A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system. — What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems […]

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system.

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What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic practices, and psychodrama. Through an integrative experiential approach, she helps individuals and couples suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, codependency, trauma, and relational attachment issues to navigate life’s challenges so they can become fully alive, supported, and whole. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How our nervous system influences our emotional responses in relationships
• The relationship between our attachment wounds and our nervous system
• How stress in relationships impacts our nervous systems
• Practical exercises for calming the nervous system when triggered

EP 639: Esin Pinarli – The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

How does our nervous system directly influence our emotional responses in relationships, especially when it comes to conflict and tension?

Everything comes down to our nervous system. It influences how we relate and connect to other people. Neuroception is our surveillance system in our bodies. It helps us decide if it’s safe or unsafe. Understanding our nervous system is crucial in dating.

What are some common ways attachment wounds show up in our nervous systems, and how can awareness of these responses help individuals begin to heal?

The first people we attach to are our caregivers, so depending on how we attached to them, that will show up in our romantic relationships. Our core wounds get activated. If you’re anxiously attached, you’ll be hypervigilant and untrusting of your partners. People are not safe to you. We ask ourselves, are we lovable? Are we enough? Do we expect our partners to give us everything we didn’t get as children? We tend to pick partners who remind us of our unpredictable caregiver. 

Many people may not realize how stress in relationships impacts their nervous system. Could you share some early signs to look out for that indicate the nervous system is in distress?

We feel things in our nervous system first. It signals disconnection. Our brain makes up a story about what happened, because we’re meaning makers. We gaslight ourselves by making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. 

What are some practical tools or exercises you recommend for calming down during relationship triggers?

We need to move into the ventral state – socially engaged, calmer, grounded. How do we get back to our core self and stay more regulated to make better decisions and choices? 

A good exercise to regulate your nervous system: Look at glimmers, micro moments of ventral. Ask yourself what felt good and connected today? Did I walk in nature? Did I see a beautiful flower? Did I have a connected moment with a friend? Savour the glimmers: Take the micro moments of ventral which are are everywhere once we start to look for them and are calmer, and savour them for 30 seconds. Also, humming helps you get to ventral. 

How do you approach helping clients retrain their nervous systems to create more secure, healthy relationships over time?

Pause and get curious about the patterns you engage in, especially in dating. Pull back the curtain to your internal world. Your nervous system will always seek the familiar. We need to change the way we respond and who we choose to partner with. Look for consistent, communicative, interested partners. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I want everyone to go on their last first date. Work on your nervous system with a coach or therapist and befriend your nervous system so you can make healthier choices. Get out of subconscious autopilot so you can say no to what doesn’t work and make room for the right person. 

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Esin

• IG https://www.instagram.com/esinpinarli_lcsw/  

• Website https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/ Free Guide on Homepage: Becoming Aware of Self—An introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you access the core of who you are and build more self-awareness for inner healing and harmony

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Have you ever overlooked red flags in dating? In this episode, you’ll discover the subtle red flags you might have missed in the past. — Which red flags in dating have you missed? Katharina is an Attachment-Based Specialist and an Emotionally Focused Individual therapist with over 25 years of experience helping couples and individuals build […]

Have you ever overlooked red flags in dating? In this episode, you’ll discover the subtle red flags you might have missed in the past.

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Which red flags in dating have you missed? Katharina is an Attachment-Based Specialist and an Emotionally Focused Individual therapist with over 25 years of experience helping couples and individuals build stronger, more resilient relationships. A graduate of Columbia University, she is the Founder and Clinical Director of Love Frontier Therapy Group and has dedicated her career to helping people understand the patterns behind conflict, repair emotional disconnection, and create lasting intimacy.

In this episode:

• The subtle red flags in dating many people miss
• Warning signs couples ignore early on
• Deal breakers that might be an opportunity for repair in disguise
• Instead of running away from conflict, get curious instead

EP 727: Katharina Sandizell – The Subtle Red Flags Nobody Talks About in Dating

Highlights of this episode:

Subtle red flags in dating

• Obvious red flags include active substance use and untreated addictions; recovery requires sustained work and may coexist with other behaviors.
• Pay attention to how you feel around someone — relaxed and authentic vs. holding your breath or chronically anxious.
• Excessive self-focus or nonstop talkative behavior is a warning sign. Overly flattering or “love-bombing” energy can mask self-centered or narcissistic traits.
• Misaligned values can be hidden by shared labels (e.g., same religion on paper but different practices/commitments).
• Be wary of people who cannot take feedback, blame others, or show rigid, fixed mindsets about growth or change.
• Therapy history is not an automatic indicator of being healed; willingness to learn and be vulnerable matters more than whether someone “has been to therapy.”

Attachment patterns, conflict, and repair

• Typical anxious–avoidant dance — one partner pursues/criticizes, the other withdraws — escalates disconnection; recognize the negative cycle.
• Effective repair relies on vulnerable sharing of underlying fears (e.g., “I’m scared I’m losing you”) rather than surface anger or lists of complaints.
• Shame and past family dynamics explain many avoidant patterns; partners can learn to reassure each other’s “raw spots.”
• Co-regulation (soothing each other) restores closeness; work on expressing needs early, before resentment builds.
• Practical collaboration (e.g., money strategies) and one partner changing their interactional steps can shift the couple’s dance and improve outcomes.

Dating mindset & practical advice for finding lasting love

• Visualize how you want to feel with a partner (relaxed, laughing, connected) rather than rigid checklists.
• Focus on underlying qualities (curiosity, emotional availability) rather than surface credentials (height, degree).
• Do the “footwork” (effort, self-work, trying new things) and then let go — be open to unexpected matches.
• Ask for what you need vulnerably and give others the benefit of the doubt during crises; early, gentle requests are easier to receive than late, angry demands.
• Beware of overgiving — monitor early signs of resentment and set boundaries to preserve connection.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Katharina

• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@LoveFrontierTherapyGroup 
• IG https://www.instagram.com/lovefrontiertherapy/ 
• Website https://lovefrontiertherapy.com/

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic! — Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. […]

Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic!

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Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. She’s a certified Tibetan Tantra practitioner and an American Board-Certified Sexologist with a focus on healing through embodiment. Her approach is gentle, empowering, and rooted in deep care. To her, pleasure isn’t something you earn. It’s your birthright, your medicine, and her work at Arya helps couples remember exactly that.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness
• Why 57% of couples can’t talk about sex—and practical ways to bridge that divide
• How intimacy impacts stress, hormones, and overall relationship satisfaction
• How technology can help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations 
• Arya’s Erotic Personas and how they can help partners understand each other

EP 686: Tugce Balik – Why Pleasure is Essential to Wellness (and no longer taboo)

Why do you think pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness?

We’re in the second wave of the wellness movement. First we were taking care of our bodies and our personal care. Now, we understand our sexuality is a huge part of our whole self. We can’t just separate them. Many of us have had sexual trauma or taboo in our past. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping people see how important pleasure is.

Why do 57% of couples struggle to talk about sex—and what are practical ways to bridge that divide?

Do we know ourselves well enough to communicate our needs and desires. Begin with the connection you have with each other. Schedule time with your partner. Be present with each other and create safety in each other’s bodies. Sit across from each other, breathe together, gaze into each other’s eyes, and coregulate. Then, you can have a hard conversation. Frame it as an invitation with curiosity. We have an intimacy deck of cards that help the conversation. 

If you’re in the middle of sex and you don’t like something, pause, start with appreciation first and then guide them to what would make it even better. You can use your hand or their hand to show them what you like. You can also demo it on their body.

For anyone entering a relationship later in life, how can we deal with post-menopause issues or erectile dysfuntion?

Have a conversation before sex to explain what you need to have more pleasure. Talk about lube and whatever else you need. More pauses and breaks? And with men who have erectile dysfunction, there are many causes, and it happens at all ages. It’s important first to find out the root cause of the dysfunction. If it’s physical, you can work with a pelvic floor specialist or talk to your doctor about what you can do. If you’re going through stress, your hormones are affected.

Also, what does your self-pleasure routine look like? That impacts how you have sex. Cultivate a pleasure routine that’s not just centered on orgasm. 

How does technology help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations? 

Everyone has different intimacy languages. Technology helps identify their play styles and erotic desires. The more information we have, the better it is. When you know your patterns, you can explore more. We give monthly guided experiences to couples based on their patterns and personas.

What are Arya’s Erotic Personas and how do they help partners understand each other? 

The categories are: The romantic prioritizes intimacy and connection, focuses on the journey. The directors enjoy more spontaneous sex, straightforward, goal oriented towards orgasm. The connectors prioritize sensuality and stimulation. The adventurers are into kink and variety.

The pairings are interesting, and it’s also good to see that we’re not always what we thought we were.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Recenter yourself rather than centering on the other person. Be less hyper-focused on what they think of you, and focus more on how you’re feeling in the presence of the other person. Ask, “What does this person bring out in me?”

Connect with Tugce:

• Tugce IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamtugcebalik/ 
• Arya IG: https://www.instagram.com/arya.fyi/
• Arya website: https://www.arya.fyi/join/ 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you trust again after betrayal? Listen to this episode of Last First Date Radio and hear me coach a woman after a breakup. — Karen is a fifty-nine year old divorced woman who wants to know how to trust again after betrayal. She was in a four-year passionate relationship that recently ended when […]

How do you trust again after betrayal? Listen to this episode of Last First Date Radio and hear me coach a woman after a breakup.

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Karen is a fifty-nine year old divorced woman who wants to know how to trust again after betrayal. She was in a four-year passionate relationship that recently ended when he decided he wanted to work away six months of the year. They got back together briefly earlier this year, but the feelings were gone.  He also revealed that he slept with an ex and had lied about it, so the trust was also broken.

Six months have passed, and she feels ready to date again. She’s on a few apps and finding there are very few men she finds attractive in her age range. She wants to know where to find her last first date. Listen to the podcast to find out…

EP 638: Coaching Session with Karen – How to Trust Again After Betrayal

Highlights of this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why she took her boyfriend back after breaking up
• Why she ended things in the first place
• Some red flags she ignored from the start (he was married twice and cheated both times, he left because his wife didn’t want to go on a sailing adventure, he lied about having herpes)
• She ignored the red flags because she was in a highly emotional state when she met him and needed the connection and attention
• He reminds her of her birth mother who gave birth at 21 and was married to someone who wasn’t her father and was in prison at the time, so she gave her up for adoption. The similarities between the two of them are the ability to leave her and putting her needs first.
• Both of her marriages ended because she ignored the red flags from the beginning.

• Homework I gave Karen:
  • Ask a lot of questions upfront when you’re dating to assess if someone has your must haves and no deal breakers
  • Don’t excuse the inexcusable 
  • Assess availability right away by asking the right questions
  • Know that you can’t change people
  • Open your preferences to date people who live further away so you have more options of English speaking men who share your language and culture
  • Delay sex so you can think clearly when you’re dating

Watch this episode on YouTube

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone you dated? How did you learn to trust again? Please leave a comment and let me know!

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s wrong with dating apps today? Discover how to overcome dating app issues – and learn how to date more successfully. — Dating apps can feel broken due to choice overload, which leads to shallow connections and difficulty committing. Ready for something that’s more intentional? My podcast guest, Ludovic Huraux is CEO of Amata, an […]

What’s wrong with dating apps today? Discover how to overcome dating app issues – and learn how to date more successfully.

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Dating apps can feel broken due to choice overload, which leads to shallow connections and difficulty committing. Ready for something that’s more intentional? My podcast guest, Ludovic Huraux is CEO of Amata, an AI matchmaking app designed for intentional daters. His first dating platform in Paris led to more than 2,000 weddings, and he later founded Shapr, a networking app that connected millions before its acquisition. He has dedicated his career to helping people build meaningful connections, both romantic and professional.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Lessons from helping 2,000+ couples find lasting love, and what it taught him about real compatibility
• Why today’s dating apps feel broken, and how people can date more intentionally
• How to get AI to think like a human matchmaker, and what early insights from Amata reveal about modern dating
• The future of dating, including where technology can help, and where it should step back

EP 682: Ludovic Huraux – Why Dating Apps Feel Broken (and how people can date more intentionally)

What are some lessons you learned about compatibility from helping 2,000+ couples find lasting love?

Physical attraction is important, but not as important as people might think. In swiping apps, people make their choices based on a photo, but that doesn’t usually work in the long run. One challenge is to make people aware that the person isn’t right for them. AI helps them use the right criteria for compatibility.

Why do today’s dating apps feel broken, and how can people date more intentionally?

We tried to promote less time online and meeting in person in real life as soon as possible. See if you share values. AI’s questions are completely different. We remove the swipe before the date, and your conversation with AI is very personal. After talking with AI, it will pitch you matches and take feedback to help you find your match. It replicates the experience of a human matchmaker.

Four steps to make a match

1. Get to know you
2. Pitch compatible people
3. Organize a date if both want to meet
4. Debrief dates and collect feedback

AI matchmaker is available 24 hours a day and is much cheaper than a human matchmaker.

How can someone get AI to think like a human matchmaker, and what do early insights from your app Amata reveal about modern dating?

On Tinder, you need 57 matches to go on one real date. With Amata, we cut the time spent online and make better matches. If someone cancels two dates in a row, they are banned for seven dates. This cuts back on unintentional daters.

What do you believe is the future of dating, including where technology can help, and where it should step back?

AI can improve matchmaking. The next step will be working on the coaching experience as well, because both are important for finding lasting love.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

AI experience makes the dating experience more human. It is much more helpful than a swiping app. It’s more conversational, it accepts feedback and applies it to improve matching. The next generation of AI matchmaking will help people find love. Go on real dates. Meet people in real life, because that’s where you fall in love.

Connect with Ludovic

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ludovic-huraux-11a441 
• Amata app: https://www.amata.ai/ 
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/amata_app 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you have deeper conversations on a first date? These 5 questions will open up lively, informative, and connecting conversations. — Early dating doesn’t have to feel like an interview or a performance. The most meaningful connections grow when conversations move beyond small talk and into curiosity, values, and things you have in common. […]

How do you have deeper conversations on a first date? These 5 questions will open up lively, informative, and connecting conversations.

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Early dating doesn’t have to feel like an interview or a performance. The most meaningful connections grow when conversations move beyond small talk and into curiosity, values, and things you have in common.

If you’re dating and craving something real, these five questions can gently open the door to deeper conversations. They’re not about pushing intimacy too fast or interrogating your date to see if there are red or green flags. They’re about listening, noticing, and seeing whether there’s room to grow together.

1. What feels fulfilling to you right now?

This question reveals priorities. Some people light up talking about family, creativity, travel, volunteering, or even slowing down. Pay attention not just to the answer, but to the energy behind it. If you want to learn if their vision aligns with where you are in your life today, this is a great question.

2. What’s something you’re really enjoying or excited about these days?

This keeps the focus in the present and invites enthusiasm. It might be a hobby, a project, a class, a new routine, or even a simple pleasure. Notice what brings them joy, whether they’re stagnant or excited about life, and whether they’re open to sharing their interests with you. If you’re looking for someone who continues to engage in life no matter their age, this question is a good one.

3. Is there something you’re curious about or learning right now?

This question gently reveals mindset. Curiosity often signals openness and growth. It can lead to conversations about books, travel, creativity, or new experiences they want to explore. If you’re looking for a lifetime learner, this question is for you.

4. What do you value most in a close partnership?

Whether they mention trust, laughter, loyalty, growth, or they give you a blank stare, you’re learning what they consider essential in a relationship. If you want to learn if their values around partnership and relationships feel compatible with your own needs and desires, ask this question.

5. What helps you feel most connected to someone?

This question touches on emotional intimacy without being too heavy or intrusive. Some people feel connected through conversation, shared experiences, affection, or quality time. If you want to know how someone bonds, this can offer insight into whether your connection styles complement each other.

You certainly don’t need to ask all of these questions on one date. Let them unfold naturally. Depth isn’t created by the questions alone, but by listening and following up with curiosity.

The right conversations don’t rush the relationship or feel pushy. They help you get to know the most important qualities of the person you’re dating. And that’s where real connection begins.

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FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger. — Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, […]

How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger.

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Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, he began sharing his journey on social media—growing to over 750,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and more.  He has coached 2,000+ people through heartbreak, helping them either rekindle relationships in a healthy way or move on with peace. His practical approach blends psychology, attachment theory, and real-world strategies to guide people from heartbreak to healing.  When not coaching, Cole enjoys time with his wife and daughter, playing guitar, dirt biking, and exploring the mountains. His debut book, Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, offers a proven roadmap to rebuild self-worth, master communication, and create healthy, lasting love.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

• What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?
• Do you really need closure after a breakup?
• Is it ever a good idea to get back together?
• How do attachment styles affect breakups?
• Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

EP 691: Cole Zesiger – Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?

Three things need to be present in order to move on. 1. There has to be a narrative that it makes sense that the relationship is over. 2. Life has to be at least as good in the present as it was in the past. 3. You need proof that love exists in the world, that you’re capable of feeling attraction again. It could be going on dates or joining social groups. 

We give mental energy to things that are unclosed in our lives, especially when we don’t know why. This applies to breakups. With a breakup, if you feel you can’t get closure, try to see the bigger picture and how it led you to where you are today. Look at what you’ve gained, what you’re grateful for, and how the skills you gained led you to become who you are today.

Is it ever a good idea to get back together with an ex?

In a calm moment, write down three to five things  that you’d need to see change in your partner for the relationship to work. The list has to be understood by a seven year old. Specific. Actionable, and measurable.

How do attachment styles affect breakups?

Secure attachment: Grieves the loss of that person, but believes they are worthy of love. They focus on what’s in their control quickly.

Anxious attachment: Denial. Love exists, but I need to get my ex back. I will mold into anything I can to be loved. They also grow a lot.

Avoidant attachment: I’m good enough. Love can hurt me so I have to keep it far away. They jump right into dating apps again and it comes back to bite them soon after. They avoid healing.

Disorganized attachment. They usually have off and on relationships. Switch to open relationships, to situationships.

Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

Right after a breakup if one person has feelings, it makes it difficult to be friends. If you have moved on and want to be friends later on, that’s different. Most people beg for friendship, or the one who’s leaving will offer friendship as consolation. Anxiously attached people tend to accept friendship and hope the other person will begin to fall back in love eventually.

People go through the breakup loop of doom by staying friends. Eventually, one partner does something that gives the other hope that they will get back together. It’s a vicious cycle.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Build a life you’re fulfilled by before bringing someone into it. It can go too far if you’ve built such an established life that you don’t want to break routines. But, when you have a full life with a mission and meaning bigger than yourself and bring someone else into it, you’ll have an easier time with dating and relationships.

Connect With Cole

• Website https://coachcolezesiger.com 
• IG https://www.instagram.com/coachcolezesiger/
• Get the book: https://coachcolezesiger.com/exsandnos

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance. — Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her […]

Would you like to be in an extraordinary relationship? In this episode, learn how to build them by design, not by chance.

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Learn how to build extraordinary relationships! Jena Jake is a Compatibility Strategist, speaker, and author who helps successful professionals stop choosing relationships by chance and start creating them by design. Through her signature Love Smarter methodology, she helps clients identify true compatibility, break unhealthy patterns, and build extraordinary relationships rooted in alignment—not luck.

In this episode:

• The difference between chemistry and compatibility
• Why we attach to certain types
• How do we become aligned with the right people
• How to set boundaries in relationships from the start
• How to become the person you want to meet

EP 726: Jena Jake – Building Extraordinary Relationships By Design, Not By Chance

Highlights of this episode:

Chemistry, compatibility & core coaching concepts

• Chemistry = familiarity shaped by childhood patterns; not always healthy.
• Compatibility = alignment with your values, needs, boundaries and long-term life vision.
• Key shift: develop a loving relationship with yourself first; don’t rely on a partner for validation.
• “Be the love” — generating love internally changes how others reflect love back.
• Healthy chemistry = awareness + boundaries + alignment.

Assessment-driven coaching & practical steps

• Jena’s approach: personality assessments + the PAWS method (pattern, attachment, wounds, standard/status quo) to identify repeating dating patterns.
• Pre-work: rewire patterns, define values/needs, practice boundaries (Jenna’s “velvet rope” metaphor).
• Dating work: measure prospects against assessment results; catch red flags early (before strong attachment).
• Maintenance: practice new standards; surround yourself with people who model healthy treatment to make new behavior familiar.
• Outcome: a consciously built “alone” (chosen life) versus a fearful, reactive alone.

Boundaries, recovery & real-life examples

• Boundary practice often starts with family; protects sanity and reinforces self-respect.
• Rapid attraction/sex increases risk of premature attachment; recommended to delay until alignment is clearer.
• Becoming healthier narrows the dating pool but increases discernment and long-term fit.
• Personal examples: Jenna and Sandy described post-divorce boundary-setting and how ex-partners often repeat old patterns.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Jena

• IG and TikTok: @jena.jake
• Website: https://jenajake.com 
• Free Gift: Love Smarter Starter Kit https://stan.store/HouseofJules/p/love-smarter-starter-kit-

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go. — Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your […]

Listen as I coach Heather live on the podcast. She wants to know how she can figure out early on when to stay and when to go.

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Heather wrote in to the podcast: “I’ve been separated and divorced for 6 years. I’ve been in therapy and have been working on myself (listening to your podcasts and being a woman of value) but still spent the last two years in a relationship that was on and off again. How do you quickly find out if someone is a match? Instead of spending a few years trying to figure it out.”

Listen as I coach Heather live on air on how to know…should I stay or should I go (and so much more)!

When to Stay and When to Go?

Heather has been separated for three years and divorced three years after a 13-year marriage. She discusses what she learned from her marriage that she’s bringing to the next relationship.

She began by listing all of HER faults in the marriage; she felt she was harsh and controlling and had to always be right. I noticed that she put the blame on herself, but as we continued the coaching conversation, much more was revealed.

She knew on the day of her wedding that he was the wrong man for her. But, she married him anyway. She’s not alone. This is more common than you may think.

I ask Heather why she did not trust her intuition about her ex-husband. She felt he wasn’t the right man, and she felt trapped in the relationship. Life just happened to her instead of making conscious choices in her life. Can you relate?

She saw the red flags and ignored them. We compare her marriage red flags with the red flags in her more current relationship.

Red flags in the marriage included detachment and living parallel lives. Turns out he was gay, even though he had said he was bisexual when they got married. She was his first relationship with a woman.

Both were not true to themselves and were living a lie during the marriage.

I ask Heather, “Who does your ex-husband remind you of from your family of origin?”

She says it was not her dad. Or…was it? As Heather describes their relationship, she discovers some surprising truths about the connection between her father and why she chose her husband.

Our downloaded family blueprint directly influences our choices in romantic partners.

We often pick a partner who has similar qualities to our most difficult parent. We keep hoping we can somehow ‘fix’ the relationship with that parent by fixing it in a partner who has those traits. It doesn’t work. I share with Heather what DOES work.

I show her how she puts herself down and makes excuses for bad behavior in men. I point out the difference between having compassion for others and making excuses for bad behavior. This really resonates with her. She then draws the connection between her father and the last man she dated.

How can you tell if a man has the qualities you’re looking for, and whether you should stay or go?

Heather is fuzzy about this, and I clarify the difference between an annoying behavior and a character flaw.

I walk her through an exercise to find her must-haves.

As we conclude our session, I tell Heather how she needs to guard herself from giving away too much too soon. She needs to be careful not to choose partners who have the red flags she identified.

Heather’s Homework

Notice where she’s giving parts of herself away before someone shows her they deserve her stories and her love. Lean back and observe behaviors. See if a guy steps up. Tell men what she needs to be happy in the relationship, and see if a man can provide that for her.

Can you relate to Heather’s story? How did you feel about the coaching session? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Brian Franklin can help you avoid wedding speech disasters! Listen to the podcast to learn the keys to writing a good wedding speech. — Ever struggle with writing a wedding speech? Dubbed “The Humorist” by the New York Times, Brian Franklin is the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches, which he founded in mid-2021 with his […]

Brian Franklin can help you avoid wedding speech disasters! Listen to the podcast to learn the keys to writing a good wedding speech.

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Ever struggle with writing a wedding speech? Dubbed “The Humorist” by the New York Times, Brian Franklin is the Co-Founder of Vows & Speeches, which he founded in mid-2021 with his wife and business partner, Nicole Franklin.  Prior to 2023, Brian was the founder and President of an award-winning political consulting firm, where he oversaw messaging, communications (including speechwriting), and advertising for state and federal campaigns nationwide.

In this episode:

• Why start a business writing wedding speeches?
• What’s the process? 
• What’s the right balance of humor vs. sentimentality? 
• What about people with public speaking anxiety? 
• Should people memorize, have everything typed out, or use bullets?

EP 661: Brian Franklin – Wedding Speech Disasters (and how to avoid them)

Why did you start a business writing wedding speeches?

I was writing speeches for politicians for a long time. As politics got uglier, I wanted to find other things to do. I was an officiant in a few weddings and some people came to me to help write speeches and vows for them. I enjoyed this new angle, and I’ve been doing it ever since!

What’s the process? 

Writing speeches and vows is similar to the process we take couples through. You have to treat a speech as if people have a tiny attention span. How will an audience drift off? I think about that. I start with an hour long interview to understand every aspect of their relationship. What are the funny and quirky parts? I take all the information and distill what’s funny and what’s interesting and will give insight into what makes this couple unique.

What’s the right balance of humor vs. sentimentality? 

It starts with what the couple wants. If they’re irreverent, they want the wedding to be fun. It’s usually a balance of 7 to 3. Some people are not so funny. Every good relationship has some humor, and it’s my job to find those things and weave them in.

What about people with public speaking anxiety? 

Practice the speech word for word to have muscle memory. Then, you can work on tone, stage presence, and everything else. It will help you stammer less and feel more comfortable at the event.

Should people memorize, have everything typed out, or use bullets?

I discourage bullet points, because this is an emotional event, and it’s a one-off speech that you won’t deliver again. It will also help with timing if you have everything written out.

What are some wedding speech disastors?  

First, speaking too long can be disastrous. People don’t nail the moment. Those speeches are tedious and awful. People don’t always use good judgment when speaking. They drink too much and go on too long. Typically it’s the father of the bride or the best man.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

One consistent thing I’ve seen with all the couples I’ve interviewed was how they felt when they first met. On the first few dates, they talked for hours. Time flew by and they vibed. You may not be in love, but the conversation flows. If that’s there, give it a chance to see if love grows. Because a good relationship is an ongoing conversation. Also, focus on how they resolve conflict. That’s a good indicator of relationship success.

Connect with Brian

• Website https://vowsandspeeches.com 
• IG https://instagram.com/vowsandspeeches 
• FB https://facebook.com/vowsandspeeches 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life