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How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

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If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you! — Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps […]

overcome limiting beliefs

If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and perfectionism, this episode of Last First Date Radio is for you!

—

Do you have limiting beliefs? Are you a perfectionist? My podcast guest, Kamini Wood, is here today to speak about these topics. She is a certified life coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps high achievers overcome anxiety, perfectionism, and limiting beliefs to rediscover their authentic selves. As the founder of the AuthenticMe® method and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, she empowers individuals to build self-awareness, set boundaries, and create fulfilling, balanced lives.

In this episode:

  • Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?
  • How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?
  • How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?
  • How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?
  • How can people balance their love life and work?

EP 653: Kamini Wood – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Perfectionism

Where do our limiting beliefs stem from?

I see them as narratives that come from our families of origin or experiences we’ve had throughout our lives. Some common ones are “I’m not enough” “I’m not lovable”.

How can people overcome limiting beliefs, especially when it holds them back from dating?

Naming your limiting beliefs is the first step. Get curious with yourself. Recognize the stories you’re telling yourself. If you have fear, complete the thought loop. What’s your fear? What’s true? What’s the evidence I have today to support this belief?

Once you identify the truth, ask yourself what you want to do about it. What action will you take?

How does perfectionism sabotage our love lives, and how can people begin to overcome their need to be perfect?

Perfectionism can hold us back because we might expect our partner to be perfect. We create unspoken expectations. That leads to resentment. If we hold ourselves to a high standard, we can be held back. Perfectionists struggle when a relationship is not working, and they are afraid of failure, and afraid to leave a relationship for that reason. It can keep us from being honest with what you truly need.

How can our careers contribute to our self-sabotaging habits, and how does this show up in our romantic relationships?

If you’re a perfectionist, work is a place where you get a lot of meaning and enoughness. You might put more energy into work, which can leave you drained and unable to put energy into your love life. There’s certainty in your work life, but less certainty in your love life. How can you find balance? Ask yourself what about work makes you feel safe and good? If you have a fear of rejection and not being accepted in dating, ask yourself what’s the worst case scenario your mind is telling you? Then ask yourself what you will do.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Give yourself permission to be present for the process and allow it to be what it is. Give yourself grace. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Be you and be present. Just focus on making a connection.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Kamini

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Heal Trauma in Yourself and Your Relationship

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If you don’t heal trauma in yourself, you will carry it into every relationship. Listen to this episode to learn how to begin to heal. — How do you heal trauma in yourself and in your relationship? Tarah and E.J. Kerwin, founders of Relationship Renovation in Tucson, Arizona, help couples build stronger, healthier connections through […]

heal trauma

If you don’t heal trauma in yourself, you will carry it into every relationship. Listen to this episode to learn how to begin to heal.

—

How do you heal trauma in yourself and in your relationship? Tarah and E.J. Kerwin, founders of Relationship Renovation in Tucson, Arizona, help couples build stronger, healthier connections through therapy and online programs. They co-host the Relationship Renovation Podcast and a YouTube channel, sharing actionable tools rooted in intentional communication and empathy to support couples worldwide.  

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it
  • How to define emotional safety in a relationship, and why is it the foundation for lasting connection?
  • A few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers
  • The very first mindset shift to start healing

EP 678: Tarah and E.J. Kerwin – How to Heal Trauma in Yourself and Your Relationship

What are some subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it?

Tarah: For me, it’s an internal sign of walking on eggshells. I don’t trust what’s happening and go into caretaking mode. 

EJ: We hear a lot about trauma today. We’ve all suffered a level of trauma in our lives. It’s really about your nervous system, getting triggered and then dysregulated. It could be a raised voice. When someone’s breath becomes more shallow and it says something got triggered.

You’ve shared that you were once a serial monogamist who struggled to maintain long-term relationships. What was the turning point that helped you break those old patterns?

Tarah: I’ve experienced so much trauma with my twin sister in our family of origin. I was a serial monogamist and thought I was doing great. When I got into a relationship with EJ and had twins right away, I was angry and resentful towards my husband even though I loved him. I said “When I say burnt toast, that’s our code word that means I’m not good for me, you or our kids and need a time out”. I would take some time to calm myself. I would listen to the RAIN technique from Tara Birch’s podcast. It helped me not intensify and re-traumatize. I started to have compassion for how I was so resilient as a little girl. I began to feel all of my feelings.

Can you walk us through a few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers?

EJ: If you look at the trigger, which is just stimulus, and then look at your reaction, you’ve tapped into deep sorrow and sadness. If one person gets triggered, the other person gets triggered and activated. 

Tarah: When a trigger hits, go through your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and ask yourself what does this remind me of? Negative core beliefs are developed early on. You are safe now. Your adult voice comes in to guide you when you’re triggered. Define a safe space for yourself. Go there internally when triggered. That helps you regulate your nervous system.

For individuals or couples who feel stuck in unhealthy cycles, what’s the very first mindset shift they need to make to start healing?

EJ: Look internally. Something is triggering big feelings. What is going on inside? Shift to hold up a mirror to what’s inside instead of blaming the outside. What are you feeling? Bore down deeper and deeper.

Tarah: Even though we had harsh external circumstances, I always loved love. I felt light and love around me, even though I shouldn’t be alive. I think “who is my heart?” instead of listening to my thoughts. I remember my heart and be a source of love and light for others.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Tarah: Get to know yourself and have respect and boundaries for what you’re needing. Have your invisible shit shield that protects you from their stuff so it doesn’t get on you. 

EJ: You want to have your hand on the control of your boundaries, what you will and won’t tolerate. You’ll see if they feel safe and honest. You’re going to be able to modulate whether it feels safe to you. Be nuanced and have boundaries. You’ll meet someone who has attunement and is aware of you and be responsive.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect With Tarah and EJ

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Getting Clear About What You Want in Dating

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Without clarity, how do you know what you want in dating? In this episode, learn how to clarify your dating wants and needs. — What if you could get clear about what you want in dating? My podcast guest, Tracey Gee, is the author of The Magic of Knowing What You Want. She’s a certified […]

what you want in dating

Without clarity, how do you know what you want in dating? In this episode, learn how to clarify your dating wants and needs.

—

What if you could get clear about what you want in dating? My podcast guest, Tracey Gee, is the author of The Magic of Knowing What You Want. She’s a certified leadership coach and consultant and a sought-after speaker and facilitator nationwide. She helps people learn more about themselves and their unique sense of meaning and purpose. She feels honored to have worked with a breadth of incredible individuals and organizations, including UC Berkeley, the Miami Heat, and Coca-Cola, but her great ambition in life remains to pet as many dogs as possible.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How to discover what you want in dating
  • A practical exercise on uncovering your authentic desires in dating
  • After you have clarity about what you want, what actions to take

EP 647: Tracey Gee – Getting Clear About What You Want in Dating

What inspired you to write a book on helping others discover what they really want?

I’m trained as a leadership coach and consultant, and the tools I was trained in are wonderful for building self-awareness, but they didn’t cover the next step, which is what you really want. People were confused or ashamed or scared that they didn’t know the answer to that question. Women often struggle with this, as they are always tuned into what other people want.

What are some steps to help you uncover what you want in dating?

  1. Give yourself permission to want what you want. Don’t judge yourself. If you’re a ‘good girl’, you’re not selfish, you focus on others. Don’t wait for permission to be given.
  2. Notice the types of questions that come up when you ask yourself what you want. We can stay in a ‘desire fog’ because we don’t make space to have what we want.
  3. Create room to explore. Try things out. 

What is one practical exercise we can use today to help uncover our authentic desires when it comes to dating?

Look back on your life and experiences for how you’re uniquely wired. What worked, and what didn’t work? This will help you understand what you want and need to find the right fit for you. Calibrate to your own inner compass.

When people have clarity in dating, what actions can they take that will lead to what they truly desire?

Do an ‘experiment map’. Explore what dating could look like by meeting people in different ways. Map it out like a mind map. It’s a clear and flexible way to meet someone. Map potential paths, and what you’d need to do to execute that plan. What feels most exciting? Try it!

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Ask yourself “How do I want dating to feel when I’m dating?” Be an explorer. Be lighter and more playful. Find your unique joyful way to date.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Tracey

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Ask You Out? (5 Helpful Tips)

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Waiting for him to ask you out? How long should you wait? 5-step guide to knowing when to follow up—or move on. — You’ve had a great phone call, the conversation flowed easily, and you both agreed you’d like to meet in person. Now comes the tricky part—waiting for him to actually set up that […]

ask you out

Waiting for him to ask you out? How long should you wait? 5-step guide to knowing when to follow up—or move on.

—

You’ve had a great phone call, the conversation flowed easily, and you both agreed you’d like to meet in person. Now comes the tricky part—waiting for him to actually set up that first date. How long should you wait before following up? And what do you do if you don’t hear from him?

Here are five smart tips to help you navigate this stage without overthinking or losing your cool.

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Ask You Out? (5 Helpful Tips)

1. Don’t Overthink It

The silence between “I’ll set something up” and the actual invite can feel endless, but try not to obsess. If he says he’ll set up a date this week, give him the benefit of the doubt. Rule him in until he rules himself out! Let a full week play out before jumping to conclusions. Remember: you’re looking for someone who communicates clearly, not someone who keeps you guessing.

2. At the End of the Week, Follow Up

If you haven’t heard from him by the end of the week, it’s perfectly reasonable to send a light, friendly message. Something like:
“Hey, just checking in to see if you’ve had a chance to pick a time to meet this week.”
This keeps things polite, low-pressure, and shows that you value your own time.

3. Pay Attention to His Response

If he responds and suggests a specific day or time—great! You’re moving in the right direction. But if he’s vague, non-committal, or doesn’t reply at all, that’s a red flag. His actions (or lack thereof) are telling you everything you need to know.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Move On

If he doesn’t follow through, don’t stick around hoping he’ll change. You deserve someone who’s as excited to meet you as you are to meet them. Politely exit and refocus your energy on people who are genuinely interested. Instead of asking yourself what you might have done wrong that turned him off, ask yourself, “Why would I want to date someone who doesn’t follow through and keeps me waiting for a response?”

5. Stay Authentic

No games. No manipulation. Be genuine about your intentions, and expect the same in return. If someone is truly interested, they’ll make an effort to plan the date. Real interest is obvious—it doesn’t leave you refreshing your inbox or wondering where you stand.

✅ Bottom line: Give him the week, follow up if necessary, and move on if the effort isn’t there. The right person will be thrilled to set up that first date—and you won’t have to chase them down to make it happen. Keep moving forward until you find someone who doesn’t keep you guessing and makes you feel confident and secure.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Transform Love, Healing, and Human Connection

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My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this! — If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late […]

human connection

My podcast guest, Cynthia Marks, discusses how to transform love, healing, and human connection. You don’t want to miss this!

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If you want to transform love, healing and human connection, this episode is for you! Cynthia Marks is the host of And Now Love, a podcast inspired by the psychoanalytic teachings of her late husband, Dr. Bernard Bail. Through intimate conversations and dream exploration, she helps listeners uncover unconscious emotional imprints and transform their understanding of love, healing, and human connection.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What inspired Cynthia to start her podcast, And Now Love, and what’s the core message behind it?
  • What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?
  • Cynthia’s healing journey where one of her husband’s teachings shifted her view on love
  • What does a “healthy love” look like, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?
  • What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

EP 670: Cynthia Marks – How to Transform Love, Healing, and Human Connection

Tell us about your podcast, And Now Love. What inspired you to start it, and what’s the core message behind it?

It’s based on the theories of my late husband, Dr. Bail who passed away four years ago. He had a psychoanalytic theory that helps us be our best selves, to love ourselves. We’re all holding onto so much trauma, it’s hard to understand our authentic selves. His theory posits that this begins in the womb. Our mothers aren’t trying to traumatize us, but they carry trauma passed on from their ancestors. We have to figure out how to stop the trauma. Bernard discovered that dreams carry the information we need to heal. 

What role do early maternal relationships play in shaping our capacity to love or trust a partner in midlife?

As children, we want to make our mother (and father) happy, so we do things to please them. Often, that comes at the cost of losing parts of ourselves and developing false beliefs. What did you learn in childhood? You’re not loveable? Not true. We’re all based in love and carry love.

Can you share a moment from your own healing journey where one of Dr. Bail’s teachings shifted your view on love?

Through the course of talking about my dreams with my husband, he helped me come to my own conclusions about what the dream images meant to me. I reframed my view of my reality and my beliefs about love. Once I shifted my view of love,  I was able to release the trauma I was carrying.

What does a “healthy love” look like to you, and what practical steps can someone take to move toward that kind of love, even if they’ve never experienced it before?

Healthy love is first understanding who we really are vs who we trained ourselves to be to survive. Each of us has a base of love, and most of us don’t get to that place. If we can undo this trauma and love ourselves, we can understand what it is to love others and receive love. You’ll elevate others. You’ll feel true empathy for others.

What’s one emotional pattern or belief someone might not realize is sabotaging their efforts to connect and find love?

If you think you don’t deserve kindness or love – unconsciously – you’ll push away a kind and loving person and continue to date people who are wrong for you.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Let go of what you think is judgment, and let go of your preconceived notions of what you’re entitled to (when it comes to love). Even if you think you have a lot of work to do, take a jump off the diving board and let go.

Connect with Cynthia Marks

Watch this episode on YouTube here

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How People-Pleasing Is Ruining Your Relationships (and your first dates)

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People-pleasing is ruining your relationships…and your dates. In this episode, you’ll discover how to stop the disease to please. — Did you know that people-pleasing can ruin your relationships and your dates? Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps women reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — […]

people-pleasing

People-pleasing is ruining your relationships…and your dates. In this episode, you’ll discover how to stop the disease to please.

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Did you know that people-pleasing can ruin your relationships and your dates? Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps women reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — their truth, their desires, and their capacity for profound pleasure and power. Her work has been featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and numerous leading podcasts.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What makes her body of work, Erotic Wholeness, different from many people’s ideas about sex, intimacy and relationship coaching
  • How people-pleasing shows up in intimate relationships, including in the dating process, and why it’s so problematic
  • Some ways to unwind these patterns
  • Examples of how clients have transformed from people-pleasing in the bedroom to having authentic, satisfying sex lives
  • How to bring this topic into a conversation with your partner

EP 683: Darshana Avila – How People-Pleasing Is Ruining Your Relationships (and your first dates)

What makes your body of work, Erotic Wholeness, different from many people’s ideas about sex, intimacy and relationship coaching?

Eroticism is life force energy, not specific to sexuality. Activism, passions, all of that flows into our eroticism. Culturally, we have shame and stigma around sex. That affects our vitality. There’s a broader conversation to be had around our life energy. Google “Uses of the Erotic” to understand this approach better. The wholeness piece is that we are fundamentally whole. Our healing journey integrates those fragments.

How does people-pleasing show up in intimate relationships, including in the dating process, and why is it so problematic?

People pleasing is cultural conditioning. Especially for women who learn that our value and safety are rooted in pleasing others. If you don’t rock the boat and are pleasant, that’s the direct root to a life well-lived. This is a survival tactic. It’s how we got love as children. We grow up having this further ingrained in our dating and love lives. We want to be liked and loved, especially if we’re coming from a place of lack.

What are some ways that people can begin to unwind these patterns?

After a date, instead of asking, “Do they like me?”, ask yourself, “Do I like them?” and “Do I like me in relation to them?” Many of us don’t know what safety feels like in our bodies. The work has to begin with your body, which is incredibly wise. We have threat responses. People pleasing is fawning, which is a way humans respond to threat. When we’re connected to our bodies, we feel yes or no in our bodies. Cultivate a better relationship with your body’s signals about how you’re feeling around your dates. 

Can you share an example of how your clients have transformed from people-pleasing in the bedroom to having authentic, satisfying sex lives?

Esther was in a long term marriage with three kids, and she had many sexual challenges in her marriage. She recognized through our work that she was queer and needed a different quality of sex. As a couple, they worked together to experiment sexually. Eventually, they split, and she’s a “they” now and is deeply enamored in a new authentic relationship. She went from people pleasing and performing to finding her authentic self.

If someone listening wants to know how to bring this topic into a conversation with their partner, what would you suggest?

The first rule in sex and intimacy is to not have the conversation during sex. It’s best in a moment of neutrality. Make sure no one is hungry, angry, or tired before the conversation. You also want consent – buy in – when they’re open to the conversation. “I’d love to have a conversation about our sex life and intimacy. Are you open to that?” If someone stonehalls or gaslights you, that’s a red flag. Don’t come in with complaints. Come in with constructive suggestions. Example: You don’t love the pace of the sex. You want something softer and slower. So instead of complaining, say “I know both of us want to have a thriving physical connection. I noticed our paces seem to be off. Can we talk about how to get more aligned (or show you).” Check out Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2jAm3HxHM

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It’s not a personal failing if you feel like you’re a people-pleaser and haven’t found your last first date yet. It’s a choice you get to make to unwind this. Access whatever love for yourself you can muster to get to know and love yourself more. Only you can make that choice.

Connect with Darshana

Free gift: Galgasm! is a free online community hub with a classroom full of resources, ranging from embodiment practices to masturbation guidance to masterclass recordings – skool.com/galgasm

Watch on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Protect Yourself From Emotional Vampires

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Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you! — Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A […]

emotional vampires

Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you!

—

Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A former entrepreneur turned personal growth expert, he is the author of Infinite Marriage and The Ten Secrets to a Passionate Marriage, with his upcoming book (January 2026) Emotional Vampires teaching readers how to protect their happiness from toxic people. Through his coaching, books, and public talks, Daniel provides clear, practical tools for improving self-esteem, cultivating “keepers,” and creating relationships that fuel joy.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?
  • Why so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should
  • The most common categories of Emotional Vampires
  • How to set boundaries without feeling guilty or burning bridges?
  • Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

EP 684: Daniel Ratner – How to Protect Yourself From Emotional Vampires

What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?

We all have people who drain our energy. I created 12 categories. I have a whole chapter on family. The reason I wrote this book is we had a woman who my wife tried to help for years, and after many years, my wife realized this woman was a narcissist. We want keepers in our lives: People who are: Kind, peaceful, empathetic and respectful. Someone without envy and ego.

Why do so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should?

We don’t realize we have a choice to protect ourselves. One of my chapters is the “Friendship audit”. Sometimes, we have friends due to circumstance. If they now drain your energy, evaluate if it’s worth it. As you get older and wiser, you get to choose. If it’s someone you need in your life, how do you define healthy?

Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

Some of the categories are more dangerous than others, like narcissistic personality disorder. But a drama queen, someone who’s an oversharer can change. Also, the emotional constipated has a hard time sharing feelings. They can change, but it’s not easy. Women need to connect emotionally. Another category is the socially awkward. Social skills can be learned.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

On a first date, ask yourself: do you feel safe, seen, and do you want to see this person again? That’s all you need to know to go on a second date.

Connect with Daniel

Watch on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How to Trust Again After Betrayal

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How do you trust again after betrayal? Listen to this episode of Last First Date Radio and hear me coach a woman after a breakup. — Karen is a fifty-nine year old divorced woman who wants to know how to trust again after betrayal. She was in a four-year passionate relationship that recently ended when […]

trust again after betrayal

How do you trust again after betrayal? Listen to this episode of Last First Date Radio and hear me coach a woman after a breakup.

—

Karen is a fifty-nine year old divorced woman who wants to know how to trust again after betrayal. She was in a four-year passionate relationship that recently ended when he decided he wanted to work away six months of the year. They got back together briefly earlier this year, but the feelings were gone.  He also revealed that he slept with an ex and had lied about it, so the trust was also broken.

Six months have passed, and she feels ready to date again. She’s on a few apps and finding there are very few men she finds attractive in her age range. She wants to know where to find her last first date. Listen to the podcast to find out…

EP 638: Coaching Session with Karen – How to Trust Again After Betrayal

Highlights of this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Why she took her boyfriend back after breaking up
  • Why she ended things in the first place
  • Some red flags she ignored from the start (he was married twice and cheated both times, he left because his wife didn’t want to go on a sailing adventure, he lied about having herpes)
  • She ignored the red flags because she was in a highly emotional state when she met him and needed the connection and attention
  • He reminds her of her birth mother who gave birth at 21 and was married to someone who wasn’t her father and was in prison at the time, so she gave her up for adoption. The similarities between the two of them are the ability to leave her and putting her needs first.
  • Both of her marriages ended because she ignored the red flags from the beginning.
  • Homework I gave Karen:
    • Ask a lot of questions upfront when you’re dating to assess if someone has your must haves and no deal breakers
    • Don’t excuse the inexcusable 
    • Assess availability right away by asking the right questions
    • Know that you can’t change people
    • Open your preferences to date people who live further away so you have more options of English speaking men who share your language and culture
    • Delay sex so you can think clearly when you’re dating

Watch this episode on YouTube

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone you dated? How did you learn to trust again? Please leave a comment and let me know!

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

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A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system. — What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems […]

nervous system

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system.

—

What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic practices, and psychodrama. Through an integrative experiential approach, she helps individuals and couples suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, codependency, trauma, and relational attachment issues to navigate life’s challenges so they can become fully alive, supported, and whole. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How our nervous system influences our emotional responses in relationships
  • The relationship between our attachment wounds and our nervous system
  • How stress in relationships impacts our nervous systems
  • Practical exercises for calming the nervous system when triggered

EP 639: Esin Pinarli – The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

How does our nervous system directly influence our emotional responses in relationships, especially when it comes to conflict and tension?

Everything comes down to our nervous system. It influences how we relate and connect to other people. Neuroception is our surveillance system in our bodies. It helps us decide if it’s safe or unsafe. Understanding our nervous system is crucial in dating.

What are some common ways attachment wounds show up in our nervous systems, and how can awareness of these responses help individuals begin to heal?

The first people we attach to are our caregivers, so depending on how we attached to them, that will show up in our romantic relationships. Our core wounds get activated. If you’re anxiously attached, you’ll be hypervigilant and untrusting of your partners. People are not safe to you. We ask ourselves, are we lovable? Are we enough? Do we expect our partners to give us everything we didn’t get as children? We tend to pick partners who remind us of our unpredictable caregiver. 

Many people may not realize how stress in relationships impacts their nervous system. Could you share some early signs to look out for that indicate the nervous system is in distress?

We feel things in our nervous system first. It signals disconnection. Our brain makes up a story about what happened, because we’re meaning makers. We gaslight ourselves by making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. 

What are some practical tools or exercises you recommend for calming down during relationship triggers?

We need to move into the ventral state – socially engaged, calmer, grounded. How do we get back to our core self and stay more regulated to make better decisions and choices? 

A good exercise to regulate your nervous system: Look at glimmers, micro moments of ventral. Ask yourself what felt good and connected today? Did I walk in nature? Did I see a beautiful flower? Did I have a connected moment with a friend? Savour the glimmers: Take the micro moments of ventral which are are everywhere once we start to look for them and are calmer, and savour them for 30 seconds. Also, humming helps you get to ventral. 

How do you approach helping clients retrain their nervous systems to create more secure, healthy relationships over time?

Pause and get curious about the patterns you engage in, especially in dating. Pull back the curtain to your internal world. Your nervous system will always seek the familiar. We need to change the way we respond and who we choose to partner with. Look for consistent, communicative, interested partners. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I want everyone to go on their last first date. Work on your nervous system with a coach or therapist and befriend your nervous system so you can make healthier choices. Get out of subconscious autopilot so you can say no to what doesn’t work and make room for the right person. 

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Esin

  • Website https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/ Free Guide on Homepage: Becoming Aware of Self—An introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you access the core of who you are and build more self-awareness for inner healing and harmony

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships (and How to Fix It)

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What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode! — What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly […]

ruins relationships

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode!

—

What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He hosts Marriage Therapy Radio and authored The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. Zach lives in Seattle with his wife Rebecca and their two adult daughters.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What’s NSO and how might it show up early on in dating?
  • What’s emotional neutrality, and how does it affect relationships?
  • How to recognize subtle forms of contempt early on
  • What singles can do to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity 
  • How to recognize if you’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships and How to Fix It

What is Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), and how might it quietly show up in any stage of dating?

This is a term that John Gottman came up with. One of the things couples who divorce have in common is the Negative Sentiment Override. When you’re in NSO, things are harder. There’s a drive to raise your score and improve your relationship. Early in a relationship, it’s pretty rare. If you have more negative than positive, you leave. 

If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are present and not being offset by gratitude, generosity, and affection, relationships can fail. Early on, we might call these red flags to look out for.

You say that emotional neutrality is the first step out of NSO. What do you mean by that?

Both people need to want to change the pattern that’s not working in the relationship. Learn how to identify and change the pattern. Once you realize the pattern, you can interrupt it. You have three choices when in conflict in relationships: stay neutral and take a pause, make it worse, or make it better. Emotional neutrality is really helpful when you’re flooded and need a break. Think about what you want to happen. Then choose to make the relationship better.

Contempt can quietly destroy relationships, and you say it also fuels NSO. How can someone recognize subtle forms of contempt in themselves or in others in long-term relationships or when dating?

Contempt can show up early on in a relationship as “I’m better than you”, which leaves no room for intimacy. You can’t expect things to be healthy when you’re in contempt of one another. Be on the lookout for signs from yourself and your partner. To get out of contempt, look for the best in your partner, not the worst.

Make up that your partner is amazing, and they look great, and you’re so proud of them, and they add value to your life. This increases intimacy and decreases contempt. Let your partner know you have their back and care about them.

What are some things singles or dating partners can use to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity early on?

When dating, embrace the parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts that you lack, and get curious about the other person and what they have that you don’t when you’re dating. Be the best partner instead of just looking for the best partner.

How can someone tell if they’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner, or if they’re just being cautious from past hurt?

Evaluate why you act a certain way. Assess whether it’s you, them, or the two of you together. If your response is outsized, evaluate why that is. Share that information with your partner when you’re dating. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Prioritize curiosity, and see if this is a relationship where you both can learn.

Connect with Zach

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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