How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger. — Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, […]

How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recovery on the podcast with breakup coach, Cole Zesiger.

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Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, he began sharing his journey on social media—growing to over 750,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and more.  He has coached 2,000+ people through heartbreak, helping them either rekindle relationships in a healthy way or move on with peace. His practical approach blends psychology, attachment theory, and real-world strategies to guide people from heartbreak to healing.  When not coaching, Cole enjoys time with his wife and daughter, playing guitar, dirt biking, and exploring the mountains. His debut book, Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, offers a proven roadmap to rebuild self-worth, master communication, and create healthy, lasting love.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

• What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?
• Do you really need closure after a breakup?
• Is it ever a good idea to get back together?
• How do attachment styles affect breakups?
• Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

EP 691: Cole Zesiger – Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?

Three things need to be present in order to move on. 1. There has to be a narrative that it makes sense that the relationship is over. 2. Life has to be at least as good in the present as it was in the past. 3. You need proof that love exists in the world, that you’re capable of feeling attraction again. It could be going on dates or joining social groups. 

We give mental energy to things that are unclosed in our lives, especially when we don’t know why. This applies to breakups. With a breakup, if you feel you can’t get closure, try to see the bigger picture and how it led you to where you are today. Look at what you’ve gained, what you’re grateful for, and how the skills you gained led you to become who you are today.

Is it ever a good idea to get back together with an ex?

In a calm moment, write down three to five things  that you’d need to see change in your partner for the relationship to work. The list has to be understood by a seven year old. Specific. Actionable, and measurable.

How do attachment styles affect breakups?

Secure attachment: Grieves the loss of that person, but believes they are worthy of love. They focus on what’s in their control quickly.

Anxious attachment: Denial. Love exists, but I need to get my ex back. I will mold into anything I can to be loved. They also grow a lot.

Avoidant attachment: I’m good enough. Love can hurt me so I have to keep it far away. They jump right into dating apps again and it comes back to bite them soon after. They avoid healing.

Disorganized attachment. They usually have off and on relationships. Switch to open relationships, to situationships.

Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

Right after a breakup if one person has feelings, it makes it difficult to be friends. If you have moved on and want to be friends later on, that’s different. Most people beg for friendship, or the one who’s leaving will offer friendship as consolation. Anxiously attached people tend to accept friendship and hope the other person will begin to fall back in love eventually.

People go through the breakup loop of doom by staying friends. Eventually, one partner does something that gives the other hope that they will get back together. It’s a vicious cycle.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Build a life you’re fulfilled by before bringing someone into it. It can go too far if you’ve built such an established life that you don’t want to break routines. But, when you have a full life with a mission and meaning bigger than yourself and bring someone else into it, you’ll have an easier time with dating and relationships.

Connect With Cole

• Website https://coachcolezesiger.com 
• IG https://www.instagram.com/coachcolezesiger/
• Get the book: https://coachcolezesiger.com/exsandnos

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century. — Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ […]

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century.

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Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and sexual assault survivors. She writes The Intimate Philosopher on Substack, and in her free time loves reading, running, crafting, and all things sparkly.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The biggest myths about attraction and intimacy
• The outdated dating advice people should ignore and what to focus on instead
• How the unspoken “rules” impact dating and how people can break free from them
• How people can cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling connections without feeling overwhelmed
• A practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy

EP 662: Dr. Emma Smith – How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

What are some of the biggest myths in modern dating about attraction and intimacy?

One myth is that we mistake chemistry for compatibility and comfort for connection. Neither is a good indicator for safety and depth. Just because you’re drawn to someone in the beginning doesn’t mean your lives will work together in the long run. Go on two dates minimum to see who you both are. Don’t look for the bonfire of sparks. Another myth is that intimacy is about closeness, but it’s also about space. Space to long for and be separate to get together. The final myth is that men only want sex and women only want love.

What outdated dating advice should people ignore, and what should they focus on instead?

Let go of the belief that texting too soon is too eager. We need to stop punishing availability. Let the other person that you had a great time and would love to see each other again soon.

Another dating “rule” is that it’s a woman’s job to be wanted, but she’s not supposed to ask for what she wants. You get to choose. Desire doesn’t bloom in control. It blooms in presence and authenticity. 

Ask yourself where this person is going to fit into your life. What do you need to share on a first or second date? Facts, a bit about your personality, but not your darkest secrets. Some things remain private. As you date more, ask what they do for fun, what type of vacationer are they? As you get to know them better and are ready for sex, share about your STIs and sexual preferences. 

What’s one practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy?

One mindset shift is that love isn’t something you earn, it’s something you co-create with another person. Ask yourself, what kind of love do I want to build with someone else? 

Another one is to make space for contradictions. That tension is something to be aware of. Don’t put yourself into a box to make yourself more likeable. Friction is helpful in a relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I encourage people to think about the things they value and like about themselves. When you go on a date, focus on those parts of you and the fact the person who’s right for you will like those special qualities that you have.

Connect With Emma

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd  
• FB: https://www.facebook.com/JerseyEJ 
• LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emmasmithphd/
• Substack: https://emmasmithphd.substack.com/p/welcome-to-the-intimate-philosopher

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Why do we need to rewrite the “rules” of dating after 50? Enter Suzanne Noble, co-host of Sex Advice for Seniors! — What are the rules of dating after 50, and why do we need to rewrite them? Enter Suzanne Noble, a UK-based writer, speaker, and podcast host focused on midlife reinvention and sexuality. She […]

Why do we need to rewrite the “rules” of dating after 50? Enter Suzanne Noble, co-host of Sex Advice for Seniors!

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What are the rules of dating after 50, and why do we need to rewrite them? Enter Suzanne Noble, a UK-based writer, speaker, and podcast host focused on midlife reinvention and sexuality. She co-hosts Sex Advice for Seniors, a candid podcast challenging taboos around aging and intimacy. Suzanne is also the author of the erotic memoir The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker, exploring love, desire, and dating later in life.

In this episode:

• The biggest myths about dating and sexuality after 50
• How women can rebuild confidence when re-entering the dating world later in life
• How online dating has changed the landscape for midlife relationships
• What a “last first date” means when you’re dating with intention in your 50s, 60s, or beyond

EP 710: Suzanne Noble – Why We Need to Rewrite the Rules of Dating After 50

Highlights of this Episode

Dating and sexuality after 50

• You can redesign relationships after 50 (living arrangements, non-monogamy, travel-based lifestyles).
• Many reentering daters retain rigid “tick-box” criteria; recommend prioritizing only a few must-haves.
• Know your values and shared vision early (short-term fun vs. long-term compatibility).
• Confidence builds through practice, presentation (wardrobe/lingerie), and positive feedback from others.
• Communication is the central skill for relationship and sexual health (asking for needs, setting boundaries, listening).
• Shame and misinformation around sex in older age persist; open conversations reduce stigma.

Sexual health and safety

• Regular STI testing, condom use, and explicit discussion of safety are essential — especially in non-monogamous or travel contexts.
• People in alternative/lifestyle communities often follow stricter testing/condom norms.
• Many older adults report clinicians not addressing sexual-health solutions (e.g., vaginal estrogen); self-advocacy with doctors is important.

Solo travel & meeting potential dates

• Solo travel can be empowering; prioritize safety (use resources like Nomad List).
• Use Facebook expat groups and Host a Sister to find local connections and reduce risk.
• Dating apps (Bumble, Tinder, Feeld, FetLife) remain useful for meeting people while traveling.
• Be open-minded; chance meetings while traveling can lead to lasting relationships.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with Suzanne Noble & Sex Advice for Seniors:

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors 
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors 
• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors 
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@sexadviceforseniors 
• Website and Free Gift 10 Most Overlooked Secrets for Better Sex after 50: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are! — Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he […]

What are the traits quality men seek in a woman? Here are the top seven, and you might be surprised by what they are!

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Let’s be honest — dating over 50 can feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. You meet someone great, there’s chemistry, and then… poof. He disappears. Or worse, he sticks around but you’re carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship.

Here’s what you need to know: quality men — the ones who are emotionally available, kind, and ready for a real partnership — are not just looking for someone young, cute and clever (although we’ll take the compliments). They’re looking for a woman who brings emotional maturity, self-awareness, and depth to the table.

If you’re wondering how to attract that kind of man, you’re in the right place. Here are seven powerful traits quality men seek in a woman — and yes, you can embody them all without losing yourself.

7 Traits Quality Men Seek in a Woman

1. She Doesn’t Plan a Future Before There’s a Present

It’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy — especially when someone ticks a few boxes on the first date. But quality men want to build a relationship with someone grounded in the now. When you’re already naming your future rescue dog together after two dates, it can be a red flag.

Staying present allows real connection to unfold naturally. It’s not about being aloof — it’s about pacing yourself and letting reality catch up with chemistry.

2. She Doesn’t Overanalyze Men

Wondering what his last text really meant or decoding every pause on the phone is exhausting — and frankly, not sexy. Quality men value women who trust their intuition and don’t need to play detective to feel secure.

If something feels off, you get curious and ask about it. If things are going well, you let it be easy. That energy is magnetic.

3. She’s Vulnerable and Communicates Her Feelings and Needs Directly and Kindly

Quality men don’t expect perfection. They want real. That means you’re not afraid to say, “Hey, I felt hurt when you canceled last minute,” or “I’m looking for a relationship where we check in regularly.”

It’s not about making demands — it’s about expressing what’s true for you in a way that invites connection rather than conflict.

4. She Is Clear About Her Must-Haves and Doesn’t Try to Force a Relationship When It’s Not a Good Fit

We’ve all done it — stayed a little too long in a not-so-good situation, hoping things would magically improve. But a woman of value doesn’t force it. She knows that compatibility isn’t about potential — it’s about alignment.

When something’s off, she doesn’t make excuses. She lovingly blesses and releases.

5. She Knows Her Worth and Won’t Compromise the Important Stuff for Anyone

You’re not auditioning for a role in his life — you’re co-creating a relationship. That means knowing what’s non-negotiable (emotional availability? kindness? consistent communication?) and not shrinking or settling just to be chosen.

Quality men are drawn to women who choose themselves first. That’s what makes you truly irresistible.

6. She’s Curious, Not Judgmental

We all have baggage. But a woman who can hold space, ask thoughtful questions, and remain open — rather than jumping to conclusions or moral high ground — creates safety and trust.

Curiosity says, “I want to understand you.” Judgment says, “I need you to be different.” Guess which one invites deeper connection?

7. She Has a Full Life Without a Man, But Knows How Much Her Life Will Be Enhanced With the Right Partner

You’ve cultivated joy, purpose, and pleasure on your own — and it shows. You’re not looking for someone to complete you, but to complement you.

That balanced energy — grounded in independence, yet open to intimacy — is what makes love flourish.

If you see yourself in this list — amazing! Keep shining. And if you’re still working on some of these traits, that’s what dating in midlife is all about — growing, healing, and becoming the version of yourself who attracts (and chooses) the love you deserve. And remember: It’s never too late to go on your last first date.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

Many of us fall for people we can’t have. In this episode, you’ll learn why we do that, and how we can start falling for people we CAN have. — Have you ever fallen for someone who was in a relationship, married, lived too far away — someone who was not available for a relationship? […]

Many of us fall for people we can’t have. In this episode, you’ll learn why we do that, and how we can start falling for people we CAN have.

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Have you ever fallen for someone who was in a relationship, married, lived too far away — someone who was not available for a relationship? Listen to this episode with my son, Max, and learn why we fall for people we can’t have.

EP 677: Why We Fall For People We Can’t Have

Why We Fall For People We Can’t Have

• We perceive what we can’t have as having more value
• We like the challenge of trying to chase what we can’t get
• We have self esteem or trust issues
• We have fear of commitment
• We didn’t expect things to be like this because they gave us all the right signals
• We convinced ourselves this person was our only or best option

How to avoid falling for people you can’t have

• Stop believing it’s the only person you can have
• Get the confidence and social skills to meet people anywhere
• Open up all your options, so you stop focusing on people who are not available

Watch this episode on YouTube

Have you ever fallen for someone you couldn’t have? Please share your story below.

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode! — Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship […]

Ladies, if you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of dating, you don’t want to miss this podcast episode!

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Why do men pull away after early connection? My podcast guest, Johnny Fernandez, has the answer to this and many other dating and relationship challenges. He is a seasoned relationship coach with over 20 years of experience helping women attract lasting love. As co-founder of the Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute, he guides clients to deepen confidence, heal emotional patterns, and build meaningful connections through heart-centered support and proven strategies.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• ​​Why so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection
• Common misunderstandings women have about men’s behavior during the early dating phase
• What’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming really into a woman
• What to do if you feel confused or rejected when a man disappears or changes suddenly
• What shifts when a woman learns how to respond in those moments of disconnection or uncertainty—rather than reacting

EP 668: Johnny Fernandez – Why Men Pull Away After Early Connection

Why do so many women experience men pulling away after what feels like a great initial connection?

Our approach is to look at masculine and feminine and what is affect and what is cause. We give women more credit and power over how the dating goes than most people. There’s a lot of preparation before dating to prevent men from pulling away. Largely, men pull away because of how they think, which is they put women in one of two categories early on: 1. She’s kind of fun for a little while, which rarely leads to marriage or commitment or 2. She’s different, I might be able to build a life with her. She needs to show up in communication as that second woman.

Are you showing up as the prize and distinguished? Do you know how to communicate with him to activate his masculinity switch? 

Draw in a different type of man. Distinguish yourself from the other options as a woman of high value.

Change your mindset from “I haven’t gone on enough dates”, which is exhausting and not intentional, to “I didn’t build my skills enough to draw in the right person”. In early communication, when a man asks, “Do you want to hang out?”, that’s a fork in the road moment. You say, “You mean like a date?” If he says anything other than “Yes, a date”, walk away. 

Men and women are not the same. Here’s how I see the masculine and feminine:

Masculine: He’s a protector, a provider, a leader who wants to love, cherish and adore her. That helps him become the best version of himself, the King to his Queen.

Feminine: She is the heart. She brings her feminine radiance, a lightness, warmth, and high value. It’s about how men feel in her presence. 

Can you explain what’s happening for a man emotionally or psychologically when he suddenly goes quiet or distances himself after seeming to be really into a woman?

She probably hasn’t flipped his masculinity switch to inspire him to show up in his a-game and build a life with her. He doesn’t want to be a better man for her.

What advice do you give women who feel confused or rejected when men pull away or disappear after they connected?

We don’t use the word ‘rejected’ because that assumes we know what’s happening in his head. Many times, it has nothing to do with her. However, there is some part she does have responsibility over. We focus on that. We work with her on busting her assumptions and what she can do to let him go. We look for a pattern to understand what her part is. With responsibility comes power.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Take your love life as seriously as you took your college degree and your career. Prepare yourself for a great relationship, for something completely different and better.

Connect With Johnny

• IG https://www.instagram.com/johnnyandlara/
• Website https://radianceandcourage.com/ 
• Free gift https://johnny-and-lara.mykajabi.com/podcastfreegift

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic! — Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. […]

Did you know that pleasure is crucial to our wellbeing? My podcast guest, sexologist Tugce Balik, dives deeper into this topic!

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Tugce Balik believes that pleasure is essential to our wellness. She blends Western science with Eastern traditions to help people heal, reconnect, and feel at home in their bodies and with each other. She’s a certified Tibetan Tantra practitioner and an American Board-Certified Sexologist with a focus on healing through embodiment. Her approach is gentle, empowering, and rooted in deep care. To her, pleasure isn’t something you earn. It’s your birthright, your medicine, and her work at Arya helps couples remember exactly that.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness
• Why 57% of couples can’t talk about sex—and practical ways to bridge that divide
• How intimacy impacts stress, hormones, and overall relationship satisfaction
• How technology can help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations 
• Arya’s Erotic Personas and how they can help partners understand each other

EP 686: Tugce Balik – Why Pleasure is Essential to Wellness (and no longer taboo)

Why do you think pleasure is moving from taboo to essential wellness?

We’re in the second wave of the wellness movement. First we were taking care of our bodies and our personal care. Now, we understand our sexuality is a huge part of our whole self. We can’t just separate them. Many of us have had sexual trauma or taboo in our past. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping people see how important pleasure is.

Why do 57% of couples struggle to talk about sex—and what are practical ways to bridge that divide?

Do we know ourselves well enough to communicate our needs and desires. Begin with the connection you have with each other. Schedule time with your partner. Be present with each other and create safety in each other’s bodies. Sit across from each other, breathe together, gaze into each other’s eyes, and coregulate. Then, you can have a hard conversation. Frame it as an invitation with curiosity. We have an intimacy deck of cards that help the conversation. 

If you’re in the middle of sex and you don’t like something, pause, start with appreciation first and then guide them to what would make it even better. You can use your hand or their hand to show them what you like. You can also demo it on their body.

For anyone entering a relationship later in life, how can we deal with post-menopause issues or erectile dysfuntion?

Have a conversation before sex to explain what you need to have more pleasure. Talk about lube and whatever else you need. More pauses and breaks? And with men who have erectile dysfunction, there are many causes, and it happens at all ages. It’s important first to find out the root cause of the dysfunction. If it’s physical, you can work with a pelvic floor specialist or talk to your doctor about what you can do. If you’re going through stress, your hormones are affected.

Also, what does your self-pleasure routine look like? That impacts how you have sex. Cultivate a pleasure routine that’s not just centered on orgasm. 

How does technology help couples approach once-uncomfortable conversations? 

Everyone has different intimacy languages. Technology helps identify their play styles and erotic desires. The more information we have, the better it is. When you know your patterns, you can explore more. We give monthly guided experiences to couples based on their patterns and personas.

What are Arya’s Erotic Personas and how do they help partners understand each other? 

The categories are: The romantic prioritizes intimacy and connection, focuses on the journey. The directors enjoy more spontaneous sex, straightforward, goal oriented towards orgasm. The connectors prioritize sensuality and stimulation. The adventurers are into kink and variety.

The pairings are interesting, and it’s also good to see that we’re not always what we thought we were.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Recenter yourself rather than centering on the other person. Be less hyper-focused on what they think of you, and focus more on how you’re feeling in the presence of the other person. Ask, “What does this person bring out in me?”

Connect with Tugce:

• Tugce IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamtugcebalik/ 
• Arya IG: https://www.instagram.com/arya.fyi/
• Arya website: https://www.arya.fyi/join/ 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode! — Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. […]

Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu believe everyone is dateable. If you’re struggling with modern dating, you must listen to this episode!

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Want to know how to be more dateable? Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What is “dating on your own terms”?
• What the four dating archetypes represent: Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker
• Some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person
• One of their favorite exercises from the book
• Some of the key points they’re hoping readers will take away from the book

EP 645: Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu – How to Be More Dateable

How is your book different from other dating books out there?

We needed to let people know we don’t need to stay in the confines of modern dating. We hope it empowers people to date on their own terms. There’s so much negativity that doesn’t bring us to connection. There is a better way to date.

Tell us about the four dating archetypes that help you become more dateable.

Achiever: Go after what they want, achieve a lot. Downside is they’re not always present. They want to keep things going to get to the next stage. 

Dreamer: Wears their heart on their sleeve, they make great partners because they’re so warm. Where it doesn’t serve is getting lost in the fantasy by seeing the best in them and giving too many chances.

Energizer: Go, go, go daters. Back to back dates. Endless energy on dates. Downside is they don’t take time to pause and reflect on what works for them. All their energy is out, not in. They get drained.

Maverick: Very independent, high standards for self and others, hold your own in relationship, but runs at first sign of something hard to not get hurt. Needs to learn to run towards the person by getting curious and getting information instead of misinterpreting.

Thinker: They overthink, hesitate, are all in their head. They are people who think things through and are open to conversation. Downside is they go into analysis paralysis. They can lose track of the big picture.

What are some of the traps that get in the way of finding your person?

We believe everyone is dateable. What gets in our way is the traps of the modern dating culture. 

The Expectation of Love on Demand: We are in a fast culture. Uber, Amazon, Ubereats are all immediate. We often date like that, looking for an immediate spark.

Settling Paradox: This is where you don’t want to settle for the wrong person, but you settle for bad behavior. 

Validation Trap: Because of the mentality that you’re winning if you’re in a relationship and losing if you’re single put so much pressure on dating. We seek validation, but we’re not always aware of that. 

Relationship Chicken: We do everything in dating that’s the opposite of what we do in a relationship. Fox example, we play games with texting and waiting longer than the other. How can we treat dating as we would treat someone in a relationship. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t think about dates as first date. Anything can happen in life. Life doesn’t happen in a linear fashion. Bring your best self to every first date, and treat your relationship as a series of first dates. Be yourself, not a ‘date persona’. That’s when the right people come to fruition.

Connect With Yue and Julie

• The book and free quiz: https://howtobedateable.com 
• Website https://dateablepodcast.com   
• IG @dateablepodcast

Watch this episode on Youtube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast. — How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship […]

How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal or any trauma? When a relationship hits rock bottom, is there hope? Find out on this podcast.

—

How can you rebuild trust when a relationship has hit rock bottom? My podcast guests, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith, have lived to tell the tale. They are sought-after relationship experts, speakers, and authors who help high-achieving couples rebuild trust and create deeply connected relationships after betrayal. They co-lead The Raabsmith Team, a coaching collective offering transformative coaching, programs and community support.

In this episode:

• How to rebuild trust and connection after infidelity or trauma when you feel hopeless
• How couples misunderstand how to begin healing after hitting rock bottom
• What is meaningful honesty in relationships?

EP 698: Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith – How to Rebuild Trust When a Relationship Hits Rock Bottom 

For couples who feel hopeless right now, what are some practical ways for them to start on a path back to healing, trust and connection?

We use our intimacy pyramid framework:

The bottom level is honesty. You have to get honest with yourself and with each other about your past and how you’re showing up now. It’s also about self-acceptance.

The next level is safety. There’s no safety without honesty. Each partner commits to doing something about the issues that are breaking down. Be aware of your emotional experience and work on your own regulation. 

The next level is trust. Here’s where you have goals and a shared vision to move into the hard places together. 

The next level is vulnerability, which leads to intimacy. You open up more about the more fragile parts of yourself.

What happens emotionally and relationally for couples who hit rock bottom?

There are scenarios where only one person has been doing the work, and the other partner either steps up or the relationship can end. There are other scenarios where there has been a major rupture.There needs to be repair for the relationship to be restored. Are both partners willing to show up with new levels of honesty and safety? You need awareness and responsibility.

After betrayal or deep rupture, what does meaningful honesty really look like, and what’s the difference between sharing information and rebuilding connection?

Honesty is a proactive action. You don’t wait to be asked the right question to get the right answer. You’re driven to be open and honest about destructive behaviors before getting asked. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself first. Know yourself so you can share honestly. Join groups to help you share honestly.

How can couples begin rebuilding trust when emotions are still raw?

Start with safety and stabilization to begin the healing when emotions are still raw. It’s not the time to dive into the deepest pain, but it’s important to build support and structure.

What positive outcomes have you seen emerge when couples are willing to do the deeper healing work after betrayal? 

It’s one of the greatest gifts to see the positive results of couples we’ve helped. They’ve built a lasting connection. We have a yearly retreat with couples we’ve helped. They sometimes help other couples because of the results they’ve achieved. They experience passion, purpose and play. They are breaking patterns from generations before.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get to know yourself, who you are, your values, what you want in a relationship, and what it takes to build that. You want to find a person who will build that with you. Look for someone who is open to personal growth. 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

• Website: raabsmithteam.com 
• Instagram: @theraabsmithteam
• Grab your free Couples Honest Connection Guide to help you better connect both with yourself as you grow in personal awareness and with your partner as you increase your relational closeness.

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more. — Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home […]

If you want to feel safe in your romantic relationships, Jessica Baum wrote a wonderful book on this topic. Tune in to learn more.

—

Do you feel safe in your relationships? Most of us struggle with feelings of security and safety. Enter my guest, Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and author of SAFE—Coming Home to Yourself and Others and Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love. She explores the “Whys” of life: why we feel, connect, and experience the world the way we do. This passion led her to specialize in trauma, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology. She believes that connection to ourselves and others is at the heart of healing, and she uses a range of modalities to help individuals and couples return to wholeness. She’s the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, and she leads the Conscious Relationship Group, a global coaching company offering support to clients worldwide. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How early attachment patterns develop and how they can make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships
• How to stop reenacting the core wound of abandonment in our adult relationships
• How to start building “earned security” if you didn’t grow up with it
• How implicit memory shapes our attraction patterns and relational choices
• How to recognize when you’re pushing away the very connection you say you want

EP 689: Jessica Baum – How to Feel Safe in Your Romantic Relationships

How do early attachment patterns develop, and how can they make us feel unsafe in our closest relationships?

We develop these patterns in infancy. When our parents have emotional presence and attunement, we have more secure attachment. If there’s stress or anxiety or inconsistency, we develop insecure attachment in our closest relationships.

A common theme for all insecure attachment styles is the theme of abandonment. What does it take to stop reenacting that core wound in our adult relationships?

A core wound is a feeling that happens when we’re very young. They live deeply embedded in our bodies. To heal, we anchor and hold the original event in our bodies. If your parents were struggling or fighting, as young children, we sense something is off and think it’s something wrong with us. It’s a way to develop an adaptive strategy to survive. Be with those parts. Understand them. We can’t heal without adult anchoring. You don’t do it alone. You can co-anchor with others, not just therapists.

How can someone start building “earned security” if they didn’t grow up with it?

Seek out safe people in your life to help build earned security and a felt sense of safety in relationships.

What is implicit memory, and how does it shape our attraction patterns and relational choices?

Implicit memories are sensations in the body that happen when we’re young and we’re not met to process hard feelings. These patterns are stored in our bodies. When you feel something is off in your body, these are implicit memories. That starts to change the relationship you have with the wound. That gets to the root of the attachment wound. 

How can people recognize when they’re pushing away the very connection they say they want?

If we grew up in a home with a lot of neglect or chaos, it feels uncomfortable to our nervous system to have someone safe in our lives. It feels foreign. When you experience safety over and over again, you’re more comfortable with safe people who truly see you.

What does it mean to carry multiple attachment styles or patterns—what do they feel like, and why is that important to know?

One of the free gifts I’m giving you is “beyond the labels”, which is the Wheel of Attachment. In one household we can have all the patterns of attachment. When you understand attachment in a more wholistic and organic way, we can show up with many different attachment styles or patterns. We show up differently with different people in childhood and adulthood.

What’s one practice from SAFE that listeners can start using today if they feel stuck, lonely, or overwhelmed?

Source safety from the past. If you have a safe person or even a pet or someone from your past, you can go into those memories as to what it feels like to feel safe. This is how we recognize warmth, consistently, and reliability.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Get curious about what feels unsafe and safe when you date. Dating is complicated. Go as slow as possible. Process as truthfully as possible.

Connect with Jessica Baum

• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Free gifts: 40-minute conversation with Jessica and her mentor Bonnie about going from insecurity to security and the Wheel of Attachment: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life