Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out. — How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and […]

Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out.

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How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts.

In this episode:

• How to recognize the shift in power dynamics and control in your relationship
• How people in non-traditional relationships can design a healthy relationship
• How to approach sexual incompatibility in a relationship
• What to do if you tend to prioritize your partner’s needs over your own to create a more balanced relationship
• How can you overcome sexual insecurities

EP 663: Bonnie Comfort – How to Navigate Power Dynamics and Control in Relationships

Why did you decide to write this memoir and share such private and vulnerable information about your relationship with your late husband, especially as a therapist?

I struggled with the question of how my patients might feel reading it, but I wanted people to know that even psychologists continue to struggle in relationships. There’s a lot about my story that’s valuable in general.

Power dynamics and control can subtly shift in relationships. How can people recognize these changes, and what did you observe in your own marriage?

The shift may come inside of you, as in my marriage, I began to feel more equal to him after idealizing him for so long. I had been in his shadow. It took work for me to stand up and for him to respect who I became. There are so many fights that can come up in relationships, especially when it comes to parenting. Expect the ebb and flow of a relationship. 

Sexual incompatibility can be a sensitive topic for couples. How can they approach these conversations constructively? What are signs that an issue can be resolved versus deeper incompatibilities?

It helps to have a sex therapist in the room with you in order to discuss sexual incompatibility. It’s fragile territory. The conversations require tactful honesty. Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you’d like to try. The most important thing is kind curiosity. “I’m curious how you came to love sex in this way.”

Women are often conditioned to prioritize their partner’s needs over their own. How can they recognize and break free from these patterns to create more balanced relationships?

Be brave about disappointing your partner, and tolerate the disappointment. In a simple way, start tuning into your own needs and working through disappointing others. Own what you want. It’s an important price to pay.

Sexual confidence is a challenge for many women. What advice do you have for overcoming insecurities and embracing empowerment in intimacy?

I had felt defective sexually my whole life, partly because of mainstream media, and partly because of my first experience sexually. I began studying sex and sexual issues. I came across a book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I was stunned to read that only 20 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone. It’s biological. I learned there was nothing wrong with me. I had faked orgasm with men I was dating, and I felt terrible about it. 

Work on letting go of shame, because it keeps you quiet. It takes work to let go of body shame or the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. Use gentle curiosity and discuss what you like and what your partner likes. Experiment and see how it goes. Empathy is the magic bullet that helps a couple get through hard times.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It varies by age. What you’re looking for changes. Is this person compatible for the stage of life you’re in? Trust your gut and your inner knowing if there’s a definite no or a definite maybe. Learn whether the things that matter most are there. Create your own happiness, too. And know your deal breakers.

Connect with Bonnie

• Website – https://bonniecomfort.com/ 
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/bonniecomfortauthor   
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61570054590355  
• LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/bonnie-comfort-864b10b/

Watch this episode on YouTube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships! — Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of […]

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships!

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Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of life. Dr. Matt specializes in taking knowledge of the brain, human behavior, and clinical psychology and making that accessible and practical for people to improve their lives.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• A crash course in neurodiversity and how it impacts dating
• How to break barriers in neurodiverse relationships
• The challenges neurodiverse folks face when dating
• How to navigate conflict and cultivate closeness
• How to apply brain science to build stronger relationship

EP 656: Dr. Matt Zakreski – Breaking Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

What is neurodiversity?

It’s the word for all brains in the world. Neurodivergent brains function in a different way. One in five people are neurodivergent. 80 percent of people are neurotypical. Diversity means there are a lot of differences out there which make up the world. Being different isn’t a deficit.

How did you get involved in this field?

I spent most of my life hearing about what I couldn’t do as a person with ADHD. I can do some things really well, and other things not so well. I work with people of all brains of all ages. I like the 8-28 range of people. I was a child psychologist, and my kids grew up, so I started helping them, too.

How are relationships challenging for autistic, ADHD, and 2E folks?

We’re learning how to identify the different levels of neurodivergent. You can have ADHD and have tics and stim. For people who are neurodivergent, relationships can be challenging because they have sensory issues. Bars and restaurants can be overly stimulating to them. So, they might ask someone to come to their home, which feels unsafe to the person they’re dating. Sensory issues also come up in the bedroom.

How can neurodivergent people address challenges like sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, and miscommunication?

Flirting is an indirect form of communication. Prosody is how we change the meaning of a word based on the delivery. The neurodivergent brain reads it the same way, especially when there’s a nuance. I train them to look at cues, especially non-verbal. Direct eye contact can be uncomfortable for them. We talk about how much eye contact is necessary for connection. Online, it’s hard to have those skills. The neurodivergent person can ask questions to check if they’re reading the room correctly. Socializing is nuanced and complex. Dating requires courageous conversations, which are hard for many of us. Remember that dating should be fun and enjoyable. That’s the goal!

What are some ways to navigate conflict with a neurodiverse partner?

Neurodiverse people can be rigid around rules and justice. Define what rules are spoken and which are unspoken. Communicate clearly with them and don’t expect them to read your mind. Have honest conversations in a kind way. Send gift lists to them so they don’t have to read your mind. How we frame conflict is important. It’s never me vs you. It’s you and me vs the problem. Reframe the problem as something to be solved. Compromise is inherently productive. Ask yourself what a meaningful compromise would look like. Some things can’t be compromised. This is prosocial communication.

What are some tools and strategies for building emotional and physical connections?

First, no emotion is good or bad. You have a right to be disappointed if someone doesn’t want to be with you. It’s important to learn the language around that. The more aware we are about our emotions, we can be curious, not furious. When you’re curious, you can say,, “Tell me more, help me understand.” That will help you be more empathic and understanding. When you find yourself thinking, “I should be…” change it to “I could be…”.

How can we apply brain science to build stronger relationships and lasting connections and go on our last first date?

The goal of life is not to be happy. Happiness is an emotional state, and every emotional state is fleeting. Chasing happiness makes you less happy. The goal of life is to be regulated. The more regulated your body is, the more likely you’ll be to show up as the best version of you. To go on your last first date, take your date to a place where you feel most regulated and will show up as your best. People fall in love with the most authentic version of you.

Connect with Dr. Matt Zakreski

• Website https://www.drmattzakreski.com/ 
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/drmattzakreski/ 
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-zakreski-0a32358
• IG https://www.instagram.com/drmattzakreski/

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode! — What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly […]

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode!

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What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He hosts Marriage Therapy Radio and authored The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. Zach lives in Seattle with his wife Rebecca and their two adult daughters.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What’s NSO and how might it show up early on in dating?
• What’s emotional neutrality, and how does it affect relationships?
• How to recognize subtle forms of contempt early on
• What singles can do to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity 
• How to recognize if you’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships and How to Fix It

What is Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), and how might it quietly show up in any stage of dating?

This is a term that John Gottman came up with. One of the things couples who divorce have in common is the Negative Sentiment Override. When you’re in NSO, things are harder. There’s a drive to raise your score and improve your relationship. Early in a relationship, it’s pretty rare. If you have more negative than positive, you leave. 

If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are present and not being offset by gratitude, generosity, and affection, relationships can fail. Early on, we might call these red flags to look out for.

You say that emotional neutrality is the first step out of NSO. What do you mean by that?

Both people need to want to change the pattern that’s not working in the relationship. Learn how to identify and change the pattern. Once you realize the pattern, you can interrupt it. You have three choices when in conflict in relationships: stay neutral and take a pause, make it worse, or make it better. Emotional neutrality is really helpful when you’re flooded and need a break. Think about what you want to happen. Then choose to make the relationship better.

Contempt can quietly destroy relationships, and you say it also fuels NSO. How can someone recognize subtle forms of contempt in themselves or in others in long-term relationships or when dating?

Contempt can show up early on in a relationship as “I’m better than you”, which leaves no room for intimacy. You can’t expect things to be healthy when you’re in contempt of one another. Be on the lookout for signs from yourself and your partner. To get out of contempt, look for the best in your partner, not the worst.

Make up that your partner is amazing, and they look great, and you’re so proud of them, and they add value to your life. This increases intimacy and decreases contempt. Let your partner know you have their back and care about them.

What are some things singles or dating partners can use to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity early on?

When dating, embrace the parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts that you lack, and get curious about the other person and what they have that you don’t when you’re dating. Be the best partner instead of just looking for the best partner.

How can someone tell if they’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner, or if they’re just being cautious from past hurt?

Evaluate why you act a certain way. Assess whether it’s you, them, or the two of you together. If your response is outsized, evaluate why that is. Share that information with your partner when you’re dating. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Prioritize curiosity, and see if this is a relationship where you both can learn.

Connect with Zach

• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en 
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio/ 
• Tik Tok – https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagetherapyradio 
• Podcast – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667
• Website – https://zachbrittle.com

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are! — Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he […]

What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are!

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Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he sticks around but you’re carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship.

Here’s what you need to know: quality men — the ones who are emotionally available, kind, and ready for a real partnership — are not just looking for someone young, cute and clever (although we’ll take the compliments). They’re looking for a woman who brings emotional maturity, self-awareness, and depth to the table.

If you’re wondering how to attract that kind of man, you’re in the right place. Here are seven powerful traits quality men seek in a woman — and yes, you can embody them all without losing yourself.

7 Traits Quality Men Seek in a Woman

1. She Doesn’t Plan a Future Before There’s a Present

It’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy — especially when someone ticks a few boxes on the first date. But quality men want to build a relationship with someone grounded in the now. When you’re already naming your future rescue dog together after two dates, it can be a red flag.

Staying present allows real connection to unfold naturally. It’s not about being aloof — it’s about pacing yourself and letting reality catch up with chemistry.

2. She Doesn’t Overanalyze Men

Wondering what his last text really meant or decoding every pause on the phone is exhausting — and frankly, not sexy. Quality men value women who trust their intuition and don’t need to play detective to feel secure.

If something feels off, you get curious and ask about it. If things are going well, you let it be easy. That energy is magnetic.

3. She’s Vulnerable and Communicates Her Feelings and Needs Directly and Kindly

Quality men don’t expect perfection. They want real. That means you’re not afraid to say, “Hey, I felt hurt when you canceled last minute,” or “I’m looking for a relationship where we check in regularly.”

It’s not about making demands — it’s about expressing what’s true for you in a way that invites connection rather than conflict.

4. She Is Clear About Her Must-Haves and Doesn’t Try to Force a Relationship When It’s Not a Good Fit

We’ve all done it — stayed a little too long in a not-so-good situation, hoping things would magically improve. But a woman of value doesn’t force it. She knows that compatibility isn’t about potential — it’s about alignment.

When something’s off, she doesn’t make excuses. She lovingly blesses and releases.

5. She Knows Her Worth and Won’t Compromise the Important Stuff for Anyone

You’re not auditioning for a role in his life — you’re co-creating a relationship. That means knowing what’s non-negotiable (emotional availability? kindness? consistent communication?) and not shrinking or settling just to be chosen.

Quality men are drawn to women who choose themselves first. That’s what makes you truly irresistible.

6. She’s Curious, Not Judgmental

We all have baggage. But a woman who can hold space, ask thoughtful questions, and remain open — rather than jumping to conclusions or moral high ground — creates safety and trust.

Curiosity says, “I want to understand you.” Judgment says, “I need you to be different.” Guess which one invites deeper connection?

7. She Has a Full Life Without a Man, But Knows How Much Her Life Will Be Enhanced With the Right Partner

You’ve cultivated joy, purpose, and pleasure on your own — and it shows. You’re not looking for someone to complete you, but to complement you.

That balanced energy — grounded in independence, yet open to intimacy — is what makes love flourish.

If you see yourself in this list — amazing! Keep shining. And if you’re still working on some of these traits, that’s what dating in midlife is all about — growing, healing, and becoming the version of yourself who attracts (and chooses) the love you deserve. And remember: It’s never too late to go on your last first date.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips! — How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on […]

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips!

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How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on mate attraction, mate selection, mate expulsion, love, and relationships. He’s the author of numerous articles in social and evolutionary psychology journals, and his research has been covered in media outlets including the BBC, NPR, and CBC, and numerous national and international news magazines.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 
• What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  
• How the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differs

EP 648: T. Joel Wade – How to Get a Second Date

Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 

Biology plays a role. Women tend to be more likely to give a second date to a man who seems to be interested in more than sex. Etiquette behaviors are important. He’s polite, shows interest, and doesn’t pressure her for sex. The connection is more emotional for women.

For men, they want a second date if they feel a sexual attraction and there’s a possibility that sex could occur. If she’s overtly sexual, that might not lead to long term relationships, and if he’s looking for more, she would get a second date if she flirts, smiles, touches him, etc. If she drinks alcohol, it tends to be a positive sign that she’s willing to consume alcohol. Synchronized behaviors and postures also play a role in attraction.

What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  

Some things happen naturally, like eye contact, listening, being focused on the other person. Display altruism and willingness to help. On the second date, there’s more self-disclosure. Then you begin to see likes, dislikes, and personality.

Let’s talk about flirting. Do the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differ, and if so why? 

There are some similarities in unconscious behaviors like eye contact, focusing on the other person, etc. There is a difference between how men and women flirt based on their mate preferences. The actions that are most effective for men are seeing interest in emotional connection. Gift-giving shows kindness. Altruism – willingness to offer help. Men look for signs that a woman is interested emotionally and sexually. There is not a lot of difference in behaviors cross-culturally.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be aware that dating is an information gathering exercise where you’re finding out if you’re compatible. Take your time, be open, don’t come on too strong, and trust your instincts.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with T Joel Wade

• Website https://www.bucknell.edu/fac-staff/t-joel-wade
• Psychology Today page https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/t-joel-wade-phd 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode! — Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship […]

Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode!

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Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship coach with over 20 years of experience helping women attract lasting love. As co-founder of the Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute, he guides clients to deepen confidence, heal emotional patterns, and build meaningful connections through heart-centered support and proven strategies.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• ​​Why so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection
• Common misunderstandings women have about men’s behavior during the early dating phase
• What’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming really into a woman
• What to do if you feel confused or rejected when a man disappears or changes suddenly
• What shifts when a woman learns how to respond in those moments of disconnection or uncertainty—rather than reacting

EP 668: Johnny Fernandez – Why Men Pull Away After Early Connection

Why do so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection?

Our approach is to look at masculine and feminine and what is affect and what is cause. We give women more credit and power over how the dating goes than most people. There’s a lot of preparation before dating to prevent men from pulling away. Largely, men pull away because of how they think, which is they put women in one of two categories early on: 1. She’s kind of fun for a little while, which rarely leads to marriage or commitment or 2. She’s different, I might be able to build a life with her. She needs to show up in communication as that second woman.

Are you showing up as the prize and distinguished? Do you know how to communicate with him to activate his masculinity switch? 

Draw in a different type of man. Distinguish yourself from the other options as a woman of high value.

Change your mindset from “I haven’t gone on enough dates”, which is exhausting and not intentional, to “I didn’t build my skills enough to draw in the right person”. In early communication, when a man asks, “Do you want to hang out?”, that’s a fork in the road moment. You say, “You mean like a date?” If he says anything other than “Yes, a date”, walk away. 

Men and women are not the same. Here’s how I see the masculine and feminine:

Masculine: He’s a protector, a provider, a leader who wants to love, cherish and adore her. That helps him become the best version of himself, the King to his Queen.

Feminine: She is the heart. She brings her feminine radiance, a lightness, warmth, and high value. It’s about how men feel in her presence. 

Can you explain what’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming to be really into a woman?

She probably hasn’t flipped his masculinity switch to inspire him to show up in his a-game and build a life with her. He doesn’t want to be a better man for her.

What advice do you give women who feel confused or rejected when men pull away or disappear after they connected?

We don’t use the word ‘rejected’ because that assumes we know what’s happening in his head. Many times, it has nothing to do with her. However, there is some part she does have responsibility over. We focus on that. We work with her on busting her assumptions and what she can do to let him go. We look for a pattern to understand what her part is. With responsibility comes power.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Take your love life as seriously as you took your college degree and your career. Prepare yourself for a great relationship, for something completely different and better.

Connect With Johnny

• IG https://www.instagram.com/johnnyandlara/
• Website https://radianceandcourage.com/ 
• Free gift https://johnny-and-lara.mykajabi.com/podcastfreegift

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

She went from purity culture to polyamory, and her husband stayed monogamous. Find out more on this episode of Last First Date Radio! — What happens when you go from purity culture to polyamory? My guest, Courtney Boyer, became polyamorous while her husband stayed monogamous. She is a relationship coach, writer, and speaker focused on […]

She went from purity culture to polyamory, and her husband stayed monogamous. Find out more on this episode of Last First Date Radio!

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What happens when you go from purity culture to polyamory? My guest, Courtney Boyer, became polyamorous while her husband stayed monogamous. She is a relationship coach, writer, and speaker focused on love, desire, and authenticity. A former therapist, she blends mental health and sex-therapy expertise to help women release shame, reclaim their voices, and build honest, autonomous relationships. She lives in Germany with her husband and three children, endlessly learning and writing her next chapter.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The beliefs from purity culture that shape our understanding of relationships and sexuality
• How Courtney realized polyamory felt aligned with who she now was
• The impact of polyamory on motherhood
• How to better understand mixed-orientation relationship structures

EP 693: Courtney Boyer – From Purity Culture to Polyamory (While Her Husband Stayed Monogamous)

What were the beliefs and expectations from purity culture that most shaped your early understanding of relationships and sexuality, and how did you start to recognize they didn’t fit you anymore?

Purity culture is a subset of the Evangelical church. Dating is to find a mate. Save yourself for marriage. There are a lot of teachings around modesty and no sex before marriage or you’ll go to hell. We’re taught that men are walking sex sticks. I remember hating my body because it was always causing problems. I needed to cover up my big breasts. 

The wakeup call was when I was researching for my first book, “Not Tonight, Honey: Why women actually don’t want sex and what we can do about it”, I was studying sexuality and why women feel so disconnected from their bodies. As I did more research, I became enraged at the patriarchy. My marriage was falling apart. My husband had PTSD and resisted change. 

What was the turning point when you realized non-monogamy, or specifically polyamory, felt aligned with who you are?

On our 17th wedding anniversary, our marriage was suffering, so I asked my husband if he wanted a threesome, and he said “what’s wrong with you, why would you ask that?”. So I then suggested non-monogamy, not polyamory. He said no. But after 6 months, he agreed, and I became non-monogamous and eventually polyamorous.

How did you and your husband navigate the emotional, practical, and ethical conversations around you becoming polyamorous while he chose to remain monogamous?

He was more liberal growing up than I was. It was an identity crisis for me, and I got help for myself and my marriage. It was a huge shift. My coach helped me come home to my body, because purity culture screwed me up. We then got a wonderful therapist who helped us communicate and understand our triggers.

How has this journey impacted your motherhood?

The first year, we kept it from them. I was still ashamed of who I was. I wanted to be “normal” and was afraid of what others would think. My oldest daughter thought I was having an affair and confronted me. I came out to her and the others, and they were so supportive. That’s been so healing for me. I’m more intentional as a mom.

How has this journey transformed the way you think about love, commitment, autonomy, and partnership, and what do you wish people understood about mixed-orientation relationship structures like yours?

I learned that you can create a beautiful life on your terms. I think of it like every person is a quartz crystal. When the light hits a quartz crystal, each facet is a different way of living and loving, which opens you up so much. It requires a lot of intention to live a lifestyle like this.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Believe that you are deserving of your last first date if that’s your heart’s desire.

Connect With Courtney

Social media and website: https://linktr.ee/coachcourtneyboyer 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system. — What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems […]

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system.

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What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic practices, and psychodrama. Through an integrative experiential approach, she helps individuals and couples suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, codependency, trauma, and relational attachment issues to navigate life’s challenges so they can become fully alive, supported, and whole. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How our nervous system influences our emotional responses in relationships
• The relationship between our attachment wounds and our nervous system
• How stress in relationships impacts our nervous systems
• Practical exercises for calming the nervous system when triggered

EP 639: Esin Pinarli – The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

How does our nervous system directly influence our emotional responses in relationships, especially when it comes to conflict and tension?

Everything comes down to our nervous system. It influences how we relate and connect to other people. Neuroception is our surveillance system in our bodies. It helps us decide if it’s safe or unsafe. Understanding our nervous system is crucial in dating.

What are some common ways attachment wounds show up in our nervous systems, and how can awareness of these responses help individuals begin to heal?

The first people we attach to are our caregivers, so depending on how we attached to them, that will show up in our romantic relationships. Our core wounds get activated. If you’re anxiously attached, you’ll be hypervigilant and untrusting of your partners. People are not safe to you. We ask ourselves, are we lovable? Are we enough? Do we expect our partners to give us everything we didn’t get as children? We tend to pick partners who remind us of our unpredictable caregiver. 

Many people may not realize how stress in relationships impacts their nervous system. Could you share some early signs to look out for that indicate the nervous system is in distress?

We feel things in our nervous system first. It signals disconnection. Our brain makes up a story about what happened, because we’re meaning makers. We gaslight ourselves by making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. 

What are some practical tools or exercises you recommend for calming down during relationship triggers?

We need to move into the ventral state – socially engaged, calmer, grounded. How do we get back to our core self and stay more regulated to make better decisions and choices? 

A good exercise to regulate your nervous system: Look at glimmers, micro moments of ventral. Ask yourself what felt good and connected today? Did I walk in nature? Did I see a beautiful flower? Did I have a connected moment with a friend? Savour the glimmers: Take the micro moments of ventral which are are everywhere once we start to look for them and are calmer, and savour them for 30 seconds. Also, humming helps you get to ventral. 

How do you approach helping clients retrain their nervous systems to create more secure, healthy relationships over time?

Pause and get curious about the patterns you engage in, especially in dating. Pull back the curtain to your internal world. Your nervous system will always seek the familiar. We need to change the way we respond and who we choose to partner with. Look for consistent, communicative, interested partners. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I want everyone to go on their last first date. Work on your nervous system with a coach or therapist and befriend your nervous system so you can make healthier choices. Get out of subconscious autopilot so you can say no to what doesn’t work and make room for the right person. 

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Esin

• IG https://www.instagram.com/esinpinarli_lcsw/  

• Website https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/ Free Guide on Homepage: Becoming Aware of Self—An introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you access the core of who you are and build more self-awareness for inner healing and harmony

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How are women today redefining intimacy and dating standards? Listen to this episode with Morgan Hewett to find out! — How are women redefining intimacy and dating standards? My podcast guest, Morgan Hewett, is a second-time founder and Harvard Business School MBA building Devin, an AI powered vibrator + erotic audio experience for women. She […]

How are women today redefining intimacy and dating standards? Listen to this episode with Morgan Hewett to find out!

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How are women redefining intimacy and dating standards? My podcast guest, Morgan Hewett, is a second-time founder and Harvard Business School MBA building Devin, an AI powered vibrator + erotic audio experience for women. She previously founded and sold a generative-AI health tech startup and now focuses on modern dating, female desire, and why women are rewriting the rules of relationships in the AI era.

In this episode:

• Why so many successful women opt out of conventional dating
• How to tell the difference between loneliness and desire for a partner
• The role of technology in emotional and sexual fulfillment
• Mindset shifts to date with confidence

EP 711: Morgan Hewett – How Women Are Redefining Intimacy and Dating Standards

Highlights from this episode

What is Devin?

• Morgan Hewitt, Harvard MBA, is the founder of Devin (AI-powered vibrator + interactive erotic audio).
• Devin: device with sensors for adaptive vibration + customizable interactive audio voice/fantasy.
• Target users span ages 30–65; many presale signups from women 40–65.
• Use cases include solo pleasure, partner-enhancement, and therapeutic support for trauma survivors.

Dating trends & why women opt out of dating

• Increasing numbers of women single by choice; many report equal or greater life satisfaction when single.
• Economic independence raises expectations: women now prioritize emotional availability, not just financial stability.
• Generational shift: younger men (Gen Z) show more emotional intelligence; older cohorts may lag.
• Toxic relationship patterns and trauma lead some women to delay or avoid dating.

AI, privacy, and ethical concerns

• Privacy caution: large AI platforms may use conversational data for ads; Devin emphasizes limited/no collection of PII and safe onboarding (use of fantasy identities).
• Ethical concern: AI replacing human creators/artists and full replacement of human relationships is troubling.
• Devin positions AI as augmentation (self-exploration, rehabilitation, sexual literacy), not replacement for human intimacy.

Practical takeaways for dating & sexual health

• Self-knowledge and self-pleasure improve communication and relationship satisfaction.
• Tools like Devin can help people experiment safely, build sexual literacy, and practice intimacy (including for PTSD recovery).
• Dating advice: be authentic, set boundaries, cultivate self-attraction before seeking validation from others.

Connect with Morgan

• Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@morgan.pink.founder  
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/morgan.pink.founder

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode! — Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint […]

Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode!

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Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint for it. As the author of Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, Zoey spent nearly two decades decoding the patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a relentless drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about relationships.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?
• What qualities actually lead to lasting relationships, even if they’re not immediately exciting?
• What are some signs we’re repeating unhealthy relationship patterns?
• How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?
• Why do you believe understanding yourself is the first step to finding the right partner?

EP 667: Zoey Charif – The Data Behind Love and Compatibility

Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?

We are choosing based on attraction but not compatibility and traits. Couples who stay together tend to admire their partner and see them as slightly higher. Gottman says that the couples who stay together, the man has influence over the woman via admiration and vice versa. 

Couples who are either more compatibility focused (practicality type) or emotions focused (chemistry). You can be on a continuum of either of these, healthy or extreme. To last, you need to have a healthy balance of both, especially the healthy emotional category.

What qualities actually lead to love and compatibility, even if they’re not immediately exciting?

Honesty, communication, dependability are key. A match is based on a shared set of values. You have a self score and a partner score. That accounts for compatibility but not attractions. I created a trait preference assessment to help understand someone’s traits. 

How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?

At the end of the book, I share my journey to building self-confidence after my breakup and how I met my husband. Every day, I journaled about my self-score and my ex-partner’s score and the trait preferences. It was so revealing. My number one was dependability and honesty, but I had given myself a much lower score than was warranted. I had given my ex a high score in both, and I was delusional about that. I removed the illusion. I had been suffering from an infatuation distortion. I had a blindfold on. Once I did the calculations, I began to heal. There was a misalignment. Love has to be mutual. Don’t put people on a pedestal. 

I met my husband, Kevin at a dog park. He didn’t fit the usual traits I enjoy, so I wasn’t super attracted, but the values aligned, so I gave it time. He’s younger than I am, and I thought that was important, but he has an old soul and is a good person. I was able to let that go. The next area was cultural. I thought someone had to have the same background, but that wasn’t important in the long run. We began laughing together, which was what I thought I needed from someone with a similar cultural background.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Look for your rock. Be mindful and honest about the traits you’re attracted to so you can co-create a healthy, long-term relationship. Identify if you’re holding onto the pain of a past relationship or self-doubt, because that will impact your future relationship. Identify your values and traits. Don’t box yourself in about what you’re attracted to, especially if your nervous system is activated. Self reflect and heal your unhealthy patterns.

Connect with Zoey

• Website: www.lovecaninfactbecalculated.com 
• IG and TikTok: @zoeycharif 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life