You can increase intimacy in all parts of your life. My podcast guests, Celeste and Danielle, will show you how! — Do you want to know how to increase intimacy in your life? Danielle Harel, Ph.D., and Celeste Hirschman, M.A., are co-founders of the Somatica® Institute. They revolutionized intimacy and relationship coaching with their experiential […]

You can increase intimacy in all parts of your life. My podcast guests, Celeste and Danielle, will show you how!

—

Do you want to know how to increase intimacy in your life? Danielle Harel, Ph.D., and Celeste Hirschman, M.A., are co-founders of the Somatica® Institute. They revolutionized intimacy and relationship coaching with their experiential Somatica Method. They have trained over 1,000 coaches, authored three books, and inspired countless people to embrace vulnerability and rediscover desire.

In this episode:

• How to start practicing intimacy in your daily life
• Why it’s essential to start with non-romantic connections
• How to step out of your comfort zone and practice intimacy with strangers
• How couples can create chemistry, even if they don’t feel an immediate connection at first
• Some of the first steps someone can take to actively generate more chemistry with their partner, even after years together
• How men can shed their emotional armor and lean into vulnerability with their partners

EP 659: Danielle Harel & Celeste Hirschman – How to Increase Intimacy in Your Everyday Life

How can people start practicing intimacy in their daily lives, and why is it essential to start with non-romantic connections?

Celeste: Intimacy is first with ourselves, even the parts we’re embarrassed about. We need to connect to those parts so we can connect and accept others. We often judge others, and when we bring those pieces together, we can have better relationships with others.

Danielle: People are missing out on intimacy if they’re only thinking of it as a romantic term. Connection with all people builds your band of joy and fullness.

Celeste: There are things we’re ashamed of that won’t change. That’s what I mean by acceptance. Even when we change, things still come up, but we can deal with them in a healthier way.

Danielle: My wound is about intimacy with self, not with others. Intimacy created a way to love my body and connect more intimately with others.

How do you guide people to step out of their comfort zones and practice intimacy with strangers? 

Celeste: When I’m at the bank and ask the teller how they’re doing instead of staring at my phone, that’s intimacy. In our work, we begin with an open hearted stance to create intimacy.

Danielle: We can practice intimacy with every person in our lives. It’s powerful. The stakes are lower, so you can be more open and less defensive.

How do you help couples create chemistry, even if they don’t feel an immediate connection at first?

Danielle: Chemistry is not created with a list. Sitting present with a person and checking with what feels good is important. Are you enjoying the experience? If you’re totally not attracted, don’t keep dating, but if you’re having fun and connecting, that’s great. We can have different types of chemistry with people: intellectual, travel adventures, or sexual chemistry.

Celeste: Don’t try to make a relationship right away and be future focused. Be present and build intimacy in moments.

What are some of the first steps someone can take to actively generate more chemistry with their partner, even after years together?

Celeste: Start with the reality that sex doesn’t happen spontaneously. We don’t always have a conversation about what turns us on and whether it’s compatible. Have the conversations so you can continue to build chemistry.

Danielle: Many couples don’t even know it’s a conversation to have. It can be hard to keep a fire burning after you’ve been together for a while. Pay attention and learn tools to understand what motivates us in sex. Sex becomes a resource and not a chore.

Celeste: For example, if someone touches my face while kissing me, I feel special and turned on.

How do you help men shed their emotional armor and lean into vulnerability with their partners?

Celeste: I love working with men. A man I’m working with feels he has to manage his partner’s emotions and not let her feel fully. Other men don’t know how to express their fears and uncertainty. I help them understand their emotions and learn how to let their partners take care of their own feelings. He gets to feel his response to it.

Danielle: I’ve worked with a lot of women who feel men are supposed to know how to deal with their emotions. There are expectations that men can hold their feelings. It’s more helpful for women to express what’s going on for them and what they need from their partners when they have big emotions.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Celeste: I used to go on dates thinking I was marketing to someone else’s needs. Now, I ask myself if I’m getting what I want and need.

Danielle: Enjoy every moment. Don’t just shoot for the end. Every connection is an opportunity for more intimacy.

Website & Social Media Links:

• Special Offer: $20 off of the Love on Purpose dating class for women: https://learn.somatica.com/course/intentional-dating-for-women with coupon code LFD20 
• Facebook:
  • Somatica Institute – www.facebook.com/somaticainstitute/
  • Celeste and Danielle – www.facebook.com/celesteanddanielle
• Instagram:
  • Somatica Institute – @somatica_institute
  • Celeste and Danielle – @celesteanddanielleofficial
  • Celeste Hirschman – @celestehirschman
  • Danielle Harel – @drdanielleharel

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you… — What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She […]

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, has a hunch it might be something that surprises you…

—

What’s the real secret to lasting love? My podcast guest, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, and renowned speaker dedicated to empowering people through the science of mental health. She weaves her real, lived experiences with behavioral science to create practical, transformative strategies for lasting change. Whether through her TEDx presentations, her interactive workshops, or her book The 5 Habits of Hope, Dr. Garcia’s mission remains the same: to prove that hope isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice, one habit at a time.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The secret to lasting love
• Why people struggle to hold onto hope in romantic relationships
• The 5 Habits of Hope
• Feeling Detours, and how they show up in our lives
• How to train yourself to have more hope

EP 692: Dr. Julia Garcia – Why Hope Might Be the Real Secret to Lasting Love

What inspired you to write this book?

I was inspired by people I’ve met all over the world. I built a crisis hotline during the pandemic, and I’ve been inundated by how many people say they’re hopeless. There’s got to be a process back to hope. I’m honoring all the stories I’ve heard. Hope is the fuel to keep us motivated and keep going.

Why do you think so many people struggle to hold onto hope, especially when it comes to their romantic relationships?

When we feel hopeless, our brain shuts down. When we have tools to feel feelings we don’t like to feel, we can break the cycles that are not helping us. “Maybe” is a special word that can help create hope. It’s a moment of interruption. Maybe I am deserving of love. Hope is the greatest predictor of health.

You introduce The 5 Habits of Hope: Reflect, Risk, Release, Receive, and Repurpose. Can you walk us through how these habits work in practice?

1. Reflect: Pause long enough to feel what we feel in the present. What’s something I’ve struggled with?
2. Risk: Emotional risks can be difficult for some people. You might think you’re not worth the risk to open up. You’re not a burden. People care. Be more vulnerable.
3. Release: This is one of the hardest. We’re so hard on ourselves and don’t give us permission to breathe. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s meditating.
4. Receive: If you don’t think you’re worthy, it will be hard to receive. You have the capacity to love and receive love. Receive love from friends.
5. Repurpose: See worth where you may have seen waste or felt discarded or disregarded. It’s what we do with the feelings that matter.

In your book, you talk about “feeling detours.” What are they, and how do they show up in our everyday lives?

Feeling detours are about dismissing, denying, being divisive about your feelings. If we don’t feel, we don’t deal, and we can’t heal. Practice the five habits. Identify why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. 

If someone listening feels hopeless right now, what’s the very first step they can take today to begin building hope again?

If you’re listening, it’s a powerful step. It took me many years to have words and language. Be passionate, not perfect, be present. And remind yourself…maybe. Maybe I can love again. Maybe I can enjoy this date no matter the outcome. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. Julia

• Website:https://www.drjuliagarcia.com/ 
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/drjuliagarcia 
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrJuliaGarcia 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drjuliagarcia/  
• Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5rxHCDgN7uZkzj94j2ofcU?si=513a7362d16c4cc3  
• Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journey-with-dr-j/id1826571964

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

These 7 habits, based on the work of Stephen Covey, will help you become a better dater and find your best match. — Something unexpected happened recently—my son-in-law and I found ourselves deep in conversation about… dating. Not because he’s dating (he’s happily married to my daughter, thank you very much), but because he’s been […]

These 7 habits, based on the work of Stephen Covey, will help you become a better dater and find your best match.

—

Something unexpected happened recently—my son-in-law and I found ourselves deep in conversation about… dating. Not because he’s dating (he’s happily married to my daughter, thank you very much), but because he’s been reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.

He’s seeing the world through new eyes, and watching someone get it for the first time is exhilarating. As we talked through Covey’s ideas, I realized something: every single one of these habits could be applied to dating.

So, with deep respect (and a little artistic license), here’s my take on what Stephen Covey might say—if he were a dating coach.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Daters

1. Be Proactive
You can keep blaming your parents’ marriage, your city’s dating pool, or the apps. Or you can take full ownership of your love life. Proactive daters don’t wait for the stars to align—they make intentional choices that lead to real results. No matter your past, you can create the relationship you want. It starts with you.

2. Begin With the End in Mind
Wishing for love is nice. But vision? Vision gets results. If you want a lasting partnership, what does that actually look like? Are you picturing companionship, shared values, someone to dance in the kitchen with you, a travel partner? Be specific. If you know where you’re going, it’s a lot easier to get there.

3. Put First Things First
Let’s be honest—if love is a priority, your calendar should reflect it. Are you carving out time for dating? Signing up for social events? Updating your online dating profile with care? If you’re only checking your dating apps once a week, love is going to feel like an afterthought. Make space for it. Make it matter.

4. Think Win-Win
Too often, dating feels like musical chairs. If she finds a good man, does that mean there’s one less for you? That’s a scarcity mindset, and it leads to jealousy, comparison, and fear. Have an abundance mindset. There are plenty of kind, available, emotionally intelligent people out there. When one person finds love, it’s proof that you can too.

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Listening is a superpower in dating. But not the kind where you’re simply waiting for your turn to talk. I’m talking about real listening—with curiosity, patience, empathy and reflection. Too often, we listen through the filter of our own past. But when you tune in with fresh ears, you get to know someone for who they are—not who you assume they might be.

6. Synergize
Great relationships are not about sameness—they’re about complementing one another. When two people bring their full selves to the table, something magical happens. One plus one doesn’t equal two. It equals three. What does that mean? The synergy of what you each contribute can create something neither of you could have built alone. And yes, it can be as sexy as it is sacred.

7. Sharpen the Saw
Dating isn’t just about finding the right person. It’s about being the right person. Keep growing—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially. Be curious. Be alive. The best relationships are between two people who are constantly evolving and supporting each other’s growth.

And… the Bonus Habit

8. From Effectiveness to Greatness
Once you’ve found love—how do you nurture it? How do you keep the fire burning? This habit is about going beyond “it works” into “this is extraordinary.” Thriving together. Laughing together. Dreaming together. Don’t just maintain your relationship—elevate it.

Whether you’re new to dating or ready for your last first date, these habits are a powerful guide. I believe that when you date with intention, when you stay open and keep growing, you attract not just anyone, but the right one.

Let’s rewrite the story of dating—one aligned, empowered, highly effective habit at a time.

---

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode! — Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint […]

Love and compatibility go hand-in-hand. If you want to find a partner with a balance of attraction and compatibility, listen to this episode!

—

Did you know that love and compatibility can be measured and calculated? My podcast guest, Zoey Charif, isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint for it. As the author of Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, Zoey spent nearly two decades decoding the patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a relentless drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about relationships.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?
• What qualities actually lead to lasting relationships, even if they’re not immediately exciting?
• What are some signs we’re repeating unhealthy relationship patterns?
• How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?
• Why do you believe understanding yourself is the first step to finding the right partner?

EP 667: Zoey Charif – The Data Behind Love and Compatibility

Why do people often choose partners who aren’t right for them, and how can they shift that?

We are choosing based on attraction but not compatibility and traits. Couples who stay together tend to admire their partner and see them as slightly higher. Gottman says that the couples who stay together, the man has influence over the woman via admiration and vice versa. 

Couples who are either more compatibility focused (practicality type) or emotions focused (chemistry). You can be on a continuum of either of these, healthy or extreme. To last, you need to have a healthy balance of both, especially the healthy emotional category.

What qualities actually lead to love and compatibility, even if they’re not immediately exciting?

Honesty, communication, dependability are key. A match is based on a shared set of values. You have a self score and a partner score. That accounts for compatibility but not attractions. I created a trait preference assessment to help understand someone’s traits. 

How can someone strengthen their self-confidence after a breakup or rejection?

At the end of the book, I share my journey to building self-confidence after my breakup and how I met my husband. Every day, I journaled about my self-score and my ex-partner’s score and the trait preferences. It was so revealing. My number one was dependability and honesty, but I had given myself a much lower score than was warranted. I had given my ex a high score in both, and I was delusional about that. I removed the illusion. I had been suffering from an infatuation distortion. I had a blindfold on. Once I did the calculations, I began to heal. There was a misalignment. Love has to be mutual. Don’t put people on a pedestal. 

I met my husband, Kevin at a dog park. He didn’t fit the usual traits I enjoy, so I wasn’t super attracted, but the values aligned, so I gave it time. He’s younger than I am, and I thought that was important, but he has an old soul and is a good person. I was able to let that go. The next area was cultural. I thought someone had to have the same background, but that wasn’t important in the long run. We began laughing together, which was what I thought I needed from someone with a similar cultural background.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Look for your rock. Be mindful and honest about the traits you’re attracted to so you can co-create a healthy, long-term relationship. Identify if you’re holding onto the pain of a past relationship or self-doubt, because that will impact your future relationship. Identify your values and traits. Don’t box yourself in about what you’re attracted to, especially if your nervous system is activated. Self reflect and heal your unhealthy patterns.

Connect with Zoey

• Website: www.lovecaninfactbecalculated.com 
• IG and TikTok: @zoeycharif 

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What are the hidden costs of trauma? My podcast guest, Dr. Kirsten Harrison, shares the powerful story of a woman who overcame severe trauma. — Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison is a trauma psychologist, author, and founder of Soul Wise Solutions. For over 35 years, she has guided individuals through profound psychological and spiritual transitions, including […]

What are the hidden costs of trauma? My podcast guest, Dr. Kirsten Harrison, shares the powerful story of a woman who overcame severe trauma.

—

Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison is a trauma psychologist, author, and founder of Soul Wise Solutions. For over 35 years, she has guided individuals through profound psychological and spiritual transitions, including C-PTSD, schizophrenia, and near-death experiences. She is the co-author of “I, Sean/a: The Story of a Homeless Intersex Woman Who Inspired a Community”, the remarkable true story of Sean/a Smith, an intersex woman living with schizophrenia, whose life challenges stigma and who inspires a movement toward dignity, inclusion, and soul-deep healing.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The hidden costs of trauma
• Hope for those who are struggling with any type trauma
• Great advice for those who are dating after any kind of traumatic relationship

EP 685: Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison – The Hidden Costs of Trauma

What inspired you to pursue a career in trauma psychology?

I always was interested in trauma and asked my professors to teach more about it. I’m so happy it’s grown and blossomed. Trauma has an effect on everything we do. There are many gifts in overcoming trauma.

For anyone listening who might be struggling with their own trauma, what would you say to offer hope or encouragement? 

Keep track of the micro steps. Appreciate all the little steps. Take what you’re given in childhood, and use it to grow. Rewrite your story. If your worth is tied up in how much you can help someone, this is a trauma response. It illuminates that you can be a helper AND have balance in your life instead of having an energy drain. Traumas rework themselves over time. Shift to making your self-knowledge a priority. What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? Be more strategic about it.

Your book “I, Sean/a” explores homelessness, intersex identity, schizophrenia, and spirituality. Tell us a little about the story and what you want readers to take away.

My ex-husband was an international tennis pro. We moved to La Jolla and he noticed Sean who hung out at the courts. One day, Sean became Seana with a blonde wig. I sparked a conversation and eventually found out she was homeless. She was outside freezing, and I asked if she had shelter. I had no idea she was unhoused. I checked her into a hotel and contacted the newspaper to have them write about this beloved person. We ran a go fund me, got her off the street, and it became apparent that we needed a next step. I wanted to write her story with her, and she said yes. That turned into a ten year endeavor. 

I want people to understand resilience, post traumatic growth, and what to do when you feel hopeless and don’t belong. Don’t give up. You never know what’s going to happen around the corner. Be unapologetically yourself. Stop worrying about what people think.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Stay open and curious. Expand your field of awareness. We all have something to teach each other. Ask yourself what you need to expand your own journey. See the other person’s wholeness and beauty. It takes some of the pressure away from finding your person. If you follow this path, at some point, you’ll meet the right person.

Connect with Dr. Harrison

• Website: https://soulwisesolutions.com/ 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/soulwiseteam/ 
• X: https://twitter.com/soulwiseteam 
• IG: https://instagram.com/soulwiseteam

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever heard? Let’s debunk that bad advice and replace it with what really works in love. — What’s the best and worst relationship advice? Find out on the podcast with Monica Tanner, a Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. She transforms marriages with […]

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever heard? Let’s debunk that bad advice and replace it with what really works in love.

—

What’s the best and worst relationship advice? Find out on the podcast with Monica Tanner, a Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. She transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new Amazon Best-Selling book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica’s expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.

In this episode:

• The worst relationship advice
• The top 3 secrets to happily ever after
• The cure for “Roommate Syndrome”

EP 699: Monica Tanner – Debunking the Worst Relationship Advice (and what to do instead) 

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve heard?

Don’t sweat the small stuff.Where do you think the big stuff comes from? Learn how to skillfully talk about things that are small before they get big.

Learn how to compromise.We expect more from relationships than we ever did before. Compromise is a lazy way to solve a problem where no one gets their needs met. Collaborate instead, which means get curious. What about this is important? What do I value most about this? Put it all out there and get creative with your solution. 

Don’t go to bed angry.This is vastly misunderstood. Late at night, couples often get into it, and then one person goes to sleep and the other can’t sleep because they’re falling apart. Get curious with yourself about why you’re angry. Abandonment issues? Catastrophizing. Talk about that. Come up with a solution together.

You host a podcast called the Secrets of Happily Ever After. What are the top secrets?

The secret to happily ever after is having compassionate understanding for your partner’s reality. Your partner is separate from you and sees reality differently. Can you be compassionately curious about each other’s reality? Friends first, partners second.

Why do couples fall into what you call “roommate syndrome”, and how can they stop?

Roommate syndrome is what happens when two people have been living together a long time and are living as roommates, because communication doesn’t go well after the honeymoon phase is over. We don’t have the skills on our own to communicate properly. Couples haven’t run out of things to talk about, they just don’t know how to communicate effectively. Get some skills to bring up difficult topics.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

We are built for connection. We all want to find our special someone who can witness our lives. There’s nothing more important than learning the skills of connection.

Connect With Monica

• Websites https://monicatanner.com Book Website: https://badmarriageadvice.com 
• IG https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriage 
• YouTube https://youtube.com/@secretsofhappilyeverafter 
• Free Gift https://monicatanner.com/300dates

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love! — Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, […]

Do you tend to sabotage romantic relationships without knowing why? Tune into this episode to learn how to find next level love!

—

Many of us sabotage romantic relationships. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you! My podcast guest, Junie Moon, is the CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud. She’s a Love Mentor, best-selling author, women’s empowerment leader, and certified Shadow Work® Coach. Junie’s mission is to help women experience Next Level Love by first nurturing the love within themselves. She’s the author of “Loving The Whole Package: Shed The Shame and Live Life Out Loud”, and an award winning speaker and host of the successful Midlife Love Out Loud podcast. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships
• What ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships
• How the inner critic contribute to self-sabotage, and strategies to quiet it
• The first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships
• How shadow work transforms your love life and helps you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships

EP 636: Junie Moon – Why We Sabotage Romantic Relationships (and How To Stop)

What are some common signs that someone is unconsciously self-sabotaging in their relationships?

We date the same person over and over with a different face. What was safe and acceptable as a child is not healthy in relationships. People pleasers are afraid to speak up. Women in general put men’s sexuality first so they don’t take up too much time and space. They’re afraid if they’re vulnerable, they might get left. If you’ve been in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, that kind of energy from childhood equals love. Conflict avoidance is another strategy that doesn’t work in relationships. As long as we’re putting up masks, we’re coming to relationships not fully being who you are.

Can you explain what ‘the shadow side’ of love is, and how it affects our ability to form healthy relationships?

The shadow is the part of us we want to hide. We learn how to fit in, not disappoint people, and how to survive at a young age. We get messages about how to be ‘good’. We’re taught to hide certain parts that are seen as ‘not good’. We threw those parts in shadow. As adults, that’s not effective. Shadow work shines a light on the places we lost access to. That’s how we show up more authentically and attract in the right people. 

How does the inner critic contribute to sabotaging romantic relationships, and what are some strategies to quiet it?

The inner critic is a part that is the risk manager. It assesses if we’re safe or not. We need that part, and the more we’ve been hurt, the more it shows up. It tells you there’s something wrong with you. Why bother? It’s not going to happen for you. Who will want me? 

However, if you want partnership and connection, you need to reel in the inner critic and quiet it. Notice what’s going on in your body when you’re on the first date. The inner critic wants you to stay safe, so let the risk manager know it’s overshooting. Thank it for protecting you. Tell it it’s making you feel inadequate. Be in the driver’s seat, so when the pattern comes up, let it know it’s not working for you anymore.

What is the first step someone can take when they recognize they are sabotaging their relationships?

Celebrate that you’re aware you have a pattern. If you don’t see it, you can’t fix it. Have compassion for yourself. Go back as far as you can remember and see where the pattern began. Look at your childhood and notice the pattern you’re trying to heal. What might you want differently?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know thyself! If you want great love and are willing to heal and be honest with yourself, you’re more likely to go on your last first date. Do the work to attract the relationship you really want.

Watch this episode on youtube

Connect With Junie

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/midlifeloveoutloud 
• Website https://midlifeloveoutloud.com 
• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@MidlifeLoveOutLoud 
• Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-love-out-loud-podcast/id1477913318 
• Free quiz: What is Your Love Avatar? https://midlifeloveoutloud.com/quiz/ 

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore. — Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and […]

If you want to stop losing yourself in relationships, listen to this episode with couples therapists, Robin Temple & Michael Moore.

—

Stop losing yourself in relationships! Married for over thirty years, Robin Temple and Michael Moore can help you have healthier relationships. They have led workshops and retreats for more than 1,500 couples and have trained dozens of leaders in couples work. They provide retreats and coaching that delivers positive change quickly and predictably, providing couples with surprisingly rapid improvements in understanding and happiness.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What couples need to know to be happy together
• Why gratitude is so powerful for couples and a simple, effective way to practice it every day
• What it takes for real listening to occur
• How to encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back
• What is the “Art of the Apology,” and how can it repair hurts or long standing issues that might otherwise seem impossible to overcome?
• Some effective first steps for resolving an issue that feels “unresolvable”—like money differences or intimacy problems

EP 655: Robin Temple & Michael Moore – How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships

What inspired you to do the work you do, and what has helped you make it through the challenges of a thirty-year marriage? 

Robin: We both have been through divorce, and I was left with many questions about my divorce. I didn’t have a lot of self-awareness about why it happened. It left me wondering about how long-term relationships can endure. I had been a therapist, but I went back to grad school to learn about marriages. We teach what we need to learn. Michael and I had a strong connection, but I wasn’t sure how we could blend lives. We took our time.

Michael: We moved in for a summer as a trial. I thought it would be amazing, and it was difficult from the start. We weren’t hopeful. The hardest part was our differences around parenting. I thought it was most important to teach self-reliance. Robin was more about nourishing and encouraging creativity. We didn’t think we could figure out how to blend our lives. Eventually, Robin went on 24 days of training. The Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills program helped her learn what she could. I became intrigued by the program, and I joined her in the program. I was the only non-therapist there. For the first time, I felt Robin really heard and respected my point of view and that it was coming from a loving place. That was huge for us! We both became master teachers.

What do couples need to know to get along and be happy together without losing themselves?

Michael: You need other relationships in your life. Don’t only depend on your partner for every aspect of your life. Have other communities that your partner is not a part of. We have a quiz on our website which tests for key areas in your relationship. Respect is essential. Over time, learn what matters most.

Robin: We have a model called a ‘powergram’ to help them map out areas of responsibility and power. Where are you autonomous and where do you decide things together?

How do you encourage someone to speak up with confidence that their message will get through… without resistance or blow-back?

Robin: If the conversation is not going well, stop and take a break. Within an hour, suggest a time to get together within twenty four hours for a do-over.  Take turns talking and listening. Be empathic, even if you don’t agree. It’s not fair to just complain without making a request. 

Michael: Do simple mundane things that evoke positivity. Have a regular daily practice of gratitude. The more specific the better. So, when there’s a problem, there’s credit in your emotional bank. It’s also important to take turns. Both can’t be understood at the same time. The person listening only listens and offers validation at the end. Learn to ask for what matters. Own your part of the story.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Robin: While relationships seem mysterious and difficult territory, because our least mature and developed selves show up, know there are simple and powerful tools. With the right support, you can navigate change.

Michael: About seven years into our relationship, I developed an emotional infatuation with someone else, and I asked Robin to end the relationship and go on a provisional marriage for a while. It took a long time for us to not have long term grievances. We’ve been going on our first date for a long time. We don’t take each other for granted. Keep it fresh.

Connect with Michael and Robin

• IG https://www.instagram.com/couples.solutions_/ 
• FB https://www.facebook.com/couples.solutions 
• Website https://couples.solutions/ 

Watch this episode on Youtube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships. — If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when […]

Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships.

—

If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when things feel too close. These patterns aren’t about “what’s wrong with you”. They’re about attachment styles.

The good news? Attachment style isn’t fixed. Even in midlife and beyond, you can slowly, gently rewire yourself toward secure attachment. It’s not a light switch. It’s a process. And it begins with how you relate to yourself. Here are five steps to develop secure attachment.

How to Develop Secure Attachment and Build Deeper Connections

1. Notice Your Triggers With Compassion

Pay attention to your body’s signals when you feel unsettled. Maybe your chest tightens when a call doesn’t come, or you panic when someone wants too much closeness. Instead of labeling yourself as “too much” or “too distant,” simply pause and name what you’re feeling in your body:

“I’m activated. My nervous system thinks I’m unsafe.”

That gentle recognition takes you out of autopilot and into awareness, which is a big step toward secure attachment.

2. Learn to Calm Your Own Storms

Being securely attached doesn’t mean you never get rattled. It means you’ve built tools to steady yourself when you do. Breathing deeply, journaling, grounding with nature, stretching, or moving your body—these practices re-teach your system that intensity doesn’t have to equal danger.

Every time you self-soothe, you reinforce safety inside yourself.

3. Dare to Voice Your Needs

For many women, especially over 50, the idea of “needing too much” has been ingrained. But securely attached people aren’t afraid to be honest. Say things like:

“I miss you.” or

“I need a little space right now.”

These small truths open the door to deeper trust. The right people won’t reject you for them—they’ll appreciate your honesty.

4. Choose Steady People, Not Rollercoasters

You can’t create security with someone who thrives on inconsistency. True safety grows in relationships where people keep showing up—not just for the fun moments but also for the hard ones.

If someone leaves you spinning in uncertainty, that’s your signal: don’t chase stability where it doesn’t exist. Plant yourself in relationships that feel solid, not shaky.

5. Focus on Repair, Not Perfection

Conflict is inevitable. What matters is how you reconnect after. Instead of expecting perfection, practice repair with phrases like:

“I got defensive. Can we start over?” or

“That stung, and I want to work it out with you.”

Each repair is a step toward building trust. Over time, these small moments create the foundation of real security.

Becoming securely attached in midlife is about re-parenting yourself while choosing relationships that feel steady. It’s about teaching your body, over and over again, that closeness can be safe and distance doesn’t mean abandonment.

With time, calm replaces chaos, trust replaces fear, and love becomes less about survival—and more about the joy of going on your last first date.

---

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love. — Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love […]

What is polarity, and why does Mat Boggs say it’s the secret to attraction? Here are some of the mistakes you might be making that are keeping you from love.

—

Mat Boggs says polarity is the secret to attraction. He is a best-selling author, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Brave Thinking Institute’s Love & Relationship Division. For nearly two decades, he has helped women worldwide attract high-quality men and lasting love. He’s appeared on The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah & Friends, and The Hallmark Channel. His book, Cracking The Man Code, reveals how men think, love, and communicate.

In this episode:

• The biggest polarity mistake smart, successful women make
• What women get wrong about feminine energy
• Why doing more in dating and relationships sabotages your love life
• The first internal shift to make if you’re a planner and emotional leader in relationships
• A man’s deepest desire

EP 701: Mat Boggs – Why Polarity is the Secret to Attraction 

What is polarity, and what’s the biggest polarity mistake you see smart, successful single women make in terms of masculine and feminine energy?

I was speaking on stages with other relationship experts who were talking about masculine and feminine energy and polarity. I realized I had been operating in my feminine energy in romance. My older sister became my first dating coach. It was attracting women who took the lead and pursued, and when my masculine took over, the relationship took a dive. When I met my now wife, Irene, I finally stepped more fully into my masculine, and she was in her feminine, and it’s the best relationship I ever had.

We all have both energies and they’re completely dynamic. Masculine is providing and pursuing. Feminine is receiving and pulling. In the courting stage, whatever energy we lead with, we attract the opposite energy. Feminine energy is not fake or passive. It’s strong.

What makes a woman irresistible to men?

She’s relaxed and having fun around a man. She trusts him.

You share the story of Tanya, the former military commander. What was she doing that sabotaged her love life?

Tanya was used to taking charge. It didn’t get her the result in her love life that she wanted. She opened up the part of her that was feminine. She learned to be proactive and create the space for a man to fill. What do you want? The masculine wants to fulfill that. Instead of planning a hike, tell him, “You know what I’d love? A hike. Would you plan it for us?” Her job was to celebrate him following through. 

A lot of powerful women feel feminine energy is fake, weak, and passive. Not true. It’s powerful. It’s okay to receive. If you have resistance to receiving, it’s usually because of a lack of self worth. You’re not attracted to anyone except people who are taken, married, or emotionally unavailable. Self love controls how open our hearts are. If you want big love, you have to open the door wider. 

The key is a self love practice to help us open the door to our heart. We need people to connect to our authentic self. Then we can receive. You are enough…without overplanning and overdoing for men.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of hard conversations we’re willing to have. The feeling you have for love is evidence it’s out there for you. Every action is moving you forward.

Connect With Mat

• Cracking The Man Code Book: https://bravethinkinginstitute.co/book/ 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mathewboggs/ 
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/matboggs 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/matboggsfan 
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mathewboggs 
• Brave Thinking Institute: www.BTI.com

Watch this episode on YouTube

---

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life