Dana McNeil and Jeffrey Young are redefining commitment for today’s modern relationships. Tune in to this episode to learn why this is crucial. — It’s time for redefining commitment in relationships, especially in midlife and beyond. Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT and Jeffrey Young are partners in life and work. They specialize in working with […]

Dana McNeil and Jeffrey Young are redefining commitment for today’s modern relationships. Tune in to this episode to learn why this is crucial.

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It’s time for redefining commitment in relationships, especially in midlife and beyond. Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT and Jeffrey Young are partners in life and work. They specialize in working with modern relationships, helping individuals and couples navigate connection, commitment, and emotional safety in today’s dating landscape.

Together, they bring a unique blend of clinical expertise and real-life perspective, drawing from their work with high-functioning couples, intensive relationship therapy, and years of experience helping people repair, rebuild, and redefine what partnership looks like in midlife.

In this episode:

• Why it’s important to redefine commitment in today’s modern relationships
• What tends to go off course in relationships when there aren’t clear definitions of commitment
• Some early signs people often miss that a relationship is going off course
• How to rebuild trust when people don’t follow through on commitments
• How to find out early on in dating if you’re compatible

EP 716: Dr. Dana McNeil and Jeffrey Young – How to Redefine Commitment for Modern Relationships

Highlights of this episode:

Modern commitment

• Commitment is no longer a one-and-done, fixed-role vow; it’s an ongoing negotiated partnership.
• Partners must update expectations rather than assume traditional roles (e.g., fixed “male/female” tasks).
• Commitment requires clarity about what each person is signing up for (priorities, trade-offs, life changes).
• Regular check-ins are necessary to renegotiate commitments as circumstances evolve.

Communication, boundaries & negotiation

• Distinguish compromise (mutual, voluntary negotiation) from sacrifice (one-sided, resentful).
• Use explicit requests: name the need, explain the why, and treat agreed actions as voluntary “gifts.”
• Treat agreements like a contract: offer, clarification, acceptance; mean yes/no when stated.
• Curiosity and empathy (asking “why is this important?”) build understanding and reduce defensiveness.
• Avoid Gottman’s Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling—use repair attempts and bids for connection.

Responsibilities, appreciation & household roles

• Define “yours, mine, ours” to avoid mental/emotional overload on one partner.
• Frame contributions as complementary gifts; express appreciation to fuel continued participation.
• Avoid delegating tasks from a place of indifference (“I don’t care, you do it”)—that breeds contempt.
• Regularly revisit who handles what, and renegotiate when barriers arise (e.g., time, unexpected obligations).

Dating intentionally & dealing with differences

• Vet beyond surface similarities: observe someone in multiple settings (groups, travel, home) and over time.
• Ask specific, practical questions about weekly life, energy levels, priorities (career, family proximity, caregiving).
• Look for self-reflection about past relationships—ability to take responsibility signals maturity.
• Red flags: lack of respect, frequent contemptuous/offhand comments, zero accountability.
• For partners on the ADD spectrum: use structured accomplishment/reward cycles, small achievable steps, frequent positive reinforcement; accept limitations while seeking mutually workable strategies.

Connect with Dana and Jeffrey

• Websites: www.sdrelationshipplace.com and www.danamcneil.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDanaMcNeil
• IG: @sdrelationshipplace and @drdanamcneil

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Submit your dating dilemma to be answered on my podcast https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

It’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after. Author, Laurie Collister shares her inspiring story on the podcast. — Laurie Collister is living proof you can rewrite your happily ever after. She is a counselor, journalist, and debut memoirist. After graduating from Kenyon College, she worked as a litigation paralegal, market analyst, investigative […]

It’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after. Author, Laurie Collister shares her inspiring story on the podcast.

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Laurie Collister is living proof you can rewrite your happily ever after. She is a counselor, journalist, and debut memoirist. After graduating from Kenyon College, she worked as a litigation paralegal, market analyst, investigative journalist, and, most recently, as a counselor on LA’s skid row. In this checkerboard of professions, she learned how to harvest the hidden – key to penning A Different Kind of Vow: Rewriting My Happily After, due out April 7, 2026, as well as The Last Home on the Left, about her fourteen years working on skid row, to be published in May 2027. Laurie lives with her extended family and dog Bella on a cul-de-sac in Los Angeles.

In this episode:

• What is the “other kind of vow”?
• Learning about love in your 30s and 40s
• How journaling can change your life

EP 704: Laurie Collister – Rewriting Your Happily Ever After

Highlights of this episode

A Different Type of Vow and Relationship Insight

• Laurie coined “A Different Type of Vow”: prioritize a personal purpose/sacred vow over seeking marriage as your primary identity.
• Focusing on personal purpose prevents losing oneself in relationships and attracting mismatched partners.
• Warning against the giver-taker dynamic; build relationships with mutual healing and shared goals.

Spiritual Journey and Career Shift

• Laurie pursued a spiritual quest, worked at an international Hindu organization, and learned self-love through meditation.
• Transitioned to counseling (master’s degree) and worked 14 years on Skid Row helping clients find vocation and home.
• Found belonging and purpose in community work rather than in romantic relationships.

Journaling and Self-Discovery

• Uses long-term journaling to gain objectivity, uncover patterns, relieve emotional pressure, and guide life decisions.
• Journaling helped Laurie identify hidden emotions (e.g., rage) and contributed to creative output and healing.

Cultural Critique and Practical Advice

• Argues the “American Dream” script needs rewriting to focus on shared values, growth orientation, and mutual goals rather than a one-size-fits-all checklist.
• Advice for those wanting to be happily single: anchor yourself in your sacred contract/purpose; seek love in multiple forms; avoid entering relationships from scarcity.

Connect with Laurie:

• Website https://lauriecollister.com

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife and beyond? Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Andre Lazarus! — How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife dating and relationships? Andre Lazarus has the answers! He is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and relationship expert featured on the UK […]

How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife and beyond? Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Andre Lazarus!

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How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife dating and relationships? Andre Lazarus has the answers! He is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and relationship expert featured on the UK TV series Virgin Island. He helps individuals and couples reconnect with desire, build emotional safety, and communicate openly about intimacy. Through embodied practices rooted in the Somatica® Method, Andre supports people in midlife and beyond to create passionate, secure, and deeply fulfilling relationships.

In this episode:

• What is embodied intimacy
• How couples in long-term relationships rediscover desire when the spark fades
• How to create safety and connection in intimacy

EP 708: Andre Lazarus – How to Reignite Desire and Emotional Connection in Midlife Dating and Relationships

Highlights of this Episode

André’s Background

• André Lazarus: intimacy coach, ex-military, moved from security/tech into embodied intimacy work.
• Based in Barcelona; has experience with therapeutic intimate practices and tantra-influenced approaches.
• Offers online courses and a free resource for embodied loving via his website.

Embodied Intimacy & Coaching Approach

• Embodied/somatic intimacy = focusing on bodily sensations over cognitive/goal-oriented sex.
• Coaching emphasizes presence, practicing communication, boundary/consent skills, and gradual somatic work.
• Reframes sex beyond penetration/orgasm; values slow, varied, non-goal-oriented sexual experiences.

Midlife Relationships & Alternatives

• Midlife often brings increased self-awareness, willingness to change, and reassessment of relationships.
• Alternatives (non-monogamy, relationship agreements) can be viable options when sexual needs differ.
• Communication, curiosity, and incremental exploration are recommended before major decisions.

Trauma-informed Care & Starting Steps

• Sexual trauma requires trauma-informed, qualified support; combine talk therapy with embodied modalities.
• Practical starter step: list what’s working vs. missing in intimacy, then pick a first actionable step (research, discovery call, workshop).
• Trust intuition when choosing practitioners; request discovery calls and check references/testimonials.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Andre

• Website: https://www.coming-closer.com/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/coming-closer/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@comingcloserwithandre
• Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/comingcloserwithandre?_rdc=1&_rdr#

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Conflict management is difficult for most of us. In this episode, discover your conflict management style and how to do conflict better. — What’s your conflict management personality? Dr. John Eliot, PhD, co-wrote a book on this topic. He mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches, and athletes on psychological principles for enhancing health, […]

Conflict management is difficult for most of us. In this episode, discover your conflict management style and how to do conflict better.

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What’s your conflict management personality? Dr. John Eliot, PhD, co-wrote a book on this topic. He mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches, and athletes on psychological principles for enhancing health, performance, and workplace culture. He has consulted for NASA, the US Olympic Committee, the Mayo Clinic, Sony, and Microsoft. Eliot has held professorial appointments at the University of Virginia, Stanford, Rice, SMU, and the Texas Medical Center, winning teaching awards at each.

In this episode:

• Why John decided to focus his research on conflict personalities
• How our conflict responses are rooted in predictable patterns
• How we can predict behavior in high-pressure or emotionally charged situations
• How someone’s ‘Conflict’ personality changes between home and work
• Why it’s important to understand our triggers

EP 650: Dr. John Elliot – What’s Your Conflict Management Style?

Why did you decide to focus your research on conflict personality styles?

My co-author and I do a lot of organizational training, and we discovered that the tools that help us understand ourselves are fantastic for communication when things are going well. But when a speed bump comes along, something knocks you off kilter. We veer away from our normal communication style during those times.

What are the five conflict personalities?

1. Avoider
2. Competitor
3. Analyzer
4. Accommodator
5. Collaborator

How can someone’s ‘Conflict personality’ change between home and work?

At work it can be easier to be rational. Many people have a different go-to at home than at work. One of the reasons is the mission is different. We can compartmentalize better at work and keep our emotions from spiking. At home, the mission is the relationship, caring for your family and loved one. So the lines are blurred.

When it comes to conflict, why is it important to understand our own triggers?

Knowing your hot buttons is crucial so you can predict where you’re more likely to get away from being yourself. It will also help you know which of your conflict styles will be the habits you go to. Find one little thing you can do to get back to center. Do you need a breather? To be heard? To listen?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The fundamental needs we all share are a need to be heard, to be cared for, and to be of value. Understand that it’s about your helping them and them helping you meet each other’s needs. Try to understand the value of the other person. Be curious and interested. We are designed to be in pairs and groups. We can accomplish a lot together. We’re teammates.

How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home by John Eliot and Jim Gunn is available at the Conflict Docs website: https://www.theconflictdocs.com/Home 

IG https://www.instagram.com/theconflictdocs/

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers! — What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author […]

How do you heal your inner child? And why is it so important when it comes to dating? Tune in to the podcast to learn the answers!

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What is the path to healing your inner child? Jen Araya Peters is an expert in this field. She is a visionary healer, #1 best selling author and the founder of a global 128,000 strong healing community. Jen is best known for her revolutionary work in the field of inner child healing, in particular dissolving emotional trauma, childhood trauma and hidden blocks deep within the subconscious mind. Jen’s mission is to make healing available to all.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why healing your inner child is so important when it comes to dating
• How to know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging your success in dating 
• Examples of how our childhood experiences can impact our romantic relationships
• How unhealed attachment trauma influences our relationships
• 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships

EP 643: Jen Peters – The Path to Healing Your Inner Child

Why is healing your inner child so important when it comes to dating?

The inner children have a tremendous impact on dating. Most of our behaviour is from our subconscious mind. Whatever is not resolved from childhood will show up in all parts of our lives, especially dating. The parent we had the most unresolved trauma with will draw us to partners with similar qualities.

 

How can we know if unresolved inner child trauma may be sabotaging their success in dating?

Everything is energy and holds a certain frequency. Wounds do, too. If we had a parent who left, it causes an abandonment wound. It can happen in everyday ways. The inner child has the fear of being abandoned again. They will either cling to relationships that are unhealthy, or they avoid intimacy and sabotage the relationship. We try to protect ourselves. 

How does unhealed attachment trauma influence our relationships?

It influences our relationships in tremendous ways. Anxious attachment trauma started in the womb or at a very young age. Because our survival was dependent on our caretaker at such a young age, we’ll find an avoidant, dismissive, or disorganized partner. It activates our earliest trauma. Each time our partner pulls away for any reason, we become activated again. It causes us to feel needy or clingy. When the other person pulls away, we can feel like we’re going to die. We also can sabotage the relationship by being so needy. 

What are 3 things we can do to begin healing our inner child as it relates to dating or relationships?

We need to connect more deeply to our inner child. Visualizations are very effective. See your inner child, hear them, and reflect feelings back to your inner child. Learn where the original trauma was, and give her a voice. Go back to an event that activated your inner child’s wound. Feel it in your body. See that part in your body. You’ll get a sense of how they want to be addressed. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Remind yourself that you are whole, worthy and enough in your own right. Dating and relationships are a beautiful part of life. But remember you’re the chooser instead of waiting to be chosen.

Connect with Jen

• Instagram: @jenpeters_soulguide_healer 
• Website: www.jen-peters.com 
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@JenPeters 
• Free Gift: Jen’s #1 Best Seller Book: Coming Home: The Path to Healing Your Inner Child https://jen-peters.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Coming_Home_-_The_Path_to_Healing_Your_Inner_Child_-_Digital_version-2.pdf 
• The Path to Healing Your Inner Child Course:Guides you through dissolving your childhood trauma. Normally $497, discounted rate of $197 when you use coupon code:  HYIC197
• https://jen-peters.mykajabi.com/landing-page-copy-1 
• Attachment Alchemy Course:Guides you through healing their attachment trauma at the foundation so they can move into a secure attachment style. Normally $333, Discount rate of only $97 with coupon code SECURE https://jen-peters.mykajabi.com/attachment-alchemy 

Watch this episode on youtube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode! — How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life […]

How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton. Learn more in this episode!

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How do you increase erotic pleasure? Practice the five lust languages, says Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”. She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. Susan has spent over two decades doing something that censorship and shame have long tried to silence: teaching people the pleasure-based sex education they never received. As CEO of Better Lover, Personal Life Media, and The20, she publishes the world’s most comprehensive library of orgasmic lovemaking education and formulates precision sexual vitality supplements built on the science of blood flow and desire.

In this episode:

• How to turn communication into foreplay
• The biggest mistakes couples make when giving feedback about intimacy
• What is the Sexual Soulmate pact?
• The myth about spontaneous desire
• The importance of curiosity in creating more erotic pleasure

EP 725: Susan Bratton – The Five Lust Languages For Lifelong Erotic Pleasure

Highlights of this episode:

Five Lust Languages (FLESH)

• Susan introduced the Five Lust Languages acronym FLESH: Fearless feedback; Lover Space; Erotic vigilance; Soulmate Embrace; Heat.
• Purpose: a practical framework for sustaining and increasing erotic pleasure across decades.
• Rationale: orgasmic intimacy supports longevity (hormonal cascades, oxytocin, NK cells) and emotional health; sex education is often missing.
• Emphasis on growth mindset — sexual skills and variety can be learned and improved over time.

Communication, Safety & Techniques

• Fearless feedback: normalize asking for what you want in the moment; use specific, nonjudgmental phrasing and “softer no” + alternatives.
• Sexual Soulmate Pact: a tool Susan created to establish bedroom communication norms and reduce shame/pecking-order reactions.
• Lover Space (atmospheric safety): set conditions for relaxation and surrender (lighting, towels, lube, timing, novelty) to enable female arousal which often needs more time/blood flow.
• Erotic vigilance & seduction with integrity: make small, right-sized offers; read partner’s state (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/fornicate); maintain curiosity and adjust.
• Practical tips: slow down, co-regulate (holding, eye contact), prioritize relaxation before technique; options for addressing lubrication and blood flow (topical vaginal estrogen, nitric oxide boosters).

Sustaining Heat: Novelty, Play & Solo Practice

• Heat/new relationship energy: maintain novelty and variety to prevent boredom and create “upward pleasure spiral.”
• Erotic playdates and sex-life bucket list: Susan’s method — brainstorm, categorize A/B/C (want to do / maybe / not now), schedule playdates to learn and bond.
• Solo pleasure: practice interoception, explore multiple orgasm types and body regions (clitoral, nipple, mouth, core, etc.) to expand capacity.
• Long-term approach: practice, iterate, laugh at mishaps, and view experimentation as bonding and growth; sex tech and new modalities expanding options.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Susan Bratton

• Websites: https://betterlover.com/  https://susanbratton.com 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/ 
• Twitter: https://x.com/susanbratton 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trustedhotsexadvisortomillions/ 
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterLover 
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanbratton/

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this! — If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late […]

My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this!

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If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late husband, Dr. Bernard Bail. Through intimate conversations and dream exploration, she helps listeners uncover unconscious emotional imprints and transform their understanding of love, healing, and human connection.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What inspired Cynthia to start her podcast, And Now Love, and what’s the core message behind it?
• What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?
• Cynthia’s healing journey where one of her husband’s teachings shifted her view on love
• What does a “healthy love” look like, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?
• What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

EP 670: Cynthia Marks – How to Transform Love, Healing, and Human Connection

Tell us about your podcast, And Now Love. What inspired you to start it, and what’s the core message behind it?

It’s based on the theories of my late husband, Dr. Bail who passed away four years ago. He had a psychoanalytic theory that helps us be our best selves, to love ourselves. We’re all holding onto so much trauma, it’s hard to understand our authentic selves. His theory posits that this begins in the womb. Our mothers aren’t trying to traumatize us, but they carry trauma passed on from their ancestors. We have to figure out how to stop the trauma. Bernard discovered that dreams carry the information we need to heal. 

What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?

As children, we want to make our mother (and father) happy, so we do things to please them. Often, that comes at the cost of losing parts of ourselves and developing false beliefs. What did you learn in childhood? You’re not loveable? Not true. We’re all based in love and carry love.

Can you share a moment from your own healing journey where one of Dr. Bail’s teachings shifted your view on love?

Through the course of talking about my dreams with my husband, he helped me come to my own conclusions about what the dream images meant to me. I reframed my view of my reality and my beliefs about love. Once I shifted my view of love,  I was able to release the trauma I was carrying.

What does a “healthy love” look like to you, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?

Healthy love is first understanding who we really are vs who we trained ourselves to be to survive. Each of us has a base of love, and most of us don’t get to that place. If we can undo this trauma and love ourselves, we can understand what it is to love others and receive love. You’ll elevate others. You’ll feel true empathy for others.

What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

If you think you don’t deserve kindness or love – unconsciously – you’ll push away a kind and loving person and continue to date people who are wrong for you.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Let go of what you think is judgment, and let go of your preconceived notions of what you’re entitled to (when it comes to love). Even if you think you have a lot of work to do, take a jump off the diving board and let go.

Connect with Cynthia Marks

• website: andnowlove.com 
• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/andnowlove.podcast/ 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/And-Now-Love-Podcast/61557634374597/ 
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@AndNowLovePodcast 
• Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6VwjoRKnnCZkzbbfTcxeA5?si=16c5d438554d4b48 
• Apple Podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/and-now-love-podcast/id1736397055

Watch this episode on YouTube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out. — How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and […]

Power dynamics and control can change in relationships over time. How can we navigate these changes? Tune in to this episode to find out.

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How can couples navigate power dynamics and control in relationships? Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts.

In this episode:

• How to recognize the shift in power dynamics and control in your relationship
• How people in non-traditional relationships can design a healthy relationship
• How to approach sexual incompatibility in a relationship
• What to do if you tend to prioritize your partner’s needs over your own to create a more balanced relationship
• How can you overcome sexual insecurities

EP 663: Bonnie Comfort – How to Navigate Power Dynamics and Control in Relationships

Why did you decide to write this memoir and share such private and vulnerable information about your relationship with your late husband, especially as a therapist?

I struggled with the question of how my patients might feel reading it, but I wanted people to know that even psychologists continue to struggle in relationships. There’s a lot about my story that’s valuable in general.

Power dynamics and control can subtly shift in relationships. How can people recognize these changes, and what did you observe in your own marriage?

The shift may come inside of you, as in my marriage, I began to feel more equal to him after idealizing him for so long. I had been in his shadow. It took work for me to stand up and for him to respect who I became. There are so many fights that can come up in relationships, especially when it comes to parenting. Expect the ebb and flow of a relationship. 

Sexual incompatibility can be a sensitive topic for couples. How can they approach these conversations constructively? What are signs that an issue can be resolved versus deeper incompatibilities?

It helps to have a sex therapist in the room with you in order to discuss sexual incompatibility. It’s fragile territory. The conversations require tactful honesty. Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you’d like to try. The most important thing is kind curiosity. “I’m curious how you came to love sex in this way.”

Women are often conditioned to prioritize their partner’s needs over their own. How can they recognize and break free from these patterns to create more balanced relationships?

Be brave about disappointing your partner, and tolerate the disappointment. In a simple way, start tuning into your own needs and working through disappointing others. Own what you want. It’s an important price to pay.

Sexual confidence is a challenge for many women. What advice do you have for overcoming insecurities and embracing empowerment in intimacy?

I had felt defective sexually my whole life, partly because of mainstream media, and partly because of my first experience sexually. I began studying sex and sexual issues. I came across a book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I was stunned to read that only 20 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone. It’s biological. I learned there was nothing wrong with me. I had faked orgasm with men I was dating, and I felt terrible about it. 

Work on letting go of shame, because it keeps you quiet. It takes work to let go of body shame or the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. Use gentle curiosity and discuss what you like and what your partner likes. Experiment and see how it goes. Empathy is the magic bullet that helps a couple get through hard times.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It varies by age. What you’re looking for changes. Is this person compatible for the stage of life you’re in? Trust your gut and your inner knowing if there’s a definite no or a definite maybe. Learn whether the things that matter most are there. Create your own happiness, too. And know your deal breakers.

Connect with Bonnie

• Website – https://bonniecomfort.com/ 
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/bonniecomfortauthor   
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61570054590355  
• LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/bonnie-comfort-864b10b/

Watch this episode on YouTube here

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships! — Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of […]

How do you break barriers in neurodiverse relationships? Dr. Matt Zakreski helps neurodivergent people have healthier relationships!

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Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, is a professional speaker and clinical psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent folks. He has spoken more than 400 times on stages and podcasts about supporting neurodivergent people in all walks of life. Dr. Matt specializes in taking knowledge of the brain, human behavior, and clinical psychology and making that accessible and practical for people to improve their lives.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• A crash course in neurodiversity and how it impacts dating
• How to break barriers in neurodiverse relationships
• The challenges neurodiverse folks face when dating
• How to navigate conflict and cultivate closeness
• How to apply brain science to build stronger relationship

EP 656: Dr. Matt Zakreski – Breaking Barriers in Neurodiverse Relationships

What is neurodiversity?

It’s the word for all brains in the world. Neurodivergent brains function in a different way. One in five people are neurodivergent. 80 percent of people are neurotypical. Diversity means there are a lot of differences out there which make up the world. Being different isn’t a deficit.

How did you get involved in this field?

I spent most of my life hearing about what I couldn’t do as a person with ADHD. I can do some things really well, and other things not so well. I work with people of all brains of all ages. I like the 8-28 range of people. I was a child psychologist, and my kids grew up, so I started helping them, too.

How are relationships challenging for autistic, ADHD, and 2E folks?

We’re learning how to identify the different levels of neurodivergent. You can have ADHD and have tics and stim. For people who are neurodivergent, relationships can be challenging because they have sensory issues. Bars and restaurants can be overly stimulating to them. So, they might ask someone to come to their home, which feels unsafe to the person they’re dating. Sensory issues also come up in the bedroom.

How can neurodivergent people address challenges like sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, and miscommunication?

Flirting is an indirect form of communication. Prosody is how we change the meaning of a word based on the delivery. The neurodivergent brain reads it the same way, especially when there’s a nuance. I train them to look at cues, especially non-verbal. Direct eye contact can be uncomfortable for them. We talk about how much eye contact is necessary for connection. Online, it’s hard to have those skills. The neurodivergent person can ask questions to check if they’re reading the room correctly. Socializing is nuanced and complex. Dating requires courageous conversations, which are hard for many of us. Remember that dating should be fun and enjoyable. That’s the goal!

What are some ways to navigate conflict with a neurodiverse partner?

Neurodiverse people can be rigid around rules and justice. Define what rules are spoken and which are unspoken. Communicate clearly with them and don’t expect them to read your mind. Have honest conversations in a kind way. Send gift lists to them so they don’t have to read your mind. How we frame conflict is important. It’s never me vs you. It’s you and me vs the problem. Reframe the problem as something to be solved. Compromise is inherently productive. Ask yourself what a meaningful compromise would look like. Some things can’t be compromised. This is prosocial communication.

What are some tools and strategies for building emotional and physical connections?

First, no emotion is good or bad. You have a right to be disappointed if someone doesn’t want to be with you. It’s important to learn the language around that. The more aware we are about our emotions, we can be curious, not furious. When you’re curious, you can say,, “Tell me more, help me understand.” That will help you be more empathic and understanding. When you find yourself thinking, “I should be…” change it to “I could be…”.

How can we apply brain science to build stronger relationships and lasting connections and go on our last first date?

The goal of life is not to be happy. Happiness is an emotional state, and every emotional state is fleeting. Chasing happiness makes you less happy. The goal of life is to be regulated. The more regulated your body is, the more likely you’ll be to show up as the best version of you. To go on your last first date, take your date to a place where you feel most regulated and will show up as your best. People fall in love with the most authentic version of you.

Connect with Dr. Matt Zakreski

• Website https://www.drmattzakreski.com/ 
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/drmattzakreski/ 
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-zakreski-0a32358
• IG https://www.instagram.com/drmattzakreski/

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode! — What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly […]

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode!

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What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He hosts Marriage Therapy Radio and authored The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. Zach lives in Seattle with his wife Rebecca and their two adult daughters.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What’s NSO and how might it show up early on in dating?
• What’s emotional neutrality, and how does it affect relationships?
• How to recognize subtle forms of contempt early on
• What singles can do to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity 
• How to recognize if you’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships and How to Fix It

What is Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), and how might it quietly show up in any stage of dating?

This is a term that John Gottman came up with. One of the things couples who divorce have in common is the Negative Sentiment Override. When you’re in NSO, things are harder. There’s a drive to raise your score and improve your relationship. Early in a relationship, it’s pretty rare. If you have more negative than positive, you leave. 

If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are present and not being offset by gratitude, generosity, and affection, relationships can fail. Early on, we might call these red flags to look out for.

You say that emotional neutrality is the first step out of NSO. What do you mean by that?

Both people need to want to change the pattern that’s not working in the relationship. Learn how to identify and change the pattern. Once you realize the pattern, you can interrupt it. You have three choices when in conflict in relationships: stay neutral and take a pause, make it worse, or make it better. Emotional neutrality is really helpful when you’re flooded and need a break. Think about what you want to happen. Then choose to make the relationship better.

Contempt can quietly destroy relationships, and you say it also fuels NSO. How can someone recognize subtle forms of contempt in themselves or in others in long-term relationships or when dating?

Contempt can show up early on in a relationship as “I’m better than you”, which leaves no room for intimacy. You can’t expect things to be healthy when you’re in contempt of one another. Be on the lookout for signs from yourself and your partner. To get out of contempt, look for the best in your partner, not the worst.

Make up that your partner is amazing, and they look great, and you’re so proud of them, and they add value to your life. This increases intimacy and decreases contempt. Let your partner know you have their back and care about them.

What are some things singles or dating partners can use to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity early on?

When dating, embrace the parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts that you lack, and get curious about the other person and what they have that you don’t when you’re dating. Be the best partner instead of just looking for the best partner.

How can someone tell if they’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner, or if they’re just being cautious from past hurt?

Evaluate why you act a certain way. Assess whether it’s you, them, or the two of you together. If your response is outsized, evaluate why that is. Share that information with your partner when you’re dating. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Prioritize curiosity, and see if this is a relationship where you both can learn.

Connect with Zach

• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en 
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio/ 
• Tik Tok – https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagetherapyradio 
• Podcast – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667
• Website – https://zachbrittle.com

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life