What are the hidden costs of trauma? My podcast guest, Dr. Kirsten Harrison, shares the powerful story of a woman who overcame severe trauma. — Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison is a trauma psychologist, author, and founder of Soul Wise Solutions. For over 35 years, she has guided individuals through profound psychological and spiritual transitions, including […]

What are the hidden costs of trauma? My podcast guest, Dr. Kirsten Harrison, shares the powerful story of a woman who overcame severe trauma.

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Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison is a trauma psychologist, author, and founder of Soul Wise Solutions. For over 35 years, she has guided individuals through profound psychological and spiritual transitions, including C-PTSD, schizophrenia, and near-death experiences. She is the co-author of “I, Sean/a: The Story of a Homeless Intersex Woman Who Inspired a Community”, the remarkable true story of Sean/a Smith, an intersex woman living with schizophrenia, whose life challenges stigma and who inspires a movement toward dignity, inclusion, and soul-deep healing.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The hidden costs of trauma
• Hope for those who are struggling with any type trauma
• Great advice for those who are dating after any kind of traumatic relationship

EP 685: Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison – The Hidden Costs of Trauma

What inspired you to pursue a career in trauma psychology?

I always was interested in trauma and asked my professors to teach more about it. I’m so happy it’s grown and blossomed. Trauma has an effect on everything we do. There are many gifts in overcoming trauma.

For anyone listening who might be struggling with their own trauma, what would you say to offer hope or encouragement? 

Keep track of the micro steps. Appreciate all the little steps. Take what you’re given in childhood, and use it to grow. Rewrite your story. If your worth is tied up in how much you can help someone, this is a trauma response. It illuminates that you can be a helper AND have balance in your life instead of having an energy drain. Traumas rework themselves over time. Shift to making your self-knowledge a priority. What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? Be more strategic about it.

Your book “I, Sean/a” explores homelessness, intersex identity, schizophrenia, and spirituality. Tell us a little about the story and what you want readers to take away.

My ex-husband was an international tennis pro. We moved to La Jolla and he noticed Sean who hung out at the courts. One day, Sean became Seana with a blonde wig. I sparked a conversation and eventually found out she was homeless. She was outside freezing, and I asked if she had shelter. I had no idea she was unhoused. I checked her into a hotel and contacted the newspaper to have them write about this beloved person. We ran a go fund me, got her off the street, and it became apparent that we needed a next step. I wanted to write her story with her, and she said yes. That turned into a ten year endeavor. 

I want people to understand resilience, post traumatic growth, and what to do when you feel hopeless and don’t belong. Don’t give up. You never know what’s going to happen around the corner. Be unapologetically yourself. Stop worrying about what people think.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Stay open and curious. Expand your field of awareness. We all have something to teach each other. Ask yourself what you need to expand your own journey. See the other person’s wholeness and beauty. It takes some of the pressure away from finding your person. If you follow this path, at some point, you’ll meet the right person.

Connect with Dr. Harrison

• Website: https://soulwisesolutions.com/ 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/soulwiseteam/ 
• X: https://twitter.com/soulwiseteam 
• IG: https://instagram.com/soulwiseteam

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Want to know why people cheat? My podcast guest, Paul Keable, the Chief Strategy Officer of Ashley Madison, shares insights on cheating that may surprise you. — Why do people cheat? As Chief Strategy Officer of Ashley Madison, Paul Keable oversees the strategic direction of the dating site, Ashley Madison, emphasizing discretion, authenticity, and innovation […]

Want to know why people cheat? My podcast guest, Paul Keable, the Chief Strategy Officer of Ashley Madison, shares insights on cheating that may surprise you.

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Why do people cheat? As Chief Strategy Officer of Ashley Madison, Paul Keable oversees the strategic direction of the dating site, Ashley Madison, emphasizing discretion, authenticity, and innovation within the dating industry. Under his leadership, the platform has implemented initiatives such as user verification through government IDs to combat fraudulent activity and build trust among members. As the platform continues to evolve, Keable’s insights remain central to its ability to adapt and resonate with its growing global user base.

In this episode:

• Why do people cheat?
• What constitutes cheating in a relationship?
• How can cheating affect mental health?
• How can affairs save marriages?
• Are all affairs equal?
• What is a modern relationship and what are the rules of one?
• Should your affair remain a secret?

EP 654: Paul Keable – The Surprising Reasons Why People Cheat

The tagline of Ashely Madison is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Why do people cheat?

There’s a study about why men vs women cheat. They found that 80% of women cheated due to a sexless or orgasm-less marriage. They didn’t want to leave the marriage but wanted to have sex. They felt that the affair led to a better marriage and better life.

The reasons why men cheat are about emotional validation. We live in a world where men are told to be stoic and often don’t get the compliments women get. They’re looking for that validation. 

Why not open the marriage or speak about it with their spouse? Many people do talk about the issues and they’re not resolved. Also, divorce is expensive and carries other challenges people may not want to face.

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?

When we promise fidelity for life at the altar, we don’t always identify what cheating is. We need to define what monogamy and cheating is for you. Have a monogamy contract renewed every five years. Your parameters change over time.

How can cheating affect mental health?

Any adverse event in a relationship can affect mental health. How do we view the person who’s been cheated on? How do we view the cheater? If you’re in a sexless marriage with a spouse who doesn’t want to have sex anymore and you love them, what are your choices?

How can affairs save marriages?

If the affair doesn’t get discovered, it can have a positive effect on marriage. Sometimes, when there’s infidelity, it blows open the issues and forces couples to work things through.

Are all affairs equal?

Not all affairs are equal. There are people with spouses who can’t meet the needs of their spouse due to illness or other factors. An affair can fulfill sexual needs while you remain as a caretaker for your spouse.

Should your affair remain a secret?

It depends on the objective. Sometimes it forces hard conversations. We’re in the business of undisclosed affairs. Tell your affair partner what your intention is. We launched our business in the early two thousands when online dating was taking off. The office is our competition. Office affairs are often not a good place for affairs. CEOs with consensual affairs have been fired. It’s more risky.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

As a person who recently left a long marriage, start with the internal questions about your objective and intent in dating. What type of relationship do you want to be in? Who would you want to have that relationship with? What are the hard stops for you? Be clear about those things, and you’ll have a much easier time finding your match.

Website https://www.ashleymadison.com/

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why do successful women over 40 struggle to find love today? Riana Malia tells all in this episode of Last First Date Radio. — Why do successful women over 40 struggle to find love? Riana Malia is an Identity Architect and Board-Certified Neurosomatic Practitioner. She rewires why love hasn’t matched the life high-achieving women have […]

Why do successful women over 40 struggle to find love today? Riana Malia tells all in this episode of Last First Date Radio.

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Why do successful women over 40 struggle to find love? Riana Malia is an Identity Architect and Board-Certified Neurosomatic Practitioner. She rewires why love hasn’t matched the life high-achieving women have built, working below insight at the level where the choosing actually changes. She’s the founder of the Brilliance Brunch and author of The Last Piece on Substack.

In this episode:

• The role of neuroscience is creating permanent change
• Why high-achieving women need a different approach to love
• Why understanding the problem isn’t enough
• What makes love the one area where problem solving skills aren’t effective enough

EP 719: Riana Malia – Why Successful Women Over 40 Struggle to Find Love (And How to Change It)

Highlights of this episode:

Guest background & catalyst for the work she does

• Riana Malia shared her personal story: early marriage and divorce, single parenting, relocation to California, financial betrayal tied to her father’s business, and later an abusive relationship.
• Those cumulative experiences led her to seek a different approach to relationships and identity work.
• She reframed her mission as helping high-achieving women clear unconscious patterns so they can create and claim fulfilling romantic partnerships.
• Emphasis: insight alone isn’t enough — replace unconscious neurology and behaviors to stop repeating patterns.

Clear to Create method & practical techniques

• Framework:Clear → Create → Claim; clear limiting stories and emotional charge first, then build new identity and behaviors.
• Key concepts:
  • Most thought activity is unconscious (~90%); repeated negative thoughts reinforce unwanted outcomes.
  • Emotional “charge” accumulates over time (cellular memory); releasing it creates space for new outcomes.
  • Frequency/state matters: higher-frequency emotions (gratitude, love) attract different experiences than low-frequency emotions (shame, fear).
• Away/Toward exercise (72-hour rewiring):
  • Use two sheets titled “Away” (what you don’t want) and “Toward” (what you want). Photograph/store lists for quick access.
  • Wear a firm rubber band for 72 hours. Snap it when you notice a negative/unhelpful thought, record the thought, then immediately replace it with a positive/desired feeling or a specific “toward” item.
  • If needed, use rapid grounding: 30–60 seconds visualizing sensory detail of the desired outcome, or a quick act of service to raise frequency.
  • Repetition rewires neural pathways; the exercise is designed to create fast shifts in 72 hours.
• Quantum Time Release / charge release:
  • Technique to clear accumulated emotional charge without re-litigating past trauma; creates less reactivity to triggers so old stories don’t re-drive behavior.

Resources, outcomes & final advice

• Riana reports rapid transformations in clients, including her own marriage after doing the work.
• Diagnostic tool: Extraordinary Love Index (E.L.I.) quiz.rianamalia.com— 40-question assessment with a detailed ~25-page report identifying blocks across 9 areas (attachment, trauma, recognition, etc.).
• Final guidance: You are not too late or too much; clear underlying patterns and replace them with new neurology/strategies rather than relying on more insight alone.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Riana

• Website: https://rianamalia.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rianamalia/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RianaMalia
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rianamalia/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@rianamalia
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rianamalia121
• Substack: https://substack.com/@rianamalia

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go. — Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your […]

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go.

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Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your podcasts and being a woman of value) but still spent the last two years in a relationship that was on and off again. How do you quickly find out if someone is a match? Instead of spending a few years trying to figure it out.”

Listen as I coach Heather live on air on how to know…should I stay or should I go (and so much more)!

When to Stay and When to Go?

Heather has been separated for three years and divorced three years after a 13-year marriage. She discusses what she learned from her marriage that she’s bringing to the next relationship.

She began by listing all of HER faults in the marriage; she felt she was harsh and controlling and had to always be right. I noticed that she put the blame on herself, but as we continued the coaching conversation, much more was revealed.

She knew on the day of her wedding that he was the wrong man for her. But, she married him anyway. She’s not alone. This is more common than you may think.

I ask Heather why she did not trust her intuition about her ex-husband. She felt he wasn’t the right man, and she felt trapped in the relationship. Life just happened to her instead of making conscious choices in her life. Can you relate?

She saw the red flags and ignored them. We compare her marriage red flags with the red flags in her more current relationship.

Red flags in the marriage included detachment and living parallel lives. Turns out he was gay, even though he had said he was bisexual when they got married. She was his first relationship with a woman.

Both were not true to themselves and were living a lie during the marriage.

I ask Heather, “Who does your ex-husband remind you of from your family of origin?”

She says it was not her dad. Or…was it? As Heather describes their relationship, she discovers some surprising truths about the connection between her father and why she chose her husband.

Our downloaded family blueprint directly influences our choices in romantic partners.

We often pick a partner who has similar qualities to our most difficult parent. We keep hoping we can somehow ‘fix’ the relationship with that parent by fixing it in a partner who has those traits. It doesn’t work. I share with Heather what DOES work.

I show her how she puts herself down and makes excuses for bad behavior in men. I point out the difference between having compassion for others and making excuses for bad behavior. This really resonates with her. She then draws the connection between her father and the last man she dated.

How can you tell if a man has the qualities you’re looking for, and whether you should stay or go?

Heather is fuzzy about this, and I clarify the difference between an annoying behavior and a character flaw.

I walk her through an exercise to find her must-haves.

As we conclude our session, I tell Heather how she needs to guard herself from giving away too much too soon. She needs to be careful not to choose partners who have the red flags she identified.

Heather’s Homework

Notice where she’s giving parts of herself away before someone shows her they deserve her stories and her love. Lean back and observe behaviors. See if a guy steps up. Tell men what she needs to be happy in the relationship, and see if a man can provide that for her.

Can you relate to Heather’s story? How did you feel about the coaching session? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why do we need to rewrite the “rules” of dating after 50? Enter Suzanne Noble, co-host of Sex Advice for Seniors! — What are the rules of dating after 50, and why do we need to rewrite them? Enter Suzanne Noble, a UK-based writer, speaker, and podcast host focused on midlife reinvention and sexuality. She […]

Why do we need to rewrite the “rules” of dating after 50? Enter Suzanne Noble, co-host of Sex Advice for Seniors!

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What are the rules of dating after 50, and why do we need to rewrite them? Enter Suzanne Noble, a UK-based writer, speaker, and podcast host focused on midlife reinvention and sexuality. She co-hosts Sex Advice for Seniors, a candid podcast challenging taboos around aging and intimacy. Suzanne is also the author of the erotic memoir The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker, exploring love, desire, and dating later in life.

In this episode:

• The biggest myths about dating and sexuality after 50
• How women can rebuild confidence when re-entering the dating world later in life
• How online dating has changed the landscape for midlife relationships
• What a “last first date” means when you’re dating with intention in your 50s, 60s, or beyond

EP 710: Suzanne Noble – Why We Need to Rewrite the Rules of Dating After 50

Highlights of this Episode

Dating and sexuality after 50

• You can redesign relationships after 50 (living arrangements, non-monogamy, travel-based lifestyles).
• Many reentering daters retain rigid “tick-box” criteria; recommend prioritizing only a few must-haves.
• Know your values and shared vision early (short-term fun vs. long-term compatibility).
• Confidence builds through practice, presentation (wardrobe/lingerie), and positive feedback from others.
• Communication is the central skill for relationship and sexual health (asking for needs, setting boundaries, listening).
• Shame and misinformation around sex in older age persist; open conversations reduce stigma.

Sexual health and safety

• Regular STI testing, condom use, and explicit discussion of safety are essential — especially in non-monogamous or travel contexts.
• People in alternative/lifestyle communities often follow stricter testing/condom norms.
• Many older adults report clinicians not addressing sexual-health solutions (e.g., vaginal estrogen); self-advocacy with doctors is important.

Solo travel & meeting potential dates

• Solo travel can be empowering; prioritize safety (use resources like Nomad List).
• Use Facebook expat groups and Host a Sister to find local connections and reduce risk.
• Dating apps (Bumble, Tinder, Feeld, FetLife) remain useful for meeting people while traveling.
• Be open-minded; chance meetings while traveling can lead to lasting relationships.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with Suzanne Noble & Sex Advice for Seniors:

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors 
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors 
• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors 
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@sexadviceforseniors 
• Website and Free Gift 10 Most Overlooked Secrets for Better Sex after 50: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore. — Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and […]

If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore.

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Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and have trained dozens of leaders in couples work. They provide retreats and coaching that delivers positive change quickly and predictably, providing couples with surprisingly rapid improvements in understanding and happiness.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What couples need to know to be happy together
• Why gratitude is so powerful for couples and a simple, effective way to practice it every day
• What it takes for real listening to occur
• How to encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back
• What is the “Art of the Apology,” and how can it repair hurts or long standing issues that might otherwise seem impossible to overcome?
• Some effective first steps for resolving an issue that feels “unresolvable”—like money differences or intimacy problems

EP 655: Robin Temple & Michael Moore – How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships

What inspired you to do the work you do, and what has helped you make it through the challenges of a thirty-year marriage? 

Robin: We both have been through divorce, and I was left with many questions about my divorce. I didn’t have a lot of self-awareness about why it happened. It left me wondering about how long-term relationships can endure. I had been a therapist, but I went back to grad school to learn about marriages. We teach what we need to learn. Michael and I had a strong connection, but I wasn’t sure how we could blend lives. We took our time.

Michael: We moved in for a summer as a trial. I thought it would be amazing, and it was difficult from the start. We weren’t hopeful. The hardest part was our differences around parenting. I thought it was most important to teach self-reliance. Robin was more about nourishing and encouraging creativity. We didn’t think we could figure out how to blend our lives. Eventually, Robin went on 24 days of training. The Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills program helped her learn what she could. I became intrigued by the program, and I joined her in the program. I was the only non-therapist there. For the first time, I felt Robin really heard and respected my point of view and that it was coming from a loving place. That was huge for us! We both became master teachers.

What do couples need to know to get along and be happy together without losing themselves?

Michael: You need other relationships in your life. Don’t only depend on your partner for every aspect of your life. Have other communities that your partner is not a part of. We have a quiz on our website which tests for key areas in your relationship. Respect is essential. Over time, learn what matters most.

Robin: We have a model called a ‘powergram’ to help them map out areas of responsibility and power. Where are you autonomous and where do you decide things together?

How do you encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back?

Robin: If the conversation is not going well, stop and take a break. Within an hour, suggest a time to get together within twenty four hours for a do-over.  Take turns talking and listening. Be empathic, even if you don’t agree. It’s not fair to just complain without making a request. 

Michael: Do simple mundane things that evoke positivity. Have a regular daily practice of gratitude. The more specific the better. So, when there’s a problem, there’s credit in your emotional bank. It’s also important to take turns. Both can’t be understood at the same time. The person listening only listens and offers validation at the end. Learn to ask for what matters. Own your part of the story.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Robin: While relationships seem mysterious and difficult territory, because our least mature and developed selves show up, know there are simple and powerful tools. With the right support, you can navigate change.

Michael: About seven years into our relationship, I developed an emotional infatuation with someone else, and I asked Robin to end the relationship and go on a provisional marriage for a while. It took a long time for us to not have long term grievances. We’ve been going on our first date for a long time. We don’t take each other for granted. Keep it fresh.

Connect with Michael and Robin

• IG https://www.instagram.com/couples.solutions_/ 
• FB https://www.facebook.com/couples.solutions 
• Website https://couples.solutions/ 

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love! — Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, […]

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love!

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Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, best-selling author, women’s empowerment leader, and certified Shadow Work® Coach. Junie’s mission is to help women experience Next Level Love by first nurturing the love within themselves. She’s the author of “Loving The Whole Package: Shed The Shame and Live Life Out Loud”, and an award winning speaker and host of the successful Midlife Love Out Loud podcast. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships
• What ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships
• How the inner critic contribute to self-sabotage, and strategies to quiet it
• The first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships
• How shadow work transforms your love life and helps you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships

EP 636: Junie Moon – Why We Sabotage Romantic Relationships (and How To Stop)

What are some common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships?

We date the same person over and over with a different face. What was safe and acceptable as a child is not healthy in relationships. People pleasers are afraid to speak up. Women in general put men’s sexuality first so they don’t take up too much time and space. They’re afraid if they’re vulnerable, they might get left. If you’ve been in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, that kind of energy from childhood equals love. Conflict avoidance is another strategy that doesn’t work in relationships. As long as we’re putting up masks, we’re coming to relationships not fully being who you are.

Can you explain what ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships?

The shadow is the part of us we want to hide. We learn how to fit in, not disappoint people, and how to survive at a young age. We get messages about how to be ‘good’. We’re taught to hide certain parts that are seen as ‘not good’. We threw those parts in shadow. As adults, that’s not effective. Shadow work shines a light on the places we lost access to. That’s how we show up more authentically and attract in the right people. 

How does the inner critic contribute to sabotaging romantic relationships, and what are some strategies to quiet it?

The inner critic is a part that is the risk manager. It assesses if we’re safe or not. We need that part, and the more we’ve been hurt, the more it shows up. It tells you there’s something wrong with you. Why bother? It’s not going to happen for you. Who will want me? 

However, if you want partnership and connection, you need to reel in the inner critic and quiet it. Notice what’s going on in your body when you’re on the first date. The inner critic wants you to stay safe, so let the risk manager know it’s overshooting. Thank it for protecting you. Tell it it’s making you feel inadequate. Be in the driver’s seat, so when the pattern comes up, let it know it’s not working for you anymore.

What is the first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships?

Celebrate that you’re aware you have a pattern. If you don’t see it, you can’t fix it. Have compassion for yourself. Go back as far as you can remember and see where the pattern began. Look at your childhood and notice the pattern you’re trying to heal. What might you want differently?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know thyself! If you want great love and are willing to heal and be honest with yourself, you’re more likely to go on your last first date. Do the work to attract the relationship you really want.

Watch this episode on youtube

Connect With Junie

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/midlifeloveoutloud 
• Website https://midlifeloveoutloud.com 
• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@MidlifeLoveOutLoud 
• Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-love-out-loud-podcast/id1477913318 
• Free quiz: What is Your Love Avatar? https://midlifeloveoutloud.com/quiz/ 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Learn the keys to lasting love in this podcast episode with Nick Brancato. Whether you’re single or partnered, this is for you! — Are you interested in unlocking the keys to lasting love? My podcast guest, Nick Brancato, is a personal development coach and educator with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples […]

Learn the keys to lasting love in this podcast episode with Nick Brancato. Whether you’re single or partnered, this is for you!

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Are you interested in unlocking the keys to lasting love? My podcast guest, Nick Brancato, is a personal development coach and educator with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples connect, communicate, and thrive. With a master’s degree in education and a background as a Microsoft systems engineer, Nick blends practical tools with data-driven frameworks to guide people through life’s challenges, including career shifts, financial pressures, and personal growth. He’s also the author of Prioritize Us: Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why so many couples experience a “priority drift” and how they can they prevent it
• Some simple, actionable steps couples can start applying right away to realign priorities
• Why individual self-awareness is such a critical component of alignment in relationships
• How aligning priorities within a partnership ripples out to positively impact families and communities
• The Total Difference Score (TDS) framework and its practical applications

EP 669: Nick Brancato – How to Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test

Why do so many couples experience what you refer to as “priority drift,” and how can they prevent it?

The “priority drift” is when two people have similar priorities at the beginning of a relationship, they begin to drift apart, and they don’t discuss their priorities until there’s a crisis. Discussing your shared priorities on an ongoing basis with check ins is key to a lasting loving relationship.

What are some simple, actionable steps couples can start applying right away to realign priorities?

Check in on your individual priorities. In the book there are ten core priorities in life. Rank them in terms of importance. Doing the assessment helps us focus on the top priorities and how we spend our time focused on our priorities. To avoid priority drift, check with your partner – small, medium, and large check ins. The rules are – No screens and no talking about other people. A small check in might be over coffee in the morning. Discuss decisions that you’re making. Ask each other what are your top three priorities on a regular basis. Be curious and open to understand each other.

Why is individual self-awareness such a critical component of alignment in relationships?

If you don’t know yourself, it’s impossible to know other people. You may think you know them, but you don’t. Know your priorities. List them, rank them, and ask yourself how satisfied you are with each priority. How am I using my time, energy and money in alignment with your values. In your relationship, that will be so impactful.

How does aligning priorities within a partnership ripple out to positively impact families and communities?

As you become more aligned with yourself and your relationship, you start to ask better questions of others. You become more curious and empathetic. You understand people’s motives. You communicate better.

Can you explain the Total Difference Score (TDS) framework and its practical applications?

The TDS score is the result of the Prioritize Us test. It measures the strength of your relationship and how aligned you are. It helps you learn to communicate better by ranking your 10 core  priorities, and your partner ranks theirs, and then comparing them. The TDS is your compared score. Once you know where you differ, you can communicate about them and improve your relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Relationships take work, but you don’t have to have perfect alignment. You need small meaningful adjustments. Work on yourself and who you want to be in order to attract your last first date!

Watch this episode here on YouTube

Connect with Nick

• IG https://www.instagram.com/personaldevcoach/ 
• Website https://nickbrancato.com/ 
• Get an ebook of Prioritize Us for FREE at https://www.nickbrancato.com/prioritize-us
• Buy the paperback or hardcover book, Prioritize Us: Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test  https://amzn.to/45XJ460

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers! — What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author […]

How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers!

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What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author and the founder of a global 128,000 strong healing community. Jen is best known for her revolutionary work in the field of inner child healing, in particular dissolving emotional trauma, childhood trauma and hidden blocks deep within the subconscious mind. Jen’s mission is to make healing available to all.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why healing your inner child is so important when it comes to dating
• How to know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging your success in dating 
• Examples of how our childhood experiences can impact our romantic relationships
• How unhealed attachment trauma influences our relationships
• 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships

EP 643: Jen Peters – The Path to Healing Your Inner Child

Why is healing your inner child so important when it comes to dating?

The inner children have a tremendous impact on dating. Most of our behaviour is from our subconscious mind. Whatever is not resolved from childhood will show up in all parts of our lives, especially dating. The parent we had the most unresolved trauma with will draw us to partners with similar qualities.

 

How can we know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging their success in dating?

Everything is energy and holds a certain frequency. Wounds do, too. If we had a parent who left, it causes an abandonment wound. It can happen in everyday ways. The inner child has the fear of being abandoned again. They will either cling to relationships that are unhealthy, or they avoid intimacy and sabotage the relationship. We try to protect ourselves. 

How does unhealed attachment trauma influence our relationships?

It influences our relationships in tremendous ways. Anxious attachment trauma started in the womb or at a very young age. Because our survival was dependent on our caretaker at such a young age, we’ll find an avoidant, dismissive, or disorganized partner. It activates our earliest trauma. Each time our partner pulls away for any reason, we become activated again. It causes us to feel needy or clingy. When the other person pulls away, we can feel like we’re going to die. We also can sabotage the relationship by being so needy. 

What are 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships?

We need to connect more deeply to our inner child. Visualizations are very effective. See your inner child, hear them, and reflect feelings back to your inner child. Learn where the original trauma was, and give her a voice. Go back to an event that activated your inner child’s wound. Feel it in your body. See that part in your body. You’ll get a sense of how they want to be addressed. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Remind yourself that you are whole, worthy and enough in your own right. Dating and relationships are a beautiful part of life. But remember you’re the chooser instead of waiting to be chosen.

Connect with Jen

• Instagram: @jenpeters_soulguide_healer 
• Website: www.jen-peters.com 
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@JenPeters 
• Free Gift: Jen’s #1 Best Seller Book: Coming Home: The Path to Healing Your Inner Child https://jen-peters.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Coming_Home_-_The_Path_to_Healing_Your_Inner_Child_-_Digital_version-2.pdf 
• The Path to Healing Your Inner Child Course:Guides you through dissolving your childhood trauma. Normally $497, discounted rate of $197 when you use coupon code:  HYIC197
• https://jen-peters.mykajabi.com/landing-page-copy-1 
• Attachment Alchemy Course:Guides you through healing their attachment trauma at the foundation so they can move into a secure attachment style. Normally $333, Discount rate of only $97 with coupon code SECURE https://jen-peters.mykajabi.com/attachment-alchemy 

Watch this episode on youtube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips! — How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on […]

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips!

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How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on mate attraction, mate selection, mate expulsion, love, and relationships. He’s the author of numerous articles in social and evolutionary psychology journals, and his research has been covered in media outlets including the BBC, NPR, and CBC, and numerous national and international news magazines.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 
• What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  
• How the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differs

EP 648: T. Joel Wade – How to Get a Second Date

Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 

Biology plays a role. Women tend to be more likely to give a second date to a man who seems to be interested in more than sex. Etiquette behaviors are important. He’s polite, shows interest, and doesn’t pressure her for sex. The connection is more emotional for women.

For men, they want a second date if they feel a sexual attraction and there’s a possibility that sex could occur. If she’s overtly sexual, that might not lead to long term relationships, and if he’s looking for more, she would get a second date if she flirts, smiles, touches him, etc. If she drinks alcohol, it tends to be a positive sign that she’s willing to consume alcohol. Synchronized behaviors and postures also play a role in attraction.

What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  

Some things happen naturally, like eye contact, listening, being focused on the other person. Display altruism and willingness to help. On the second date, there’s more self-disclosure. Then you begin to see likes, dislikes, and personality.

Let’s talk about flirting. Do the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differ, and if so why? 

There are some similarities in unconscious behaviors like eye contact, focusing on the other person, etc. There is a difference between how men and women flirt based on their mate preferences. The actions that are most effective for men are seeing interest in emotional connection. Gift-giving shows kindness. Altruism – willingness to offer help. Men look for signs that a woman is interested emotionally and sexually. There is not a lot of difference in behaviors cross-culturally.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be aware that dating is an information gathering exercise where you’re finding out if you’re compatible. Take your time, be open, don’t come on too strong, and trust your instincts.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with T Joel Wade

• Website https://www.bucknell.edu/fac-staff/t-joel-wade
• Psychology Today page https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/t-joel-wade-phd 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life