Category: Uncategorized

Dating Advice: Old Dating Rules vs. New Dating Guidelines

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Out with the old dating rules, and in with new dating guidelines and principles. Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Talia Koren! — Why should we dump the old dating rules? Talia Koren is a dating podcaster, content creator, and entrepreneur who went on 64 first dates in under 10 months before […]

dating rules

Out with the old dating rules, and in with new dating guidelines and principles. Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Talia Koren!

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Why should we dump the old dating rules? Talia Koren is a dating podcaster, content creator, and entrepreneur who went on 64 first dates in under 10 months before meeting her husband on Hinge. Now, as the founder of Dating Intentionally, she helps women in their 30s–50s date with purpose, build real connections, and enjoy the process.

In this episode:

  • The old rules of dating and why they don’t work anymore
  • The new dating guidelines
  • How to get out of old dating programming
  • Why people today are afraid of commitment and vulnerability
  • What to do when someone says they’re ready for commitment but aren’t

EP 709: Talia Koren – Old Dating Rules vs. New Dating Guidelines

Highlights of this Episode

Main theme: Old dating rules vs. new guidelines

  • Old “rules” (e.g., waiting three days, three-date sex rule) are games/manipulation.
  • Reframe dating as games vs. boundaries vs. standards.
  • Recommendation: ditch manipulative games; use clear boundaries and healthy standards.

Practical dating guidelines

  • Slow dating: align actions with goals, reflect after dates, sit with discomfort.
  • Show clear interest (don’t hide feelings); be direct about communication preferences.
  • Women encouraged to make first moves; both partners should share initiative by “turning towards” each other.
  • First dates should be low-commitment (coffee/walk) as a vibe check.
  • Focus reflections on values, how you felt, and reciprocity — not superficial markers (car, degree).
  • Ask targeted, personal questions related to your needs (e.g., career, travel) to evaluate fit.
  • If actions don’t match stated intentions (e.g., says wants a relationship but is inconsistent), move on.

Personal experiences/examples

  • Talia: 64 first dates in 10 months, then met husband outside her “type”; attraction developed slowly; prized slow burn, reciprocity, and lack of red flags.
  • Examples of dealbreakers: physical boundary violations (unwanted grabbing), stalking/over-researching, Venmo-for-sex behavior.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Talia

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Is Forgiveness Critical to Relationship Success?

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What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard. — What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and […]

forgiveness

What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard.

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What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and Suffering, and has coached political leaders, and he has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why Forgiveness is critical to a successful relationship
  • How not forgiving past relationships hinders our relationships
  • How not forgiving creates a never ending cycle
  • The first step in forgiving
  • Why you must judge to forgive

Tony Silard – Why Forgiveness is Critical to Relationship Success

Why is forgiveness critical to a successful relationship?

Forgiveness is to “give for”. We all have people we need to forgive. What’s the other option? Resentment. To feel anger again and again paralyzes us. I had a physically abusive stepfather, and it took me a long time to forgive him. I had low self esteem and was resentful because of the abuse. It was paralyzing me. Anger can be internalized and manifest in unhealthy ways. Or it becomes aggression where we mistreat others. I did both. Eventually, I was able to have compassion for the parts of him that were good and let go of the anger. I was able to let the better parts of him give for the worst parts and let the positive parts come forward. It helps us heal suffering and move towards love.

What is the first step in forgiving?

In my book, I write about the Love Progression Model, which has four plateaus that culminate in love: Acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love. Each has an obstacle we have to overcome in order to achieve it. In order to realize acceptance, we have to overcome suffering. In order to realize forgiveness, we have to overcome resentment. In order to realize gratitude, we have to overcome judgment. In order to realize love, we have to overcome incarceration.

What I mean by that is we often judge the person who created the hardship, and try to move as far away from that person as possible. I blamed my mother for divorcing my father and marrying my abusive stepfather. I blamed her for being unstable. So, I gravitated towards stability and peace. Running towards the opposite, I thought I needed to date stable women. It wasn’t rooted in my values. So, I would get bored, and then I’d date someone wild, and that didn’t work. We replay the drama we don’t heal. We are imprisoned by our faulty thinking, hoping they rectify the past. Whatever you judge, you already are or will become. 

You mention you must judge to forgive. What do you mean by that?

Judgment comes first and then forgiveness. You’re judging someone’s actions as wrong. It can also be a power play. We can move beyond forgiveness to gratitude. If I hadn’t gone through so much suffering, I wouldn’t have healed and connected to others who have suffered. Passion means pati = to suffer. I felt powerless growing up, but now my passion is to help others feel powerful. 

Post-traumatic growth helps us learn from our trauma. It shifts our priorities, and the trauma becomes a fuel.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

If you want to meet the right person, you first have to become the right person. If you haven’t worked through past traumas, you will continue to meet the same type of person. It’s not what he drives, it’s how he drives you. It’s not what she looks like, but how she looks at you!

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Tony

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why Hope Might Be the Real Secret to Lasting Love

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What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you… — What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She […]

secret to lasting love

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you…

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What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She weaves her real, lived experiences with behavioral science to create practical, transformative strategies for lasting change. Whether through her TEDx presentations, her interactive workshops, or her book The 5 Habits of Hope, Dr. Garcia’s mission remains the same: to prove that hope isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice, one habit at a time.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The secret to lasting love
  • Why people struggle to hold onto hope in romantic relationships
  • The 5 Habits of Hope
  • Feeling Detours, and how they show up in our lives
  • How to train yourself to have more hope

EP 692: Dr. Julia Garcia – Why Hope Might Be the Real Secret to Lasting Love

What inspired you to write this book?

I was inspired by people I’ve met all over the world. I built a crisis hotline during the pandemic, and I’ve been inundated by how many people say they’re hopeless. There’s got to be a process back to hope. I’m honoring all the stories I’ve heard. Hope is the fuel to keep us motivated and keep going.

Why do you think so many people struggle to hold onto hope, especially when it comes to their romantic relationships?

When we feel hopeless, our brain shuts down. When we have tools to feel feelings we don’t like to feel, we can break the cycles that are not helping us. “Maybe” is a special word that can help create hope. It’s a moment of interruption. Maybe I am deserving of love. Hope is the greatest predictor of health.

You introduce The 5 Habits of Hope: Reflect, Risk, Release, Receive, and Repurpose. Can you walk us through how these habits work in practice?

  1. Reflect: Pause long enough to feel what we feel in the present. What’s something I’ve struggled with?
  2. Risk: Emotional risks can be difficult for some people. You might think you’re not worth the risk to open up. You’re not a burden. People care. Be more vulnerable.
  3. Release: This is one of the hardest. We’re so hard on ourselves and don’t give us permission to breathe. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s meditating.
  4. Receive: If you don’t think you’re worthy, it will be hard to receive. You have the capacity to love and receive love. Receive love from friends.
  5. Repurpose: See worth where you may have seen waste or felt discarded or disregarded. It’s what we do with the feelings that matter.

In your book, you talk about “feeling detours.” What are they, and how do they show up in our everyday lives?

Feeling detours are about dismissing, denying, being divisive about your feelings. If we don’t feel, we don’t deal, and we can’t heal. Practice the five habits. Identify why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. 

If someone listening feels hopeless right now, what’s the very first step they can take today to begin building hope again?

If you’re listening, it’s a powerful step. It took me many years to have words and language. Be passionate, not perfect, be present. And remind yourself…maybe. Maybe I can love again. Maybe I can enjoy this date no matter the outcome. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. Julia

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

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Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens. — Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of […]

successful women

Highly successful women often struggle to find their match when they’re dating. My podcast guest, Bob Grant, sheds light on why this happens.

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Attention highly successful women who struggle to find lasting love! Help is on the way with my podcast guest, Bob Grant, a clinically trained relationship expert, podcaster, and bestselling author of The Woman Men Adore. He’s the founder of Relationship Headquarters, where he specializes in helping women emotionally connect with men, attract true love, get married, and, for those in a relationship, learn how to connect and relate more effectively.   

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • How successful women can navigate between being powerful at work and more feminine in dating without losing their authentic selves
  • Busting the myth that successful women intimidate men
  • The meaning of “emotional authenticity”
  • The difference between surrendering in love vs giving up your power

EP 644 : Bob Grant – Dating Advice for Highly Successful Women

Many highly successful women say they have to be ‘masculine’ at work but ‘feminine’ in dating – yet that switch feels impossible. How do you help women navigate this delicate balance without losing their authentic selves?

When women are in their feminine, they are softer, and it softens men. It brings out a softer side. And it kicks in men’s desire to be a protector. To make the switch without losing your authentic self, leave your work self at work. Decide which energy you want to be embodying on dates. Ask yourself “how do I want to be treated?” Pat Allen said, “Do you want to be cherished or respected more?” To be cherished, we need to step into the softer, more receptive self.

There’s this myth that successful women intimidate men. But you have a fascinating perspective on what’s really happening in these dynamics – can you break this down for us?

It’s not that they intimidate men. It’s that they can be competitive when they bring their work self to a date. If a man is not reaching out or making an effort early on, he will probably do that in the long run. Pay attention early on if he will show up for you. 

I’m curious about something you call ’emotional authenticity.’ How does this differ from the vulnerability we often hear about, especially for women who are used to being in control?

Emotional authenticity is about matching your emotion with what’s going on for you. For example, when you cry, men appreciate that you feel safe enough with him to cry. State your emotions to help men understand.

Let’s talk about surrender – a word that makes many ambitious women uncomfortable. How do you help women understand the difference between surrendering in love versus giving up their power?

Surrender is about yielding. These are women who are in charge of everything at work, and they don’t want to do that at home. If you want to be loved or cared for by someone who’s got their back and will support them in times of need, you need to surrender to a man’s desire to care for you.

What are your final words of advice for highly successful women who want to go on their last first date?

Can you have an attitude of curiosity early on? It will soften you and remind him that you’re ‘all of this and brains, too’. It gets you out of your head to see if you can talk and connect enough to go on another date.

Connect With Bob

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Become More Emotionally Available in Dating

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How do you become more emotionally available in dating? In this episode, we discuss some simple steps you can take today. — How do you become more emotionally available in dating? My podcast guest, Brooke Bralove, has the answers! She is a Psychotherapist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Master Accelerated Resolution Therapy Practitioner. She helps women […]

emotionally available

How do you become more emotionally available in dating? In this episode, we discuss some simple steps you can take today.

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How do you become more emotionally available in dating? My podcast guest, Brooke Bralove, has the answers! She is a Psychotherapist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Master Accelerated Resolution Therapy Practitioner. She helps women and men let go of perfectionism and move toward greater authenticity, joy, pleasure, and connection. She has been in private practice in Bethesda, MD for over 20 years.

In this episode:

  • What is ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) and how does it work in relationships?
  • What are some common emotional blocks people carry into dating, and how do they show up?
  • How can past experiences or trauma impact someone’s ability to connect emotionally with a partner?
  • What are practical steps or exercises listeners can try to become more emotionally available?

EP 696: Brooke Bralove – How to Become More Emotionally Available in Dating

Can you explain what ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) is and how it works in relationships?

ART is a treatment modality created in 2008 to take distressing images or feeling states and change how the brain stores them. It’s through bilateral eye movements, gestalt therapies, and image replacement.

What are some common emotional blocks people carry into dating, and how do they show up?

The three most common blocks are betrayal, feelings of not good enough, and rejection. I learned about ART after a terrible breakup. I did so many different therapies, and I was completely stuck. Someone told me about ART, and after two sessions, I felt neutral about the breakup instead of stuck. 

It works by taking the incident (learning your partner had an affair) that is playing over and over, you process it in your mind instead of talking about it, and you work through it like a scene in a movie. Paired with eye movements, you replace those images with positive images. Your body moves from having negative sensations to positive ones.

How can past experiences or trauma impact someone’s ability to connect emotionally with a partner?

We become emotionally dysregulated when we feel unsafe due to past trauma. You can’t form connections when you’re dysregulated. We have many tools for emotional regulation, such as self-run eye movements and EFT tapping. There are youtube videos with vagus nerve exercises to reset your system. We heal in safe connection. 

What are practical steps or exercises listeners can try to become more emotionally available?

Learn how to tell when your body is regulated. We need to teach ourselves what safe love feels like. Challenge your relationship to vulnerability. It’s a skill we can learn by practicing it, because we need it for deep connection, to be seen and known for who we are and be loved for our authentic selves.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t dim your light or contort yourself to be liked. Find your inner spark and shine it. Learn how to regulate your nervous system. Be vulnerable. Stop following the same old patterns, and begin to feel good in your body. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Brooke

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship

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If you keep hunting for red flags in your relationships, stop! Dr. Isabelle Morley shares insights into the biggest problems with dating. — Dr. Isabelle Morley is a clinical psychologist, EFT-certified couples therapist, and author. She writes a blog for Psychology Today and has been featured in The New Yorker, The Boston Globe, Vox, and […]

hunting for red flags

If you keep hunting for red flags in your relationships, stop! Dr. Isabelle Morley shares insights into the biggest problems with dating.

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Dr. Isabelle Morley is a clinical psychologist, EFT-certified couples therapist, and author. She writes a blog for Psychology Today and has been featured in The New Yorker, The Boston Globe, Vox, and more. Dr. Morley also serves on the founding board of the UCAN Foundation and provides couples therapy in the Boston area. We’re talking today about her new book, “They’re Not Gaslighting You”.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why we’re obsessed with words like “narcissist” and “gaslighting” in dating
  • How our relationships are affected by hunting for red flags and other ways we try to diagnose our partners
  • What to say if someone accuses you of having a psychological disorder

EP 666: Dr. Isabelle Morley – How to Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship!

What led to the uptick in therapy-speak, and why are we all obsessed with using clinical terms?

We can blame the internet and social media for the uptick in these terms. People had no idea what borderline personality and boundaries were. Now, everyone has access to this information. People have learned the wrong meaning for these words, and that can be harmful.

What’s the problem with people using therapy terms? Isn’t it good that people are more knowledgeable about things like boundaries and narcissists and hunting for red flags?

People use these terms accusatory and that’s not helpful. You have to make a choice in what you want to do and how you want to behave in relationships.

How are people’s relationships being affected by these clinical terms?

So much of your life can be changed by you instead of accusing others. If you’re encountering the same type of person over and over, ask yourself, what behaviors am I tolerating that I shouldn’t be?

How can people best respond to someone who has accused them of having a psychological disorder or exhibiting abusive behavior when they don’t think it’s justified?

One of the best ways to respond to a psychological term that doesn’t feel justified, is to not get defensive, because they will then reinforce that you are that thing they’re accusing you of. Instead, hear them, acknowledge that they must be really hurt to call you that. Let’s talk about it, because it’s painful and doesn’t help. 

Abusers use these terms to control the narrative. You’re the problem. Look carefully at whether they’re not willing to walk it back. That’s concerning.

How is misused or weaponized therapy-speak getting in the way of dating?

Gaslighting is a word from a movie. If you’ve truly been gaslit, it causes immeasurable damage. There are two major sources of harm: if you look for red flags, you’re going to find them. If you’re looking for narcissists, you’ll find them. You’ll also write off perfectly good partners for no reason. Don’t draw these conclusions without enough data. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

As hard as it is, lead with vulnerability and curiosity. Be open and don’t jump to self-protective labels. People are trying their best. Give yourself and others grace.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Isabelle Morley

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Stop Second-Guessing Yourself in Dating: 5 Ways to Build Confidence

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If you’ve been second guessing yourself in dating, these tips will help you learn to trust your instincts and build confidence! — If you’ve ever walked away from a date replaying every word you said, wondering if you should’ve done something differently—you’re not alone. Dating can bring up a lot of self-doubt, but second-guessing yourself […]

second-guessing

If you’ve been second guessing yourself in dating, these tips will help you learn to trust your instincts and build confidence!

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If you’ve ever walked away from a date replaying every word you said, wondering if you should’ve done something differently—you’re not alone. Dating can bring up a lot of self-doubt, but second-guessing yourself only keeps you stuck.

The truth? You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to trust yourself. Here’s how to stop overthinking and start dating with confidence.

5 Ways to Stop Second-Guessing and Build Confidence

1. Recognize and Acknowledge Your Thoughts

The first step is noticing when you’re spinning in circles. Pay attention to those “What if?” or “Maybe I shouldn’t have…” thoughts. Then ask yourself: Am I afraid of making a mistake, or am I just being hard on myself? Awareness is powerful—it helps you separate real concerns from unnecessary self-criticism.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Your brain loves to tell stories that aren’t true. Question those assumptions. Is there actual evidence, or are you just filling in the blanks? And remember—there’s no such thing as “perfect” in dating. Be kind to yourself. When you catch your mind spiraling, gently shift your focus to something positive or productive.

3. Trust Your Intuition

Your gut is wiser than you think. Start small: trust yourself with everyday choices, and you’ll build confidence for the bigger ones—like who to date and when to walk away. And once you make a decision, stop analyzing it to death. Assume you made the best choice you could in that moment, and move forward.

4. Learn from Your Experiences

Dating is a learning curve. Instead of beating yourself up over past choices, reflect on what you can take away from them. Growth matters more than perfection. Every experience—good or bad—is practice for building the love life you want.

5. Seek Support

You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to friends who remind you of your worth. If you’re feeling stuck, therapy or coaching can give you tools to quiet the self-doubt. And mindfulness? Total game-changer. It helps you see your thoughts without getting tangled up in them.

Second-guessing yourself won’t get you closer to love—but self-trust will. Every time you choose to back yourself instead of doubting yourself, you’re building the kind of confidence that attracts the right people. So take a deep breath, trust your gut, and remember: the right person won’t require you to question yourself—they’ll make you feel sure.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single

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There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode! — Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at […]

happily single

There are many people who are happily single. We celebrate the single lifestyle in this episode!

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Dr. Bella DePaulo is the leading expert on single life, and her TEDx talk on the topic now has more than 1.6 million views. She received her PhD from Harvard, spent two decades as a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, and is an academic affiliate at UC Santa Barbara. She is the author of SINGLE AT HEART.

In this episode:

  • The definition of “single at heart”
  • Why people who are single at heart love being single so much
  • Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner? 
  • The positive benefits of embracing a single life 
  • Reactions to the Single at Heart book

EP 703: Dr. Bella DePaulo – Celebrating Those Who Are Happily Single 

What does “single at heart” mean?

We love our single lives. We are happy and flourishing because we’re single. I dated in the past, and I don’t have any horror stories. And when each relationship ended, I was so happy to get back to my single life.

Why do the single at heart love being single so much?

They love their solitude and freedom and connection with their friends. They have a life they love. They choose the life they want.

Doesn’t everyone want to have a romantic partner?

No, not everyone wants a romantic partner. Some people don’t want to be married, especially not unhappily married. You can have friends with benefits or find other ways to have intimacy.

What are the positives of embracing a single life? Are there statistical or personal benefits?

Your friendships are valued more. You appreciate your solitude. You do what you want without being judged. You won’t be lonely if you like your solitude. It’s a sign of emotional maturity.

What kinds of reactions have you gotten to your Single at Heart book?

In the first couple of weeks after the publish date, I got hundreds of messages and emails and even snail mail. People felt validated. They felt like they found a home.

What are your final words about being single at heart?

Live your single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically.

Connect with Bella

  • X: @belladepaulo
  • Bluesky: @belladepaulo.bsky.social 
  • IG: @bellasingleatheart
  • FB: @singleatheartbook  @belladepaulo
  • YouTube: @BellaDePaulo
  • Website: https://belladepaulo.com/

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why We Fall For People We Can’t Have

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Many of us fall for people we can’t have. In this episode, you’ll learn why we do that, and how we can start falling for people we CAN have. — Have you ever fallen for someone who was in a relationship, married, lived too far away — someone who was not available for a relationship? […]

people we can't have

Many of us fall for people we can’t have. In this episode, you’ll learn why we do that, and how we can start falling for people we CAN have.

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Have you ever fallen for someone who was in a relationship, married, lived too far away — someone who was not available for a relationship? Listen to this episode with my son, Max, and learn why we fall for people we can’t have.

EP 677: Why We Fall For People We Can’t Have

Why We Fall For People We Can’t Have

  • We perceive what we can’t have as having more value
  • We like the challenge of trying to chase what we can’t get
  • We have self esteem or trust issues
  • We have fear of commitment
  • We didn’t expect things to be like this because they gave us all the right signals
  • We convinced ourselves this person was our only or best option

How to avoid falling for people you can’t have

  • Stop believing it’s the only person you can have
  • Get the confidence and social skills to meet people anywhere
  • Open up all your options, so you stop focusing on people who are not available

Watch this episode on YouTube

Have you ever fallen for someone you couldn’t have? Please share your story below.

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Getting Clear About What You Want in Dating

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Without clarity, how do you know what you want in dating? In this episode, learn how to clarify your dating wants and needs. — What if you could get clear about what you want in dating? My podcast guest, Tracey Gee, is the author of The Magic of Knowing What You Want. She’s a certified […]

what you want in dating

Without clarity, how do you know what you want in dating? In this episode, learn how to clarify your dating wants and needs.

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What if you could get clear about what you want in dating? My podcast guest, Tracey Gee, is the author of The Magic of Knowing What You Want. She’s a certified leadership coach and consultant and a sought-after speaker and facilitator nationwide. She helps people learn more about themselves and their unique sense of meaning and purpose. She feels honored to have worked with a breadth of incredible individuals and organizations, including UC Berkeley, the Miami Heat, and Coca-Cola, but her great ambition in life remains to pet as many dogs as possible.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How to discover what you want in dating
  • A practical exercise on uncovering your authentic desires in dating
  • After you have clarity about what you want, what actions to take

EP 647: Tracey Gee – Getting Clear About What You Want in Dating

What inspired you to write a book on helping others discover what they really want?

I’m trained as a leadership coach and consultant, and the tools I was trained in are wonderful for building self-awareness, but they didn’t cover the next step, which is what you really want. People were confused or ashamed or scared that they didn’t know the answer to that question. Women often struggle with this, as they are always tuned into what other people want.

What are some steps to help you uncover what you want in dating?

  1. Give yourself permission to want what you want. Don’t judge yourself. If you’re a ‘good girl’, you’re not selfish, you focus on others. Don’t wait for permission to be given.
  2. Notice the types of questions that come up when you ask yourself what you want. We can stay in a ‘desire fog’ because we don’t make space to have what we want.
  3. Create room to explore. Try things out. 

What is one practical exercise we can use today to help uncover our authentic desires when it comes to dating?

Look back on your life and experiences for how you’re uniquely wired. What worked, and what didn’t work? This will help you understand what you want and need to find the right fit for you. Calibrate to your own inner compass.

When people have clarity in dating, what actions can they take that will lead to what they truly desire?

Do an ‘experiment map’. Explore what dating could look like by meeting people in different ways. Map it out like a mind map. It’s a clear and flexible way to meet someone. Map potential paths, and what you’d need to do to execute that plan. What feels most exciting? Try it!

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Ask yourself “How do I want dating to feel when I’m dating?” Be an explorer. Be lighter and more playful. Find your unique joyful way to date.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Tracey

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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