hearted stance to create intimacy.

Danielle: We can practice intimacy with every person in our lives. It’s powerful. The stakes are lower, so you can be more open and less defensive.

How do you help couples create chemistry, even if they don’t feel an immediate connection at first?

Danielle: Chemistry is not created with a list. Sitting present with a person and checking with what feels good is important. Are you enjoying the experience? If you’re totally not attracted, don’t keep dating, but if you’re having fun and connecting, that’s great. We can have different types of chemistry with people: intellectual, travel adventures, or sexual chemistry.

Celeste: Don’t try to make a relationship right away and be future focused. Be present and build intimacy in moments.

What are some of the first steps someone can take to actively generate more chemistry with their partner, even after years together?

Celeste: Start with the reality that sex doesn’t happen spontaneously. We don’t always have a conversation about what turns us on and whether it’s compatible. Have the conversations so you can continue to build chemistry.

Danielle: Many couples don’t even know it’s a conversation to have. It can be hard to keep a fire burning after you’ve been together for a while. Pay attention and learn tools to understand what motivates us in sex. Sex becomes a resource and not a chore.

Celeste: For example, if someone touches my face while kissing me, I feel special and turned on.

How do you help men shed their emotional armor and lean into vulnerability with their partners?

Celeste: I love working with men. A man I’m working with feels he has to manage his partner’s emotions and not let her feel fully. Other men don’t know how to express their fears and uncertainty. I help them understand their emotions and learn how to let their partners take care of their own feelings. He gets to feel his response to it.

Danielle: I’ve worked with a lot of women who feel men are supposed to know how to deal with their emotions. There are expectations that men can hold their feelings. It’s more helpful for women to express what’s going on for them and what they need from their partners when they have big emotions.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Celeste: I used to go on dates thinking I was marketing to someone else’s needs. Now, I ask myself if I’m getting what I want and need.

Danielle: Enjoy every moment. Don’t just shoot for the end. Every connection is an opportunity for more intimacy.

Website & Social Media Links:

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships

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Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love! — Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, […]

romantic relationships

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love!

—

Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, best-selling author, women’s empowerment leader, and certified Shadow Work® Coach. Junie’s mission is to help women experience Next Level Love by first nurturing the love within themselves. She’s the author of “Loving The Whole Package: Shed The Shame and Live Life Out Loud”, and an award winning speaker and host of the successful Midlife Love Out Loud podcast. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships
  • What ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships
  • How the inner critic contribute to self-sabotage, and strategies to quiet it
  • The first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships
  • How shadow work transforms your love life and helps you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships

EP 636: Junie Moon – Why We Sabotage Romantic Relationships (and How To Stop)

What are some common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships?

We date the same person over and over with a different face. What was safe and acceptable as a child is not healthy in relationships. People pleasers are afraid to speak up. Women in general put men’s sexuality first so they don’t take up too much time and space. They’re afraid if they’re vulnerable, they might get left. If you’ve been in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, that kind of energy from childhood equals love. Conflict avoidance is another strategy that doesn’t work in relationships. As long as we’re putting up masks, we’re coming to relationships not fully being who you are.

Can you explain what ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships?

The shadow is the part of us we want to hide. We learn how to fit in, not disappoint people, and how to survive at a young age. We get messages about how to be ‘good’. We’re taught to hide certain parts that are seen as ‘not good’. We threw those parts in shadow. As adults, that’s not effective. Shadow work shines a light on the places we lost access to. That’s how we show up more authentically and attract in the right people. 

How does the inner critic contribute to sabotaging romantic relationships, and what are some strategies to quiet it?

The inner critic is a part that is the risk manager. It assesses if we’re safe or not. We need that part, and the more we’ve been hurt, the more it shows up. It tells you there’s something wrong with you. Why bother? It’s not going to happen for you. Who will want me? 

However, if you want partnership and connection, you need to reel in the inner critic and quiet it. Notice what’s going on in your body when you’re on the first date. The inner critic wants you to stay safe, so let the risk manager know it’s overshooting. Thank it for protecting you. Tell it it’s making you feel inadequate. Be in the driver’s seat, so when the pattern comes up, let it know it’s not working for you anymore.

What is the first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships?

Celebrate that you’re aware you have a pattern. If you don’t see it, you can’t fix it. Have compassion for yourself. Go back as far as you can remember and see where the pattern began. Look at your childhood and notice the pattern you’re trying to heal. What might you want differently?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know thyself! If you want great love and are willing to heal and be honest with yourself, you’re more likely to go on your last first date. Do the work to attract the relationship you really want.

Watch this episode on youtube

Connect With Junie

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Reprogram Your Brain to Stop Dating the Wrong People

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How do you stop dating the wrong people? My podcast guest, Misha Saidov, says you need to reprogram your brain. Here’s how! — Stop dating the wrong people! Misha Saidov is a modern philosopher, mystic, entrepreneur, and author focused on personal transformation and human potential. Founder of Institute of Metacognitive Programming, his work has reached […]

Stop Dating the Wrong People

How do you stop dating the wrong people? My podcast guest, Misha Saidov, says you need to reprogram your brain. Here’s how!

—

Stop dating the wrong people! Misha Saidov is a modern philosopher, mystic, entrepreneur, and author focused on personal transformation and human potential. Founder of Institute of Metacognitive Programming, his work has reached 150,000+ people in 93 countries. Blending trauma healing, identity, and meaning with business rigor from roles at Konica Minolta and Phenom People, he helps people break inherited patterns and live with greater clarity, intention, and authenticity.

In this episode:

  • Why so many of us keep dating the wrong people
  • What people get wrong about chemistry
  • What is Metacognitive Programming and how does it help people retrain their brains?
  • Why self-awareness is not enough to create lasting change

EP 724: Misha Saidov- How to Reprogram Your Brain to Stop Dating the Wrong People

Highlights of this episode:

Repetition compulsion & attachment patterns

  • Misha framed repeated relationship choices as “repetition compulsion” (Freud): repeating unresolved childhood patterns hoping they will finally resolve.
  • Childhood experiences create metaprograms (e.g., abandonment, emotional deprivation) that shape expectations and interpretations of relationships.
  • People both perceive reality through these metaprograms and actively recreate situations that confirm them (e.g., withholding feelings, pushing partners away).
  • Attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant) drive automatic reactions that persist despite intellectual awareness.

Five-step process to rewire relationships (Misha’s framework)

  • Step 1 — Seeing through (awareness): identify unmet needs, attachment style, metaprograms, and default personality settings.
  • Step 2 — Hearing beyond words (recognition & pause): use behavioral chain analysis to notice triggers, thoughts, feelings, actions, and outcomes in real time.
  • Step 3 — Sincere path (authentic disclosure): verbally own inauthentic reactions and shame; explain origins (e.g., childhood) to partners and request cooperation.
  • Step 4 — Go till the end (deep healing): do the hard inner-child/shadow work; address trauma fully to avoid recurring symptoms and intergenerational transmission.
  • Step 5 — Product of your product (agency & effectiveness): measure progress by satisfaction and getting needs met; aim for life effectiveness rather than just transient happiness.

Dating, relationships, and parenting implications

  • Dating is a practical training ground and mirror for emotional health; people attract partners at their current level of resolution.
  • No mistakes mindset: early relationships help improve pattern recognition speed (from years → months → days).
  • Partners should support healing but not substitute for personal therapy; avoid making your partner your therapist or vice versa.
  • Practical relationship guidance: aim for a partner who meets ~80% of your needs; keep 20% for self-regulation and realistic boundaries.
  • Parenting impact: healing stops generational trauma (“ghost in the nursery” vs. “angel in the nursery”); working on oneself benefits children and descendants.
  • Maintain the “first date” feeling by continually re-engaging with your partner—relationships are ongoing conversations.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Misha Saidov

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Five Lust Languages For Lifelong Erotic Pleasure

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How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode! — How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life […]

erotic pleasure

How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode!

—

How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. Susan has spent over two decades doing something that censorship and shame have long tried to silence: teaching people the pleasure-based sex education they never received. As CEO of Better Lover, Personal Life Media, and The20, she publishes the world’s most comprehensive library of orgasmic lovemaking education and formulates precision sexual vitality supplements built on the science of blood flow and desire.

In this episode:

  • How to turn communication into foreplay
  • The biggest mistakes couples make when giving feedback about intimacy
  • What is the Sexual Soulmate pact?
  • The myth about spontaneous desire
  • The importance of curiosity in creating more erotic pleasure

EP 725: Susan Bratton – The Five Lust Languages For Lifelong Erotic Pleasure

Highlights of this episode:

Five Lust Languages (FLESH)

  • Susan introduced the Five Lust Languages acronym FLESH: Fearless feedback; Lover Space; Erotic vigilance; Soulmate Embrace; Heat.
  • Purpose: a practical framework for sustaining and increasing erotic pleasure across decades.
  • Rationale: orgasmic intimacy supports longevity (hormonal cascades, oxytocin, NK cells) and emotional health; sex education is often missing.
  • Emphasis on growth mindset — sexual skills and variety can be learned and improved over time.

Communication, Safety & Techniques

  • Fearless feedback: normalize asking for what you want in the moment; use specific, nonjudgmental phrasing and “softer no” + alternatives.
  • Sexual Soulmate Pact: a tool Susan created to establish bedroom communication norms and reduce shame/pecking-order reactions.
  • Lover Space (atmospheric safety): set conditions for relaxation and surrender (lighting, towels, lube, timing, novelty) to enable female arousal which often needs more time/blood flow.
  • Erotic vigilance & seduction with integrity: make small, right-sized offers; read partner’s state (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/fornicate); maintain curiosity and adjust.
  • Practical tips: slow down, co-regulate (holding, eye contact), prioritize relaxation before technique; options for addressing lubrication and blood flow (topical vaginal estrogen, nitric oxide boosters).

Sustaining Heat: Novelty, Play & Solo Practice

  • Heat/new relationship energy: maintain novelty and variety to prevent boredom and create “upward pleasure spiral.”
  • Erotic playdates and sex-life bucket list: Susan’s method — brainstorm, categorize A/B/C (want to do / maybe / not now), schedule playdates to learn and bond.
  • Solo pleasure: practice interoception, explore multiple orgasm types and body regions (clitoral, nipple, mouth, core, etc.) to expand capacity.
  • Long-term approach: practice, iterate, laugh at mishaps, and view experimentation as bonding and growth; sex tech and new modalities expanding options.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Susan Bratton

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Are Men So Scared to Flirt Today?

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Men are too scared to flirt, and this is impacting their mental health. Here’s how men can become more confident in flirting and dating. — Marni Kinrys believes men are too scared to flirt, and it’s leading to a mental health crisis no one is talking about. She’s the founder of The Wing Girl Method, […]

scared to flirt

Men are too scared to flirt, and this is impacting their mental health. Here’s how men can become more confident in flirting and dating.

—

Marni Kinrys believes men are too scared to flirt, and it’s leading to a mental health crisis no one is talking about. She’s the founder of The Wing Girl Method, host of the Ask Women Podcast, designer of the F-Formula, and an award-winning female dating coach for men ages 25-85 at every stage of dating and relationships. Marni is known for her blunt, no “fluff” approach and honest insider tips, tools and advice on what women really want vs. what they say they want.

In this episode:

  • Why men today are so scared to flirt
  • The impact on men’s mental health
  • How men can improve self-confidence
  • Why so many men are afraid of rejection

EP 718: Marni Kinrys – Are Men Too Scared to Flirt? The Mental Health Connection No One’s Talking About

Highlights of this episode:

Background & premise of Marni’s work

  • Marni became a “winggirl” after helping people connect at a singles mixer; built a coaching business from early grassroots demand.
  • Wing Girl Method offers programs to teach men how to understand women and attract partners authentically.
  • New podcast: Turn Her On — female perspectives and practical guidance for men on attraction and flirting.
  • Core philosophy: dispel myths about what women want and teach practical steps for connection and attraction.

Flirting, dating dynamics & mental health

  • Common male myths: “She’s out of my league,” “Don’t bother/respect means don’t approach,” and underestimating their own value.
  • Key dating skills: be playful/flirtatious, share personal passions (emotion over data), ask engaging questions, and conversation threading.
  • Flirting fundamentals: light teasing, playful challenges, eye contact, appropriate touch, and showing passion — about 60% connection / 40% flirt early, shifting later.
  • Authenticity and follow-through build trust: say what you mean, keep commitments (e.g., texting expectations), be honest about dating status and intentions.
  • Harm of failing to flirt: confusion, loneliness, anger, blaming others, and worsening mental health when men feel they “did everything right” but get no romantic progress.
  • Shame and socialization: men often taught to hide emotions; younger generations are receiving more emotional education and show increased emotional expressiveness.
  • Balance and boundaries: avoid love-bombing or manipulative breadcrumbing; distinguish charming/assertive from aggressive/narcissistic behavior.
  • Practical dating advice: broaden “type” through experimentation; treat dating as exploration and inventory of preferences.

Communication tips & closing guidance

  • Be direct: ask for what you want (dates, texts, exclusivity level) clearly and honestly.
  • Women can give clearer cues: provide “green lights” and avoid over-reliance on subtle hints.
  • Feminine initiation: women can initiate in gentle, confident ways (e.g., ask for his number or say “I’m flirting with you”).
  • Final advice for a “last first date”: speak up about desires; asking increases the chance of getting what you want.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Marni:

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating Advice: Old Dating Rules vs. New Dating Guidelines

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Out with the old dating rules, and in with new dating guidelines and principles. Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Talia Koren! — Why should we dump the old dating rules? Talia Koren is a dating podcaster, content creator, and entrepreneur who went on 64 first dates in under 10 months before […]

dating rules

Out with the old dating rules, and in with new dating guidelines and principles. Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Talia Koren!

—

Why should we dump the old dating rules? Talia Koren is a dating podcaster, content creator, and entrepreneur who went on 64 first dates in under 10 months before meeting her husband on Hinge. Now, as the founder of Dating Intentionally, she helps women in their 30s–50s date with purpose, build real connections, and enjoy the process.

In this episode:

  • The old rules of dating and why they don’t work anymore
  • The new dating guidelines
  • How to get out of old dating programming
  • Why people today are afraid of commitment and vulnerability
  • What to do when someone says they’re ready for commitment but aren’t

EP 709: Talia Koren – Old Dating Rules vs. New Dating Guidelines

Highlights of this Episode

Main theme: Old dating rules vs. new guidelines

  • Old “rules” (e.g., waiting three days, three-date sex rule) are games/manipulation.
  • Reframe dating as games vs. boundaries vs. standards.
  • Recommendation: ditch manipulative games; use clear boundaries and healthy standards.

Practical dating guidelines

  • Slow dating: align actions with goals, reflect after dates, sit with discomfort.
  • Show clear interest (don’t hide feelings); be direct about communication preferences.
  • Women encouraged to make first moves; both partners should share initiative by “turning towards” each other.
  • First dates should be low-commitment (coffee/walk) as a vibe check.
  • Focus reflections on values, how you felt, and reciprocity — not superficial markers (car, degree).
  • Ask targeted, personal questions related to your needs (e.g., career, travel) to evaluate fit.
  • If actions don’t match stated intentions (e.g., says wants a relationship but is inconsistent), move on.

Personal experiences/examples

  • Talia: 64 first dates in 10 months, then met husband outside her “type”; attraction developed slowly; prized slow burn, reciprocity, and lack of red flags.
  • Examples of dealbreakers: physical boundary violations (unwanted grabbing), stalking/over-researching, Venmo-for-sex behavior.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Talia

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Is Forgiveness Critical to Relationship Success?

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What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard. — What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and […]

forgiveness

What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard.

—

What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and Suffering, and has coached political leaders, and he has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why Forgiveness is critical to a successful relationship
  • How not forgiving past relationships hinders our relationships
  • How not forgiving creates a never ending cycle
  • The first step in forgiving
  • Why you must judge to forgive

Tony Silard – Why Forgiveness is Critical to Relationship Success

Why is forgiveness critical to a successful relationship?

Forgiveness is to “give for”. We all have people we need to forgive. What’s the other option? Resentment. To feel anger again and again paralyzes us. I had a physically abusive stepfather, and it took me a long time to forgive him. I had low self esteem and was resentful because of the abuse. It was paralyzing me. Anger can be internalized and manifest in unhealthy ways. Or it becomes aggression where we mistreat others. I did both. Eventually, I was able to have compassion for the parts of him that were good and let go of the anger. I was able to let the better parts of him give for the worst parts and let the positive parts come forward. It helps us heal suffering and move towards love.

What is the first step in forgiving?

In my book, I write about the Love Progression Model, which has four plateaus that culminate in love: Acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love. Each has an obstacle we have to overcome in order to achieve it. In order to realize acceptance, we have to overcome suffering. In order to realize forgiveness, we have to overcome resentment. In order to realize gratitude, we have to overcome judgment. In order to realize love, we have to overcome incarceration.

What I mean by that is we often judge the person who created the hardship, and try to move as far away from that person as possible. I blamed my mother for divorcing my father and marrying my abusive stepfather. I blamed her for being unstable. So, I gravitated towards stability and peace. Running towards the opposite, I thought I needed to date stable women. It wasn’t rooted in my values. So, I would get bored, and then I’d date someone wild, and that didn’t work. We replay the drama we don’t heal. We are imprisoned by our faulty thinking, hoping they rectify the past. Whatever you judge, you already are or will become. 

You mention you must judge to forgive. What do you mean by that?

Judgment comes first and then forgiveness. You’re judging someone’s actions as wrong. It can also be a power play. We can move beyond forgiveness to gratitude. If I hadn’t gone through so much suffering, I wouldn’t have healed and connected to others who have suffered. Passion means pati = to suffer. I felt powerless growing up, but now my passion is to help others feel powerful. 

Post-traumatic growth helps us learn from our trauma. It shifts our priorities, and the trauma becomes a fuel.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

If you want to meet the right person, you first have to become the right person. If you haven’t worked through past traumas, you will continue to meet the same type of person. It’s not what he drives, it’s how he drives you. It’s not what she looks like, but how she looks at you!

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Tony

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

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Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens. — Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of […]

successful women

Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens.

—

Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of The Woman Men Adore. He’s the founder of Relationship Headquarters, where he specializes in helping women emotionally connect with men, attract true love, get married, and, for those in a relationship, learn how to connect and relate more effectively.   

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • How successful women can navigate between being powerful at work and more feminine in dating without losing their authentic selves
  • Busting the myth that successful women intimidate men
  • The meaning of “emotional authenticity”
  • The difference between surrendering in love vs giving up your power

EP 644 : Bob Grant – Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

Many highly successful women say they have to be ‘masculine’ at work but ‘feminine’ in dating – yet that switch feels impossible. How do you help women navigate this delicate balance without losing their authentic selves?

When women are in their feminine, they are softer, and it softens men. It brings out a softer side. And it kicks in men’s desire to be a protector. To make the switch without losing your authentic self, leave your work self at work. Decide which energy you want to be embodying on dates. Ask yourself “how do I want to be treated?” Pat Allen said, “Do you want to be cherished or respected more?” To be cherished, we need to step into the softer, more receptive self.

There’s this myth that successful women intimidate men. But you have a fascinating perspective on what’s really happening in these dynamics – can you break this down for us?

It’s not that they intimidate men. It’s that they can be competitive when they bring their work self to a date. If a man is not reaching out or making an effort early on, he will probably do that in the long run. Pay attention early on if he will show up for you. 

I’m curious about something you call ’emotional authenticity.’ How does this differ from the vulnerability we often hear about, especially for women who are used to being in control?

Emotional authenticity is about matching your emotion with what’s going on for you. For example, when you cry, men appreciate that you feel safe enough with him to cry. State your emotions to help men understand.

Let’s talk about surrender – a word that makes many ambitious women uncomfortable. How do you help women understand the difference between surrendering in love versus giving up their power?

Surrender is about yielding. These are women who are in charge of everything at work, and they don’t want to do that at home. If you want to be loved or cared for by someone who’s got their back and will support them in times of need, you need to surrender to a man’s desire to care for you.

What are your final words of advice for highly successful women who want to go on their last first date?

Can you have an attitude of curiosity early on? It will soften you and remind him that you’re ‘all of this and brains, too’. It gets you out of your head to see if you can talk and connect enough to go on another date.

Connect With Bob

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Hope Might Be the Real Secret to Lasting Love

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What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you… — What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She […]

secret to lasting love

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you…

—

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She weaves her real, lived experiences with behavioral science to create practical, transformative strategies for lasting change. Whether through her TEDx presentations, her interactive workshops, or her book The 5 Habits of Hope, Dr. Garcia’s mission remains the same: to prove that hope isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice, one habit at a time.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The secret to lasting love
  • Why people struggle to hold onto hope in romantic relationships
  • The 5 Habits of Hope
  • Feeling Detours, and how they show up in our lives
  • How to train yourself to have more hope

EP 692: Dr. Julia Garcia – Why Hope Might Be the Real Secret to Lasting Love

What inspired you to write this book?

I was inspired by people I’ve met all over the world. I built a crisis hotline during the pandemic, and I’ve been inundated by how many people say they’re hopeless. There’s got to be a process back to hope. I’m honoring all the stories I’ve heard. Hope is the fuel to keep us motivated and keep going.

Why do you think so many people struggle to hold onto hope, especially when it comes to their romantic relationships?

When we feel hopeless, our brain shuts down. When we have tools to feel feelings we don’t like to feel, we can break the cycles that are not helping us. “Maybe” is a special word that can help create hope. It’s a moment of interruption. Maybe I am deserving of love. Hope is the greatest predictor of health.

You introduce The 5 Habits of Hope: Reflect, Risk, Release, Receive, and Repurpose. Can you walk us through how these habits work in practice?

  1. Reflect: Pause long enough to feel what we feel in the present. What’s something I’ve struggled with?
  2. Risk: Emotional risks can be difficult for some people. You might think you’re not worth the risk to open up. You’re not a burden. People care. Be more vulnerable.
  3. Release: This is one of the hardest. We’re so hard on ourselves and don’t give us permission to breathe. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s meditating.
  4. Receive: If you don’t think you’re worthy, it will be hard to receive. You have the capacity to love and receive love. Receive love from friends.
  5. Repurpose: See worth where you may have seen waste or felt discarded or disregarded. It’s what we do with the feelings that matter.

In your book, you talk about “feeling detours.” What are they, and how do they show up in our everyday lives?

Feeling detours are about dismissing, denying, being divisive about your feelings. If we don’t feel, we don’t deal, and we can’t heal. Practice the five habits. Identify why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. 

If someone listening feels hopeless right now, what’s the very first step they can take today to begin building hope again?

If you’re listening, it’s a powerful step. It took me many years to have words and language. Be passionate, not perfect, be present. And remind yourself…maybe. Maybe I can love again. Maybe I can enjoy this date no matter the outcome. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. Julia

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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