Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships. — If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when […]

Learn practical steps to develop secure attachment. Discover how to calm triggers, express needs, and choose healthier relationships.

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If you’ve spent decades navigating relationships—marriages, partnerships, dating, or even long stretches of independence—you may have noticed certain patterns in how you connect. Maybe you get anxious when someone pulls away, or you shut down when things feel too close. These patterns aren’t about “what’s wrong with you”. They’re about attachment styles.

The good news? Attachment style isn’t fixed. Even in midlife and beyond, you can slowly, gently rewire yourself toward secure attachment. It’s not a light switch. It’s a process. And it begins with how you relate to yourself. Here are five steps to develop secure attachment.

How to Develop Secure Attachment and Build Deeper Connections

1. Notice Your Triggers With Compassion

Pay attention to your body’s signals when you feel unsettled. Maybe your chest tightens when a call doesn’t come, or you panic when someone wants too much closeness. Instead of labeling yourself as “too much” or “too distant,” simply pause and name what you’re feeling in your body:

“I’m activated. My nervous system thinks I’m unsafe.”

That gentle recognition takes you out of autopilot and into awareness, which is a big step toward secure attachment.

2. Learn to Calm Your Own Storms

Being securely attached doesn’t mean you never get rattled. It means you’ve built tools to steady yourself when you do. Breathing deeply, journaling, grounding with nature, stretching, or moving your body—these practices re-teach your system that intensity doesn’t have to equal danger.

Every time you self-soothe, you reinforce safety inside yourself.

3. Dare to Voice Your Needs

For many women, especially over 50, the idea of “needing too much” has been ingrained. But securely attached people aren’t afraid to be honest. Say things like:

“I miss you.” or

“I need a little space right now.”

These small truths open the door to deeper trust. The right people won’t reject you for them—they’ll appreciate your honesty.

4. Choose Steady People, Not Rollercoasters

You can’t create security with someone who thrives on inconsistency. True safety grows in relationships where people keep showing up—not just for the fun moments but also for the hard ones.

If someone leaves you spinning in uncertainty, that’s your signal: don’t chase stability where it doesn’t exist. Plant yourself in relationships that feel solid, not shaky.

5. Focus on Repair, Not Perfection

Conflict is inevitable. What matters is how you reconnect after. Instead of expecting perfection, practice repair with phrases like:

“I got defensive. Can we start over?” or

“That stung, and I want to work it out with you.”

Each repair is a step toward building trust. Over time, these small moments create the foundation of real security.

Becoming securely attached in midlife is about re-parenting yourself while choosing relationships that feel steady. It’s about teaching your body, over and over again, that closeness can be safe and distance doesn’t mean abandonment.

With time, calm replaces chaos, trust replaces fear, and love becomes less about survival—and more about the joy of going on your last first date.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

If you don’t heal trauma in yourself, you will carry it into every relationship. Listen to this episode to learn how to begin to heal. — How do you heal trauma in yourself and in your relationship? Tarah and E.J. Kerwin, founders of Relationship Renovation in Tucson, Arizona, help couples build stronger, healthier connections through […]

If you don’t heal trauma in yourself, you will carry it into every relationship. Listen to this episode to learn how to begin to heal.

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How do you heal trauma in yourself and in your relationship? Tarah and E.J. Kerwin, founders of Relationship Renovation in Tucson, Arizona, help couples build stronger, healthier connections through therapy and online programs. They co-host the Relationship Renovation Podcast and a YouTube channel, sharing actionable tools rooted in intentional communication and empathy to support couples worldwide.  

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it
• How to define emotional safety in a relationship, and why is it the foundation for lasting connection?
• A few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers
• The very first mindset shift to start healing

EP 678: Tarah and E.J. Kerwin – How to Heal Trauma in Yourself and Your Relationship

What are some subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it?

Tarah: For me, it’s an internal sign of walking on eggshells. I don’t trust what’s happening and go into caretaking mode. 

EJ: We hear a lot about trauma today. We’ve all suffered a level of trauma in our lives. It’s really about your nervous system, getting triggered and then dysregulated. It could be a raised voice. When someone’s breath becomes more shallow and it says something got triggered.

You’ve shared that you were once a serial monogamist who struggled to maintain long-term relationships. What was the turning point that helped you break those old patterns?

Tarah: I’ve experienced so much trauma with my twin sister in our family of origin. I was a serial monogamist and thought I was doing great. When I got into a relationship with EJ and had twins right away, I was angry and resentful towards my husband even though I loved him. I said “When I say burnt toast, that’s our code word that means I’m not good for me, you or our kids and need a time out”. I would take some time to calm myself. I would listen to the RAIN technique from Tara Birch’s podcast. It helped me not intensify and re-traumatize. I started to have compassion for how I was so resilient as a little girl. I began to feel all of my feelings.

Can you walk us through a few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers?

EJ: If you look at the trigger, which is just stimulus, and then look at your reaction, you’ve tapped into deep sorrow and sadness. If one person gets triggered, the other person gets triggered and activated. 

Tarah: When a trigger hits, go through your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and ask yourself what does this remind me of? Negative core beliefs are developed early on. You are safe now. Your adult voice comes in to guide you when you’re triggered. Define a safe space for yourself. Go there internally when triggered. That helps you regulate your nervous system.

For individuals or couples who feel stuck in unhealthy cycles, what’s the very first mindset shift they need to make to start healing?

EJ: Look internally. Something is triggering big feelings. What is going on inside? Shift to hold up a mirror to what’s inside instead of blaming the outside. What are you feeling? Bore down deeper and deeper.

Tarah: Even though we had harsh external circumstances, I always loved love. I felt light and love around me, even though I shouldn’t be alive. I think “who is my heart?” instead of listening to my thoughts. I remember my heart and be a source of love and light for others.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Tarah: Get to know yourself and have respect and boundaries for what you’re needing. Have your invisible shit shield that protects you from their stuff so it doesn’t get on you. 

EJ: You want to have your hand on the control of your boundaries, what you will and won’t tolerate. You’ll see if they feel safe and honest. You’re going to be able to modulate whether it feels safe to you. Be nuanced and have boundaries. You’ll meet someone who has attunement and is aware of you and be responsive.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect With Tarah and EJ

• Website and free quiz https://relationshiprenovation.com/relationship-renovation-at-home/ 
• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfb8I3evBi7aZcVnmvN_yPw 
• FB https://www.facebook.com/relationshiprenovationcounseling 
• IG https://www.instagram.com/relationship_renovation/
• TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@relationshiprenovation

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

People-pleasing is ruining your relationships…and your dates. In this episode, you’ll discover how to stop the disease to please. — Did you know that people-pleasing can ruin your relationships and your dates? Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps women reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — […]

People-pleasing is ruining your relationships…and your dates. In this episode, you’ll discover how to stop the disease to please.

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Did you know that people-pleasing can ruin your relationships and your dates? Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps women reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — their truth, their desires, and their capacity for profound pleasure and power. Her work has been featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and numerous leading podcasts.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What makes her body of work, Erotic Wholeness, different from many people’s ideas about sex, intimacy and relationship coaching
• How people-pleasing shows up in intimate relationships, including in the dating process, and why it’s so problematic
• Some ways to unwind these patterns
• Examples of how clients have transformed from people-pleasing in the bedroom to having authentic, satisfying sex lives
• How to bring this topic into a conversation with your partner

EP 683: Darshana Avila – How People-Pleasing Is Ruining Your Relationships (and your first dates)

What makes your body of work, Erotic Wholeness, different from many people’s ideas about sex, intimacy and relationship coaching?

Eroticism is life force energy, not specific to sexuality. Activism, passions, all of that flows into our eroticism. Culturally, we have shame and stigma around sex. That affects our vitality. There’s a broader conversation to be had around our life energy. Google “Uses of the Erotic” to understand this approach better. The wholeness piece is that we are fundamentally whole. Our healing journey integrates those fragments.

How does people-pleasing show up in intimate relationships, including in the dating process, and why is it so problematic?

People pleasing is cultural conditioning. Especially for women who learn that our value and safety are rooted in pleasing others. If you don’t rock the boat and are pleasant, that’s the direct root to a life well-lived. This is a survival tactic. It’s how we got love as children. We grow up having this further ingrained in our dating and love lives. We want to be liked and loved, especially if we’re coming from a place of lack.

What are some ways that people can begin to unwind these patterns?

After a date, instead of asking, “Do they like me?”, ask yourself, “Do I like them?” and “Do I like me in relation to them?” Many of us don’t know what safety feels like in our bodies. The work has to begin with your body, which is incredibly wise. We have threat responses. People pleasing is fawning, which is a way humans respond to threat. When we’re connected to our bodies, we feel yes or no in our bodies. Cultivate a better relationship with your body’s signals about how you’re feeling around your dates. 

Can you share an example of how your clients have transformed from people-pleasing in the bedroom to having authentic, satisfying sex lives?

Esther was in a long term marriage with three kids, and she had many sexual challenges in her marriage. She recognized through our work that she was queer and needed a different quality of sex. As a couple, they worked together to experiment sexually. Eventually, they split, and she’s a “they” now and is deeply enamored in a new authentic relationship. She went from people pleasing and performing to finding her authentic self.

If someone listening wants to know how to bring this topic into a conversation with their partner, what would you suggest?

The first rule in sex and intimacy is to not have the conversation during sex. It’s best in a moment of neutrality. Make sure no one is hungry, angry, or tired before the conversation. You also want consent – buy in – when they’re open to the conversation. “I’d love to have a conversation about our sex life and intimacy. Are you open to that?” If someone stonehalls or gaslights you, that’s a red flag. Don’t come in with complaints. Come in with constructive suggestions. Example: You don’t love the pace of the sex. You want something softer and slower. So instead of complaining, say “I know both of us want to have a thriving physical connection. I noticed our paces seem to be off. Can we talk about how to get more aligned (or show you).” Check out Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2jAm3HxHM

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

It’s not a personal failing if you feel like you’re a people-pleaser and haven’t found your last first date yet. It’s a choice you get to make to unwind this. Access whatever love for yourself you can muster to get to know and love yourself more. Only you can make that choice.

Connect with Darshana

• Website: darshanaavila.com  
• IG: instagram.com/darshana_avila 
• YouTube: youtube.com/@darshana-avila 
• LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/darshana-avila 

Free gift: Galgasm! is a free online community hub with a classroom full of resources, ranging from embodiment practices to masturbation guidance to masterclass recordings – skool.com/galgasm

Watch on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you! — Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A […]

Emotional vampires will suck the life out of you. If you have people like that in your life, this episode is for you!

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Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Daniel Ratner  is a relationship coach, speaker, and author helping people build healthier connections by recognizing draining patterns and setting stronger boundaries. A former entrepreneur turned personal growth expert, he is the author of Infinite Marriage and The Ten Secrets to a Passionate Marriage, with his upcoming book (January 2026) Emotional Vampires teaching readers how to protect their happiness from toxic people. Through his coaching, books, and public talks, Daniel provides clear, practical tools for improving self-esteem, cultivating “keepers,” and creating relationships that fuel joy.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?
• Why so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should
• The most common categories of Emotional Vampires
• How to set boundaries without feeling guilty or burning bridges?
• Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

EP 684: Daniel Ratner – How to Protect Yourself From Emotional Vampires

What is an “Emotional Vampire,” and how can someone tell if they have one in their life?

We all have people who drain our energy. I created 12 categories. I have a whole chapter on family. The reason I wrote this book is we had a woman who my wife tried to help for years, and after many years, my wife realized this woman was a narcissist. We want keepers in our lives: People who are: Kind, peaceful, empathetic and respectful. Someone without envy and ego.

Why do so many of us tolerate draining relationships far longer than we should?

We don’t realize we have a choice to protect ourselves. One of my chapters is the “Friendship audit”. Sometimes, we have friends due to circumstance. If they now drain your energy, evaluate if it’s worth it. As you get older and wiser, you get to choose. If it’s someone you need in your life, how do you define healthy?

Can Emotional Vampires change, or is it about learning how to manage them?

Some of the categories are more dangerous than others, like narcissistic personality disorder. But a drama queen, someone who’s an oversharer can change. Also, the emotional constipated has a hard time sharing feelings. They can change, but it’s not easy. Women need to connect emotionally. Another category is the socially awkward. Social skills can be learned.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

On a first date, ask yourself: do you feel safe, seen, and do you want to see this person again? That’s all you need to know to go on a second date.

Connect with Daniel

• Website: http://www.CoachRatner.com 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecoachratnerpodcast/ 
• X: https://x.com/dan613ratner?s=21 
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChDspvEbSIWDSo9X5WoSghw 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coach-ratner-45b4678a/ 

Watch on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system. — What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems […]

A healthy nervous system = healthy relationships. Tune into this podcast episode about how to regulate your nervous system.

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What is the role of the nervous system in healing painful relationships? My podcast, Esin Pinarli, has the answers! She is a holistic psychotherapist and relationship expert specializing in IMAGO therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic practices, and psychodrama. Through an integrative experiential approach, she helps individuals and couples suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, codependency, trauma, and relational attachment issues to navigate life’s challenges so they can become fully alive, supported, and whole. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How our nervous system influences our emotional responses in relationships
• The relationship between our attachment wounds and our nervous system
• How stress in relationships impacts our nervous systems
• Practical exercises for calming the nervous system when triggered

EP 639: Esin Pinarli – The Role of the Nervous System in Healing Painful Relationships

How does our nervous system directly influence our emotional responses in relationships, especially when it comes to conflict and tension?

Everything comes down to our nervous system. It influences how we relate and connect to other people. Neuroception is our surveillance system in our bodies. It helps us decide if it’s safe or unsafe. Understanding our nervous system is crucial in dating.

What are some common ways attachment wounds show up in our nervous systems, and how can awareness of these responses help individuals begin to heal?

The first people we attach to are our caregivers, so depending on how we attached to them, that will show up in our romantic relationships. Our core wounds get activated. If you’re anxiously attached, you’ll be hypervigilant and untrusting of your partners. People are not safe to you. We ask ourselves, are we lovable? Are we enough? Do we expect our partners to give us everything we didn’t get as children? We tend to pick partners who remind us of our unpredictable caregiver. 

Many people may not realize how stress in relationships impacts their nervous system. Could you share some early signs to look out for that indicate the nervous system is in distress?

We feel things in our nervous system first. It signals disconnection. Our brain makes up a story about what happened, because we’re meaning makers. We gaslight ourselves by making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. 

What are some practical tools or exercises you recommend for calming down during relationship triggers?

We need to move into the ventral state – socially engaged, calmer, grounded. How do we get back to our core self and stay more regulated to make better decisions and choices? 

A good exercise to regulate your nervous system: Look at glimmers, micro moments of ventral. Ask yourself what felt good and connected today? Did I walk in nature? Did I see a beautiful flower? Did I have a connected moment with a friend? Savour the glimmers: Take the micro moments of ventral which are are everywhere once we start to look for them and are calmer, and savour them for 30 seconds. Also, humming helps you get to ventral. 

How do you approach helping clients retrain their nervous systems to create more secure, healthy relationships over time?

Pause and get curious about the patterns you engage in, especially in dating. Pull back the curtain to your internal world. Your nervous system will always seek the familiar. We need to change the way we respond and who we choose to partner with. Look for consistent, communicative, interested partners. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I want everyone to go on their last first date. Work on your nervous system with a coach or therapist and befriend your nervous system so you can make healthier choices. Get out of subconscious autopilot so you can say no to what doesn’t work and make room for the right person. 

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Esin

• IG https://www.instagram.com/esinpinarli_lcsw/  

• Website https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/ Free Guide on Homepage: Becoming Aware of Self—An introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you access the core of who you are and build more self-awareness for inner healing and harmony

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode! — What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly […]

What’s a mistake couples make that ruins relationships, and how can we repair it? That’s what Zach Brittle is sharing on this episode!

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What’s the one big mistake that ruins relationships and how can we fix it? Zach Brittle  is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Relational Life Therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He hosts Marriage Therapy Radio and authored The Relationship Alphabet and The Marriage Therapy Journal. Zach lives in Seattle with his wife Rebecca and their two adult daughters.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• What’s NSO and how might it show up early on in dating?
• What’s emotional neutrality, and how does it affect relationships?
• How to recognize subtle forms of contempt early on
• What singles can do to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity 
• How to recognize if you’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner

One Big Mistake That Ruins Relationships and How to Fix It

What is Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), and how might it quietly show up in any stage of dating?

This is a term that John Gottman came up with. One of the things couples who divorce have in common is the Negative Sentiment Override. When you’re in NSO, things are harder. There’s a drive to raise your score and improve your relationship. Early in a relationship, it’s pretty rare. If you have more negative than positive, you leave. 

If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are present and not being offset by gratitude, generosity, and affection, relationships can fail. Early on, we might call these red flags to look out for.

You say that emotional neutrality is the first step out of NSO. What do you mean by that?

Both people need to want to change the pattern that’s not working in the relationship. Learn how to identify and change the pattern. Once you realize the pattern, you can interrupt it. You have three choices when in conflict in relationships: stay neutral and take a pause, make it worse, or make it better. Emotional neutrality is really helpful when you’re flooded and need a break. Think about what you want to happen. Then choose to make the relationship better.

Contempt can quietly destroy relationships, and you say it also fuels NSO. How can someone recognize subtle forms of contempt in themselves or in others in long-term relationships or when dating?

Contempt can show up early on in a relationship as “I’m better than you”, which leaves no room for intimacy. You can’t expect things to be healthy when you’re in contempt of one another. Be on the lookout for signs from yourself and your partner. To get out of contempt, look for the best in your partner, not the worst.

Make up that your partner is amazing, and they look great, and you’re so proud of them, and they add value to your life. This increases intimacy and decreases contempt. Let your partner know you have their back and care about them.

What are some things singles or dating partners can use to build connection, intimacy, and curiosity early on?

When dating, embrace the parts of you that you’re proud of and the parts that you lack, and get curious about the other person and what they have that you don’t when you’re dating. Be the best partner instead of just looking for the best partner.

How can someone tell if they’re stuck in a negative cycle with a new partner, or if they’re just being cautious from past hurt?

Evaluate why you act a certain way. Assess whether it’s you, them, or the two of you together. If your response is outsized, evaluate why that is. Share that information with your partner when you’re dating. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Prioritize curiosity, and see if this is a relationship where you both can learn.

Connect with Zach

• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en 
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio/ 
• Tik Tok – https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagetherapyradio 
• Podcast – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667
• Website – https://zachbrittle.com

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

Jerry Giordano wrote a book about seven words that can change your life. Find out what they are in this episode of Last First Date Radio! — Did you know that seven words can change your life? Jerry Giordano is an award-winning advertising copywriter/Creative Director working and living in NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles, Austin and […]

Jerry Giordano wrote a book about seven words that can change your life. Find out what they are in this episode of Last First Date Radio!

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Did you know that seven words can change your life? Jerry Giordano is an award-winning advertising copywriter/Creative Director working and living in NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles, Austin and Dallas. He is a co-producer of TEDx events, penned four screenplays, studied comedy at Chicago’s Second City, and performed sketch comedy in NYC and LA. He collects old cameras, photographs manhole covers, is a JFK assassination nut, meditates, and lives in the moment. He’s also the author of Your 7 Words to a Happier You; unlock the story sabotaging your relationships. 

In this episode:

• What is “Your 7 Words to a Happier You” about?
• What does “unlock the story sabotaging your relationships” mean?
• What the discovery of the 7-word sabotaging story done for relationships 
• What the 7 words have to do with getting into one dysfunctional or narcissistic relationship after another

EP 660: Jerry Giordano – Seven Words That Can Change Your Life

What is your new book, “Your 7 Words to a Happier You” about? 

I didn’t set out to write a book. I had been a hopeful romantic my whole life. In 2017, I was engaged to a woman who I thought was the love of my life. I had two failed marriages before I met her. My mom passed away and twelve days later, I got a breakup email from my fiancè. I was devastated and depressed. It was the lowest point of my life. I couldn’t stop crying – all the pent up feelings were coming out.

I started meditating successfully. That began to transform me. There were three meditations that helped me connect the dots of my life. The seven words came through and helped me through. It helped me turn my life around.

The three meditations were dots that needed to be connected.

One was three year old Jerry crying saying he couldn’t carry this anymore. Adult Jerry walks by and helps him.

I realized three year old me was upset, so I researched inner child and what happens at three. It’s the magic age. They start understanding cause and effect. They live in magic-think, dressing up as characters. Three year-old me was carrying something. What was it? What was he feeling? My mom had a baby when I was three, and I got less attention. I began to feel what he was feeling.

The seven words are a circle: 

The third word is the persona that we carry into the world, the mask. Mine was likable. That’s how I got attention. The sixth word is the sabotage word. I became subordinate to be likable. The seventh word is cycle. I repeated the pattern over and over. 

Please explain the subtitle of the book, “unlock the story sabotaging your relationships”.

The mask we show the world is sabotaging us. For me, it was “subordinate” so I didn’t rock the boat. Some sabotage words are run, rescue, hide, accommodate, shut down, become stoic. 

What has the discovery of your 7-word sabotaging story done for your relationships? 

Once I figured out the patterns of self-sabotage and made the unconscious conscious, I began to heal. I would catch myself falling back into those patterns and pull myself out of it. I was on a date, and I thought it was going well. She finished her drink and walked away without saying a word. The old Jerry would have blamed myself. New Jerry followed her to the valet. She said, “Are you stalking me?” I told the valet what happened and told her she was one of the rudest people I’d ever met. That was huge for me. That turned things around for me. I’m now in a seven year relationship with an incredible woman!

You talk about people getting into one dysfunctional or narcissistic relationship after another. What do your 7 words have to do with that?

Rescue, subordinate, likeable are words that attract narcissists. When you recognize those words and who you are, you can break the pattern and attraction to narcissists.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Figure out who you are first. Then, you put the unconscious story to rest and your dating life will change for the better.

Connect with Jerry

• FB https://www.facebook.com/jerrygiordano 
• LI www.linkedin.com/in/jerry-giordano-52344a5
• TikTok  https://www.tiktok.com/@jerry.giordano     
• IG https://www.instagram.com/JERRYGIORDANOAUTHOR

Watch this episode on YouTube

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered! — How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in […]

How do you become sexually empowered? My guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator, guides us to be empowered!

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How do you become sexually empowered? My podcast guest, Lauren Elise Rogers, is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach Her holistic and embodied approach is deeply rooted in her own pain-to-purpose journey. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection. She invites individuals and couples to navigate complex topics like long-term partnerships, consensual non-monogamy, life transitions, purity culture and LGBTQIA+ issues.

In this episode:

• What is empowered and authentic sex?
• How to build an empowered and authentic sex life
• How to understand our sexual needs and desires

EP 657: Lauren Elise Rogers – How to Become Sexually Empowered

How would you define empowered and authentic sex? 

It’s a values aligned expression of your body oriented towards pleasure. We’re all motivated and driven by different things. We each have a right to know what those are so we can communicate in an empowered way what we want, so they can decide if they want to engage in a relationship with us.

What steps would someone need to build an empowered and authentic sex life? 

Notice, trust and value your intuition. Know your origin story. Where do your beliefs stem from from birth until now. What are the positive and negative beliefs? What roles do we take on in relationships? Locate the ways where we’ve grown already. Then label the negative beliefs that aren’t working for you anymore. Locate the body-based beliefs. They need a lot of love to heal. Then we introduce exercises that help with somatic experiences. How does my body feel in this space? We work with erotic imagination to bring out what is already there. That’s the foundation for what they love and desire so they can communicate what they want to a partner.

What got you into this work? 

I was married at 21. I was a virgin, raised in a courtship model, and I didn’t know myself. Days after my marriage, my mother died of pancreatic marriage. My then husband turned to alcohol and other forms of disconnection and abuse. A friend asked how I was. I got into therapy. My counselor suggested I set boundaries. My husband didn’t respect any of them, and I ended my marriage. But I didn’t know myself sexually. I wondered if there was an education program for holistic sexuality and sexual health. I realized I needed to start a business in this area, because if I had known these things, I would have had a much different life.

What do you mean when you say that “sex is not everything it’s just a part of everything”? 

When I began to learn about sexuality, I kept thinking it could heal the world. Sexual health is fundamental to everyone’s health. When we know our needs, wants and desires and can communicate them and respect others, I see the ripple effect. Sex is the origin to living a fulfilled life.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Know yourself. Become the first,  last and best lover to yourself. Introduce that person to your last first date.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect with Lauren

• IG https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you  
• Website: https://sexedforyou.com/ 
• Free 15-Minute Consult https://sexedforyou.com/freeconsult 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

You and your partner’s libidos don’t match. What can you do? Sex Therapist, Susan Morgan Taylor, has valuable tips. — When your libidos don’t match, who do you call? Susan Morgan Taylor! She is a leading somatic sex therapist who helps couples deepen their intimacy and create lasting, fulfilling connections. With over 25 years of […]

You and your partner’s libidos don’t match. What can you do? Sex Therapist, Susan Morgan Taylor, has valuable tips.

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When your libidos don’t match, who do you call? Susan Morgan Taylor! She is a leading somatic sex therapist who helps couples deepen their intimacy and create lasting, fulfilling connections. With over 25 years of experience in somatic healing, she developed The Pleasure Keys Process, a powerful approach to reigniting sexual and emotional harmony in relationships. After a personal awakening from a sexless marriage, Susan became passionate about helping others remove obstacles to pleasure, love, and orgasm. She is also the creator of the Pleasure Keys Retreats and host of the Sex Talk Café Podcast. When not working, she enjoys hiking and singing karaoke in the mountains of Western North Carolina.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• The #1 obstacle to pleasure and how to overcome it
• Why low sex drive in women is a myth and how we can rewrite the narrative on women’s sexuality
• What is somatic sex therapy and how is it different from traditional talk therapy?
• The most effective way for couples to resolve differences in sex drive
• Why focusing on climax as the “goal” of sex can detract from reaching one’s orgasmic potential
• How couples can get what they want without sacrificing their needs or desires just to please the other person

EP 641: Susan Morgan Taylor – What to Do When Your Libidos Don’t Match

What’s the #1 obstacle to pleasure and how can it be overcome?

We store and trap a lot of pain in our bodies. That can be an obstacle to pleasure. When we learn to remove those obstacles, we can experience full pleasure. We need to trust our bodies and our partners to fully let go. 

When we shut down anger and pain, we also shut down full pleasure. We need to tap into what we’re feeling in our bodies. Trust whatever feeling comes up. Let anger, grief and sadness flow out of your hurt. Then, you’ll have more sensation. When there’s clarity, there’s trust. Then we need to communicate what we want and need. Practice the three N’s: Notice, name it, negotiate the experience.

Why is low sex drive in women a myth and how can we rewrite the narrative on women’s sexuality?

There’s a myth that women don’t enjoy or want sex as much as men. Often the female partner is labeled as having a low sex drive. She doesn’t need to amp it up or have him tamp his desire down. We are wired differently as far as how we’re turned on. Some people are turned on by direct touch and some need more teasing and spaciousness. There’s a lack of clarity. So practice the three N’s: notice, name, and negotiate the differences. We need to change the conversation around high or low libido. Know what you need and want and communicate that to your partner.

Why might focusing on climax as the “goal” of sex actually detract from reaching one’s orgasmic potential?

If we remove the goal of climax in sex, we can reach more pleasurable sex. We can also reach orgasm in many other ways besides climaxing. Being orgasmic is the ability to feel deeply and respond to pleasure and stimulus. What if you didn’t ‘finish’? What if you just experienced what was possible when you’re no longer focusing on the end goal. Feel whatever you’re feeling in the present moment.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

As someone who took a while to find my person, I understand the frustration. It’s important to identify your values and bring them to every relationship and date. It will weed out the wrong ones and attract someone who meets that.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Susan

• Website: www.pathwaytopleasure.com 
• FB: https://www.facebook.com/susantaylorma/ 
• IG: @susanmorgantaylor
• Free Gift: The Pleasure Keys eBook www.pleasurekeys.com 

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard. — What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and […]

What is forgiveness, and why is it so important to relationship success? Find out in this episode with Leadership guru Dr. Tony Silard.

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What is the importance of forgiving yourself and past partners? My podcast guest, Tony Silard, says that many relationships fail because we don’t practice forgiveness. He’s the author of Love and Suffering, and has coached political leaders, and he has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School. 

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• Why Forgiveness is critical to a successful relationship
• How not forgiving past relationships hinders our relationships
• How not forgiving creates a never ending cycle
• The first step in forgiving
• Why you must judge to forgive

Tony Silard – Why Forgiveness is Critical to Relationship Success

Why is forgiveness critical to a successful relationship?

Forgiveness is to “give for”. We all have people we need to forgive. What’s the other option? Resentment. To feel anger again and again paralyzes us. I had a physically abusive stepfather, and it took me a long time to forgive him. I had low self esteem and was resentful because of the abuse. It was paralyzing me. Anger can be internalized and manifest in unhealthy ways. Or it becomes aggression where we mistreat others. I did both. Eventually, I was able to have compassion for the parts of him that were good and let go of the anger. I was able to let the better parts of him give for the worst parts and let the positive parts come forward. It helps us heal suffering and move towards love.

What is the first step in forgiving?

In my book, I write about the Love Progression Model, which has four plateaus that culminate in love: Acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love. Each has an obstacle we have to overcome in order to achieve it. In order to realize acceptance, we have to overcome suffering. In order to realize forgiveness, we have to overcome resentment. In order to realize gratitude, we have to overcome judgment. In order to realize love, we have to overcome incarceration.

What I mean by that is we often judge the person who created the hardship, and try to move as far away from that person as possible. I blamed my mother for divorcing my father and marrying my abusive stepfather. I blamed her for being unstable. So, I gravitated towards stability and peace. Running towards the opposite, I thought I needed to date stable women. It wasn’t rooted in my values. So, I would get bored, and then I’d date someone wild, and that didn’t work. We replay the drama we don’t heal. We are imprisoned by our faulty thinking, hoping they rectify the past. Whatever you judge, you already are or will become. 

You mention you must judge to forgive. What do you mean by that?

Judgment comes first and then forgiveness. You’re judging someone’s actions as wrong. It can also be a power play. We can move beyond forgiveness to gratitude. If I hadn’t gone through so much suffering, I wouldn’t have healed and connected to others who have suffered. Passion means pati = to suffer. I felt powerless growing up, but now my passion is to help others feel powerful. 

Post-traumatic growth helps us learn from our trauma. It shifts our priorities, and the trauma becomes a fuel.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

If you want to meet the right person, you first have to become the right person. If you haven’t worked through past traumas, you will continue to meet the same type of person. It’s not what he drives, it’s how he drives you. It’s not what she looks like, but how she looks at you!

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect With Tony

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anthony-silard-a305516/?originalSubdomain=it
• Download two free books: The Myth of Happiness and The Myth of Friendship at
  theartoflivingfree.org/freehappinessandfriendshipbooks
• Purchase: Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love https://amzn.to/45tbVgn

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Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life